I wonder 'oo and wot 'e was,
That 'Un I got so slick.
I couldn't see 'is face because
The night was 'ideous thick.
I just made out among the black
A blinkin' wedge o' white;
Then biff! I guess I got 'im crack --
The man I killed last night.

I wonder if account o' me
Some ***** will go *****,
And 'eaps o' lives will never be,
Because 'e's stark and dead?
Or if 'is missis damns the war,
And by some candle light,
Tow-headed kids are prayin' for
The Fritz I copped last night.

I wonder, 'struth, I wonder why
I 'ad that 'orful dream?
I saw up in the giddy sky
The gates o' God agleam;
I saw the gates o' 'eaven shine
Wiv everlastin' light:
And then . . . I knew that I'd got mine,
As 'e got 'is last night.

Aye, bang beyond the broodin' mists
Where spawn the mother stars,
I 'ammered wiv me ****** fists
Upon them golden bars;
I 'ammered till a devil's doubt
Fair froze me wiv affright:
To fink wot God would say about
The bloke I corpsed last night.

I 'ushed; I wilted wiv despair,
When, like a rosy flame,
I sees a angel standin' there
'Oo calls me by me name.
'E 'ad such soft, such shiny eyes;
'E 'eld 'is 'and and smiled;
And through the gates o' Paradise
'E led me like a child.

'E led me by them golden palms
Wot 'ems that jeweled street;
And seraphs was a-singin' psalms,
You've no ideer 'ow sweet;
Wiv cheroobs crowdin' closer round
Than peas is in a pod,
'E led me to a shiny mound
Where beams the throne o' God.

And then I 'ears God's werry voice:
"Bill 'agan, 'ave no fear.
Stand up and glory and rejoice
For 'im 'oo led you 'ere."
And in a nip I seemed to see:
Aye, like a flash o' light,
My angel pal I knew to be
The chap I plugged last night.

Now, I don't claim to understand --
They calls me Bonehead Bill;
They shoves a rifle in me 'and,
And show me 'ow to ****.
Me job's to risk me life and limb,
But . . . be it wrong or right,
This cross I'm makin', it's for 'im,
The cove I croaked last night.

we'm from the valleys,
high in wales,
dull  as donkeys,
hard as nails.

torvaen town,blaenavon gwent,
council caves,that some pay rent.
black and white tellys,
run on gas,
houses wiv lectric,is upper class.

we shoplift in winter,
cos summers no good,
you  can't wear coats,
you can't wear hoods.

we once mined coal,
made steel and iron,
honest hardmen,
pittance relied on.

now thats all gone,
thro government bullies,
now hoodies steal goodies,
from tesco and woolies.

valley boy logic,
philosophy real,
all good fings come.
....to those who steal.

'Ello, 'ello, is that the coppers?
I got somefink 4 U and I don't tell no whoppers -
That fatboy Billy Bunter from Number 4
'E won't be coming 'ome no more
'Cos I 'eard 'im 'aving a row wiv 'is Dad, old Zorro
And 'e won't be seen about the place tomorrow.

Alas! Poor old Fat Boy Billy from Number 4
Is in some black bags lying outside the door:
So come along and get 'im, coppers,
Before the ******* foxes get all stressy
Wiv their ******* great choppers
Which will make it well ******* messy.

Shoppin wiv Albert.



I met my uncle Albert,
down at Asda, in aisle three;
he got there in a Mazda,
jus' a smidgen after me,
said he'd traversed Sainsburys,
Tesco Liddle n the Spar,
but not one o' them flogged Caviar
Truffles or Foie gras.


He sidled past the pork pies
streaky bacon turkey thighs
a headin for the french fries
n forsaken knock down buys,
shimmied 'round the ankle biters;
expectant mums to be,
popin pills for bloated ills
in the haberdashery.

When pop was a boy
Iz pride and joy
Was just to have wheels wiv a mota

Tricked up didn’t play, not in their hood
Even though you could
End result wouldn’t lift the skin - off a rice pud

Real quick in that day
Only came by the way
Of serious a serious wedge of pay

Aston, Ferrari, you could take to the bank
Hemi, Stang and Vette for the yanks
For most just wall posters and wanks

These days it different, back from the dead
Universal balance has got out of bed
And delivered justice for the poor petrolhead

You can strut your stuff, in your supa caa
But the kid in a Rex or an EVO jam jar
Gonna embarrass you, you fucken rockstar

We quikka N you - its no pop quiz
These days turbos and nitrous is the biz
Nuffink about the money just how big your ***** is

Want to put up your half million Mclaren
Thats just a few tenths quicka, than a subbie wagon
Equipped wiv a teenage ****** called Darren?

