"withholding" poems
My dog has died.
I buried him in the garden
next to a rusted old machine.
Some day I'll join him right there,
but now he's gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose,
and I, the materialist, who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being,
I believe in a heaven I'll never enter.
Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom
where my dog waits for my arrival
waving his fan-like tail in friendship.
Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth,
of having lost a companion
who was never servile.
His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine
withholding its authority,
was the friendship of a star, aloof,
with no more intimacy than was called for,
with no exaggerations:
he never climbed all over my clothes
filling me full of his hair or his mange,
he never rubbed up against my knee
like other dogs obsessed with ***
No, my dog used to gaze at me,
paying me the attention I need,
the attention required
to make a vain person like me understand
that, being a dog, he was wasting time,
but, with those eyes so much purer than mine,
he'd keep on gazing at me
with a look that reserved for me alone
all his sweet and shaggy life,
always near me, never troubling me,
and asking nothing.
Ai, how many times have I envied his tail
as we walked together on the shores of the sea
in the lonely winter of Isla Negra
where the wintering birds filled the sky
and my hairy dog was jumping about
full of the voltage of the sea's movement:
my wandering dog, sniffing away
with his golden tail held high,
face to face with the ocean's spray.
Joyful, joyful, joyful,
as only dogs know how to be happy
with only the autonomy
of their shameless spirit.
There are no good-byes for my dog who has died,
and we don't now and never did lie to each other.
So now he's gone and I buried him,
and that's all there is to it.
17.7k
Autumn is a sturdy man
Eager to take your clothes off
What a mess he will leave on the floor
Some dignity hanging on
For as long as possible
But he gets bolder by the day
Complacent to stay.
Autumn is a coy woman
Eager to wear the colors of desire
What a sight she leaves for the beholder
Some courage to resist
As you blow her a kiss
But before she succumbs
She is promised a firework.
Autumn is a seductive game
Here to devour her right away
While withholding for her is foreplay
His approach is raw
She delays her fall
She wanted it to last
But he came too fast.
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 12:22 PM UTC
The yearning gentleman journeyed near and far
Hoping to acquire his long-sought heart's desire
Pictures carefully painted from a copy of a euphoric time
A multitude of young memories drawn from an aging mind
From storybooks he conjured up the delicate princess and the pea
Next came the white-eyed fairy beauty sailing deep lavender seas
Red headed was the other with eyes of fire
Nought satisfied his slowing blood
And hearts desire
Life with a light kiss
Sprinkled upon him a touch of madness and sublime
Flung before him mountains with invisible peaks to climb
Sympathetic were the gods in their mercy
In forever withholding the knowledge
Alas there were no princesses to rescue
And no more fire breathing dragons
All Rights Reserved @ Tammy M. Darby Aug. 8, 2018
Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 11:34 AM UTC
I
A playing raging guitar
Of a kid with taboo thoughts
The first cigar
Who fired shots of dots...
Don’t care and
The revolt of caring
Be scared and
Be the scare!
The acquaint of survival
The wrath of revival
Is everywhere
Anywhere, not visible too
The wrath is the root of trouble
But the root of solution is not wrath
II
A desire so
Excessive,
Rapacious and
Overweening
Of wealth
A pursuit so
Excessive,
Rapacious and
Overweening
Of status
A need so
Excessive,
Rapacious and
Overweening
Of power
A greed so greedy
III
Slaves of virtual reality
To whom dictatorship is not real
To whom liberality, brutality and unreality
Is not real
But the ticking clock is not sloth
Tick-tock, Tick-tock
Men who walk toward sloth
Tick-tock, Tick-tock
'till old growth
Tick-tock
Loath
Tock
IV
Sit idly-by low self-esteem
Caused by lack of ******
Translated to scheme
And unfortunate dream
For achieving an alleged excellency
Or a lengthy and empty possession
What frenzy
And all for envy
V
Advertising
On bus stops
On train stops
On metro stops
On everything that stops
To make you stop
And start
Over-consumption
Over-indulgence
Over everything
Obesity!
