this is just hide and seek.
i turned my back and now he's gone.
i shall spend my lifetime searching.  x

angry . I'm angry .
just tell me how you feel
how am I supposed to figure out what's not real
these feelings inside
they **** me and it hurts.
I just want to figure out
what me and this relationship are worth
so maybe we could try
so maybe it could last
only if we keeps what's in the past in the past.

Today was the worst day ever, again.
And don't try to persuade me that
There's something good in everyday
because, when you look closer,
this world is a pretty evil place
even if
God shines through every now&then;
Satisfaction and happiness don't last
It's a lie that
it's all in the mind and heart.
because
true happiness can be obtained
when things around you are good
it's not true that good things are real
I'm sure you can agree that
Reality
creates
anger
it's out of my control
You'll never, ever, hear me say
Today was a good day.


( now Read is backwards)

1:40 A.M is when the night is fully dark
the stars all shine their light away, but this is just a start.
this is when my heart will collapse
the wind speeds up and blows,
stopping all feet in their tracks.

razors on arms, and blood on the floor
there's simply nothing I'd want more
feet above ground ; neck around string
these were a few of my favorite things
tear stained face, mother's screams
can't forget fathers mood swings
the bruises that their fights bring
these were a few of my favorite things.
Your neck kisses bring me more
how my smile reflects yours
the way you make my heart spring
these are a few of my favorite things
the way my body fits on yours
you always have me wanting more
you'll be mine and I'll be yours
always singing out the door
the way you make my heart sing;
that is one of my favorite things.

Look me in my eyes.
Don't demand it, be kind.
Look down at my lips and back.

slowly, just slowly. Ever so slowly.
like there's no turning back.

Grab my arms tight.
Don't let me go.

lean towards me,
only go slow.

The faster you go, the faster it ends.
take it slow, and we'll begin.

Slower ... then faster.. make it last
best kiss I've ever had.

Inside? She's a mess.
I mean she looks to you,
but what the heck .
I see through her, it's the truth.
Look at her shoulders...
how they're slouched ever so slightly
what a wreck..
that poor girl is trying too hard.
what do you do ?
Ask if she's okay, it might help..
but that's a shame
She'll clearly shut you out
The same lie,
makes her body shake and tremble,
But it's nothing compared to the memories she remembers.

"She said sorry too often.
She apologized for apologizing too much.
She said sorry like it was a greeting.
She apologized for everything that goes wrong,
because she labeled herself as a disaster.
She was sorry for not being good enough,
because no one ever told her she was good enough.
No one ever told her that she was something more than
the mess inside her head and the tsunami inside her heart.
So all she learned was to apologize for every single breath she took."

she said she'd never hurt herself.
she said she'd never let go.
she said she wouldn't fall into the ways that she tried to stop the most.
she said she'd never tell a lie
she said she wouldn't dare.
push away the ones she loves the most, hurry up, they're right there.

Falling for you was just too easy.
Smooth words, late nights.
Enough to make a young girl cry.
I fell for you a bit too fast.
I wasn't even sure that we would last.
Cause if I fell without hesitation.
you would knock down my highest walls.
How was I supposed to know it was a game ?
I feel my heart beating. bumping. racing.
it hurts to see the world go by,
living under a selfish lie.
want me to say how I feel ?
heart is racing, eyes are burning.
My stomach turning, doing flips.
my lips are trembling, vision unclear.
my breaking point is almost near.
I know what it is, admitting it is harder than the pain that's here.
it's exactly what I've always feared.
HeartBreak

i used to hear these stories about relationships.
They became dreams
something unreal, even.
passionate, so much love.
don't see that nowadays.

daddy , daddy
I can't breathe
the heat in this room is too extreme
what will the kids say about me
when they see these "bruises"
daddy , daddy
I'm crying now
there's so much pain , but somehow
I can't get enough , oh wow
more like pleasure , turn the page
this is what the "news" is
anger, pain, aggression
can't you get the message?
I want more please don't stop
I am your possession.
you own me, the way you move
your touch on my body is so smooth
from my neck and too my knees
the places that you love to squeeze.
I'll fall back , I'm like your art
mess me up and then restart
I'll let you know you're all mine
daddy, it's playtime .

I like to think i mean something.
That the words I say speak to people.
that the way I do things, people respect.
but maybe, maybe, I'm not ?
the words I say are truthful.
but Advice I give is well-thought.
but maybe, maybe, that's not what they want.
"Tell her a lie. Tell her a lie" they said.
maybe she'll forgive you with time.
I'd rather have her broken in my arms, than happy and underestimated.
the world is not a place where wishes come true if you dream.
They come true if you believe, and make it work.
Wow.
"Tell her a lie. Tell her a lie" They said.
I'd rather have her crying in my arms than me crying at her grave.
If I died today, would you be satisfied with our last conversation ?
think about it.

If a heart like yours
Can love a heart like mine,
than a heartbreaking Storm
won't waste our time.
As the many things I know,
our world is broken by the line.
so maybe we won't have to cry
you already tried.
That one got us no where
but closer to life.

Proving you're worth or
Regulating yourself to t least
Obtain the trust you think you deserve, or
Maybe having the guts to
Improvise on a new situation without hurting, but
Someone always gets hurt.
Eventually.



Maybe i was the only one who wanted
Eventually to last forever.

you can tell them what you want
but you can't tell me how you feel ?
this isn't a game , nor *** appeal.
I'm tired of the **** , and I want to know
this isn't how communication is supposed to go
it was inevitable , still could have been honest
I wasn't trying to be hostile
it was all in the profile
I never signed up to be kept out
this was never a game.
we were the same.
but now I'm thinking I've been put to shame
unknown to me
don't share with me
just care for me , no don't do that.
it's all just a trick
I'm pretty fed up with all this ****.

bestfriends.
what the **** are they here for ?
to cry with , deny with , forget the past whatever's before ?
sometimes they try to lie and deceive.
never really know what to believe.
die trying to impress the wrong girl
the one to bring you up in a whirl
she's actually pushing you slowly away
she doesn't want you in her life
she doesn't want you to stay
she doesn't want the burden
of having you around
wish i was raised in another town
fights with her are worst , you see
she's replacing you as speak
the pain is killing you deeply in side
i should've hid
i shouldn't of had to hide.

shhh.
turn off the lights.
no one will hear us, promise not to bite.
shhh.
the way you kiss my neck.
the pressure is building, I'm starting to sweat.
shhh.
keep your hands on me.
the lower you go the heavier I breathe.
shhh.
one more time.
this will be the ride of my life.

You made a fool of me.
I thought that I was loved.
you told me I was just a girl,
out of all above.

You made my nightmares true.
we were just a lie.
I was just a cover-up,
for the girl that just walked by.

you told me the truth.
you were honest, can't you see ?
this relationship was one sided,
it was only me.

i used to remember our memories.
i used to remember our memories like they were the day before
hearts racing, always smiling
pulse quickening every time
hands holding, taking photos
the days that you were mine.

I miss the way I used to be.