We quikka N you - even with your cash
One real aspect in life, where design and dash
Triumphed over money and flash

We quikka N you

And don’t you forget it

Now get out of my way

wanted;  
Liverpudlian rock stars
to sing fer me - the Queen,
I'll pay yers all in corgis  
and transfuse ya wiv - caffine,
I've gorra a bloke called Ringo  
fer the bingo - inbetween,
support act - Chewbacca -
and Macca - in yella submarine.

Eye hav a higgoramous, shee tort me orl I knoe
Sheez a clevar Higgoramous az Higorrami goe
Shee tort me orl mi spelin and wen eye pik mi no’s
Ter wypit on der carpit knot rubbit on mi close

Sum peepul saye herz higgorrunt an saye dat shee iz fik
I ate dem orrid peepul dey reely mayk mee sik
I ope dat shee gitz pregerant an az a littel cubb
Eye’ll fead er lotz of kandie an uthar luvly grubb
Eye’ll elp er mummie baff er eye’ll chainge er durty nappie
Shee’ll bee soe qoot an cudelsum shee’l mayk mee viry appy
An wen der cubb gitz biggar shee’ll plae wiv mee an kis
An evariwun wil real eyes dat higgoramous’s iz bliss :-)

All I once knew, is all that I had.
He was my everything, inside and out.
"I'll always love you, do you know harm.
How could I hurt you? You're my childrens heart.
Wont do you wrong, or see you struggle".
When no ones around,  give you a cuddle.

Years and years spent by your side,
But never searching of what I chose to hide.
A fragile girl in heart and mind,
And still you refused to look, scared of the find.
Broken, twisted, bad to the core,
With each mean word, leaving me wounded and scarred.

If not for love, what was it all for?
Because you was the one, of that I was sure.
But my heart turned to ice, from the hurt and the lies,
My smile now a snarl, wiv a venomous bite.

A fiesty *****, to a strong wise Fox,
Slowly thawing my heart,  with that of only a look.
Though not just a look, a stare or a glance,
But a question in waiting, if I'll give him a chance.

The Fox isnt scared, Hes willing and true.
Of love I was over, finished with...im through.
Until he took my hand, butterflies takin flight.
I'm on a roller coaster ride, and im holding on tight.

Still holding my hand, eyes never leaving mine.
Does he really see me,
Or is this yet another line..?
Patiently waiting, wishing and watching,
Hoping for the words, he so desperately wants spoken.

His eyes lit like diamonds, as he lingers his gaze,
Oh those pretty blue eyes, im getting lost in the maze..
Passing his heart into his beautiful mind,
Stood still is all the ticking of time,
While seeing as im hearing words..
"Will you be mine?"

Seeing is believing,  and yet theres still doubt.
I curse the man that confused how I felt.
For this man stood before me, wears his heart on his sleeve..
But my past, iv still yet to grieve.

Like a true knight,  in shining armour,
He pulls me close and im instantly calmer.
Is for all this time, where I belong?
It feels so right, please God dont let me be wrong.

If forever more still wanting my heart when thawed through,
Gladly and proudly, I shall hand it to you.
Protect and cherish this fragile heart..
But if something should happen, in your hands I wish for it to beat its last.

Iv been through Hell to find what is true,
This is my declaration of love to you.
I give you my all, though I may stumble and fall,
To be able to run, I must first learn to crawl.
Patience and love is all that I need,
Your ever flowing affection is from what I shall feed.

Learning, growing and falling deeper into you,
This isnt what I once had..
This is untainted,  so special and new.
How lucky I am, to have found you.

"I'll declare to the world".
That I love you to the moon n back
I'll make a proclamation
That your name
laces the pulse of my heart
I'll tell those who care to listen
That you are that one star
That illuminates my world
I rode overwhelmingly
On your back
Drowning in the affection
You shower

Speechless,
That's how your flow makes me feel
Fearless,
Because you re my rock of Gibraltar
Hopeful,
Because wiv you in my future
I can picture a great world
With God's signature

I'm not lucky to have you
I'm blessed!!
Happy birthday sweetheart..

Cat*(signature)

Just a look of disgust on his face
ugh!
don't want to see things like that
in this place.