Wealthy
Withholding from the needy
From what they really need
Advertising gluttony
VI
A feature of abstinence
Leads to a lack of extravagance
But there are no angels
Only fallen angels
Or angels about to fall
A feature of desire
Leads to an higher feature
Noisy or hushed
It can't be crushed
It's just fuel swallowed
A tool for lust
VII
Pride is divergent
A dreadfully enemy
Or an inside allied
Pride is divergent
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:40 PM UTC
1339
A Bee his burnished Carriage
Drove boldly to a Rose—
Combinedly alighting—
Himself—his Carriage was—
The Rose received his visit
With frank tranquillity
Withholding not a Crescent
To his Cupidity—
Their Moment consummated—
Remained for him—to flee—
Remained for her—of rapture
But the humility.
8.5k
When you touch,
It is withholding.
When you moan,
It is suffering.
When you smile,
It is mercy.
When you laugh,
I am placated.
When you swoon,
I am not there.
When you vibrate,
I only witness.
When you taste,
I only imagine.
When you love,
I am unknown.
Jul 21, 2012
Jul 21, 2012 at 11:53 PM UTC
I woke up one day
And I rode far away
And when I came back
A few weeks late
i decided to shape
up
or else, its a long ride
down
How often do you walk home?
Or should I say struggle
Distances are more attainable
In mixed up situations
I am too deeply rooted in thought
on the topic of meditation
To help this patient
I am inhabiting
Enter: ************* bicycles
I used to find
Walking uphill
And walking downhill
Equally awful
The climb to the top
Is worth the fast ride down
The topic of how many hills
are around
And how often we choose to climb them
Will not play in this ballgame
Because cycling is a sport
blood doping is dope
breaking news:
Livestrong sponsors the pope
Without a helment
You would tell me I look ****
As I ride with no hands
Don’t worry darlin’
I knew my hair looked good too
Drinking whiskey at home you can make art
I made that without you
It all came out of my mouth
And nostrils
Without you
I will puke again
Without you
Its true
Rough mornings aren’t new
their usually rough
without you
Only because my will is strong
And if I didn’t livestrong
My will - still will included you
Only if I died on someone else’s terms
(spoiler no such thing)
In an alternate universe
You could be on my bike
And I’d be ****** cold sober
And when that bus hit me
My mom wanted to give you
what belonged to me - the one thing
That survived the accident
Ask a few old friends I survived a few
Whether you knew
Or not
were on it or off
Always on the bottom
Jake
Was a snake
Before I met him
That’s Kona bike history
Living on
Without me
As I age I am learning
To be loyal
To all sorts of objects
like bikes
And women
that own them.
Withholding
without me
I can't see what it would be
like without me -
But lets be honest
Its not so as much about the bikes
As it is about bliss
i've seen what its like without you
It true
If a bus ran over my *** tomorrow
The first thing it would break is my heart
You could start
The day I stopped
Riding my bike
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 3:35 AM UTC
Need to clear my head
On the cross-over of insanity
Words and emotions running rampant
Pulling in all possible directions
Scratching at the door
The main personality is under threat
Turmoil created, but clarity is needed
Paper my only solution
Mums ashes disturbs my beauty sleep
My aunt is withholding it from me
Or can’t face the truth
It was just a task to be taken care of
Her front is empathy
When I needed it the most
I saw evil with a smile
Claiming to miss and love her sister
I am her image and legacy thrown with garbage, away
Someday we all will have to give word for our actions
Grandma took a whole year to die
She fought dying to the bitter end
Indeed the end was overly bitter and painful
This happened because she had no peace
To die you need peace and forgiveness
Was a very controlling woman
This was her downfall in the end
The same will be the fate of the last daughters
She was not tough on them
Today they are spoiled women trampling the family children
Their children is paying the price
God works with generations
For me healing begins when I share these words
My family used mum when alive
In death they give her no second thought
I miss her dearly because I was dependent on her still
In the least, the rest can honour her memory
My dreams are coded messages
My maternal grandma didn’t like me much when she was alive
In death she visits me by dreams, angry ****** expression
The dream fills me with negative emotions
Why she visits I do not know
I am afraid to find out, but curiosity is my master
I do miss her, but I do not miss the person she became in her senior years
Mean, isolated and bitter
The matriarch I revered, allowed favouritism to bring divide in her family
This is my in heritage I have to build on
May 28, 2013
May 28, 2013 at 10:28 AM UTC
*Apple pie is a wonderful treat, one of my favorite desserts.
