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"withholding" poems
My dog has died. I buried him in the garden next to a rusted old machine. Some day I'll join him right there, but now he's gone with his shaggy coat, his bad manners and his cold nose, and I, the materialist, who never believed in any promised heaven in the sky for any human being, I believe in a heaven I'll never enter. Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom where my dog waits for my arrival waving his fan-like tail in friendship. Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth, of having lost a companion who was never servile. His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine withholding its authority, was the friendship of a star, aloof, with no more intimacy than was called for, with no exaggerations: he never climbed all over my clothes filling me full of his hair or his mange, he never rubbed up against my knee like other dogs obsessed with *** No, my dog used to gaze at me, paying me the attention I need, the attention required to make a vain person like me understand that, being a dog, he was wasting time, but, with those eyes so much purer than mine, he'd keep on gazing at me with a look that reserved for me alone all his sweet and shaggy life, always near me, never troubling me, and asking nothing. Ai, how many times have I envied his tail as we walked together on the shores of the sea in the lonely winter of Isla Negra where the wintering birds filled the sky and my hairy dog was jumping about full of the voltage of the sea's movement: my wandering dog, sniffing away with his golden tail held high, face to face with the ocean's spray. Joyful, joyful, joyful, as only dogs know how to be happy with only the autonomy of their shameless spirit. There are no good-byes for my dog who has died, and we don't now and never did lie to each other. So now he's gone and I buried him, and that's all there is to it.
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17.7k
A Dog Has Died
My dog has died. I buried him in the garden next to a rusted old machine. Some day I'll join him right there, but now he's gone with his shaggy coat, his bad manners and his cold nose, and I, the materialist, who never believed in any promised heaven in the sky for any human being, I believe in a heaven I'll never enter. Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom where my dog waits for my arrival waving his fan-like tail in friendship. Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth, of having lost a companion who was never servile. His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine withholding its authority, was the friendship of a star, aloof, with no more intimacy than was called for, with no exaggerations: he never climbed all over my clothes filling me full of his hair or his mange, he never rubbed up against my knee like other dogs obsessed with *** No, my dog used to gaze at me, paying me the attention I need, the attention required to make a vain person like me understand that, being a dog, he was wasting time, but, with those eyes so much purer than mine, he'd keep on gazing at me with a look that reserved for me alone all his sweet and shaggy life, always near me, never troubling me, and asking nothing. Ai, how many times have I envied his tail as we walked together on the shores of the sea in the lonely winter of Isla Negra where the wintering birds filled the sky and my hairy dog was jumping about full of the voltage of the sea's movement: my wandering dog, sniffing away with his golden tail held high, face to face with the ocean's spray. Joyful, joyful, joyful, as only dogs know how to be happy with only the autonomy of their shameless spirit. There are no good-byes for my dog who has died, and we don't now and never did lie to each other. So now he's gone and I buried him, and that's all there is to it.
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53
Autumn is a sturdy man Eager to take your clothes off What a mess he will leave on the floor Some dignity hanging on For as long as possible But he gets bolder by the day Complacent to stay. Autumn is a coy woman Eager to wear the colors of desire What a sight she leaves for the beholder Some courage to resist As you blow her a kiss But before she succumbs She is promised a firework. Autumn is a seductive game Here to devour her right away While withholding for her is foreplay His approach is raw She delays her fall She wanted it to last But he came too fast.
