I look at someone else's poem
And I see flawlessness.
I look at my own
And I see nothing but flaws.
I write poetry to get away from the bad feelings.
Not to make more.
And it's hard.
Everything is hard.
I've become hard.
Hardened to the beauty of the world.
Hardened to the beauty of poetry.
All I can focus on is my own writing
As I try to be as good
As you.

When the screaming is too loud
And the blood is too thick
When the pain is too much
And the words don't stop

When the words don't stop
When the words don't stop
When the words don't stop

When I can no longer handle all my imperfections,
Then the knife comes out.

Run,
Run,
Watch us run.

I ran to her.

She ran away.

I was walking in the woods with my friends one day,
when suddenly, their voices stopped.
I look behind me to see an empty white void.
A nullspace.
Nothingness.
Infinitely.
I call into it. Are my friends there?
But all I hear is my own voice.
Echo,
echo,
echo.
My words stream forever into the blankness.
Echo,
echo,
echo.
My words come back to me.
I sit there for a while, listening to my words.
Minutes?
Hours?
You can't have time when there's no space.
I listen to myself calling out across the emptiness.
Then, something calls back.
It is not my words.
It is not words.
It is music.
Suddenly, I am woken up by my friends.
We're going for a walk in the woods today.
If I don't come back, don't worry.
I'm just listening to the music.
Echo,
echo,
echo.
Inside my head.

Words
Screaming
Through
My
Head
Tears
Streaming
Down
My
Face
As I sit
With my back
To the locked door
So that you don't walk in on me.
I
Try
To
Calm
Myself
Down
But you can't escape from your own head.
The demons
They follow me
Perseverant
Determined
They need to destroy me.
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT
OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!!
GET OUT OF MY ROOM
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
GET OUT OF MY HEART
GET OUT OF MY LIFE
And maybe
then
after you get out of my room
and out of my head
and out of my heart
and out of my life
after you're well and truly gone
then they can fix me again.
But you can't fix a window
that's shattered into a million pieces.
Even if everyone
helped
look
for
them.

i said i loved you.
you said "so what?"
i said i was scared.
you said "so what?"
i said i needed help.
you said "so what?"
i said goodbye.
you said "wait-"
but it was too late for me.
too little, too late.
i was gone.

So what?

Why is he mad at me?
What did I do?
I asked him to stop.
He said it was fine.
He just wouldn't speak again.
You were being mean!
...Right?
Am I the mean one?
I was standing up for her!
Like you told me to!
It's not my fault...

Don't you hate me?
What?
You don't?
Huh.
You're just as crazy as I am.
Are the demons as loud for you?
Is your head as messed up as mine is?
What?
It is?
Huh.
You know what?
I love you.
And the weirdest part is...
I think you love me back.
We're equally messed up.
But two halves of a heart make a whole one.
We can rebuild each other.

I'm having a lovely lovely dream,
When you wake me up. But I'm not mad!
You lift me out of bed with your shiny gleam,
As if just seeing me awake makes you glad.

Time to get dressed for another day.
Pink? Red? Green? Blue?
If I look cuter, maybe they'll let me play.
But my appearance doesn't matter to you.

I step outside and feel the spring air.
A falling leaf lands on my nose with a 'boop!'
The wind swirls, messing up my hair.
You push me forwards as I walk to school.

Well, I'm here. I need to go inside...
You wrap around me like a towel. I'll miss you too!
Oh no, silly, please don't cry!
My bestest friend, I'll always come back for you!

Here I sit
Alone in my bed
At 3 in the morning.
I am NOT missing you.
I am NOT feeling lonely.
I am NOT tired!!

Because if I was tired
Then I would dream
And if I dreamt

I would dream of you.

When you've been constantly living in fear,
Nothing is scarier than you not here.

...Is terrifying.
Every line feels like a judgement.
...Is beautiful.
Every line feels like a symphony.
...Is art.
Every line feels like a masterpiece.
...Is pain.
Every line feels like a heartbreak.
...Is love.
Every line feels like a dedication.
...Is me.
Every line, every word, every letter feels like my own.

The ink is my sadness.
The paper is my devotion.
The poem, my love.

The idea is my inner thoughts.
The words are my feelings.
The meaning, my infinite anxiety.

The beginning is a story.
The middle is a resolution.
The ending, a travesty.

The pencil is temporary.
The pen can be disposed.
The writing is forever.

what they said wasn't in the video
it's probably just my fault
other people have bigger problems
i should be better
why can't i be what you want
i'm sorry i'm not good enough for you
i'm sorry i'm not good enough for anyone
oh
give me a second
let me just wipe the tears away
and hide the scars
Alright. You can come into my room now!

