At the start
A bright beginning,
A happy union
An ignited spark

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Clutching the doll
Happily
Going everywhere
Together

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Out the door
Around the house
And maybe to see your friend's
Pet mouse

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Together forever
Best little buds
Totally inseparable
Just like a shadow

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was there
Through all the sunshine
The doll was there
Through all the rain

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you company
Through the smiles
Laughing with
Your every mile

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept you safe
Through all those nights
And kept those shadowy things
At bay

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It dried your tears
Through all those times
A simple hug
Could heal that soul

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It waited for you
Every day
Until you came back
Home

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then something happened;
You grew up
The waiting became
Longer

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The distance widened,
Left behind
But still it kept on
Waiting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You talked less
You played less
But still it looked on
Hopefully

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll was stuck
In a timeless state
But you just kept on
Growing

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Soon, you no longer
Came to see
The doll; it was already
Fading

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Forgotten, neglected
In its dusty little corner
Reminiscing of the times
Together, spent

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Wishing you would
Come back round
To look, or just
To care

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

It kept on hoping
It kept believing
It kept the flame alive,
Burning

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

But everyday
It kept on dimming
The pure white fur
With dust, greying

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Time passes
Minutes, hours
Days.
Soon, it's been a year.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

More time passes
Just like so,
Until you were
So fully grown

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Gone were the days
Of carefree playing
Gone were the days
Of chatting

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

The doll has faded
Right out
Your mind
You were most preoccupied

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Then suddenly
You remembered
Retraced your steps
And found the corner

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You see the little doll
You've grown up with
A companion, confidant,
A friend.

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

You pick it up
But something's different
The flame inside
Has died

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Hollow eyes stare back
At you
Cold and frozen
Over

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

With a twinge
You placed it
Back onto
A wooden shelf

A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

Now with the
Closing of the door
The both of you
Were parted

*A little wolf
So pure, so bright
Loyal till
The very end

They once asked
If we looked forward
To trainings
Well I know
I do

On top of the
Cold regularity
That calms
On top of the countless
Hours endured
Under the sun
Like statues

There is one thing
I look forward
To
That is meeting
The lot of
You

Twice
A week
Two blessings
In five days
Of chaos

The seventh batch 
The remaining five
Somehow
During those two
Or three
Hours of training
You guys somehow
Manage to take
All
That weight
Away

Introducing me
To new sound worlds
Teaching me
How to dance
Or just watching
And listening 
To your amusing
Conversations
On all sorts of things

So
Open

Carefree

Not
Judgmental

No comparisons

And always
Each time
Each session
You'll never fail
To pull out
A genuine
Smile
Or
Laugh
From deep inside
This Abyss
One that cannot
Be contained
Or restrained

Or just simply
Watching the
Plain
Innocence
With all your kiddish
Knick-knacks
Just for a little while
It banishes
All that
Complexity

And through
All the gruelling camps
All the scoldings
All the punishments
The yelling
The pain
The standing
We still stuck through

You guys 
May not know
How much it means
To me
To have such a platoon
Keeping me going
Through the tough times
When I really want 
To give up
And give in

But just seeing 
The five of us
Huddled together
In the smallest
Circle
Making small laughs
Small jokes
The complaints
The whining
It somehow makes things
Feel

Right

Pulling up that
Swinging end
Of the graph
Into a positive
Curve
At the end
Of the day

There it sits
Waiting
Watching

It's a Yamaha
With a Union-Jack back
The last of it's
Kind

It's been a faithful companion
It came to me
When I was six
Not brand new
But second hand

Through all the tears
All the humiliation
All the pain
All the scoldings
All the belittlings
It stuck through with me
With sweat and blood
Shed on the keys
It didn't complain
When I threw
My tantrums
Banging the keys
Even kicking it once
Or twice
It just waited
And watched me
Till I calmed down
And felt
Stupid
After
I practised
Everyday
And not once
Did it
Complain

It has a really bright
Crystal clear
Sound
With this certain
Energy
And depth

I took great pride
In taking care of it
Polishing it
Every other day
Till it shone
Like a mirror

As time went by
One grade after the other
The practises became
Less and
Less
I didn't care for it
As much as I did
Before
A year passed
Then another

Now I'm fourteen
It's twenty eight
Or more
I've had my share
Of performing
On stage
With all types of pianos
But there was this
One thing
That was different
With my piano
Something it
Lacked

The sound is there
The energy is there
But somehow
When I compare the recordings
My dear piano
Just sounds
Tired...
The touch stickier
The keys start failing
On some days
It sounds
Muted
Always slightly off key
No matter how many times
The piano man comes
This is one patient
The doctor can't treat

Is it possible
That emotions
Can be transferred
To objects?
Has my raging
Over the keyboard
Tired it out
By having to
Express
What I play
And what I
Put
Into the pieces?