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Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 12:22 PM UTC
Autumn
The yearning gentleman journeyed near and far Hoping to acquire his long-sought heart's desire Pictures carefully painted from a copy of a euphoric time A multitude of young memories drawn from an aging mind From storybooks he conjured up the delicate princess and the pea Next came the white-eyed fairy beauty sailing deep lavender seas Red headed was the other with eyes of fire Nought satisfied his slowing blood And hearts desire Life with a light kiss Sprinkled upon him a touch of madness and sublime Flung before him mountains with invisible peaks to climb Sympathetic were the gods in their mercy In forever withholding the knowledge Alas there were no princesses to rescue And no more fire breathing dragons All Rights Reserved @ Tammy M. Darby Aug. 8, 2018
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Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 11:34 AM UTC
No more Princesses and Dragons
I A playing raging guitar Of a kid with taboo thoughts The first cigar Who fired shots of dots... Don’t care and The revolt of caring Be scared and Be the scare! The acquaint of survival The wrath of revival Is everywhere Anywhere, not visible too The wrath is the root of trouble But the root of solution is not wrath II A desire so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of wealth A pursuit so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of status A need so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of power A greed so greedy III Slaves of virtual reality To whom dictatorship is not real To whom liberality, brutality and unreality Is not real But the ticking clock is not sloth Tick-tock, Tick-tock Men who walk toward sloth Tick-tock, Tick-tock 'till old growth Tick-tock Loath Tock IV Sit idly-by low self-esteem Caused by lack of ****** Translated to scheme And unfortunate dream For achieving an alleged excellency Or a lengthy and empty possession What frenzy And all for envy V Advertising On bus stops On train stops On metro stops On everything that stops To make you stop And start Over-consumption Over-indulgence Over everything Obesity! Wealthy Withholding from the needy From what they really need Advertising gluttony VI A feature of abstinence Leads to a lack of extravagance But there are no angels Only fallen angels Or angels about to fall A feature of desire Leads to an higher feature Noisy or hushed It can't be crushed It's just fuel swallowed A tool for lust VII Pride is divergent A dreadfully enemy Or an inside allied Pride is divergent
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Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:40 PM UTC
The Sevens
I A playing raging guitar Of a kid with taboo thoughts The first cigar Who fired shots of dots... Don’t care and The revolt of caring Be scared and Be the scare! The acquaint of survival The wrath of revival Is everywhere Anywhere, not visible too The wrath is the root of trouble But the root of solution is not wrath II A desire so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of wealth A pursuit so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of status A need so Excessive, Rapacious and Overweening Of power A greed so greedy III Slaves of virtual reality To whom dictatorship is not real To whom liberality, brutality and unreality Is not real But the ticking clock is not sloth Tick-tock, Tick-tock Men who walk toward sloth Tick-tock, Tick-tock 'till old growth Tick-tock Loath Tock IV Sit idly-by low self-esteem Caused by lack of ****** Translated to scheme And unfortunate dream For achieving an alleged excellency Or a lengthy and empty possession What frenzy And all for envy V Advertising On bus stops On train stops On metro stops On everything that stops To make you stop And start Over-consumption Over-indulgence Over everything Obesity! Wealthy Withholding from the needy From what they really need Advertising gluttony VI A feature of abstinence Leads to a lack of extravagance But there are no angels Only fallen angels Or angels about to fall A feature of desire Leads to an higher feature Noisy or hushed It can't be crushed It's just fuel swallowed A tool for lust VII Pride is divergent A dreadfully enemy Or an inside allied Pride is divergent
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1339 A Bee his burnished Carriage Drove boldly to a Rose— Combinedly alighting— Himself—his Carriage was— The Rose received his visit With frank tranquillity Withholding not a Crescent To his Cupidity— Their Moment consummated— Remained for him—to flee— Remained for her—of rapture But the humility.
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A Bee his burnished Carriage
When you touch, It is withholding. When you moan, It is suffering. When you smile, It is mercy. When you laugh, I am placated. When you swoon, I am not there. When you vibrate, I only witness. When you taste, I only imagine. When you love, I am unknown.
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Jul 21, 2012
Jul 21, 2012 at 11:53 PM UTC
When . . .
