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Aug 2013 · 680
wish
XinsanityX Aug 2013
A twinkle of light calls the wind, a smile
Dissolves the noise
The angel in your eye whispers:
That everything is starting now'

Can you feel it now
Can you feel it now
I feel as if I'm being swallowed by a wave
Pulling on my heart
Pulling on my heart
So I hold my breath and extend my hand

Baby, this world is different from yesterday's
I can't see anything but you
Baby, my wish on a wing
is to tear up the sky with a single overflowing word

a brilliant light reached my eyes, and without hesitation
I ran to you but
For my still heart I took a break
As if I was on some arduous journey

Can you feel it now
Can you feel it now
As time flows mercilessly on
Pulling on my heart
Pulling on my heart
I set these thoughts free

Baby, I don't need
The future or promises any more
Just having you there is enough for me
Baby, my wish on a wing
Is for my voice to soar up
And pierce through that wavering star.

do you feel me?
do you feel me now?
Aug 2013 · 10.8k
Nerdy Love Song ©
XinsanityX Aug 2013
I want to be your abacus baby,Oh you can count on me.
I wont say that i love you, or i heart you, I less than 3 you.
Your molecules must be moving fast,girl. Cause your really hot.
Are you igneous sedimentary or metamorphic? All i know is baby you rock.
And if god existed I'd thank him for you, but I'm rational and read a lot of Sam Harris.
Your beautiful like the font garamad,but i want to see you sandarac, take your pants off.
I want to be your abacus baby, you can count on me,
And i observe your quirks oscillating, and I'm formulating, a g-string theory..
Like an archeologist,I'm gonna try and compute your age. cause i really want to date you.
You make me feel like a male giraffe. I want to nudge your **** and make you urinate,and mate you.
Scientific fact,thats what they do.
The value of my love for you cannot be expressed exactly. More rational then Pi.
Hey "****" is a legitimate word in scrabble, just FYI
I want to be your abacus baby, you can count on me.
You can **** me into your super massive black hole, the center of your galaxy. Im talkin ******.
I may not be the strongest or the prettiest, but my knowledge of grammar shines.
I know how to use the words  further and farther..correctly. Every fricken time.
Example:farther indicates physical distance
and further a depth or degree
example: the moon is getting farther from the earth
about 4 centimeters annually. Fun factoid,take it home with ya.
You just keep getting further into my heart.
You just keep getting farther into my heart.
I want to be your abacus baby, you can count on me,and if the situation is ambiguous, further and farther can be used interchangeably. Just a fun factoid.
I want to be your abacus baby, you can count on me.
Baby i less than 3 you.
So please take off your pants.
Jul 2013 · 634
alone
XinsanityX Jul 2013
I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls & having nothing to do at night. You don’t expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of him have been replaced by silence. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell.
Jul 2013 · 704
maybe someday
XinsanityX Jul 2013
You are my addiction
And I can't explain the way that I'm feelin
everytime I'm around you
You make me nervous and weak

I've got this Ghost-buster T shirt
And you wear vintage couture
How can I make you see that I'm the one
you've been missin
And all that you need

The distance between us is driving me crazy
Girl did you ever think that maybe I'd be
perfect for you
And maybe you are perfect for me too
I can't deny you have my heart and it's tearin
me apart

I know you don't feel the same way but maybe
someday

I wrote you a letter 'cuz I can't explain the way
that I'm feelin
Everytime that I try to I can't even breathe
So I'll sit alone in my bedroom and dream
about
How perfect it'd be to have you here with me
Maybe one day you'll see
Until then I'll just wait for you
Jul 2013 · 5.8k
4000 miles
XinsanityX Jul 2013
The lines stitched into highways;
       the never-ending seams,
       on roads that are less traveled,
       dividing you and me.

I wish I could unravel,
       the fabric in-between,
       and tear away the distance,
       to bring you closer to me.
Jul 2013 · 2.6k
Self-Destruction
XinsanityX Jul 2013
We drink alcohol
that tastes like hell
smoke cigarettes
that burn our throats
and take drugs
that **** with our minds
just to forget for a little while.

We are killing ourselves slowly
******* up our lives
and losing everyone who cares.

**Welcome to Self-Destruction.
Jul 2013 · 794
My weary eyes
XinsanityX Jul 2013
Weary eyes stare so heavy, 

Drooping with their weight. 

People act like they don’t see, 

The tiredness that is there clearly. 

Just another empty glance,

Another look that way. 

This tired soul will soon relax, 

And try to fade away. 

For now work calls,

And so they turn.

Weary eyes still dry,

Aching to pass down.

Another button,

Another push.

