Blocat - Hello Poetry

Eye hav a higgoramous, shee tort me orl I knoe Sheez a clevar Higgoramous az Higorrami goe Shee tort me orl mi spelin and wen eye pik mi no’s Ter wypit on der carpit knot rubbit on mi close Sum peepul saye herz higgorrunt an saye dat shee iz fik I ate dem orrid peepul dey reely mayk mee sik I ope dat shee gitz pregerant an az a littel cubb Eye’ll fead er lotz of kandie an uthar luvly grubb Eye’ll elp er mummie baff er eye’ll chainge er durty nappie Shee’ll bee soe qoot an cudelsum shee’l mayk mee viry appy An wen der cubb gitz biggar shee’ll plae wiv mee an kis An evariwun wil real eyes dat higgoramous’s iz bliss :-)

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Feb 11, 2015

Feb 11, 2015 at 8:11 PM UTC

Blocat

My Higgorramous

Eye hav a higgoramous, shee tort me orl I knoe Sheez a clevar Higgoramous az Higorrami goe Shee tort me orl mi spelin and wen eye pik mi no’s Ter wypit on der carpit knot rubbit on mi close Sum peepul saye herz higgorrunt an saye dat shee iz fik I ate dem orrid peepul dey reely mayk mee sik I ope dat shee gitz pregerant an az a littel cubb Eye’ll fead er lotz of kandie an uthar luvly grubb Eye’ll elp er mummie baff er eye’ll chainge er durty nappie Shee’ll bee soe qoot an cudelsum shee’l mayk mee viry appy An wen der cubb gitz biggar shee’ll plae wiv mee an kis An evariwun wil real eyes dat higgoramous’s iz bliss :-)

12

She was old and befuddled as any could see But old or not she had still beaten me Standing at the checkout just wanting to go ‘Will you take a cheque dear’ oldie wants to know? Oh spare me dear lord I’ve picked the wrong queue Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? Fishing in her handbag ‘A card dear? Don’t know’ They must have sent me one a long time ago Fiddling and fumbling ‘til I want to scream Surely to god this is just a bad dream? But no it’s real and she’s taking all day I’m off to a party, want to be on my way Three hours at the party goes by in a flash Three minutes behind someone who usually pays cash Drags like an eternity, my patience was spent I realised this morning I shouldn’t resent For patience is a virtue and time an illusion T’was me not her suffered most confusion For the faster we hurry the quicker we pave Our path through this life, why dash to the grave?

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Feb 9, 2015

Feb 9, 2015 at 1:01 PM UTC

Blocat

Impatient Party

She was old and befuddled as any could see But old or not she had still beaten me Standing at the checkout just wanting to go ‘Will you take a cheque dear’ oldie wants to know? Oh spare me dear lord I’ve picked the wrong queue Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? Fishing in her handbag ‘A card dear? Don’t know’ They must have sent me one a long time ago Fiddling and fumbling ‘til I want to scream Surely to god this is just a bad dream? But no it’s real and she’s taking all day I’m off to a party, want to be on my way Three hours at the party goes by in a flash Three minutes behind someone who usually pays cash Drags like an eternity, my patience was spent I realised this morning I shouldn’t resent For patience is a virtue and time an illusion T’was me not her suffered most confusion For the faster we hurry the quicker we pave Our path through this life, why dash to the grave?

20

Where did he steal that fowl he has a-roasting on his fire He looks a ***** scoundrel, a godless **** a liar I've heard that they’re all rapists every woman’s dread And when they've finished with ‘em they leave their victims dead I've heard that they eat babies and broil them on a spit ‘Tis known in other the villages and that’s the truth of it Thus whispered fearful peasants behind the soldiers pack Should he leave them to the enemy they’d **** soon want him back Hold your peace cried the village priest at his Sunday sermon He’s come to fight the tyrant with the Dutchman and the German They pay in gold for the food they take not plunder us like the French And they’d hang them from the gallows should they **** any ***** And when it comes to fighting there’s none better, braver, bolder Be he uncouth and foul of mouth God bless the British soldier Be grateful that he’s come good folk be on your knees and pray For we all will need god’s mercy on this June’s eighteenth day For he’s fighting for our freedom for the sake of me and you And many will be falling soon near our village Waterloo Written to commemorate the200th anniversary of the battle of Waterloo which saw the final defeat of the self proclaimed emperor Napoleon Bonaparte on Sunday the 18th June 1815