Bob's got a job and can't see any more
the floor
he's risen beyond
got a bond for a flat
can't be doing wiv beggin' or
anything tacky like that.

How soon he forgets that he had ****** all
I hope Bob doesn't fall
off the wagon and
back onto the skids with his head
in a flagon of cider

(adding a rider, it could be a barrel of beer)

The beggarman

She doesn't dwell on detritus
she might cuss and
kick him
or
throw him a bone via the trash bin

he's still there
though I'm not sure of his name
smokes tailor made
so
must be on top of his game.

he has
eyes everywhere
he sits anywhere
spinning out lies to
reel in the unwary

(how dare he?)

just or absolute?
shot with disgust
killed by
I must get away

it's another rainy day or
so the radio says, but
the Sun
never shone on those who have gone
and they won't ever really return.

I need a retreat
a blank sheet to write on
a soft bed to sleep on,
a gite
will do
somewhere in France.

Not a ******* chance and
the poor don't get many of them
they're snapped up by the
crocodile men,
all
I'll get are Hackney marshes
and as harsh at that sounds
(what wiv them being football grounds)
I'll never get the retreat
I need to retreat to.

Journalists need to take classes
In poetry, literature, Asian art
Our newspapers of record quite bad
Just ask Napolean Blown Apart

I hold out hope for the Guardian
My uncle reads the Toledo Blade
Wiv and wet wiv
Next time you get weighed

John Denver was a German nature mystic
Rocky Mountain Higher
To her I would Sweet Surrender
Long song object of my desire

Transient human glory
Fading fast and fading faster
Un pequito short story
Turns your face to Alabaster

   Bruce calls Chuck Berry the Master.

Goth Fall
What a cool gothic chick I hooked up with online.

We shared the same interests.

A pretty, kind, intelligent, funny woman.

I thought this is it.

I've met my soulmate.

No more loneliness or being misunderstood by the wrong gals.

What a catch.

Something stopped us being together.

She sensed it.

Bad news got in the way of us.

Half a bottle of ***** engulfed my oblivion.

It's cancer.

I don't know how bad.

I'm gutted.

She sent me this message:



Heya nick lovely lad...im so sorry for not txtin u....ive had bad news n i need to deal wiv it.i wud love to have met you but now i fear we cannot...u see it wouldn't b fair on u. Ur txts and books and pics av been lovely to get each day and have helped(are helping)but i have dark times ahead...i knew i was being kept from you for a reason. Ur far too lovely for me crash into ur life only to leave you brokenhearted one day. I am sad beyond words not for my battle ahead but for my chance of meeting you being ruined in the cruelest way...you are an amazing man and an amazing spirit... Im sorry for toutching your life and being so unavailable...that was never fair of me and not my intention...bless you gorgeous man,you will find good love,its in ur future.love Katie xxxxx



I was on a real downer.

I deleted her number, my awfully capable defensive mechanisms kicking in.

Later she emailed me, in response to my flurry of skyfall emails.

Why didn’t I reply to her text about my gig?

I’ve no recollection of getting that text.

She would have gone.

Imagine her being there, after I was outa my ******* face on *****.

Due to her.

My wounds healed.

But no.

We’re apart.

And darkness engulfs me again.

Welcome back old friend...

Moneyz da origami uv da wurld
Da foldin stuffz da lingo franka
Lubrikatz everyfink datz around uz
An smooves our movez to konshinz
Lukzuriating wiv our kintenmemt
Az da fillfy looker runz dis world
Yiz kin kall it anyfink uze likely
Datz wot reely matterz in da endly
Aint nun uv uz gon do wivout it
We’d be ’pensive at twice da cheapniz
Our kinsernz don’ stretch to poverty
In anyfink lik a personal kapazity
Datz uz da fortune of hypokrizy
Sez it again, nevva mind da ******
Show me da moneyz da rock anthem.

made in *******
after closing time at the Pub
raised in *******
what has love got to do with anything
taught in *******
why you wanna be another brick in the wall
now they think in bulls
write standard ******* and are fluent in *******
the only problem being
they think everybody thinks ******* and acts like them
and when you tell them that's not so
they become belligerent and accuse you of talking *******

Don't delete this email,
It's a poem, it's quite sweet,
It's got some rhymes and metaphors,
So please don't hit delete.
Don't delete this email,
A poem is here you see,
I've spilled the beans on my hopes and dreams,
Wiv posh vocablurree.
Don't delete this email,
The content it might grab 'ya,
But while you're here.....come closer dear....
I've got some cheap ******.