I can do with you as I please you are a puppet and your emotions are the strings. I can speak just the word she. Yes she the word that sends you into that questioning state. You don’t trust him is all I pour into your mind. As I think to myself yes the show has begun… he walks through that door and then you snap who is she you scream you’re way to drunk on jealousy to let him speak. He stares at you like he’s never seen you before. Why are you here are the only words that leave his mouth. You stare at him in amazement not knowing what to say. I know exactly what to do I tug on another string and your rage starts to flare up and you ask again who is she and he answers calmly, “my wife”. You start to rant off telling him how you two were supposed to get married and he says it’s time for you to leave and then he speaks the words that make you shatter… you were nothing but an ongoing fling. I hear that and tug the string of hatred and you go bezerk and finally pulled out the gun you aim it at his head and he says what are you doing sweetie don’t do anything irrational or something you’ll regret. He looks panicked as he tries to calm you down. Then he says I thought you were going to be my perfect little secret my wonderful dream. And all you say is well sweetheart I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream. And pull the trigger as you collapse to the floor out of exhaustion. I was there to pick up the pieces and put you back together into a wonderful pawn in my game of chess we call your life….



Sincerely,

Your ***** Little Secret

It's my first day of high school this should be great.. my middle school life wasn't so good I know I'm over weight and I'm not the best looking ******* the block but I'm nice and these are all new people so this should be a different experience.

My first day was terrible everyone made fun of my hair and even the fact that one of my teeth were crooked... maybe tomorrow will be better...

1 month later...October

Nothings changed other than the fact that I have just been diagnosed with depression.. maybe I just need to chill out...Everyone is still making fun if my looks especially my weight..

2 months later December

I couldn't wait for break to come around everyone's bullish is just getting worse I stopped eating so I could lose a little weight and now I can't even look at food without being discusted with myself..

2 weeks later January
I went back to school after break I've lost some weight but I'm looking kind of pale and sickly..my sleeves slid up some during 4th period and a girl saw and pointed it out and everyone started calling me a freak /.\ I feel even worse about myself... I don't even feel like I belong on this world anymore...

4 days later..
I slipped up and ate a slice of pizza. I went to the bathroom to throw it up... I'm not allowing myself to eat if I eat I'll gain more weight... fat is hidioues skinny is beautiful.. atleast that's what tv says...

1 month later February
It's valentine's day and this guy from school asked me up maybe things are finally looking up for me this is great!!!

Later that day
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE DID. He stood me up the texted me that he would never be with a fat pig like me...

That night
I was looking in the mirror and I've gained weight I can't believe this I must really be getting fatter I thought I was losing weight.  /.\

Next day
I didn't even go to school I never wanna go back it's the worst place ever I don't even wanna see that boy who called me a fat.

That night
I can't sleep
the worrying of going back that hell hole is keeping me up
I can't eat because that means I'll gain weight
I can only just sit in my room and cry and look forwardto the day I die.. I just cut myself and hurt myself because it makes the bigger pain go away even if it's just for a day..

6 weeks later March
I just got out of the psychiatric unit because I tried to overdose on medicine.... I really want to die because it's not worth living in this effed up world that does nothing but bring me down.

Week later
I went back to school and everyone started calling me names and saying I was a freak and crazy and pycho. And they didn't want to be near me because I might try to **** them then **** myself...

That night
I can't do it anymore I get an anxiety attack by just thinking about going to school I just can't do it I can't live in this world anymore..

Midnight
I was listening to this song and It really made me realize what I wanted to say as my final words...

All those kids at school were right..I'm worthless..stupid..and I can't do a thing right. I know I'm ugly and fat. I'm in pain all the time, I'm depressed. I can't take it no more I'm a wreck...I just hope you can forgive me mom. All those kids at school made me feel worse about myself. I had no friends and everyone picked on me about everything about me...the beat me up almost everyday and no one cared enough to help... no one reached out.. I was just the ugly fat cow who made made a fool of herself everyday. I just hope you'll remember me for our good times and the fun things we did together. You always called me an angel well maybe I'm just an angel that wants to go home...Well I have to go I'm running out of space to right and my hands are trembling so back... I just hope you could forgive me..Mom you were the only one there for me I don't want you to feel this was your fault I just couldn't take it anymore...
Goodbye

1 am
She dragged the chair to the attic, she tied the rope around the beam, and she put the noose around her neck and on the count of three she took the leap...

some see it as rebelling and running off with your boyfriend that you just told you I love you and cuddling under the light of a thousand stars with him

they see it as the tender embrace  of another as there souls collapse into a fiery passion that fuels a adventure between them for a life time  

its seen as a partnership vowed souly on words and the representation of metal and minerals combined into a beautiful symbol of the companionship and hardships that lie ahead

it’s the relationship between a battered woman and her afternoon glass of wine that turns into a sorrowful night of screaming, drowning in her tears, and blaming herself for him being upset enough to hit her

it’s the thought process that she believes he will change . and that maybe if she fixes herself that he would stop beating her senseless. it’s the part where she lays down with him after a boxing match they just had in the living room and pretending like it never happened.  

