I find you so breathtakingly beautiful
the smallest things about you
like how you're hair has a mind of its own
the few scattered freckles on your face
the way you walk
and the way you're fingers intertwine with each other as you wait for something
how you're flaws are nothing but perfection
this way of thinking scares me
because I can love your little things effortlessly
but how can I love someone else to no end but not even have a beginning for myself

Why would you paint false images in my head
giving me hope
water my dreams with your soon forgotten promises
you never intended to put your words to truth, did you?
why would you lead someone on like that
I played out a million scenarios of us in my mind
laughed and smiled as if it were real
and now you speak to me, just because you saw me in public that day
why open an old wound I had to mend on my own

You're standing on a bridge
over looking the never ending water that is the ocean
you watch as the waves viciously pummel over one another
thrashing about as the rain falls like bullets
slapping the water
the lightning and thunder sound in the distance
It's the perfect night
no one is around to stop you
everyone is safe in their home trying to out wait this wicked storm
wind goes racing by, pulling my hair with it, trashing it about to where is slaps your face repeatably  
you walk closer to the bridges railing, closing your eyes and ******* in the cold air slowly
prepping yourself for what you're about to do
you clear your thoughts to where your mind is blank
finally reaching the bridges railing your cold hands meet the cold bridge and you laugh at the irony
that this cold hard metal you are feeling in some way represents you
for a few moments you stand and just absorb the cold metal into your skin
you soon find yourself moving without knowing
your body is so overwhelmed with the want of relief
that it's moving for your own good, avoiding what your mind and heart have to say
it doesn't care any longer
you feel the strength in your arms as you lift your entire body to now sit on the bridges railing
you slide your feet over the edge, dangling them down into what seems to be an eternity of a fall
eyes closed and body slowly but sure sliding forward
you scream
you let it out, what you've been holding in for years
all the pain and heart ache and troubles
the things that no one wanted to listen to
and then the tears come, rapidly streaming down your cheeks
Your raise one of your hands to slap them away and as you do
you
fall

In the opposite direction that you wanted
you fall back onto the bridge
and into the grasp of person
they draw you into their hold
they cradle you, like no one ever has
you open your eyes and look around, the storm still going steady
you turn your face to the stranger that has saved you
and without realizing it
the tears start again and you you not able to catch your breath for now you are brutally sobbing
through chocked cries
you
thank
them

As the clouds clear away, the grass takes a drink of the new found water
the air smells of crisp oxygen and the land brightens its glow
the pond ripples as droplets from this dead tree fall down into the water, ever so slightly breaking the surface
I sit here, in the dead sturdy branches of this tree; overlooking the entire landscape that is before me
letting out a long held breath, I let my imagination wonder
as I vacantly watch the little droplets plummet into the pond I find myself wondering what it would be like being that delicate drop of rain
castigating down to the vast world of water,  finally becoming part of something bigger, disappearing forever, fading away into everything around me
With a sigh I let my thoughts wonder elsewhere, unsure of what my imagination can dream up next, but I let it run free and wait with anticipation. . .
after what seems like ages I realize that the clouds are back
the dark, menacing clouds
thunder rumbles so hard I can feel it inside my chest, shaking me to my core
I should leave. . .
But I don’t
I always seem to stick around for the bad stuff, before I can get my train of thought back, it starts
hitting me like small daggers
the cold little droplets pierce my skin and sting as if they were fire
It falls harder, gradually picking up speed
eventually the lightning starts,
now I regret staying
but alas
I still stay
I watch as bright instantaneous flashes of light crash to the ground, forcing entry into the earth’s surface, damaging the lovely landscape one strike at a time.
eventually the storm beings to calm, as do my thoughts
when the storm is long gone I find myself watching the little droplets plunge into the pond again everything is has returned to being peaceful
with every droplet that falls, so does my anxiety and my perception of time

I soil the un-rippled surface as I break through it. I feel the cold water touching every inch of my numb body. As the water envelopes me, I sink.
Without a care I motionlessly fall. Staring at the once close surface of the water, now slowly getting farther from my reach.
Every second that passes a twinge of pain slices in my chest. A feeling of regret. Every second that I sink down into this oceans deep, dark, un explored grounds I get farther away from the chance of changing my mind. But I am sure of myself.
At least I was when I jumped.
My eyes scan the last of the light that I see coming from the surface of this endless water. My lungs begin to scream for air. My body is tempted to thrash around and panic, but in my mind I am as calm as ever.
Still, slowly sinking. Little bubbles begin to escape my mouth without my condolence. I watch as some of the little bubbles make their way up to the surface, dancing a sick dance of victory.
I being too slowly fade in and out of my thoughts. More bubble escape. I become more aware of  the cold water that surround me.
Caressing my bare skin, calming me. Holding me. Doing what no one ever did.
In my last seconds of life I look around in the dark water unable to make out what I see and I silently say my goodbyes to the only thing in my company, the vast ocean.