On them I write
Words of thoughts
That overwhelm
Me
Distract me
Annoy me
Drive me
Crazy

The mysteries of
My mind remains
Untold
Guarded by
The intricate
Origami
Birds

There they remain
Silent
Until you decide
To open it
And let the chaos
Unfold

Poems are little
Snippets
Of what goes on
In one’s mind

Poems are made of
Short
Lines
Preferably those
That rhyme

Poems can be
Shallow
About the little things
Happening on
The surface

Poems can be
Deep
About the fractured thoughts
Underneath a
Painted smile

Poems can be silly
Full of fun
And laughter

Poems can be serious
Filled to the brim
With melancholy

Poems can be happy
A world of sunshine
Rainbows
And all things nice

Poems can be sad
Raining with tears
Peppered with sighs
And others that are not that
Nice

Poems depend
On their creators
To give them
That special touch
That special identity
To who you are
To what you really
Think and feel

"Walking down the line
That divides me somewhere
In my mind"

Splits the sides
Right through
The middle of
The endless battles

And in your path
Lies
Broken shards
Of
Thoughts
Emotions
Dreams
Memories
And everything
Else

Worries
steps
ow

Selfishness
steps
o­w

Hate
steps
ow

Anger
steps
ow

Jealousy
steps­
ow

Each step
Bringing about
New pains
New problems
New ****
Rising from that line
You're walking down
Strewn with those
Shards

Ultimately leading you
To that bottomless
Crevasse
.
.
.
.
.
.

Everything
Fades

Everything
Goes

Everything
Breaks

Everything
­Blows

I take a look
Around
And find
Nothing standing
Zilch

Only till
My eyes catch
That little corner
That cozy little
Corner
With a rug –
A soft one, like the ones they used
In kindergarten
A blanket –
The downy ones
A pile of pillows –
Of all sizes
A charger socket –
To recharge my music player
A set of earphones –
Those noise cancelling ones
Complete with
A guitar
And a nice
Black
Piano
To hide
Everything
From sight

This safe
Little
Haven
Is the only thing
Left

Too bad
It’s
*Imaginary

I don't lie
I just phrase things
Differently

I don't hide
I drop hints
Everywhere

You just
Don't
Notice

Yuck
Not again
I'm failing
For yet another
Time

Walls collapsing
Mask disintegrating
Voice disappearing
Smile vanishing
Thoughts muddling

Grip is
Loosening
Throwing me back
Into that ******
Pit
I fought so hard
To climb out
Of

My strength is
Depleting
I don't think
I can make that climb
Again
Or at least
Fight that
Monster
Suppress it
Squash it
Ultimately
**** it

My control is
Slipping
My tongue is
Sharpening
My voice either
Booming
Or vanishing
Evil thoughts
Rampaging

I wish it would stop
Where's my will
When I need it
I need it back
To climb
To talk
To smile
To fight
That
Blasted
Side

I can run
But not for long
It will catch up
It has already caught on

And nothing
Already
Matters
Anymore

I always talk about
Keeping true
To my word
That empty promises
And false hopes
Are unacceptable

But all that I seem
To do
Is just
That

I hate it
I hate the way
There are barriers
I'm too short to cross
I hate it when
There is a long distance
My little legs can't cover
I hate it especially
When I can't see
Can't hear
Can't be
There
Or
Anywhere

And I just feel
Powerless
Frozen
Lost
Unsure what to do
Unsure what to feel
Rooted
To the spot
Watching
Everything
Unfold
Helplessly

And all these
Just turn my words
Into dust
My promises become
Dandelion fluff
Blown away
By this typhoon

Uncontrollable
Beyond
My
Power

Woke up
In the morning
The skies looked gray.
I didn’t trust myself
To keep smiling
Or to keep
From crying

That day

I didn’t feel
Like going
Anywhere
I didn’t feel
Like meeting
Anyone
I didn’t feel
Like doing
Anything

That day

We were trudging around
Like lost souls
Under the hot
Sun
Our friendly greetings
Unseen
Unheard
By many

That day

When all seemed
Futile
Our legs weary
Having walked
For miles
Our feet hurting
From standing
For hours
And our cheeks aching
From grinning
And speaking