Soon their tired dreams,

Will be delivered onto them.
Jun 2013 · 678
Untitled
XinsanityX Jun 2013
Do you know where the wild things go
They go along to take your honey
Break down, now sleep, build up, breakfast
Now let’s eat, my love, my love love love
She bruises, coughs, she splutters
Pistol shots hold her down with soggy clothes and
breezeblocks
She’s morphine, queen of my vaccine, my love, my love love
love

Muscle to muscle and toe to toe
The fear has gripped me, but here I go
My heart sinks as I jump up
Your hand grips hand as my eyes shut

She may contain the urge to runaway
But hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks
Germoline disinfect the scene, my love, my love love love

But please don’t go, I love you so
My lovely

Please don’t go,
I love you so,
Please don’t go,
I love you so,
Please break my heart
Jun 2013 · 487
I am the night
XinsanityX Jun 2013
I am the night.
I am darkness at it's blackest.
To me there is sheer delight in the shadow of
the night
No need to insist, for the night I exist.
The light of day is not night's way.
I am the night.

I am a creature of the dark. I have been
groomed for gloom.
For eons of time, the night has been mine.
I can't remember when the night and me didn't
function as twins.
Just as the ocean's floor holds mysteries, the
night alone conceals my history.
I am the night

Just as poetry flows from ocean currents and
from the slashing force of wind springs forth
designs,
Each drop of rain delivers music to our minds,
poetry never ceases.
From my point of view, at night it increases.
I find beauty in each dancing shadow and
exquisite delight in the secret of the night.
The spirit things clothed in the unknown,
Travel the same path that I consider home.
Things that move skillfully at night do so
without sight.
I love these wonders for I am the night.
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
we go together...
XinsanityX Jun 2013
We go together like chocolate and coco.
We go together like pencil and paper.
We go together like Oreo and milk.
We go together like money and bank.
We go together like rain and umbrella.
We go together like lyric and song.
We go together like water and wind.
We go together like pride and respect.
We go together like mistake and erase.
We go together like heart and beat.
We go together like music and sound.
We go together like rain and storm.
May 2013 · 766
Suicide
XinsanityX May 2013
Sitting in the corner of a room. Your smile   hanging. The   bully   pasted by  with their fists in the air. Your vision cloudy. Thoughts   left   true.  Thoughts of   broken   clotted memories yo tried to block out. The   night you tried to  forget  your  pain. staring down a rope.  It feels  like  everybody  is against you. your mind pointed you to    hell . A  strong feeling. Your sick of the bully beating you. You go to your parents seeking a listening    ear., but they don't care. your fingers cross a gun. Rolling the thought through your head. "Does anyone really  care?" You   pushed  the  wish of death off for a little longer. Your   hand  is covered in scars, scars of self harm. It makes you  sick. Your heart is pounding. A single tear rolls down your face. You think to yourself "Ill be  doing  everyone a favor, never to be seen again." You shut out the thought and run outside. Rain hitting the pavement. You try to talk yourself out of the idea. Swinging your head back and forth. The  rain drops cover your tears, but your eyes say the whole truth.  You take a step back. You run inside. Your body   hurts . Your   eternal self tells you to take some pain pills. You take more than you should. You lock yourself in your bedroom. Thinking of your memories as a    kid. Your mother and father in the next room see the pill bottle on the floor. Spilled out, and the gun lying next to it. They come running, and bang on your door. You walk your groggy body over to your closet and close the door. Your   waiting for the pills to work..and overdose you. Your    chest is burning. You are handling more than you can deal with. You stand up and open the door. Dissy. You fall over leaving a blow to the door. Your father breaks open the door. He sees your lifeless body on the ground.  Him and your  mother praying you're alive. She runs and calls 911. You are dead. Your father knows and tells your mother. She falls to the ground screaming and crying. You mother runs into the bathroom and grabs the gun. She falls to the ground with a single bang  Your fathers eyes widen. He knows what has just happend. The parametics arrive and so does the police. The life of a father has been destroyed and left to wonder. *Where did I go wrong?
May 2013 · 1.6k
Bullying Hurts
XinsanityX May 2013
You should know, bullying hurts.
It starts with one word, one word you blurt.
Fat, ugly, worthless. These are the words they hear.
Did you know, your their biggest fear?

Day by day you torment them,
it takes so long for their hearts to mend.
All they ask for is one true friend,
but you make them want their lives to end.

Everyday they wake up with regret,
all they want to do is forget.
It's not just hitting and punching, it's the words you say,
they hurt so much, they want to fade away.

This is when enough is enough,
they're sick of playing strong, sick of playing tough.
But they know they can make it through,
you may not have known, but they always knew.