It's a piano
Of memories
Of thoughts
Of an inexpressable phenomenon
Called feelings
"Where words fail, music speaks"
I salute you
Dear piano
For allowing me
To express myself
Through the written pieces
You help
Materialize

We have grown together
Walked this long journey together
And with all the memories
Sweat
Blood
Tears
That has made me today
I won't part with
Till the very end,
Dear piano

So shall we continue?

I'll miss the old ones
Dearly
With their
Heavy
Plastic frames
Cheetah spots
And dark
Tortoiseshell
Rims

They would hide
Things
Shield things
And maybe
Protect

The new ones?
Well..
They're brighter
But sadder,
They show more
They hide less
Lighter
And clearer
The only weight
Resting upon
Two points
On the nose bridge
Instead of weighing down
On my face

A new image
A new character

So you say I’m harsh
Very well.
I admit
I am not very nice
At any point in time
But I try.
I try to make everyone happy
I try to help
But in the end of the day
I’m just a bothersome pest
A shallow, annoying
Pest.
Yet when I don’t reply
You say I don’t care.

Sorry if it hurt you
Sorry if it added on to your problems.
But harsh?

Everyone’s had it tough
Not only you.
You’ve definitely had it really rough
With him out there
Doing God knows what.
Sure, your life hasn’t been really happy
Well you know what?
So hasn’t mine.

My books
The stories I lose myself in
To escape
You took them away.
My connection
With all the friends I adore
You cut me off
The things that I enjoy doing
You turn them into work
Making me loath them
My emotion
You ban them
Make me suppress them
Making me pretend that I am
Once again
The cheery, innocent little girl
From years before
Who will never
Return
Keeping my guard up
Even at home
Only till I am safely under the sheets
In the dark
With the door closed
Alone
And yet, I still do as you please.

Fine.
Say that I’m selfish
Say that I demand too much
Say that I do too little
Say that I’m hopeless
But I’m only human.
Am I?
Who knows.
Probably a monster.
A leech.
A burden.

So.
Harsh?

The path is coming
To a fork
The end
Is nigh

All the time
We’ve spent
Together
The memories
And the laughter

Just a few months left
Decisions springing up
At every corner
Time
Running out

Leaving me wondering
*What to do??

Sometimes
When you try to hold
More and
More and
More and
More..

No matter how big
Or small
Your hands are
Eventually,
They will still
               o
            l     w
Overf

And         D

                    R


               O


                   P

Bringing you back
To square
One

There was a brave young man
Enrolled in the army.
He was a good fighter,
The best he can be.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

But one day, he met his match
The strokes were quick and deft,
He fell, blood pooled
Left there for death.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Amidst the pain and nausea,
He vaguely felt a presence,
Supple arms lifted, nimble hands treated
Then it all faded from existence.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Waking from a feverish sleep
Clean bandages across his chest,
He saw a figure in a different uniform
And immediately put her under arrest.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

She stared down the barrel,
Her glare cold and steady.
One eyebrow cocked, saying
"I just saved you. Now you're gonna **** me?"

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He lowered the gun, ashamed
She smiled a crooked half-smile,
And ****** him a pack of medicine.
He took the package gratefully, though it smelled like bile.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He studied her from top to toe.
Dark hair, tanned skin
A red cross on the foreign uniform
And a rifle at her feet.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

He started off by asking her
Why she had saved him.
She laughed, loud and free
And suddenly, things didn't seem so grim.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Slowly, they opened up
And smiled some more
Talking bout all sorts of things
Till they got to the cause of war

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Propaganda warps
Beliefs conflict
Peace and harmony are nowhere in sight,
In result, harm inflicted.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Both parties fell silent
A cold barrier raised between
Then he cleared his throat and excused himself
Best they were not together, seen.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

Unbeknownst to them,
His comrade had tailed them
They were surrounded
Fighting would only bring about mayhem.