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Feb 8, 2015

Feb 8, 2015 at 2:23 PM UTC

Blocat

***** British Soldiers

Where did he steal that fowl he has a-roasting on his fire He looks a ***** scoundrel, a godless **** a liar I've heard that they’re all rapists every woman’s dread And when they've finished with ‘em they leave their victims dead I've heard that they eat babies and broil them on a spit ‘Tis known in other the villages and that’s the truth of it Thus whispered fearful peasants behind the soldiers pack Should he leave them to the enemy they’d **** soon want him back Hold your peace cried the village priest at his Sunday sermon He’s come to fight the tyrant with the Dutchman and the German They pay in gold for the food they take not plunder us like the French And they’d hang them from the gallows should they **** any ***** And when it comes to fighting there’s none better, braver, bolder Be he uncouth and foul of mouth God bless the British soldier Be grateful that he’s come good folk be on your knees and pray For we all will need god’s mercy on this June’s eighteenth day For he’s fighting for our freedom for the sake of me and you And many will be falling soon near our village Waterloo Written to commemorate the200th anniversary of the battle of Waterloo which saw the final defeat of the self proclaimed emperor Napoleon Bonaparte on Sunday the 18th June 1815

19

********** found dead the papers said Wounds to the genitals breast and head Cast aside in a corner dark Of the municipal park Like some ******* in a bag Just some ***** Some little **** Or a teenage girl all alone Who’d a baby daughter of her own Who was big sis to her little brother A much loved child of a single mother Used, abused then thrown aside In terror and loneliness when she died If we don’t look behind headline Move on quickly, we’ll be fine Otherwise we may feel grief Or, god forbid, change a fixed belief She was just some ***** who got hers But, perhaps a mention in our prayers? We may feel brief pity, heave a sigh There, but for the grace of God, go I Then turn the page, find the sport **** happens when you’re born that sort It’s just society nothing more And, after all, she was just a ***** (Wasn't she?)

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Jan 30, 2015

Jan 30, 2015 at 7:35 PM UTC

Blocat

The *****

********** found dead the papers said Wounds to the genitals breast and head Cast aside in a corner dark Of the municipal park Like some ******* in a bag Just some ***** Some little **** Or a teenage girl all alone Who’d a baby daughter of her own Who was big sis to her little brother A much loved child of a single mother Used, abused then thrown aside In terror and loneliness when she died If we don’t look behind headline Move on quickly, we’ll be fine Otherwise we may feel grief Or, god forbid, change a fixed belief She was just some ***** who got hers But, perhaps a mention in our prayers? We may feel brief pity, heave a sigh There, but for the grace of God, go I Then turn the page, find the sport **** happens when you’re born that sort It’s just society nothing more And, after all, she was just a ***** (Wasn't she?)

25

Walls I built for my own protection Walls that cannot fall mental, spiritual Built by ritual To keep you without drunken lout Those same walls keep me locked within A prisoner of your violent whim Though you strike I shall not yield My hardened spirit is my shield When you finally **** me sweet release My troubles cease I shall be free You’ll find your woes have just begun For where I have lost you haven't won

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Jan 28, 2015

Jan 28, 2015 at 6:55 PM UTC

Blocat

Walls

Walls I built for my own protection Walls that cannot fall mental, spiritual Built by ritual To keep you without drunken lout Those same walls keep me locked within A prisoner of your violent whim Though you strike I shall not yield My hardened spirit is my shield When you finally **** me sweet release My troubles cease I shall be free You’ll find your woes have just begun For where I have lost you haven't won