With a warm, flaky crust, a scoop to make it à la mode,
Sweet with a spoonful of whipped cream.
But the pie by itself, doesn't make it my favorite treat.
It's where it takes my mind whenever I see it,
Smell it,
Taste it...
It was not your beauty that smote my heart, though you are beautiful.
It was not your illustrious eyes withholding a gorgeous soul.
It was not your delicate face that fills mirrors with joy when they reflect it.
All theses are parts of your magnificent, appealing body.
It was not your charm that smote my heart, though you are charming also.
It was not your gracious kindness and loving hugs as I cried into my pillow, broken by life's wicked games.
It was not your adorable bubblyness that cheered my spirits everyday.
All these are great parts of your stunning character.
It was you, only you, that stormed the keep of my frail and dying heart.
Seeing me as I was - broken like glass on a marbled floor - you gathered the shards and mended them with your own.
I sometimes wonder if there's something that reminds you of me, the way this apple pie reminds me of you.
Does a smile cross your beautiful face when I first say hello to you?
Do you stay awake tossing and turning because I won't leave your head or your heart?
Does your stomach tingle when we're separated from each other's company?
Did you cry alone at night when you and I thought we would never speak to each other again?
Do you love me?
Do you know I love you?
These are my thoughts, my questions,
After a slice of,
Apple pie.*
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 9:01 PM UTC
Every story has a beginning, a part that's hard to tell. Withholding chapters to ourselves, some hide within a shell.
Beside the tree of Contempt, and the valley of Tomorrow. I cried a lake that is so deep, just from tears of sorrow.
Poisoned from secrets left on lips, doomed to never part. Men place a hand upon my chest, and think that I've no heart.
What I hide within is heavy, yet I pray on bended knee. Underneath a sky so vast, it robbed so much of me.
Of nails and gravel I was made, a result of pain and fear. Stuck within this armor, always unable to let them near.
Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 4:19 PM UTC
This has become more important.
Lost in my dreams, lost in my mind.
Blame onto me, I know the fault.
Faulty lines, different views. I miss you.
We are better apart, but only you know.
It beats on, it beats on.
Staring up, steaming, and breathing.
No tears, it’s not you.
It’s what you made me realize.
Realize that I am not human.
Shying away from what’s good, what’s right.
Cowering lifelessly, withholding, complacent.
Jellyfish, no brain. No soul.
I’m a star, bright and spectacular.
Only you, nocturnal and beautiful, stayed to see me.
Once the sunlight broke, I was gone.
Those nights, my brightness.
Now I simmer alone.
Nov 28, 2011
Nov 28, 2011 at 3:31 AM UTC
Honey meets tongue,
Leaves taste buds stung and mouth melting
violently versing vows, Spilling out
fermented
Thoughts caught aloud
Dribbling down toward where they ought not
Time stopped us In a clockmaker shop
Cooking empty pots of dead doves in forgot sauce
Some day in december's When
Plans were dismembered
For the scent of Butter bubbling curiosity
Found horse hungry, So, suddenly he broke free
Trampling Predictable logic.
chasing her tail to town
When, I, sir pain, thought id taught again, then again
the art of invading castles,
Without being found.
Trolling, rolling through The inner out of bounds
A shoeless, shoreless yet Very sure way To get around
None catching on of course Till swordsman number four
Split with silver This world on wheels we made
With a crash
left some
Birthday suit vision
Standing
stunned
stupid
Abashed with a gun to the mirror
Which crying, stammered:
If you let them dear,
Just let them,
They will Listen,
To your chime, chiming Bells inside,
Rhyming you dread hearing songs from"
Said defense:
"Who wants to play each blow to the heart
With lawless abandon to The head?"