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

The rifles took aim
There was nowhere to run
The trigger was pulled
In its path, himself he flung

With chaos and turmoil
A war divides
Nothing is certain, but
The truth it hides

With his dying breath, he said
"I guess we're even now"
With a crooked smile,
His head did bow.

Why does winning
Matter so
Much?

It breeds jealousy
Disappointment
Pride
Hate
Inferiority
Superiority
Frustr­ation
Determination
Annoyance
Bitterness

Can't you just
Admit
You lost
To it?

It's just a game
After all

Sitting in its dusty bag
Quietly
Longing to be played

A melancholic instrument
Carrying memories
Of better times

And the small
Pang
Of pain
And longing
Always pulls on my heart strings
Whenever I
Take it out
Of that dusty bag
Look at it, and
Play it

Its warm sound
Filling my ears
The comforting
Vibrations
Running through the instrument
Reminds me all too much
Of those times
Those happier times
Years ago
When everything
Was fine

I place the guitar
Back in it's dusty bag
And once again
That door
Leading back to those memories
Shuts with a bang.

The plane descends
Into a smog
The sea barely visible
The runway appears suddenly.

A grey oppressive place,
Large mountains looming ahead
In the distance.
They seem to be watching. Waiting.

Cold, hard walls
Reflections are all you see
Staring back
At you

The customs were rough
And crowded.
A condescending look
And your passport thrown back at you

Out of the gates
More grey
The city's dead
Yet bustling with people

The smog just touches the top of the buildings
You smell smoke.
A concrete jungle
Cold and Grey.

Well.
I think that warning came
A tad bit late

We must not forget
That curiousoty
That Childhood
Innocence
We must never lose
That inner child

All that innocence
Is just an illusion
A beautification
Of a twisted
Ugly
Truth

It falls apart
Eventually.
Everything does.
Everyone does.
It's just that

This break came
Early
And now that
Little girl

Is long gone..

Never fear
My dears
Though skies may seem
Gray
More than
Most of the times
And all hope seems
Lost
The weight
Dragging you
Down

You can always
Put it down
Throw it all off
And shake yourself
Free
Just for
A little while

Look around
At the brighter side
Of life

Gray stormy skies?
Why,
Dance in the rain
And splash in the puddles
Keep looking out
For that
Rainbow

A boring, dry
Walk home
Same old view
Same old path
Why not look closely
And see if you can spot
The occasional
Song bird
Or little lizard
Or maybe even
The little wildflower
Growing among
Lush green grass
Ice cold water
Awaiting you at home

Sometimes
Life gets tough
Life gets hard
Life gets tiring
But look
Look all around you
I see amazing people
Amazing friends
Who have stuck together
All this while
Through rain and shine
We're all in this together
We'll get through
We'll survive
More than survive
Keeping each other company
On the long journey
Sharing laughs
Sharing tears
Sharing pain
Sharing smiles

Even if it's
Hard to
Just try
Try to take a look
At the brighter things
In life

An illness, it plagues me
It causes great misery
My screams go unheard
I hope Death comes to claim me

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The Demon came one night
And to me, it spoke;
"Come make a pact with me,
And your pain I'll turn to smoke"

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

You walked into my house
So generous and kind
Of how innocent you were,
So innocently blind

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The transformation completes
Oh how good it feels
To be free of pain and suffering
The bell of liberty peals

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

A day is not long,
I must start acting
If I want to stay,
You must be dying.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Alas, you have struggled,
Valiantly played.
But you cannot win me,
The pact gives me aid.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Give it back?
This body, I will keep
They say "finders keepers"
Leaving the losers to weep.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

For a day, I said.
For a day, you'll stay.
But not if you die,
Not if you, I slay.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

This is the final leg,
Your power abates.
For all the love I've missed,
Ahead, it awaits.

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

Goodbye, my dear friend
You've helped me a bunch
Your body stays with me
And with mine you leave

You're such a good friend
I know you will help me
Come to my house,
And help set me free

The Demon behind
He waved his hand
Laughed, and left
When the camera panned.