Can we stay here forever?
In a moment where I don't have to worry?
Away from the judgement of the world,
Where you and I can just be you and I?

A moment in the sun, holding hands,
A moment at the beach, together in the sand,
A moment in the night, kissing under the moon,
A moment together, just me and you.

                                                 Forever
      

         Is


                             Easy


Moments


                                         Are


        Harder

Doesn't exist.
Not after what you did.

They said we were stars.
And in a way, we were.
Or at least you were.
You're the star in my sky.
The light in my life.
We lived in a lovely eternal night.
But eventually, the sun begins to rise.
And our stars begin to fall.
Trapped in a nightmarish eternal day.
And as the moon wanes and waxes,
Our love grew and shrank as well.
But eventually, our stars went out.
And I was permanently trapped on the dark side of the moon.
While you danced on the sun.

If I keep my problems bottled up in my heart,
Then nobody has to worry about me.
What? What's wrong?
Oh no! That's terrible!
I'm sure I can help!
Let me take your problems too.
But who will help me with mine?
No! Don't worry!
I'm fine!
I'm always fine!

Your words
Fly through my head
Like fireflies
Caught in a jar
Trapped by a child
Kissed by the sun
And a strawberry ice cream pop in his hand.

Your words
Dig into my skin
Tunneling
Like an ant
Endlessly perseverant
Endlessly irrelevant
Never more than a soldier
Fighting for a king that doesn't care.

Your words
Surround me
Engulf me
Trap me
An endless web of lies
Stretching out through my heart
Winding around my love
And squeezing
Tight tight
Until I am completely yours
Forevermore.

If I'd known that the last time I held your hand
Would've been the last time
Then I would've held on
A little tighter.

My mom said I wasn't real,
When I told her the crash wasn't her fault.

Sinking into the books.
The depths of literature.
Romance.
Fantasy.
Nonfiction.
I lose myself in it all.
I am safe.
Books are my armour.
They're full of words.
And words are the one thing you can't take from me.

A bird without wings
But still can fly
A boy without eyes
But still can cry

A girl with no voice
But still can sing
A man with no ears
But still can hear the bell ring

A bride with no groom
Still has her wedding
A man with no crown
Still can be a king

An artist with no pen
Still can draw
An author with no story
Still stands tall

You can be the hero,
Can be all of these things,
Everything is possible,
If you just believe.

"Don't worry, be happy."
Okay, I'll try;

But the rain is still falling
And the landlord's still calling
My projects are due
I haven't heard from you
My room is a mess
I'm under huge stress

But I'll try to be happy.
I'll try.

Can this be considered a poem?
Or is it just words written in the dead of night,
Scrawled in my notebook with a blue glittery pen?
I use the light of my slowly beating heart to see my futile writing.

Can this be considered a poem?
Or is it just my thoughts,
Thrown onto a poetry website?
My poems take up space that the real writers should occupy.

Can this be considered a poem?
No.
No it can't.
Because I can't write.

The frost settles on my windowpane.
So beautiful and so impermanent.
Like our love.
Like our life.
You call me downstairs.
You say 'we need to talk'.
I know what's coming.
The rejection flies away.
Another snowflake in the wind.
Another snowflake in the blizzard of my emotions.

Come on, open up your eyes.
Stop looking at the screen.
There's a whole world out there.
Don't read a story.
Write one.
Live one.
It's time to wake up.
It's time to live your life.

Sun
It shines
Down on me
It dries my tears
It won't leave me alone
My sun is better than you
Wait, the clouds are coming
Don't leave! Come back!
The sun's gone
Hidden forever
Shadow

My alarm begins to blare its endless refrain.
You stream in through my curtains and shake me by the shoulders.
But you can't wake me up.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not ever.
I am here, but you can't see me.
Trapped in an eternal nighttime.
In an eternal sleep.
So I'm sorry, sun, but your cheery beams won't fall on me anymore.
They were wasted on me anyways.
Go give your light to someone who deserves it.
I have all the light I need.
The stars illuminate the wound on my stomach.
The sun illuminates the knife by my bed.

What happens when you can't let go?
When everyone tells you that it's good for you;
But you simply can't bear to let go of the memories
And the thoughts
And the hopes
And the dreams

What happens when you can't leave them behind?

Do you fall,
sink
deep
deep
deeper
into your head?

Do your thoughts become like quicksand,
******* you
down
down
farther
until you've completely encased in a prison of your own making?

What then?

Then the shouting gets louder
And the pounding gets harder

Until, with a heartbreaking cry,
you surrender the memories
And the thoughts
And the hopes
And the dreams

And they're gone.
Forever.