"letting harsh light burn holes and leave marks wherever they feel"
Don't think so Solomon!"
Vision laughs,
reflection kneels,
Hands praying
And In the periphery, as a way to break scene here
we see the mailman Crying tears on a map
Who once watched little Ms steel-sturdy
put on her full act.
Wood chips flew thenmsky went black
Pupils dilate to her shell-shocked state Of Before,
before hell bent on Withholding,
before Taking hostage of clowns who are all tied up with
Lilith, the queen
The state that led our wayward siren to begin driving round
in Some man-made beast
She calls Ed.
Oct 6, 2013
Oct 6, 2013 at 7:22 AM UTC
Again life cycles to a clutter, ideas thought through
don't anymore seem as though,
even when expressed aloud and not within.
Maybe they're right,
my ignorance is only withholding wonders
I struggle to actually see.
Hypocritically, I find importance in self enrichment
and observing from afar.
and yet even from a distance you feel so close.
Is this an evolution or is it just another mutation.
Obscure out of any cultural norm, I resonate
impairing those who hear my words.
This constant metamorphosis has left me staring in the mirror for
hours, searching for the presence of my subjected form.
Yet,
while I peer into the interworkings of my reflection
to observe what I actually see...
With all truth, it holds a boy,
an awkwardly timid boy.
Insecurely gazing back into the pupils
of his reality.
He's bellowing inside his
submerged mind.
Subconsciously Blurting:
"Do not turn back,
their are cyclones that await.
And all that is required
to overcome this task
is to go forth without
pondering times long gone...
So here I am, engaulphed
in tidal winds.
I must break loose;
grow, starting from
below.
Jul 18, 2011
Jul 18, 2011 at 10:55 PM UTC
He; inexhaustible yet exhausting,
Ruthlessly efficient yet demanding,
Hard working yet withholding,
Barbed
Yet deemed necessary.
Protecting that which
Long ago was made sacred;
The heart, the hearth, the home,
None may touch that hallowed ground.
Defence was needed
Safety paramount
And then...
The years passed...
This ninja warrior endured
Defended
Sliced, hacked, diverted, whirled in endless pirouettes
Of engaged battles
Of mesmerising movement
Of unrelenting actions
Of no consequence
For the mighty goal of protecting
That
Which
Was now all but forgotten.
So effective was his defence
Of the thing called 'home'
That it was hidden from all view
Forgotten
Beneath his whirling dexterity of projects and activities.
The years passed...
And there was no home.
Never did the warrior stop to question his task
That old old command.
He simply obeyed
As a warrior should
And continue
Until his death
To protect the property of his master
The result
a hollow, busy, lonely life,
Punctuated by exhaustion
And the question....
"What's missing? "
But so complete was his defense
So skillful his guard
That none saw what lay beneath.
Too mesmerised by his motions to see that
He was but a distraction
A diversion
From the question which would strike such fear into his masters heart
"What will happen if I stop?"
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 1:43 PM UTC
*I am a high-maintenance client.
I am a sad scared little girl.
I am an angry rebellious teenager.
I am a self-reliant woman with above average intelligence.
I am sad and small.
I am overbearing and demanding.
I am questioning and untrusting.
I am sarcastic and amusing.
I am outgoing and reserved.
I am determined and strong but also fearful and weak.
I am honest but withholding.
I am compassionate and giving and yet also hard and cold.
I am stubborn and willful.
I hide behind the facade of a woman I want to be.
I feel nothing and too much at the same time.
I am the life of the party but never really present.
I am beautiful crystal on the outside but shards of broken glass on the inside.
I will endure a hurricane to take away someone else’s pain and turmoil
and yet I cannot seem to do the same for myself.*
I am the product of a man who wanted me in controlling and abusive ways.
Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 9:16 PM UTC
Everything has become so irrelevant.
I'm searching for an explanation but it doesn't add up. Nothing does.