I woke up one day And I rode far away And when I came back A few weeks late i decided to shape up or else, its a long ride down How often do you walk home? Or should I say struggle Distances are more attainable In mixed up situations I am too deeply rooted in thought on the topic of meditation To help this patient I am inhabiting Enter: ************* bicycles I used to find Walking uphill And walking downhill Equally awful The climb to the top Is worth the fast ride down The topic of how many hills are around And how often we choose to climb them Will not  play in this ballgame Because cycling is a sport blood doping is dope breaking news: Livestrong sponsors the pope Without a helment You would tell me I look **** As I ride with no hands Don’t worry darlin’ I knew my hair looked good too Drinking whiskey at home you can make art I made that without you It all came out of my mouth And nostrils Without you I will puke again Without you Its true Rough mornings aren’t new their usually rough without you Only because my will is strong And if I didn’t livestrong My will -  still will included you Only if I died on someone else’s terms (spoiler no such thing) In an alternate universe You could be on my bike And I’d be ****** cold sober And when that bus hit me My mom wanted to give you what belonged to me - the one thing That survived the accident Ask a few old friends I survived a few Whether you knew Or not were on it or off Always on the bottom Jake Was a snake Before I met him That’s Kona bike history Living on Without me As I age I am learning To be loyal To all sorts of objects like bikes And women that own them. Withholding without me I can't see what it would be like without me - But lets be honest Its not so as much about the bikes As it is about bliss i've seen what its like without you It true If a bus ran over my *** tomorrow The first thing it would break is my heart You could start The day I stopped Riding my bike
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Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 3:35 AM UTC
**** Bike
I woke up one day And I rode far away And when I came back A few weeks late i decided to shape up or else, its a long ride down How often do you walk home? Or should I say struggle Distances are more attainable In mixed up situations I am too deeply rooted in thought on the topic of meditation To help this patient I am inhabiting Enter: ************* bicycles I used to find Walking uphill And walking downhill Equally awful The climb to the top Is worth the fast ride down The topic of how many hills are around And how often we choose to climb them Will not  play in this ballgame Because cycling is a sport blood doping is dope breaking news: Livestrong sponsors the pope Without a helment You would tell me I look **** As I ride with no hands Don’t worry darlin’ I knew my hair looked good too Drinking whiskey at home you can make art I made that without you It all came out of my mouth And nostrils Without you I will puke again Without you Its true Rough mornings aren’t new their usually rough without you Only because my will is strong And if I didn’t livestrong My will -  still will included you Only if I died on someone else’s terms (spoiler no such thing) In an alternate universe You could be on my bike And I’d be ****** cold sober And when that bus hit me My mom wanted to give you what belonged to me - the one thing That survived the accident Ask a few old friends I survived a few Whether you knew Or not were on it or off Always on the bottom Jake Was a snake Before I met him That’s Kona bike history Living on Without me As I age I am learning To be loyal To all sorts of objects like bikes And women that own them. Withholding without me I can't see what it would be like without me - But lets be honest Its not so as much about the bikes As it is about bliss i've seen what its like without you It true If a bus ran over my *** tomorrow The first thing it would break is my heart You could start The day I stopped Riding my bike
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Need to clear my head On the cross-over of insanity Words and emotions running rampant Pulling in all possible directions Scratching at the door The main personality is under threat Turmoil created, but clarity is needed Paper my only solution Mums ashes disturbs my beauty sleep My aunt is withholding it from me Or can’t face the truth It was just a task to be taken care of Her front is empathy When I needed it the most I saw evil with a smile Claiming to miss and love her sister I am her image and legacy thrown with garbage, away Someday we all will have to give word for our actions Grandma took a whole year to die She fought dying to the bitter end Indeed the end was overly bitter and painful This happened because she had no peace To die you need peace and forgiveness Was a very controlling woman This was her downfall in the end The same will be the fate of the last daughters She was not tough on them Today they are spoiled women trampling the family children Their children is paying the price God works with generations For me healing begins when I share these words My family used mum when alive In death they give her no second thought I miss her dearly because I was dependent on her still In the least, the rest can honour her memory My dreams are coded messages My maternal grandma didn’t like me much when she was alive In death she visits me by dreams, angry ****** expression The dream fills me with negative emotions Why she visits I do not know I am afraid to find out, but curiosity is my master I do miss her, but I do not miss the person she became in her senior years Mean, isolated and bitter The matriarch I revered, allowed favouritism to bring divide in her family This is my in heritage I have to build on