Teeth gritting
Eyes lowered
Jaw clenching

Don't make a sound..

Fingers lock
Arm tighten
Body tense

Don't crush the paper...

Breathe lighter
Slow down
Gentle movements
Light steps

*Don't slam the door...

So you want to know
Why I don't trust
Anyone
Anyone
Completely
Simple theory:
It's like an acid burn
It leaves a permanent
Ugly
Deformed
Mark

Four years ago,
I saw a future
Full of fun
And laughter

There was this girl
We hit off right away
Best friends forever,
Maybe even 
Sisters

I told her 
Everything
I told her
Anything
I trusted her
Completely
We even kept
A little book
And made little
Friendship keys

So sure
She was the one
Until they came
Along

They made me feel
So at home
They made me feel
I belonged
Not sure when
It started
But there were 
Hateful stares
Annoyed faces
Change in attitude
And then the one
I thought would
Stay
Forever,
She turned
Too

She spilled
Everything
Every
Single
Thing
And turned
And twisted
And moulded
Them into things
that were
Untrue
Spreading them
All around
Turning most
Everyone
A whole class,
(The girls at least,
The boys naturally stayed away)

Humiliated,
Taunted,
Laughed at,
I was turned
Into a joke
A nerd
A complete
Idiot
With the nearest friend
In the next class,
I spent my time
Alone

That day I went back
I cried for an hour
Sitting in a pool
Of ice-cold water
Tears pouring down my face
Wondering
What on earth
Did I do 
Wrong
And that was where
Everything
Changed

That day,
I built my armor.

That day,
I sharpened my weapons.

That day,
My heart died.

That day,
I promised myself
For these things,
I would no longer cry 

That day,
I turned hard and cold.

That day, 
The term
"Best friend"
Lost its meaning
Removed
From my dictionary 

Along with it
Went 
"Trust"

Till now,
I still don't trust
Completely
It can be partially,
Mostly,
Or not at all
You can come close,
Very close.
But the inner most layer,
Is one no one can
Touch

I'm sorry
If I 
Violated
Anyone's trust
Or if
I've hurt you
But this is me.
This is one of 
The Principles
I live by.

If we are puppets,
Then sleepiness
Is a dangerous
Puppeteer.

He creeps up on you
And hijacks your
Mind and body

Your eyes are closing
Your body feels heavy
Your head may drop off
Anytime

Your shoulders are drooping
Your feet are weary
Your back supports you
No more

Your head is swaying
Your body is aching
Oh how you wish you were
In bed

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
And this is when
Sleepiness
Slips you onto
His puppet strings
And starts to sway
Your bearings

One, two
One, two
You plod on

Left, right
Left, right
Your vision starts to spin

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
Continuing on
Your way
You know what you’re doing
But yet, don’t notice
Anything
Around you

Until that loud beep
Jolts you from your sleep
And brings you out of
The puppeteer's spell

The puppet strings
Are broken
And you are left
To face reality
The fact that you could've                                        should've
Died


You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear

I can't express
I can't suggest
I can't stay silent
Yet
I can't present

Not one
Disagreement
Can be shown

Not one
Opinion
Can be voiced

Not one
Action
Can be made

Not one
Item
Can be done

You take one step forward
I take three steps back

Adding
Adding
Adding up,

Pushing
Pushing
Pushing back.

Yet I can't help
But obey
And try to keep
That temper
Away

Tremors and aftermath
Resonate through the soul
Toppling confidence
And shaking foundations
Hectic mayhem
Everyday

Deadlines to meet
Marching ever closer
Preparations to be done
Finishing? Well, almost
Never

Efforts paid
Going up in flames
The smoke covering
The living daylight
And also suffocates

Raiders and robbers
Stealing what's dear
Taking everything away
Killing hopes and dreams
I am starting to fear

Seven days
Seven twins
Maybe fourteen
Or more
They come and go
On and off
Much as I wouldn't want anyone
To know

The seawall held together
By a single thread
Of sheer willpower
Waves slosh
And threaten to spill
And the thread strains
To hold

"Walking down the line
That divides me somewhere
In my mind"

Splits the sides
Right through
The middle of
The endless battles

And in your path
Lies
Broken shards
Of
Thoughts
Emotions
Dreams
Memories
And everything
Else

Worries
steps
ow

Selfishness
steps
o­w

Hate
steps
ow

Anger
steps
ow

Jealousy
steps­
ow

Each step
Bringing about
New pains
New problems
New ****
Rising from that line
You're walking down
Strewn with those
Shards

Ultimately leading you
To that bottomless
Crevasse
.
.
.
.
.
.