They put on a fake smile and pretend they're okay,
they believe they can make it all the way.
Of course your words still offend,
but they have been pieced back together again.

Someone leaves the crowd and lends them a hand,
they learn that it's time to stand.
Their smile is no longer fake,
now they have no reason to ache.

You see, all they ever needed was a friend,
someone to stand by them when the bullying came again.
Now they are free,
the insults barely sting, don't you see?

The bully is never wanted, unless wanted to leave,
The person you bullied now has no need for long sleeves.
Your work here is done, not that it should of started,
now who's the one who feels broken hearted?

Bullying gave you power, that they refused to give,
you can't help but wonder ''what if''.
What if they didn't get so strong?
What if they were crumbled all along?

What you don't think of, is what could of been,
what if they pulled the razor to their skin?
What if you pushed them too far,
to where they tied a rope around their collar.

What if they wrote down all the secrets they had to spill,
right before taking an overdose on the pills?
You don't know what could of been done,
you were doing it all for fun.

You think they're losers, but they're stronger than you,
have you seen what they've been through?
With your words you gave a black eye,
they are leaving, bully, so say your goodbye.

But one more thing before you go,
did you enjoy my little show?
Remember, words can hurt more than the punch,
Believe me now? Cause this was just a hunch.
May 2013 · 509
love!
XinsanityX May 2013
Love! you dealt a bitter blow –You lay me cross the mortal plains,Bedewed, bedimmed amongst a show
Of tearful clouds of eternal rains.
May 2013 · 441
love!
XinsanityX May 2013
Love! you dealt a bitter blow –You lay me cross the mortal plains,Bedewed, bedimmed amongst a show
Of tearful clouds of eternal rains.
May 2013 · 858
Your Gaurdian Angel
XinsanityX May 2013
I was there from the time you were born. I stood in
the delivery room, staring down at you before you
could even open your eyes to see me. Your
parents, relatives and doctors couldn’t see me
there, in the corner, watching you with cloudy eyes,
but I was there from the time you were born.

And I followed you home.

I was with you always, your constant companion.
You played with your toys alone while I stared from
all angles in nearby mirrors; my matted, clotted
hair with oily sweat that hung off my dented
forehead like glue. I was always your constant
companion, drifting behind your mother’s car on
your ride to preschool. You alone in the bathroom,
but I was on the other side of the door, wind
whistling through the bruised hole in my throat. My
arms twisted and hanging in their sockets as I
stood hunched on the other side of the shower
curtain. I wait and follow you. I follow and drift
behind you.

I’m not seen. I’m almost not-there in light. You
never saw me that morning as I sat across from
you at the breakfast table, a shiny red clot hanging
from an empty tooth socket as I gaped grotesquely
at you. I wonder sometimes if you know I’m there. I
think you are aware, but you’ll never understand
just how close I am.

I spend hours of your day doing nothing more than
breathing in your ear.

Breathing – gagging, really.

I crave to be close to you, to always wrap my
crippled arms around your neck. I lie near you ever
single night, cloudy eyes staring at your ceiling,
underneath your bed, at your sleeping face in the
dark.

Yes. You caught me staring occasionally. Your
parents came running down to your room one
night when you screamed. You were just beginning
to talk, so you were only able to cry out “Man! Man
in my room!” You thought you’d never forget the
sight of me, with my collapsed jaw hanging to my
chest, swinging back and forth. I sank back into
your closet and your mother was unable to see me
though you pointed and pointed and pointed. You
thought you’d never forget when they left that
same night. You saw the closet door crack so
softly and me crawling across the floor to your bed
on all fours, shambling in jerking movements as I
pushed myself under your bed on disjointed limbs.

You learned a new word for me: boogeyman. Not
quite the monster you thought I was. I’m just
waiting and following you always, touching your
face with my knotted fingers as you sleep.

You’ll see me again soon. Any day now, I’m
coming, blunt and brutal. One day you’ll walk
across the road and – I believe I’ll plow into you
with loud roar and a screech.

You rolling on the pavement, rolling under wheels,
bluntforce metal fenders and my fingers touching
your face again and again.

As you stare up from the cold pavement with
cloudy eyes; your matted, clotted hair hanging in
your face and your jaw unhinged and swinging to
your chest.

You’ll see me approaching.

No one else will see me. You will stare past them
into my eyes and I’ll leer down at you. For the first
time in our life, something like a smile will come
over my face. You’ll swear you’re looking into a
mirror as clotted red bubbles from our mouths.

I’ll lean down, past the doctors and the oogling
people and pick you up in my crooked arms.