I stay Comprehensive but nothing suffices. Its a case of reversionist logic.
A impending cycle with no absolute meaning. Fog seems to cloud my judgement so my conscious doesn't comply.
Loathed anti prescription swallowed daily, while the white walls and blue ocean make it's scenery.
The voices try to compromise, but it's a debate that holds an never ending rebuttal.
Always forced into the unknown.
But a understanding of me, my voice, my demeanor, and my place in this bounden life circle is lost. So you must believe that no one will understand me.
I consider my self a ancient relic.
I'm one of a kind but not rare.
Cause once someone sees something extraordinary over time, it looses it's taste and someone becomes tired of seeing the same thing over time..
logic at it's finest.
We all soul
search to fill life's embrace of these mixed emotions.
To experience what keeps my sanity afloat.
My vices keep me intent.
In a way of keeping my head up and realize what power Im withholding that makes me immune to unknown circumstances.
But the path to the void is too simple.
My courage consumes and corrupts my will of giving up.
But yet again, it all seems irrelevant. Maybe your point of view on these lines I speak is a clear one. But then again maybe manipulative resources blind you. Or do you see my point?
Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 5:23 AM UTC
*Those words I've been dreading to hear,
Not boldly uttered--
But clearly, I could feel...*
***Unspoken words, indeed they sear...
Seemingly rendering you unfettered.
Our flags mismatched in mauve and teal.***
*I marched my fingers, slowly,
To your cheeks down to your lips.
Touched the traces of stained tears.
From deep slumber,
You've awaken.
Eyes fluttered open.
Those eyes.
They spoke.
Those eyes.
They told me to stay---
To stay.
Away.*
***I cupped your face while time froze in
eternity...
Locked in tender gaze as my heart dips.
Reflected in yours were the wasted
years...
Felt the weight of commitment's anchor...
Dragged over a land forsaken...
Overladen...
With dastardly lies...
Tinting future skies so grey,
But my mouth would welcome the urge to
say,
Of the courage long held at bay...
This minute... This day...***
*Sweetly tortured by your kiss.
The pain came.
Swift.
Blinding.
Sharp.
It pierced me to where i am.
My heart shattered before it dies.*
***These subtle hints you conveniently miss,
Only hastened the end of this game...
Time had seen our hearts set adrift...
We are only playing,
A broken, detuned harp...
Withholding our conflicting wants, much
like a dam.
Protecting us from defeated cries...
So let us dispense with sweet
pleasantries.
Let us bid farewell to the dream of our
unified fates in one painful sigh...***
*Along with all our
memories.
And your words of goodbye.*
iammissbrightside
ryn
Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 3:11 AM UTC
My age is such a disrespect to how old my soul is
I've been 16 for 6 months now and I have learned so much
But really,
the lessons That can only be learned through experience;
Those started 3 years ago
In 3 years I learned just about enough to be set for the rest of my life
That makes me sad
I've always been different you know
Open minded
Non judgmental
Free spirited
Wild hearted
Rebellious
I thought about things in a different way
My intellect is and has always been one withholding infinite depth; at 13 years of age it was greater then my ability to differentiate from what was, what wasn't, and what could've been
I was definitely way to independent for my own good
I don't think that being a 13 year old made up of all those things was good for me
But I guess there's not much I can do about that considering the fact that all of that is left in the unfortunately non changeable and non reversible thing called "the past"
I've felt way to much pain
I've been treated way to poorly
I've been used way to much
I've been taken for granted
Touched in unpleasant ways and wiped clean of confidence, trust, and security
There once was a time were I was able to feel
You know that type of feel you only obtain once in your life
And then I experienced my first heartbreak; it was as if I died for the first time
I remember the feeling as if it was still living in me
I found myself dried out of tears sitting on the floor staring at millions of tiny broken grey shards of glass .. I realized that I was staring at everything I was that had now been ripped from me; all of my many colors and my perfectly whole self was broken and grey lieing in the floor without life
it felt as if a knife was stabbing right through my chest and my loungs were filling with blood
slowly I was bleeding out
everything that I was; my innocence, the love I had yet to give was draining from my soul & hopelessness took over me for I did not know how to make it stop
2years later
Many deaths later
Here I am
Empty
You might think:
"she's only 16 how could she be stuck in such a hopeless dark whole? How could her loungs be filled with such thick smoke composed of intoxicating and fatal desolation"
Truth is that's exactly how I torture myself every second of my dam life;
With that same question
How could I have let my past **** me and shape me into what it wanted me to be?