it’s the part where the man who lost his wife to cancer picks up the needle and sticks in his arm and pushes the plunger and fills his veins with the toxins the burn and itch but brings the relief from the agonizing pain of the thoughts of missing her and his empty feelings of loneliness and regret of not saying his last goodbyes.

it’s the part where the heartbroken girl gets up and faces her boyfriend of 3 years knowing that hes cheating but still continues to live in denial and comes home to find him in bed with another woman and takes the gun and ends her life

it’s the beautiful moment of insanity that the broken girl has before she ties the noose and hangs herself in the dark. poor thing no longer has a beating heart...

it’s the excitement that dances in a pyromaniac's eyes as he sets his 100th fire but he has such an addiction he cant stop

addiction, confliction, the suicide attempts, the trying to fix yourself, the passion, the madness, the kiss of insanity he laid upon you....  

love comes in some form of you....whether you realize it or not

Dear Cupid,
I don't know whether to believe you or not anymore Cupid what are you doing why do you keep shooting these arrows of love at that one person I've always wanted and when we we're together you rushed through your magic and you said you do it on your own Cupid why can't I do anything right why can't I be with him without a fight cupid why am I really writing you this letter Cupid what is going on Cupid do you know how to fix this because I don't Cupid Cupid Cupid Cupid what am I supposed to do I don't know if he loves me anymore Cupid I just broke up with the guy you saw on my side and now I feel like I want to die because I don't know who I'm supposed to trust with my love Cupid I know I'm only 15 but I don't think I'm going to live much longer so I live in my moment and knowing what I want and how to get it but Cupid you are sending me all these directions as a confused teenager I don't know what to do Cupid do you know how crazy im feeling on this roller coaster of love going up down and around Cupid I love you for sending me all these crazy directions to see what I really want Cupid oh my god I'm so madly in love with you and your addicting drug that you call love Cupid I feel like I know what I want now Cupid I want him can you shoot me with a love arrow so that I can finally build up the courage to go up to him and say you won my heart over at the end hey Cupid leaving you a letter again Cupid you are doing your job even when my heart is broken and I screaming your name telling you to come back. Cupid I'm in love with what you're doing and I might repeat myself over and over but you are truly saving me from who I once was Cupid today is the day that I guess I tell him how I feel again Cupid I just realized that I'm Cupid you gave me the power to shoot my own love arrows but you're still here to guide me like your Aphrodite's right hand man Cupid can you hold my hand as long as I'm on this journey in your sector Cupid I'll get this right I promise I'll fix it today Cupid I love you
Sincerely
Your Daughter...

Day 1: we meet each other for the first time. Your smile is so bright it can even shine through the darkest times. I'm walking with my head held high trying to disguise the tears coming to my eyes because the beauty from your pure heart is tearing my logic apart.... we speak and your voice is so comforting so I try to hang on to reality but you pushed it away with just a snap of your fingers. Nice meeting you is all that leaves your lips after our short chatter and I stroll away damping myself for not remembering who I am...
Day 2: I see you again. You say I want to get to know you more. The thoughts in the back of my head tell me to push you away but I let you pull in and we have countless conversations That day and you seem to be taking a liking to me and I like you ad well but you getting to close is not wise. But I push that thought to the back of my mind. We exchange phone numbers and we talk about life later that night and I had to fight myself to hang up after you fell asleep. Stop I tell myself but I know I cant....
Day 3: you suggest we hang out and I accepted with some doubt but it turned out to be fun hanging out with you talking about everything but nothing at the same time I wish you knew how much I was falling for you but I cursed my self for even thinking that way... we go back to your house and watch a scary movie with the lights out and I'm hoping to make a good impression on your family who's been do nice to me since we got here. It's time for me to go and you take me home and walk me to my door. I placed a kiss apon your cheek and said thanks for hanging out with me and with that I ran upstairs and cursed myself for making you like me more...
Day 4: you come over to see if I'm awake I come to the door and the first thing you say is hey. I let you in and I get dressed and I say what do you want to do today. You say let's go walk around and have fun and play so I put on shoes and we start walking you say why so quiet and I say nothing and with nothing else said you ask me out...I say yes.. and you hug me and I say it's getting late I'm gonna walk home and I kissed your lips and ran home. Getting there I started crying knowing I set the seeds that will **** you...
Day 5: your sick so we talk on the phone and you tell me I love you and I say I love you too... with that you said let's hang out agaim. And with that we meet in the rain and you said I missed you since yesterday I say well I'm here now and you hug me tight and tell me I'm the only thing that helps you sleep at night and that you need me... I wish I have never heard that
Day 6: we wake up on the phone with an I love you and throughout the day our love started to deteriorate and you say I love you and I break your heart by saying I don't want you and we need to break up and with that I walked away to let you fall apart that same day....
Day 7 your final day: you call me all day saying I want you back and I will change I just want things to stay the same. I ignore you knowing this was what was to come. You lose hope and write a letter to those who care saying I was the piece you needed to stay here. With that you stole you own life.... I cried knowing I was the poison that polluted your mind with me and the illusion of my love I knew I was to be your destruction I knew I was the unlovable so I broke your heart to make you go away but I broke you in the process. I knew this would happen the poison spread after the first kiss from my ice cold lips...