you're off somewhere
in a dream without me
I visualise a countdown
'til I leave
kiss your back
fall back to sleep

I was the gateway
I opened the gates and stood patiently
I climbed to my fate
and fell between men who flaked on me

you came to me in a dream last night
I touched the tips of your fingers with the tips of mine
unpacking boxes that you left behind
dusty, heavy, always nesting in my mind

we were coming undone on the text line
never mind, I'll see you next time

I  don't know you in your loneliness
I don’t know you in the throes of it
you stay quiet til the quiet fades
a deafening silence on my darker days

you don’t know me in the distant patches
you only see me when the clouds are passing
we're ignoring all the shades of pain
I only get you on your louder days
I only get you when you're wide awake

I don’t know you when you’re on your own
whereabouts does all your talking go?

you felt like you were a film
something that couldn’t be real
you said you loved me in full
on a transpacific call
I didn’t believe you at all
I didn't believe you at all

you were the quiet one
the background hum
never loud enough