I always talk about
Keeping true
To my word
That empty promises
And false hopes
Are unacceptable

But all that I seem
To do
Is just
That

I hate it
I hate the way
There are barriers
I'm too short to cross
I hate it when
There is a long distance
My little legs can't cover
I hate it especially
When I can't see
Can't hear
Can't be
There
Or
Anywhere

And I just feel
Powerless
Frozen
Lost
Unsure what to do
Unsure what to feel
Rooted
To the spot
Watching
Everything
Unfold
Helplessly

And all these
Just turn my words
Into dust
My promises become
Dandelion fluff
Blown away
By this typhoon

Uncontrollable
Beyond
My
Power

Towering giants
Unstable
Slippery footing
Sharp edges
Glass too thin
Handrail too low
Goodness, my legs are trembling
Cowering
Clutching
Struggling
To gain control
Over breaths
Look normal...

Meeting up
In a multistorey
Mall
Looking for mum
In the building
Escelators
Escelators
Everywhere
She's probably
At that shop
At the very
Top

Up we go,
On them escalators
A long long way to go
Heights
Tremors
Just look up
No,
That's the ceiling
Just look straight
At your feet
Keep breathing
Hold on

Up we go
Up we go
Endless flights
Of escalators

Till the final one is passed
Safe on solid ground
I look around
Left and right
Up and down
There she is:
Right at the bottom floor

This is a mockery

The same way I came
The same way I went
Setting my sights
On my slow moving
Target

The way up was hard;
The way down was worse.
So high up
Off the ground
So close up
To the ceiling
Grasping tightly
Nowhere to look
But down
Down
Down

Swaying
Trembling
Feeling like
Falling
The edges will do
Or just simply forwards
Eyes squeezed
Tightly shut
The world spins
How I wish I could
Sit

The long arduous journey
Finally ending,
A leap too early
And we end up
Free falling

It might not
Have been real
But the risk
Is there
Still
And the terror
Exists

Finally
I've regained
Some strength
It's just a little
But it's enough

I've got to thank you
For inspiring me
To count my blessings
And now, here I shall

A group of seven

One 
The one who's always there
To lend strength
And lead others
Through turbulent 
Times

Two
The best friend I could
Ever
Ask for
Always being by my side
No matter what
How far
How long
No words 
Can ever
Fully express what I'd have
To say to you

Three
The most hilarious one
You brighten up
Anyone's day
With your silly jokes
And never ending
Laughter

Four
A reliable friend
Mature and understanding
You're always there
Ready to step in
And help
Or just
Be drunk

Five
Thankyou
For always trying your best
For always being your best
Despite the pressure
And everything else
In this period of friendship
I have only one word to describe you
Awesome

Six
You and your 
Hilarious 
Ridiculous
Amusing 
Antics
Wherever you go
The first thing in the morning
Or the last thing in the afternoon

Seven
Our friendship
Is one
I value
A lot
It's one of the 
Longest
Oldest
And meaningful ones
This friendship
Through the sun and rain
Is still sustained
Till now
And I'm so glad
It did
For I saw many other
Attempts?
Crumble and fall

So thank you
All of you
For being part of
My life

There was once an
Angel
A young one
wings as white as snow
Smile as bright as day
Cheery
Optimistic
Happy go lucky
Bringing warmth all around

As she grew up
Her wings began to get darker.
First it was a few black speckles
Starting from the very tips
Through many storms
She went
The smile quivers
Shakes them wings
But they stay

She grew a bit more
The cherubic round face
Growing longer
The black speckles now covering half
Like a shadow
She fought
Blood flew
Her own and others
It soon didn't make a difference

She grew up
Tall and lanky
Her wings are now black
Like a raven's
Her eyes were guarded
The bright spark
Now a hard glitter
She barely smiles anymore

And when she does,
It isn't
The same

Leaving a trail of
Ice
Wherever she goes
An icy fire
Burning within
Keeping her going.