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May 28, 2013
May 28, 2013 at 10:28 AM UTC
need clarity of mind
Need to clear my head On the cross-over of insanity Words and emotions running rampant Pulling in all possible directions Scratching at the door The main personality is under threat Turmoil created, but clarity is needed Paper my only solution Mums ashes disturbs my beauty sleep My aunt is withholding it from me Or can’t face the truth It was just a task to be taken care of Her front is empathy When I needed it the most I saw evil with a smile Claiming to miss and love her sister I am her image and legacy thrown with garbage, away Someday we all will have to give word for our actions Grandma took a whole year to die She fought dying to the bitter end Indeed the end was overly bitter and painful This happened because she had no peace To die you need peace and forgiveness Was a very controlling woman This was her downfall in the end The same will be the fate of the last daughters She was not tough on them Today they are spoiled women trampling the family children Their children is paying the price God works with generations For me healing begins when I share these words My family used mum when alive In death they give her no second thought I miss her dearly because I was dependent on her still In the least, the rest can honour her memory My dreams are coded messages My maternal grandma didn’t like me much when she was alive In death she visits me by dreams, angry ****** expression The dream fills me with negative emotions Why she visits I do not know I am afraid to find out, but curiosity is my master I do miss her, but I do not miss the person she became in her senior years Mean, isolated and bitter The matriarch I revered, allowed favouritism to bring divide in her family This is my in heritage I have to build on
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*Apple pie is a wonderful treat, one of my favorite desserts. With a warm, flaky crust, a scoop to make it à la mode, Sweet with a spoonful of whipped cream. But the pie by itself, doesn't make it my favorite treat. It's where it takes my mind whenever I see it, Smell it, Taste it... It was not your beauty that smote my heart, though you are beautiful. It was not your illustrious eyes withholding a gorgeous soul. It was not your delicate face that fills mirrors with joy when they reflect it. All theses are parts of your magnificent, appealing body. It was not your charm that smote my heart, though you are charming also. It was not your gracious kindness and loving hugs as I cried into my pillow, broken by life's wicked games. It was not your adorable bubblyness that cheered my spirits everyday. All these are great parts of your stunning character. It was you, only you, that stormed the keep of my frail and dying heart. Seeing me as I was - broken like glass on a marbled floor - you gathered the shards and mended them with your own. I sometimes wonder if there's something that reminds you of me, the way this apple pie reminds me of you. Does a smile cross your beautiful face when I first say hello to you? Do you stay awake tossing and turning because I won't leave your head or your heart? Does your stomach tingle when we're separated from each other's company? Did you cry alone at night when you and I thought we would never speak to each other again? Do you love me? Do you know I love you? These are my thoughts, my questions, After a slice of, Apple pie.*
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Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 9:01 PM UTC
Apple Pie
*Apple pie is a wonderful treat, one of my favorite desserts. With a warm, flaky crust, a scoop to make it à la mode, Sweet with a spoonful of whipped cream. But the pie by itself, doesn't make it my favorite treat. It's where it takes my mind whenever I see it, Smell it, Taste it... It was not your beauty that smote my heart, though you are beautiful. It was not your illustrious eyes withholding a gorgeous soul. It was not your delicate face that fills mirrors with joy when they reflect it. All theses are parts of your magnificent, appealing body. It was not your charm that smote my heart, though you are charming also. It was not your gracious kindness and loving hugs as I cried into my pillow, broken by life's wicked games. It was not your adorable bubblyness that cheered my spirits everyday. All these are great parts of your stunning character. It was you, only you, that stormed the keep of my frail and dying heart. Seeing me as I was - broken like glass on a marbled floor - you gathered the shards and mended them with your own. I sometimes wonder if there's something that reminds you of me, the way this apple pie reminds me of you. Does a smile cross your beautiful face when I first say hello to you? Do you stay awake tossing and turning because I won't leave your head or your heart? Does your stomach tingle when we're separated from each other's company? Did you cry alone at night when you and I thought we would never speak to each other again? Do you love me? Do you know I love you? These are my thoughts, my questions, After a slice of, Apple pie.*
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Every story has a beginning, a part that's hard to tell. Withholding chapters to ourselves, some hide within a shell.   Beside the tree of Contempt, and the valley of Tomorrow. I cried a lake that is so deep, just from tears of sorrow. Poisoned from secrets left on lips, doomed to never part. Men place a hand upon my chest, and think that I've no heart. What I hide within is heavy, yet I pray on bended knee. Underneath a sky so vast, it robbed so much of me. Of nails and gravel I was made, a result of pain and fear. Stuck within this armor,  always unable to let them near.