Our faces will touch. My wings will unfurl. And then
you’ll have to follow me.

And I am always with you.

I am your guardian angel.
May 2013 · 835
mama
XinsanityX May 2013
Mama,we all go to hell.
Mama,we all go to hell.
Im writing this letter and wishing you well.
Mama,we all go to hell.
Mama, we're all gonna die
Mama, we're all gonna die
Stop asking me questions, I'd hate to see you
cry
Mama, we're all gonna die

And when we go, don't blame us, yeah
We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah
You made us, oh so famous
We'll never let you go
And when you go don't return to me, my love

Mama, we're all full of lies
Mama, we're meant for the flies
And right now they're building a coffin your size
Mama, we're all full of lies
May 2013 · 510
Bully
XinsanityX May 2013
Everyone just stands around waiting for the hero to come~don't you realize you could be that hero? Don't you freaking realize that you could be saving that persons life!? If you just stand there and watch a kid get beat and bullied to the ground then your just at fault just as much as the person beating up that kid...I know what it feels like to be worthless..I know what it feels like to have no one to turn to! You could be the change in someone's life..you could be the shield from the bullet going towards the kid...Don't just stand there.....do something...
May 2013 · 558
.
XinsanityX May 2013
.
mad at the fact your dad is an addict, your friend takes pills he thinks it cures sadness,
I'm not here to attack or make you kids panic,
but i just think it's tragic the way these kids have it.
and everybody sins and it all begins, it goes back around, nobody ever wins.
and you stab yourself in the back, EVERYBODY JUST RELAX! it all just hits so close to home,
we all got friends but we stand alone, and your on your own from a broken home,
you keep the truth inside and it stays unknown. Nostalgia hit and its time to quit,
and everybody acts like it don't mean ****. a
and your friend will stab you just to **** some girl,
put your hands in the air and scream*  ****** the world
May 2013 · 466
Regrets
XinsanityX May 2013
Sometimes I wish I could rewind my life,
To think about all my actions one more time,
And to think about all the people I hurt.
I knew all the pain would one day come back to haunt.
My one wish is to live once more...
To make amends,
and heal the broken past.
But...What has been done will never rewrite itself again.

*created by Me and my amazing friend Bailey Hitt
May 2013 · 380
I love you.
XinsanityX May 2013
I love you.
I love your smile.
I love the way you talk.
I love the way you walk.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you dance.
I love the way you just don't care.
I love the way you are just you.
**I love you.
May 2013 · 226
The truth about life.
XinsanityX May 2013
We are born with nothing
and die alone
May 2013 · 272
End is near
XinsanityX May 2013
My name is death- and the end is near..
May 2013 · 396
End.
XinsanityX May 2013
The end is near I fear, whispering into Summer's ear.
The end i fear will come soon,the day when it all is gone.
The day when it all is over. When the pain and suffering is no more.
The day when you finally live life to its fullest,and you reach your end.
The minute when your heart stops beating, and your brain stops functioning.
I will be there to catch you,and i will be there to hold you.
I will be there to cry on you,and to pray you were alive.
I might be the only one to care.
I might be alone.
For the rest of my life.
May 2013 · 399
True love
XinsanityX May 2013
If you think that true loves begun.
You won't know.
Because it goes of like a loaded gun.
May 2013 · 820
Death
XinsanityX May 2013
The flame of your life dwindled to a flicker and then only a glowing ember. Now all that remains is the coldest coal nothing of your beauty and resonating life to earth shows there is no place to rekindle the glow the life you did show. Like a candle in a dark room all the burning finished but the day is so far away. In this dungeon darkness to sit alone unutterable words bind the tongue as strong as deaths cruel unyielding grip. I grasp your hand with sorrow,hoping your undying ember would relight itself once more. Hours passing. Tears fill up my eyes. The one I had loved so undyingly is gone,and there is nothing left to me but sorrow. I clench my fists in anger,realizing,that its slowly turning to fear. I pick up your dead body in my arms,and lie to myself. Telling myself you will awake soon.
May 2013 · 522
Emotions
XinsanityX May 2013
I come home exhausted.
Not knowing how much more i can handle.
My back aches,My feet hurt.
All I can feel is my heart beating loud.
My eyes start to swell up with tears.
My first Mothers Day alone.
I look in the mirror,remembering.
Remembering my mother.
How she would pull back my hair,
Kiss my cheek,
and say softly "I love you."
Now all i have left is fear and pain.
It’s fragile and fleeting and filled with fear
Tentative, uncertain, uncomfortably near.
I know that I will make it through the day,
But i feel very uncertain about tomorrow.

— The End —