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chels Jun 2013
Dear you,
With the blood shot eyes that sometimes shine green, and the split ends and loose ends who can't hold onto a relationship -

Hi.
chels Jun 2013
This
Is the first time you got
Dirt
Under your fingernails
This is
The first time your dad
Didn't come home
This is the first time
Your little sister got
Drunk
And told you about her
Nightmares
This is the first time you stood
On the top of a mountain and
Screamed
At everything
That ever wasn't anything
This is the first time you stepped out of your pants
And into another person's
Body
This is the first time.
Maybe all of your parents' fighting was just a test.
Whether you passed or not depends on how
Late
You went to bed, listening
Or how
Empty
The palms of your hands looked when you
Held them against hers because
You were taught that you should
Hold it all.
Music is hard to dance to when you've been
Taught to stuff your
Fingers so far into your
Ears that you can't even feel
Your own heartbeat.

You were taught to hate the color yellow and have two left feet.
chels Jun 2013
i was always convinced that i could do it better
faster
harder
stronger
but i couldn't and i stopped trying because i'm lazy.
i bark at dogs i don't like
but i won't bite
so i think it's okay.
i've never been good at pool so please stop pushing me into the corners
and the holes in the wall
and now i'm stuck
with this feeling in my gut
called
Growing Up
and if this life is a journey
and this journey is a ship
then you can just call me
sea sick
chels Jun 2013
toby, i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
i didn't mean to feel your bones crushed between my fingers
i didn't mean to hurt you
not like this, anyway
chels Jun 2013
He
I can't put religion and race into my words and I don't know how to add politics to my poetry and that kind of blows because its so powerful. I guess I just don't know how yet, just like
I don't know a lot of things.
I have learned a lot about myself in the last three months, though.
I've learned that no matter how many comfortable pillows there are in a house, I will always choose to sleep on the crusty stale pillows that you place and adjust at the edges of your couch because at least that reminds me of the nights I've spent at your house.
When we grew tired, it became a dart game of blame to see who would fall asleep faster.
No, no, you said.
"She sleeps in here, with me.
You; you sleep out there."
And all of a sudden, I became a dog.
Not even a dog he wanted. I became the dog of his firstborn child who, when he turned thirteen, said "Dad, I am a teenager now, and this is what I want."
And you looked at him and said, "Yeah. I can do that for you."
Just like the same way you looked at me and said, "Yeah. I can do that for you."
And now, while you're in there, sleeping with her,
I'm the dog taking a **** in the middle of your living room in the middle of the night
And I mean it.
chels Jun 2013
God ******, Molly
God ******
I sailed out to sea with you because
You were afraid of exploring the world alone
And that
Is when I learned that I couldn't swim
And you let me drown

I don't know how much guilt you've felt in the last year but
It was pretty ******* ****** sitting at the bottom of the ocean
Waiting and hoping that you would save me

Of course you didn't.

I still don't know if I've been saved because sometimes the bubbles that come out of my mouth only float up.
chels Jun 2013
This is the deception of your perception
A misconnection due to conception
Is this the wrong direction?
I hope not.
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