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Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 4:19 PM UTC
What I Hide Within
This has become more important. Lost in my dreams, lost in my mind. Blame onto me, I know the fault. Faulty lines, different views. I miss you. We are better apart, but only you know. It beats on, it beats on. Staring up, steaming, and breathing. No tears, it’s not you. It’s what you made me realize. Realize that I am not human. Shying away from what’s good, what’s right. Cowering lifelessly, withholding, complacent. Jellyfish, no brain. No soul. I’m a star, bright and spectacular. Only you, nocturnal and beautiful, stayed to see me. Once the sunlight broke, I was gone. Those nights, my brightness. Now I simmer alone.
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Nov 28, 2011
Nov 28, 2011 at 3:31 AM UTC
Jellyfish
Honey meets tongue, Leaves taste buds stung and mouth melting violently versing vows, Spilling out fermented Thoughts caught aloud Dribbling down toward where they ought not Time stopped us In a clockmaker shop Cooking empty pots of dead doves in forgot sauce Some day in december's When Plans were dismembered For the scent of Butter bubbling curiosity Found horse hungry, So, suddenly he broke free Trampling Predictable  logic. chasing her tail to town When, I, sir pain, thought id taught again, then again the art of invading castles, Without being found. Trolling, rolling through The inner out of bounds A shoeless, shoreless yet Very sure way To get around None catching on of course Till swordsman number four Split with silver This world on wheels we made With a crash left some Birthday suit vision Standing stunned stupid Abashed with a gun to the  mirror Which crying, stammered: If you let them dear, Just let them, They will Listen, To your  chime, chiming Bells inside, Rhyming you dread hearing songs from" Said defense: "Who wants to play each blow to the heart With lawless abandon to The head?" "letting harsh  light burn holes and leave marks wherever they feel" Don't think so Solomon!" Vision laughs, reflection kneels, Hands praying And In the periphery, as a way to break scene here we see the mailman Crying tears on a map Who once watched little Ms steel-sturdy put on her full act. Wood chips flew thenmsky went black Pupils dilate to her shell-shocked state Of Before, before hell bent on Withholding, before Taking hostage of clowns who are all tied up with Lilith, the queen The state that led our wayward siren to begin driving round   in Some man-made beast She calls Ed.
