I will never write a love poem about you
Incapable of creating beauty
Words included 
I will never write a poem about you
Considering I am a 
Self-absorbed 
Attention seeking 
*****
I only ever write about myself
Incapable of creating beauty

Sitting in a dark corner of a nearly empty bar
Your arms wraped around me
My body stiff
I confessed to you
Sometimes 
I write poems
you were not suprised
I seem like a person writing for a praise
Actually 
I write
Because I am unable to afford therapy 
And I will never write a love poem about you
Because I do not need another reason to see a therapist

I gave a birth to a void in my chest
a black terrifying hole
and it began to **** everything in
all the light began to disappear inside
and the void was unbearable
but then
it stopped
and everything was gone
and I was the void
and I felt nothing
and no one could feel me
and even if they dared
I would **** them in right away

I wanted to cut off his hands
and I wanted to cut off mine even more
wanted to start with the finger tips
work my way up
and stab myself in the heart
and twist the knife
in the most wicked ways

I watched as your back
arched inhumanly in every possible way,
your spine seemed to be made out of gum
yet your body was so tense,
I touched you and felt the same exact way
I felt when I hit the cold and hard surface of ice rink
for the very first time
except
your body was burning hot,
and your face was so pale
and so shiny from the sweat
you looked like a most morbid porcelain doll
I've ever seen

Each second I anticipated for your head
to start turning in full circles
and I so badly wanted to press a crucifix
against your skin and to exorcise you,
to free you from embraces of the mightiest,
but the only cross you ever believed in
and feared
was the shining green cross of the pharmacy

There were times when your pills made you feel heavenly,
yet
I was eternally put through hell

She said
“all that matters is what's inside”
and despite her best intentions
She might never realize
what a punch in the face
that sentence was
oh god, please
be superficial to me
judge my hair, my face,
the curve of my hips,
my double chin and my ***
oh god, I beg you
be superficial to me
because when you will look inside me
the things you will find
will be ****** guts
ugly
raw
filled with feces
and undigested past
oh for Christ's sake
be brutally superficial to me
because when you will move all of my guts away
when you will dig deep down
prune your way through
you will find out that I've got a demon inside