That day

We all but started
Singing
Our little
Song
A tiny verse
A laughable one
And that little
Song
Piped our spirits
Just for a little
To keep us going

That day

At the end
Of that day
I looked up
To find that the skies
Have turned
Blue
And I’ve got to
Hand it over to you two.
If not for a while
You turned my smile
Into a real one

**That day

Just one
Solitary
Figure
Walking that
Lonely road

Just one
Detached
Person
Sitting on that
Bench

Just one
Lone
Warrior
Fighting battles
Alone

Just one
Sole
Girl
Watching
Quietly

Anger
Is a powerful
Destructive
Wild
And irrepressible
Beast
Threatening to destroy

Temper
Is a blood-thirsty hound
Leaping
And snapping
Lunging at everything
That reminds it
Of Anger
Threatening to get away

Thoughts
Are little imps
Sly
And cheeky
Manipulative
That populate the little village
In your mind
They create illusions
And images
That pester you
Incessantly

Selfishness
And
Kindness
Are the lion and the unicorn
Fighting over the
Crown
To rule
Your actions
Or Thoughts

Jealousy
Is that sour
Whiny
Voice
Niggling you
At the back of your head
It spreads its propaganda
Through your Thoughts
And they start
To turn
Against each other
Starting a
War

With all these
Monsters
Running through
Your mind
It’s a wonder
At how you can still manage to keep
Your sanity
At times

Or at least
Look like
It

If we are puppets,
Then sleepiness
Is a dangerous
Puppeteer.

He creeps up on you
And hijacks your
Mind and body

Your eyes are closing
Your body feels heavy
Your head may drop off
Anytime

Your shoulders are drooping
Your feet are weary
Your back supports you
No more

Your head is swaying
Your body is aching
Oh how you wish you were
In bed

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
And this is when
Sleepiness
Slips you onto
His puppet strings
And starts to sway
Your bearings

One, two
One, two
You plod on

Left, right
Left, right
Your vision starts to spin

You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear
Continuing on
Your way
You know what you’re doing
But yet, don’t notice
Anything
Around you

Until that loud beep
Jolts you from your sleep
And brings you out of
The puppeteer's spell

The puppet strings
Are broken
And you are left
To face reality
The fact that you could've                                        should've
Died


You can’t hear properly
You can’t speak properly
You don’t care
Anymore...
                                                                ­                 ...he whispers in your ear

A smile
Is a powerful tool

It can

Encourage
Give hope
Cheer
Reassure
Show

But it can also

Crush
Taunt
Annoy
Confuse
Hide

In the day
It’s just fine
A costume
Special effects
Creepy music
But when the sun goes
Down
Everything comes
Back

The scenes
The flash backs
Images
That just stay
Imprinted
In your mind

And that’s not all
The sands of
Imagination
Shift
And turn those
Scenes
And flashbacks
Into
Possibilities
Ideas
And now

Every corner
Of your safe haven
Is turned into
A portal
Where
Ghouls
Apparitions
Specters
And Monsters
Can come into your world

Every shadow in the dark
Lurks a menace;
An unknown and unwelcome
Presence
Leaving you paralyzed
With fear
Unable to move
Unable to breathe
Every muscle
Tense and taut
Curled up in a ball
Hugging your knees to your chest
Trying to calm
Your fluttering heart

And slowly,
Unknowingly,
Your eyes close
And you slip into that
Blissful oblivion

And when morning comes
You're left
Exhausted

Sitting in its dusty bag
Quietly
Longing to be played

A melancholic instrument
Carrying memories
Of better times

And the small
Pang
Of pain
And longing
Always pulls on my heart strings
Whenever I
Take it out
Of that dusty bag
Look at it, and
Play it

Its warm sound
Filling my ears
The comforting
Vibrations
Running through the instrument
Reminds me all too much
Of those times
Those happier times
Years ago
When everything
Was fine

I place the guitar
Back in it's dusty bag
And once again
That door
Leading back to those memories
Shuts with a bang.