There is irony
In what you do
There is irony
In what you speak

The irony is
Your words today
Might be what tomorrow
You will eat

There is irony
In truth
And lies

There is irony
Reflected in your state
Of mind

There is irony
Most of the time
Unnoticed

There is irony
And it is
Everywhere

But whether it can be
Identified
That is another
Story

On them I write
Words of thoughts
That overwhelm
Me
Distract me
Annoy me
Drive me
Crazy

The mysteries of
My mind remains
Untold
Guarded by
The intricate
Origami
Birds

There they remain
Silent
Until you decide
To open it
And let the chaos
Unfold

Anger
Is a powerful
Destructive
Wild
And irrepressible
Beast
Threatening to destroy

Temper
Is a blood-thirsty hound
Leaping
And snapping
Lunging at everything
That reminds it
Of Anger
Threatening to get away

Thoughts
Are little imps
Sly
And cheeky
Manipulative
That populate the little village
In your mind
They create illusions
And images
That pester you
Incessantly

Selfishness
And
Kindness
Are the lion and the unicorn
Fighting over the
Crown
To rule
Your actions
Or Thoughts

Jealousy
Is that sour
Whiny
Voice
Niggling you
At the back of your head
It spreads its propaganda
Through your Thoughts
And they start
To turn
Against each other
Starting a
War

With all these
Monsters
Running through
Your mind
It’s a wonder
At how you can still manage to keep
Your sanity
At times

Or at least
Look like
It

With nothing to do
No one around
Watching others
Leave one by one
Just waiting for you
While you’re out there
For someone else
With someone else
Keeping me waiting
Always me waiting
But in the end
It’s okay
I think
It should be
Maybe

A smile
Is a powerful tool

It can

Encourage
Give hope
Cheer
Reassure
Show

But it can also

Crush
Taunt
Annoy
Confuse
Hide

It's been so long
Yet not enough
We've come so far
Yet we've got so far
To go
The journey ahead
Is full of twists and turns
Forks and bends
But I trust
That through it all
These ties will hold

I still remember
The six years that changed me
Trained me
To be something
That I wasn't
Was quickly undone
In the seventh year
A new year
We shall count from one

With the weight of the mould
I felt lost and unsure
In this place of light
And warmth
And this new home
With an amazing family
New ties quickly formed
And with the mould disintegrating,
I was free...

It was YOU
Who taught me
There's no harm shining;
Being proud of what I have

It was YOU
Who taught me
Just give all you've got
That There's no need to hide or with hold

It was You
Who taught me
That history could
Last

It was You
Who taught me
To just be;
Take everything with a smile brightly

And

It was You
Who unlocked
That locked door
I kept shut so tightly in those six years
Trickling light into that dark, closed room

Thank you all
For these two years
You've helped me find
Myself
Not the old one,
Not the one that was
Buried
Squished and
Lost
But you've all helped me find
A unique
New
Me

And as I lay here
Staring at these bracelets
I can't help but feel
Wistful
That it's all going to be
Over

The smiles
The laughter
The undeniable stupidity
Tears
All those memories
All those things
We went through
Together

That we're all going
In different ways
And alas,
I shed a single tear

For what the future holds,
I cannot fathom
And there are mixed feelings
Of apprehension and fear
But at least these ties will hold
They will have to
Over long distance
And all

Because I can't ever
Bear to part
With all of you
Any of you
Ever

Despite all these
Changes

Returning to the world
I came from,
Looking all around
People
Places
Surroundings

It's all so different
From where I am
Now

It was dark,
Now it's light

It was cold
Now it's warmer

I knew them once
Now, I'm not so sure

This was the place
That taught me
How to fight
For myself

This was the place
That taught me
To hide and
Protect what I have

This was the place
Where I learnt
To walk
Alone

Now, I'm surrounded
At last
By people who appreciate
Me,

In a place
That welcomes me,
Yet
Has taught me
To be able to hide
And share
At the same time

The people in my company
Are people I used to
"Hang out" with
I used to be close with
They're now
Strangers
Speaking a different language
Taller
Quieter
Colder

I take a last look
At the world that I came from
And I left.