I should of fought for myself
People keep telling me to fight but I'm not really sure if there is anyone left to fight for.
16, Beautiful, Damaged
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
And you're a liar,
But then again really everyone here is.
The words spoken,
Always sound so dull,
When we sit in this room,
And mindless words float around.
I've seen you all lie,
For me,
For friends,
For yourself,
And we will all lie, to
Save lives,
Save thought,
Save even face,
People will tell tiny white kinds,
Others will tell the blackest of all,
All in the name of trying to be cool,
All in the name, they say, of kindness and love.
I'm a liar too,
To friends or my mother,
To strangers or a lover,
But it's in this silence,
I have to be honest,
Sincere, not withholding.
In stillness, the faintest,
Sound of beating chests,
Breathing lungs,
Trembling souls,
Zephyrs come howling,
While trees stand and whisper.
Sick and tired of the daily lies,
Fall into each others love,
Trusting silence to
Finally speak honest words,
For the first time in days,
Maybe months, even years.
A heartbeat cannot lie,
With sanity on the line,
And it's a sure step up,
From that sneaky little muscle,
Slipping in our mouths;
They say it's called a "tongue."
Let these untruths of yours
Be set free unto the sea,
Cease this fabrication,
Of stories told to me;
Pergure yourself no more,
Drop down your defenses;
Show the world what you have,
Show everyone your heart.
Nothing left to be said,
Can be the greatest gift;
I write these words unto,
To attest to you to sift,
Through all the words you hear,
Because words are left to
You to read and perceive,
They might call us fools,
But I'll tell of how I,
Loved more, this way than that,
Saved and spent my sweet time,
The right way,
The honest way.
I've lived ways most have not,
And if anything more tragic
Than a lie doth exist,
It has to be the story,
Of the souls who know not,
Honesty, but prefer lies,
How they have been bound at the wrists
And ankles, blindfolded at the eyes.
Oct 7, 2013
Oct 7, 2013 at 1:49 PM UTC
Passive-aggression?
I'm withholding feelings I'm afraid to mention
You'll judge me with your intellect and wit
I'll deal with myself how I see fit
I'm comfortable, yet always on guard
This isn't how things are supposed to start
I only care to please you
But I've failed myself, and can't help but continue
I've put you on a pedestal, despite your flaws
You're everything I want because you're everything I'm not
I seem to be losing confidence in myself
Constant contemplation, refutation...
There are so many things I wish to say
I feel the opportunity continues to slip away
I'm too slow to grasp the concept of initiative
So this passive, ambiguous life, I'll continue to live
Aug 19, 2011
Aug 19, 2011 at 9:48 PM UTC
birthday, birthday
22 years spent in orbit
looking for the treasure in golden moments
hoping i am deserving as destiny’s unfolding
tired of withholding, fasting from my motives
birthday, birthday
sunken thoughts from the optimistic ship
smiles can only get you so far, as far as this
recline into decline into the abyss
growing is the acceptance of this
Mar 6, 2024
Mar 6, 2024 at 6:57 AM UTC
I'll write a letter
To those who matter
Because, though I won't be there to see
I want to imagine the faces of those
Who I'm not writing to.
I'll write a note to him because he still intrigues me
It'll be a cowardly note that says everything I couldn't
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins,
I'll pray he didn't care for me
I'll pray it doesn't hurt him
Because he doesn't deserve it.
I'll write a note to her because she's his
And he's hers and that still hurts me somedays
And because I love her like I love him:
In a million, million ways.