Finally
I've regained
Some strength
It's just a little
But it's enough

I've got to thank you
For inspiring me
To count my blessings
And now, here I shall

A group of seven

One 
The one who's always there
To lend strength
And lead others
Through turbulent 
Times

Two
The best friend I could
Ever
Ask for
Always being by my side
No matter what
How far
How long
No words 
Can ever
Fully express what I'd have
To say to you

Three
The most hilarious one
You brighten up
Anyone's day
With your silly jokes
And never ending
Laughter

Four
A reliable friend
Mature and understanding
You're always there
Ready to step in
And help
Or just
Be drunk

Five
Thankyou
For always trying your best
For always being your best
Despite the pressure
And everything else
In this period of friendship
I have only one word to describe you
Awesome

Six
You and your 
Hilarious 
Ridiculous
Amusing 
Antics
Wherever you go
The first thing in the morning
Or the last thing in the afternoon

Seven
Our friendship
Is one
I value
A lot
It's one of the 
Longest
Oldest
And meaningful ones
This friendship
Through the sun and rain
Is still sustained
Till now
And I'm so glad
It did
For I saw many other
Attempts?
Crumble and fall

So thank you
All of you
For being part of
My life

You cant
Break
Something
That is already
Broken

Unless
You pick up the pieces
And
Grind them
To
Dust

Words

I don't even know
Whose I can trust
Which I can trust
Which are really meant
Which are just things
People say
Just cause
It's appropriate to

I don't like them
They're not
Constant
You don't know if they're
Real
They can be that pillar of support
Until the mirage
Gets broken
And it just
Disappears
Dropping you
Like a stone

This is why i like
Solids
Hard things
Cause solids don't
Just disappear
They're
Real
And they
Don't
Lie

Words are like
Medication
They can save you
Give you life
But they can also
Take that
Away
And ****
You
And still seem
Harmless

Interesting
How you can
Manipulate
Them
To contradict
To agree
To reveal
To hide
To confuse
To clarify
But that means
Everything
Is doubtable
The duality
They can be your friend
Or your enemy

Words
You either
Hear them
For a few seconds
Read them
On paper or texts
Whether they're the
Former
Or the
Latter
They can still
Be
Thrown away
Disregarded
Given away
Changed
Never to be
Meant
Thought of
Again

"What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them..."

I
Hate
Things
That
May
Disappear.

Cough cough
Hack
Shudder
Head hurts
Giddy
Feel like
Sleeping

Sometimes,
I just wish this were
More than a cough
And that it will take me away

Maybe the medication
Oh yes
Maybe that little sticker
On the side of the box
Marked “POISON”

It doesn’t taste that bad.

I feel it.
It’s inside me.
The ever-present
Emptiness
I seek to fill.
Nothing ever seems to be able
To fill it.

Music?
The sound echoes through the silence
But isn’t intense enough.

Tears?
They just pour into an endless chasm
Leaving me feeling emptier than before.

Laughter?
A feeble attempt at cramming the vacuum
With that loud, happy (?) breathlessness.

Hugs?
Not even the tightest can reach
Those deep, dark depths.

I just feel
Hollow.

Not knowing
Why.

Every time
I feel like stopping
Giving up
When I find
It unbearable
When I find
It torturing
You always manage to come in
You almost always come in
At that moment
And give me encouragement
Like a light to a moth
In the darkness
Giving me warmth
In the cold winter
Make me feel so much better
Giving me a reason
To hang on.

That’s how it is
Living with you now
Not sure
How to please you
Fearing every move
Is a mistake
Fearing every move
Will trigger an
Explosion
Fearing that every move
Is
Wrong.

Whatever I seem to do
Is wrong

Whatever I not do
Is wrong

Then tell me
What do I do?

I try
I try
I try
I help
I help
I help
I do
I do
I do

And yet,
I still have
To live on
The Edge.

It’s really tiring.
Don’t you know?

The blissful oblivion
Is magical.

You don’t feel
Anything

You’re not aware of
Anything

You don’t need to hide
Anything

You don’t need to hold
Anything

You don’t need to do
Anything

Any bad thoughts
Any bad happenings
Go away
When you sleep
Suspended in that
Nothingness

When I wake up
I’m a new person

No longer bearing
The grudge

No longer
Tearing

No longer
Exploding

But I wonder
How long
It would last.

Will it?

I need you
Sleep

Don't
Go.