Poems are little
Snippets
Of what goes on
In one’s mind

Poems are made of
Short
Lines
Preferably those
That rhyme

Poems can be
Shallow
About the little things
Happening on
The surface

Poems can be
Deep
About the fractured thoughts
Underneath a
Painted smile

Poems can be silly
Full of fun
And laughter

Poems can be serious
Filled to the brim
With melancholy

Poems can be happy
A world of sunshine
Rainbows
And all things nice

Poems can be sad
Raining with tears
Peppered with sighs
And others that are not that
Nice

Poems depend
On their creators
To give them
That special touch
That special identity
To who you are
To what you really
Think and feel

I slipped
And
I tripped
And now
I'm not the one
Who's falling
*It's you..

Crossing the road
A large one
At that
Breathing in
The exhaust.

Walking up
The *****
It's the seventh month
Paper burning
Smoke evolving

Past a construction site
Dust and dirt
Drift past
The musty smell
Of gas and saw dust

Past a factory
Past a cement mixer
Past a ******* truck

Each step
Each second
My lung capacity
Gets
Smaller

Smaller

Smaller..

Something's stuck
Between my chest
And throat
Working its way
Up and
Out

Hold it in
Just a few meters
More...

Gulp in
Fresh air
In fully
To the bottom
Of your shoes

But still
Not enough
Makes its way in

Just one
Solitary
Figure
Walking that
Lonely road

Just one
Detached
Person
Sitting on that
Bench

Just one
Lone
Warrior
Fighting battles
Alone

Just one
Sole
Girl
Watching
Quietly

Fool.

I knew I shouldn't have.

Shouldn't have stood up
Tried too hard
Now I'm a joke and
A laughing stock

Shouldn't have listened
Shouldn't have brought
Now I'm an eccentric
Nut job.

Should have studied
Should have revised
Now I'm just another
Hypocrite

The end is nigh
I say "Goodbye"
Hope the wind blows
These debris behind.

Far far away

And never to be


Remembered

Everything
Fades

Everything
Goes

Everything
Breaks

Everything
­Blows

I take a look
Around
And find
Nothing standing
Zilch

Only till
My eyes catch
That little corner
That cozy little
Corner
With a rug –
A soft one, like the ones they used
In kindergarten
A blanket –
The downy ones
A pile of pillows –
Of all sizes
A charger socket –
To recharge my music player
A set of earphones –
Those noise cancelling ones
Complete with
A guitar
And a nice
Black
Piano
To hide
Everything
From sight

This safe
Little
Haven
Is the only thing
Left

Too bad
It’s
*Imaginary

You cant
Break
Something
That is already
Broken

Unless
You pick up the pieces
And
Grind them
To
Dust

In the day
It’s just fine
A costume
Special effects
Creepy music
But when the sun goes
Down
Everything comes
Back

The scenes
The flash backs
Images
That just stay
Imprinted
In your mind

And that’s not all
The sands of
Imagination
Shift
And turn those
Scenes
And flashbacks
Into
Possibilities
Ideas
And now

Every corner
Of your safe haven
Is turned into
A portal
Where
Ghouls
Apparitions
Specters
And Monsters
Can come into your world

Every shadow in the dark
Lurks a menace;
An unknown and unwelcome
Presence
Leaving you paralyzed
With fear
Unable to move
Unable to breathe
Every muscle
Tense and taut
Curled up in a ball
Hugging your knees to your chest
Trying to calm
Your fluttering heart

And slowly,
Unknowingly,
Your eyes close
And you slip into that
Blissful oblivion

And when morning comes
You're left
Exhausted

The Judge
Stoic and unfeeling
Raises his mallet

Down it comes
Crushing us all.

It falls like a guillotine
Echoing through the empty halls
Of my mind

Anger rises
But is quickly silenced

The case is closed.
Nothing
Can be done

Sentenced to life
On the ground.