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
I'll pray she's enough to get him to stay
I'll pray she doesn't care so she'll be okay.
I'll write a note to her because she birthed me
And I'll explain the importance of contraception
And I'll tell her I don't blame her and give absolution
And then take it back in the next sentence.
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
I'll pray she hurts until she can barely breath
In the same breath, I'll pray she forgets me
And uses the rest of her life to be as free as she wanted to be.
I'll write a note to him because he's my sister
And I'll explain the way I hate him and do hate him
And I'll explain the way I never stopped feeling the rage
Of every single wrong he did me over the years
And then I'll forgive him because he doesn't need me to
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
That he'll understand the simplicity and importance of tact
I'll pray that he gets everything he wants in life
I'll pray he understands why I couldn't wish that
While there was still air in my lungs.
I'll write a note to him because I hate him and I love him
And it'll explain the way child abuse lingers for years
And it'll say how much I wanted to see his grave before my own
And it'll say how I never wanted to see anyone live forever besides him
And it'll explain how he hurt me by withholding unconditional love
It will explain how little I cared after the first decade crept by
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
And I'll turn over to pray
I'll pray he gets what he's due
I'll pray he finally dies
I'll pray he gets some happiness
And I'll do it all in one word: Why?
Those are the notes I'd write.
No one else I'd explain to.
Those are the people who've impacted my life.
If I keep death bare and simple.
I'm not crying this time.
I'm not just on the brink, about to go
I'll think, just as I always do
But there's no indecision anymore.
This is not a place I want to be
Not a life I want to live
But I still have a single ambition
I've still got one last wish.
So I'll do it.
I can be my own shooting star.
I'll get that last dream done
And open a vein? Or step in front of a car?
When I'm done with that I'll write a will
Containing three items:
Burn all my stories and poetry, delete my existence
Cremate my body, funerals are too expensive.
Be honest in my death, express your abhorrence.
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 5:36 PM UTC
One cannot just simply
Replace
The salty tears or scattered pieces
That once contained a heart.
One cannot just simply
Reconstruct
The fallen home or forgotten wishes
Withholding a haven of wonder and
Bittersweet reminiscence.
One cannot just simply
Prosper
When this world has once again come to an
Abrupt halt
The smiles and sentiments have refrained from spinning and
The images have stopped moving.
Where there was once laughter
Now lies an empty silence.
Where there was once life
Now lies an empty body.
Everything that binded her in rusted chains
Escaped from her desperate grasp and now
She
Is only a memory.
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 6:33 PM UTC
never content:
withholding love out of what?
fear? envy? greed? sadness?
how i long for peace, stability and change...
a constant contradiction. barreling from heart to heart -
never finding ground long enough to lose myself
in someone else’s arms.
feelings stronger after i tear them out.
have to look at them in the air in front of my eyes.
bleeding, dripping their blood on the carpet,
heart beating in my hands.
to be clinically inspected and torn apart
only to discover that this was what i wanted all along.
like a tree, felled to tell its age,
dead, but finally understood.
too late to say,
“ah! look how old it’s branches, how deep its roots, how wonderful it’s shade!”
dead. dead and decomposing on the floor.
will i always glorify love lost over love in front of my eyes?
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 8:37 PM UTC
Communication:
Yes, to me
I believe this is the key
Talking, really listening
Honesty
Always saying what you truly mean
No secrets, no withholding
No lies
But sometimes
You can say "I love you"
With only your eyes
Trust:
This, so important
Yet, so hard for some
I know it's terribly difficult for me
Without trust, you're done
Then there's suspicions
. Fear
And so many questions
But sometimes, trust can be earned
With a bold statement
And the wiping of a tear
Love:
You may be thinking
"Why is this third?"
Well, the first is just words
What you have the most of
The second is in your mind
Something in which, you have no control
Mmm, but Love
That's deep in your soul
And if two people can make it this far
Past the flirting, past the insecurities
Past all the old bruises and scars
To simply love one another
Well, they'll be able to move
MOUNTAINS
Together
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 3:54 PM UTC