But then
And only then
Do you have space in your head
For new memories.
And new thoughts.
And new hopes.
And new dreams.
Together.

The fox runs swiftly through the woods.
Its tail upsets the leaves and starts them
Swirling
The beauty of its coat is reflected by the sun.

The fish swims gracefully through the stream.
A leaf falls into the water and creates lovely
Ripples
Its scales shimmering under the waves.

The deer lays quietly in the grove.
Curled around its baby that it
Loves
A little baby doe.

And as the seasons pass
And the moon waxes and wanes
The little doe will grow up
Surrounded by the love of its mama
And the love of the forest.

First, it was drawing.
I wanted to be the best.
I spent hours on my floor with my sketchbook,
Filling it with broken humans.
But then, I abandoned it.

Next, it was baking.
I wanted to be the best.
I spent hours in the kitchen with my cookbook,
Making a recipe of disaster.
But then, I abandoned it.

Finally, it was poetry.
I didn't want to be the best.
I didn't want anything anymore.
I spent hours at my desk with my notebook,
Pouring my shattered heart onto the paper.
But then,
After I had tried so hard,
And given so much,
It abandoned me.

Our unrequited love stretches through time.
Joy, love, and sorrow becomes a rhyme.
I take your hand, unsure what to do.
I love you more than anything. Do you love me too?
Pain, heartache, comfort, glee,
Those are the things you give to me.
Passionate kisses, our love never ends,
This is the poem I read to my friend.

You know what I realized?
As I stood in my empty kitchen
In my empty house
Holding the knife to my chest
I realized that love rhymes with blood.
Huh.

I'll never be like you.
I'll never write like you.
I'll never be happy like you.

Like you, like you, like you.

Because of you, I gave up everything.
Because of you, I cried myself to sleep.
Because of you, I found my new dreams.

Because you, because you, because you.

You were never there for me.
You were the reason I had to run.
You are the reason I'm trapped here.

You, you, you.

Going off on a tangent
Of wordless emotion

Reaching for the stars
Without any fingers

Listening, breathing, watching
Without existing

Nevermore
Forevermore

Sitting with my back to the locked door
So the demons don't escape

Infinity stopped
Time reversed

The world was new
Yet the universe was old

And the butterfly flapped its wings.

Come on, my love
Let's escape the modern world
And go to a world of our own
Of our own design
Where anything is possible
So long as you believe

                    Beach
                                                 Mountains
Cabin

This world is our oyster
And you, my love, the pearl

                                                                                City
                     Farmland
                                                   Forest

Whatever you desire
I'll make it for you

                                                                                                    Together
Apart
                                                   Lonely

No matter where we are
As long as I'm with you, I'm home.

Build the walls, higher and higher
Keep all my emotions at bay
Build a dam to keep my feelings from spilling over
Cover my love for you in chains

I want guards around every corner
Armed with insults and lies
The pain keeps me working
Keeps my anxiety going

Nobody will break in
I'll remain protected forever
If I don't love anyone, they can't hurt me
My heart is heavily guarded

When examined literally, our brains and our hearts are for little more than keeping us alive. Pumping blood, providing signals to our nerves, they have little function beyond that. In the world of science, that is. The world of philosophy and imagination, however, has a much more expansive approach to our body's most useful organs. The heart is for feeling, the mind is for believing. And when these two things are combined, you get a beautiful and dangerous combination. You begin to think. You imagine fantasy worlds, entire timelines behind our world. Everyone and everything has its purpose in the end, and this is yours. To think, and discover things you never thought existed. But as comes all journeys, there will be substantial hardship. While you will discover feelings like love and happiness, you will also find things like anxiety and sadness. If you allow those feelings to consume you, eventually you will become your own worst enemy. And inevitably, you will destroy yourself from the inside out. So many people have fallen prey to those emotions. But you will overcome them. Because you are strong. You'll wipe the tears from your face, stand up, and begin to continue onwards on the ultimate journey of life.

"I'm glad I'm not you."
The thought of the evil person.

"I'm glad I'm not you."
The thought of the kind person.

When the howling of the wind,
And the swirling of the sea,
And the crunch of the leaves,
And all the screams and sobs of the world are too much,
Then come to my house.

Hear the squeak of the door opening,
The scuffs of your shoes on my unswept floor,
The fire crackling beautifully,
And hear my comforting words.

I can't fix it.
Nobody can except you.
But I can make you feel better.
And that's the only thing you need.

So open my door.
Come to my house.
And enter my heart.

I'm not giving up.
I'm just accepting my fate.
I'm not quitting anything.
I'm just speeding up the inevitable.
I'm not surrendering.
I'm just done with fighting.
But remember:
The battle was lost,
But not the war.