Music
Just has a way
Of expressing everything
Worming itself
Deep
Deep
Down
Inside
Digging out the deepest
Hidden emotions
Explaining the inexplicable
Showing the unseeable

The Pain
Anguish
Reluctance
Sentiment

Everything you wanted
To say
To express
To think

Anger
Tears
Frustration
Turmoil

It all comes out
The instrument
An extension of your very self
The vibrations reaching
Your very core
And sometimes
You even feel a little
Pull

In the argument between
Melody and
Lyrics
The Music
Is the Power
The Words
Only give it
Meaning
But they can only do
So much.

Helplessness feels like
A bird with broken wings
Falling.
Just falling.
And not
Being
Able
To do
Anything
To help.
Just Watch.
It hurts.

Have you ever
Stretched a rubber band?
It’s easy.
Just grab both ends
And pull
And pull.

The tension builds
Tighter
And
Tighter

The rubber gets
Thinner
And
Thinner

Soon
The tension gets
Too much
And

The rubber
Band
Snaps

Remember
The pain that comes
With it?
The sharp
Sting

That brings tears
To your eyes
But just within
A short moment

It’s over.

The last day
For the last time
A small team of five
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

Not to each other,
But to our wings.
The wings that we have grown
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

To the skies we'd no longer
Soar through,
To the fragile ties we've built
Through everything we held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

To a home that we have found
A cozy one of five and more
To everything we enjoy
Through everything we have held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

All our efforts
And all our dreams
Now all amounting to naught
Through everything they have held through
Now it's time to say goodbye

Thrown into a brand new place
With strangers, maybe enemies
We have to start again
Through all the pain to learn square one
Now it's time for us to die

Have our legacy
Fade away
Replaced by another one
Never to be continued again,
To just live in our memories

We may or may not
Choose to leave
But either way, it's still set:
What's ours will still
Be taken away

But in our hearts
Our very core
We'll still be yearning
To once more,
Soar

We'd always belong
To the Air, though Grounded,
Our eyes turn
Skywards
Forevermore

When I want to
Embrace
The pouring
Rain

The Sun
Comes out
Warm rays
Shining on
My face

Am I sitting in the middle
Of a room filled with

Mirrors

Or am I
The mirror?

I feel it.
It’s inside me.
The ever-present
Emptiness
I seek to fill.
Nothing ever seems to be able
To fill it.

Music?
The sound echoes through the silence
But isn’t intense enough.

Tears?
They just pour into an endless chasm
Leaving me feeling emptier than before.

Laughter?
A feeble attempt at cramming the vacuum
With that loud, happy (?) breathlessness.

Hugs?
Not even the tightest can reach
Those deep, dark depths.

I just feel
Hollow.

Not knowing
Why.

Sometimes
I wonder
What on earth
Am I here for
Why am I here
Why is everything
Happening
The way it is

How are we conscious?
How do we think?
How do we feel?

And then it hits me
Everything boils down
To chemical reactions
Electrical impulses
Atoms and molecules
Interacting with
Each other
To form a larger
Picture

But if everything's
Just a composition
Of chemical reactions
Properties
Bonds
Combined with
Neurological
Electrical
Impulses

*Then why does everything matter so much?

So many things
And so little time

Things keep piling up
Higher and higher
One after the other

The year flew past
Way too fast
Now I'm grabbing at everything
To maybe slow it down
But no

Activities back to back
Literally
Day to day
There went one week of supposed
Rest
There went one week of supposed
Preparation

With the recaping and recalling
Just noticing:
The modules still aren't
Done
Adding adding adding on

Help is leaving
In one day
Protection is leaving
For two weeks
Still can't get the questions done
I have yet to clear
This pile

Hello test
Howdy music
Four days more
And the race begins
Through and through
My time is short
Yet I have to compete

Then comes
The End
It's too quick.

Everything's
Too quick

Even after
The End
More is still
To come
One after the other

I need more
Time
And then here I am
Scrabbling in the dark
Wanting to melt
And disappear

And all I want
Is a day
Off
To do absolutely
Nothing
Without having to
Worry about
Anything
At all

Just one day

A liberation
From the permanent
Weight
On your face

Clear crisp outlines
And details
Blur into
Fuzz

Your eyes relax and start
To adjust
The orchestra begins
To play

The players
Dressed in black
Look like dancing
Shadows
The light spaces
Between them
Take up a shape
Of their own