13

Whilst strolling in the countryside I had time to dwell On deeply profound questions Like: Do badger farts have a smell? I pondered as I wandered On this important thought And then I found a badger sett And so I thought I ought To settle this complex question That had bothered me all day I stuck my silly head down there Boy was I was made to pay For when a badger thinks he’s trapped He lets go a tremendous fart The stench was green and nauseous And **** near stopped my heart Trying to withdraw in haste I ran out of luck For no matter how I wriggled My head was firmly stuck A passer by chanced on me But he was not a friend He stole my shoes and trousers Exposing my rear end The farmer who dug me out Laughed until he cried I had to walk home bare of arse Whilst covering my pride So now I've learned a lesson With experiments to be frugal I’ll wait until I get back home And look it up on Google

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Jan 27, 2015

Jan 27, 2015 at 2:19 PM UTC

Blocat

Do Badger Farts Smell?

Whilst strolling in the countryside I had time to dwell On deeply profound questions Like: Do badger farts have a smell? I pondered as I wandered On this important thought And then I found a badger sett And so I thought I ought To settle this complex question That had bothered me all day I stuck my silly head down there Boy was I was made to pay For when a badger thinks he’s trapped He lets go a tremendous fart The stench was green and nauseous And **** near stopped my heart Trying to withdraw in haste I ran out of luck For no matter how I wriggled My head was firmly stuck A passer by chanced on me But he was not a friend He stole my shoes and trousers Exposing my rear end The farmer who dug me out Laughed until he cried I had to walk home bare of arse Whilst covering my pride So now I've learned a lesson With experiments to be frugal I’ll wait until I get back home And look it up on Google

39

He reads her letter again Feels the same pang of pain Can’t take the pressure she says Still I love you in so many ways But can’t live with you being over there Me being over here I'm only human my dear I hope you’ll see it’s for the best And for our little boy the joy Of knowing the man he calls daddy Comes home at night Doesn’t fight Staying away Whilst we can only watch and pray It’s just too much watching the news Wondering when it’s your turn to lose Can’t do it any more The flag draped caskets Returning See the widows’ tears burning Coursing down their pain lined faces For another guy who ran out of aces Bob you know I'm not a ***** But I’ve met a man, It wasn't planned It just happened One of those things He talks of a future With wedding rings He’s got a great job Bob And little Jimmy loves him too Hell what could I do? I know you’ll be angry But ***** you! It was your choice To go away Fighting for paltry pay Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to get mad Must be the guilt I’m not the type to jilt At the drop of a hat, stuff like that Anyway I gotta go Just thought I’d let you know You’ll always be in my heart Be lucky, Lucy He drops her letter to the wind Watches it blow Then pulls the trigger with his toe

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Jan 27, 2015

Jan 27, 2015 at 2:00 PM UTC

Blocat

Betrayed

He reads her letter again Feels the same pang of pain Can’t take the pressure she says Still I love you in so many ways But can’t live with you being over there Me being over here I'm only human my dear I hope you’ll see it’s for the best And for our little boy the joy Of knowing the man he calls daddy Comes home at night Doesn’t fight Staying away Whilst we can only watch and pray It’s just too much watching the news Wondering when it’s your turn to lose Can’t do it any more The flag draped caskets Returning See the widows’ tears burning Coursing down their pain lined faces For another guy who ran out of aces Bob you know I'm not a ***** But I’ve met a man, It wasn't planned It just happened One of those things He talks of a future With wedding rings He’s got a great job Bob And little Jimmy loves him too Hell what could I do? I know you’ll be angry But ***** you! It was your choice To go away Fighting for paltry pay Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to get mad Must be the guilt I’m not the type to jilt At the drop of a hat, stuff like that Anyway I gotta go Just thought I’d let you know You’ll always be in my heart Be lucky, Lucy He drops her letter to the wind Watches it blow Then pulls the trigger with his toe

48

We flew too high in that azure sky In those days of me and you Both soaring each adoring But secretly we knew A love so fast just couldn't last Oh grief when passion fails And all that’s left to us bereft Are fading vapour trails

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Jan 27, 2015

Jan 27, 2015 at 1:12 PM UTC

Blocat

Vapour Trails

We flew too high in that azure sky In those days of me and you Both soaring each adoring But secretly we knew A love so fast just couldn't last Oh grief when passion fails And all that’s left to us bereft Are fading vapour trails

9