That’s how it is
Living with you now
Not sure
How to please you
Fearing every move
Is a mistake
Fearing every move
Will trigger an
Explosion
Fearing that every move
Is
Wrong.

Whatever I seem to do
Is wrong

Whatever I not do
Is wrong

Then tell me
What do I do?

I try
I try
I try
I help
I help
I help
I do
I do
I do

And yet,
I still have
To live on
The Edge.

It’s really tiring.
Don’t you know?

The blissful oblivion
Is magical.

You don’t feel
Anything

You’re not aware of
Anything

You don’t need to hide
Anything

You don’t need to hold
Anything

You don’t need to do
Anything

Any bad thoughts
Any bad happenings
Go away
When you sleep
Suspended in that
Nothingness

When I wake up
I’m a new person

No longer bearing
The grudge

No longer
Tearing

No longer
Exploding

But I wonder
How long
It would last.

Will it?

I need you
Sleep

Don't
Go.

So you say I’m harsh
Very well.
I admit
I am not very nice
At any point in time
But I try.
I try to make everyone happy
I try to help
But in the end of the day
I’m just a bothersome pest
A shallow, annoying
Pest.
Yet when I don’t reply
You say I don’t care.

Sorry if it hurt you
Sorry if it added on to your problems.
But harsh?

Everyone’s had it tough
Not only you.
You’ve definitely had it really rough
With him out there
Doing God knows what.
Sure, your life hasn’t been really happy
Well you know what?
So hasn’t mine.

My books
The stories I lose myself in
To escape
You took them away.
My connection
With all the friends I adore
You cut me off
The things that I enjoy doing
You turn them into work
Making me loath them
My emotion
You ban them
Make me suppress them
Making me pretend that I am
Once again
The cheery, innocent little girl
From years before
Who will never
Return
Keeping my guard up
Even at home
Only till I am safely under the sheets
In the dark
With the door closed
Alone
And yet, I still do as you please.

Fine.
Say that I’m selfish
Say that I demand too much
Say that I do too little
Say that I’m hopeless
But I’m only human.
Am I?
Who knows.
Probably a monster.
A leech.
A burden.

So.
Harsh?

Mhm.
That’s me.
Always.
Just a step too late.

Too busy
Too slow
Too far away
Cut off
Not there

I don’t know how others do it
Especially
You two
You always manage
To find
Them
And
Make
Everything
Better

Me?
I’m nowhere
In sight

Music.

One of the things
That makes all this

Bearable

Be it listening to
Or making
It’s one thing
That takes all this

Away

Lose yourself
In its lyrics
Dreaming up
Another story

The heavy bass
Beating in time
With your heart

Pour everything
All your energy
All your thoughts
All your pain
All your unspoken words
Into the chords

Feel it flow into the keys
Weave them into the musical phrases
Transforming them into a symphony
Giving life to the notes on the page
Just feeling everything

Gush out

Just for those six pages
Or so
Just for those four minutes
Or so

Music magically
Takes
Everything

Away

Turning them into something

Beautiful

And then, as soon as it had started,
It stops.

And that
Silence

Resonates through you
Through that

Emptiness

And that’s when you can
Get up
Smile
Bow
And walk off
Carrying on
As if nothing happened

Thank you, music
For making this possible
You’ve brought me this far
And you’re still keeping me going.

You are

My savior

Sunshine you say
Bright and Sunny
Shedding
Warmth
And light
On Everyone

What everyone takes for granted
Is in fact
The Sun
It just stays there
Suspended in nothingness
An endless void
Of darkness
And space
The next star
Light years away
So
Alone

But it doesn’t cease
Shining
Shedding light
Giving life
But still
Moving steadily
Towards its end
A black hole
In the middle
Of the galaxy
A inevitable destination
Unless
It ends its life
In a nebular explosion.

Helplessness feels like
A bird with broken wings
Falling.
Just falling.
And not
Being
Able
To do
Anything
To help.
Just Watch.
It hurts.