I’ve never been able to connect with anyone, the way I connected with him.
From the moment we first met, I knew that he was different.
The way he spoke, his voice, the way the galaxies were present in his soft, blue eyes.
I feel like for the first time in my life, the universe has worked in my favour.
A gift from the heavens.
And lord knows I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him around.

When you start to fall for someone new.
It’s full of potential and excitement.
What could happen?
Yet it also comes with that fear.
What could happen?
We have the choice: to fall into the unknown.
To let yourself be emerged in this feeling that you aren’t unfamiliar with.
With hopes it brings out the best in your life.
And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be right this time.

Or.

We can catch ourselves.
Never take the risk out of the fear or rejection and abandonment.
We can over think “maybe I shouldn’t act like this”, “they wouldn’t like this”, “I don’t deserve this.”
But passion is infinite. Risks are worth taking.
And I want to give as much love as I can.

There is this boy, he’s different. His words spark fires in places I thought would never see light. His name is like a melody, I could hum it all day long. Like a night of cloudless chimes and starry skies, the best of dark and bright meet in the aspect of his big blue eyes.
It’s nothing I’ve really felt before. So it made me wonder, what it was like to be in his arms, how it would feel if he reached over and grabbed my hand
And it had me dancing around the topic of how badly I wanted to be the air that filled his lungs. And I was never a girl who was interested in science, but. I’d like to know why my heart felt like it was defying gravity whenever he smiled. But you just keep tip toeing around me, like I’m a ticking time bomb. Not noticing how attracted I am to you, and how much I’d be willing to give you..

Everything about us was electric. From the moment we met, shy eyes peeking past the people that separated us, it was like falling through the sky. Topsy turvy and clutching hands and flipping stomachs. We touched each other like we might never have another night, tip toeing around words like forever. We only understood this moment, that moment. Here, now. But we called it love, and those moments never drifted too far.
    
Electric. Late nights of too much ***** and other lonely souls that smoked with us in silence and skin that screamed for more and more and more. But mouths that screamed, too. At one another because that boy looked at me for too long, and you forgot your credit card again, and commitment was a word you never understood. Screaming for more and more and more. More than this and that and here and now. Blood rushing from our hearts to our heads as we fell and fell and fell through the sky. Love, we called it. As if a four letter word could keep us from crashing.
    

But it took me a long time to realize that love isn’t falling. Or crashing. Or electric. It isn’t uncertainty and pain and being so scared you forget why you jumped in the first place. No, love isn’t falling at all; it's landing

Let
yourself burn,  
and became anew.
Welcome a woman,
who loves ruthlessly.
Cleanse your  
heavy heart,
and leave behind
memories
of the girl
you use to be.

He only said what he felt when he couldn’t control the current of jumbled words that cascaded past his lips, when his mind was too hazy to form any coherent thoughts. He would chance sideways glances at her, touch her every now and then, fleetingly, as though he was afraid, so she wouldn’t notice. When his pupils were only tiny pinpricks of light, like two stars against the night sky, and all they saw was her. And he knew that when he’d walk into her again, when the sun was up instead of the moon, he would retreat into his shell, into the walls he had built, the empty fortress for his lonely self. Because he could never repeat the things he whispered into her ear during nights out, and he hoped she wouldn’t remember. But she did. And she couldn’t look at him either, not when they met with clear heads - not because she was scared or hadn’t listened or had been simply too drunk to understand, no. She thought he didn’t care enough to acknowledge her. To greet her. To ask her how she was. To hold her like he had before, when his words had been slurred and his warmth had seeped into her skin. And this way they kept missing each other, meeting dead ends wherever they went.

It’s so easy to compare yourself with others, you can get lost in how much you wish you had what someone else has.

Have the courage to be happy for others and still be content with what you have, nothing good comes from wanting what your neighbor has when you could be working hard for the things that are good and worth fighting for.

Have the courage to lay down your ego, because humility is far more beautiful than the things you desire.

Have the courage to reach out in love, because light can never be overcome by darkness.

Have the courage to lay it all down, because we need to be an example of a greater and more fulfilling life than a life of greed and comparison.

Once you let go of your selfish wants, you will begin to see how wonderful life can be when we extend an olive branch to those who so desperately need to be loved. You will breathe and smile, knowing that you are stepping into the light.

I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.

You. The one I thought would stand by me no matter what but didn’t. You. The one that casts judgement as if you were perfect. You. The one that shuts me out over my mistakes. You. The one that ignores me for not living my life the way you expect me to. You. The one that assumes the worst not knowing the actual truth. You. The one that sought out to hurt me for your own satisfaction. You. The one that sowes discord against me. You. The one that gave up on me because I withdrew in my depression. You. The one that once loved me but now is a stranger. You. The one that holds unreasonable expectations of me. You. The one that holds my past over my head.

You. Yes. You broke me.

But then there is You.

You. The one that believes in me against all odds. You. The one that lifts my spirits just by being there beside me. You. The one that doesn’t expect me to have it together every minute and hour of the day. You. The one that hugs me against my wishes warming my heart. You. The one that brings a smile to my face ceasing my tears. You. The one that lays with me when I don’t have the strength to face the world. You. The one that still sees my purpose over my mistakes. You. The one that listens to me even when I don’t make sense. You. The one that is constant and persistent even when I push you away. You. The one that doesn’t forget to remind me that you care. You. The one that knows just what to say to help me. You. The one that stands by me no matter what. You. The one that loves me unconditionally.

You. Yes. You keep me together.

legs intertwined
body on body
flesh on flesh
heavy breathing

Sometimes, you have to
be strong for yourself.
You have to know and
realize that you're not a bad
person. You too deserve to
be loved and put on the top
list. Others need to fight for
you as well. You're not the only
one in there. You need to feel
important as anyone else.
If they don't fight for you, then
all what you have to do is to
move on and realize that
what you gave them was
more than what they were
willing to give to you.

I feel like i'm not any-
one's first choice. Neither their
favorite.

Even if people tell me i'm
important to them or i mean
a lot to them, i know there's
always someone they prefer
to be with. Someone they
choose over me.
And that hurts.

                                                         ­     A lot.

you lost her.
and now she lights up the night
time sky for her new lover cause
he recognized her as the moon.

and you envy him. she could've
been your moon, but you were
too busy chasing the dimly lit
stars.

one day you're going to see her
holding hands with someone who took
your chance. she won't even notice you because
she's too busy laughing with the jokes he makes. and it
will burn your heart seeing that smile on her face and realizing that
you're not the reason anymore. and then it will finally hit you:
it was her, it was always her.

I've dated guys who didn't know how to love me the way i deserved to be or didn't know how precious i am..

I've given them the right pieces of me at that time. its funny how some of them start seeing what they missed when they were dating me. i don't even have the time to tell them "its okay" when i hear them saying "oh man i wish i didn't let her go."

I'm too busy loving myself the way i deserved to be loved.

You’ve wasted all the good I could see in you.
You’ve wasted my time and my energy.
You’ve wasted my body, my everything.
I could have been with someone else.
Someone who desires me, Someone who craves for my attention, Someone who’s willing to offer me his time
Someone who doesn’t let me go to bed with the doubt of me being loved. I’ve survived to a lot of addictions.
So I guess you are just an addition to that.