So you say I’m harsh
Very well.
I admit
I am not very nice
At any point in time
But I try.
I try to make everyone happy
I try to help
But in the end of the day
I’m just a bothersome pest
A shallow, annoying
Pest.
Yet when I don’t reply
You say I don’t care.

Sorry if it hurt you
Sorry if it added on to your problems.
But harsh?

Everyone’s had it tough
Not only you.
You’ve definitely had it really rough
With him out there
Doing God knows what.
Sure, your life hasn’t been really happy
Well you know what?
So hasn’t mine.

My books
The stories I lose myself in
To escape
You took them away.
My connection
With all the friends I adore
You cut me off
The things that I enjoy doing
You turn them into work
Making me loath them
My emotion
You ban them
Make me suppress them
Making me pretend that I am
Once again
The cheery, innocent little girl
From years before
Who will never
Return
Keeping my guard up
Even at home
Only till I am safely under the sheets
In the dark
With the door closed
Alone
And yet, I still do as you please.

Fine.
Say that I’m selfish
Say that I demand too much
Say that I do too little
Say that I’m hopeless
But I’m only human.
Am I?
Who knows.
Probably a monster.
A leech.
A burden.

So.
Harsh?

Mhm.
That’s me.
Always.
Just a step too late.

Too busy
Too slow
Too far away
Cut off
Not there

I don’t know how others do it
Especially
You two
You always manage
To find
Them
And
Make
Everything
Better

Me?
I’m nowhere
In sight

Music.

One of the things
That makes all this

Bearable

Be it listening to
Or making
It’s one thing
That takes all this

Away

Lose yourself
In its lyrics
Dreaming up
Another story

The heavy bass
Beating in time
With your heart

Pour everything
All your energy
All your thoughts
All your pain
All your unspoken words
Into the chords

Feel it flow into the keys
Weave them into the musical phrases
Transforming them into a symphony
Giving life to the notes on the page
Just feeling everything

Gush out

Just for those six pages
Or so
Just for those four minutes
Or so

Music magically
Takes
Everything

Away

Turning them into something

Beautiful

And then, as soon as it had started,
It stops.

And that
Silence

Resonates through you
Through that

Emptiness

And that’s when you can
Get up
Smile
Bow
And walk off
Carrying on
As if nothing happened

Thank you, music
For making this possible
You’ve brought me this far
And you’re still keeping me going.

You are

My savior

Sunshine you say
Bright and Sunny
Shedding
Warmth
And light
On Everyone

What everyone takes for granted
Is in fact
The Sun
It just stays there
Suspended in nothingness
An endless void
Of darkness
And space
The next star
Light years away
So
Alone

But it doesn’t cease
Shining
Shedding light
Giving life
But still
Moving steadily
Towards its end
A black hole
In the middle
Of the galaxy
A inevitable destination
Unless
It ends its life
In a nebular explosion.

Helplessness feels like
A bird with broken wings
Falling.
Just falling.
And not
Being
Able
To do
Anything
To help.
Just Watch.
It hurts.

With nothing to do
No one around
Watching others
Leave one by one
Just waiting for you
While you’re out there
For someone else
With someone else
Keeping me waiting
Always me waiting
But in the end
It’s okay
I think
It should be
Maybe

I love the rain
Lose my thoughts
In the steady rhythm
Of raindrops
Falling

I love the rain
Just breathing in
Its refreshing scent
Natural
Peaceful

I love the rain
The cool raindrops
Falling on my skin
Replacing tears
That are left

Unshed

Staring into the sky
Wondering how it is to fly
To spread wings
And soar
Breathing in the cool, fresh, air
To be free of everything
Racing ahead of your troubles
Leaving them far behind
Feel the wind in your face,
The air in your lungs
Each wing beat
Taking you
Faster and faster
Further and further
No time to think
No time to worry
Just fly
Into the endless sky

Have you ever
Stretched a rubber band?
It’s easy.
Just grab both ends
And pull
And pull.

The tension builds
Tighter
And
Tighter

The rubber gets
Thinner
And
Thinner

Soon
The tension gets
Too much
And

The rubber
Band
Snaps

Remember
The pain that comes
With it?
The sharp
Sting

That brings tears
To your eyes
But just within
A short moment

It’s over.