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Oct 6, 2013
Oct 6, 2013 at 7:22 AM UTC
How to invent a Trojan War
Honey meets tongue, Leaves taste buds stung and mouth melting violently versing vows, Spilling out fermented Thoughts caught aloud Dribbling down toward where they ought not Time stopped us In a clockmaker shop Cooking empty pots of dead doves in forgot sauce Some day in december's When Plans were dismembered For the scent of Butter bubbling curiosity Found horse hungry, So, suddenly he broke free Trampling Predictable  logic. chasing her tail to town When, I, sir pain, thought id taught again, then again the art of invading castles, Without being found. Trolling, rolling through The inner out of bounds A shoeless, shoreless yet Very sure way To get around None catching on of course Till swordsman number four Split with silver This world on wheels we made With a crash left some Birthday suit vision Standing stunned stupid Abashed with a gun to the  mirror Which crying, stammered: If you let them dear, Just let them, They will Listen, To your  chime, chiming Bells inside, Rhyming you dread hearing songs from" Said defense: "Who wants to play each blow to the heart With lawless abandon to The head?" "letting harsh  light burn holes and leave marks wherever they feel" Don't think so Solomon!" Vision laughs, reflection kneels, Hands praying And In the periphery, as a way to break scene here we see the mailman Crying tears on a map Who once watched little Ms steel-sturdy put on her full act. Wood chips flew thenmsky went black Pupils dilate to her shell-shocked state Of Before, before hell bent on Withholding, before Taking hostage of clowns who are all tied up with Lilith, the queen The state that led our wayward siren to begin driving round   in Some man-made beast She calls Ed.
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Again life cycles to a clutter, ideas thought through don't anymore seem as though, even when expressed aloud and not within. Maybe they're right, my ignorance is only withholding wonders I struggle to actually see. Hypocritically, I find importance in self enrichment and observing from afar. and yet even from a distance you feel so close. Is this an evolution or is it just another mutation. Obscure out of any cultural norm, I resonate impairing those who hear my words. This constant metamorphosis has left me staring in the mirror for hours, searching for the presence of my subjected form. Yet, while I peer into the interworkings of my reflection to observe what I actually see... With all truth, it holds a boy, an awkwardly timid boy. Insecurely gazing back into the pupils of his reality. He's bellowing inside his submerged mind. Subconsciously Blurting: "Do not turn back, their are cyclones that await. And all that is required to overcome this task is to go forth without pondering times long gone... So here I am, engaulphed in tidal winds. I must break loose; grow, starting from below.
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Jul 18, 2011
Jul 18, 2011 at 10:55 PM UTC
Reflections of a Cyclone.
He; inexhaustible yet exhausting, Ruthlessly efficient yet demanding, Hard working yet withholding, Barbed Yet deemed necessary. Protecting that which Long ago was made sacred; The heart, the hearth, the home, None may touch that hallowed ground. Defence was needed Safety paramount And then... The years passed... This ninja warrior endured Defended Sliced, hacked, diverted, whirled in endless pirouettes Of engaged battles Of mesmerising movement Of unrelenting actions Of no consequence For the mighty goal of protecting That Which Was now all but forgotten. So effective was his defence Of the thing called 'home' That it was hidden from all view Forgotten Beneath his whirling dexterity of projects and activities. The years passed... And there was no home. Never did the warrior stop to question his task That old old command. He simply obeyed As a warrior should And continue Until his death To protect the property of his master The result a hollow, busy, lonely life, Punctuated by exhaustion And the question.... "What's missing? " But so complete was his defense So skillful his guard That none saw what lay beneath. Too mesmerised by his motions to see that He was but a distraction A diversion From the question which would strike such fear into his masters heart "What will happen if I stop?"
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Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 1:43 PM UTC
The warrior who could not stop
*I am a high-maintenance client. I am a sad scared little girl. I am an angry rebellious teenager. I am a self-reliant woman with above average intelligence. I am sad and small. I am overbearing and demanding. I am questioning and untrusting. I am sarcastic and amusing. I am outgoing and reserved. I am determined and strong but also fearful and weak. I am honest but withholding. I am compassionate and giving and yet also hard and cold. I am stubborn and willful. I hide behind the facade of a woman I want to be. I feel nothing and too much at the same time. I am the life of the party but never really present. I am beautiful crystal on the outside but shards of broken glass on the inside. I will endure a hurricane to take away someone else’s pain and turmoil and yet I cannot seem to do the same for myself.* I am the product of a man who wanted me in controlling and abusive ways.
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Oct 29, 2013
Oct 29, 2013 at 9:16 PM UTC
I am
Everything has become so  irrelevant. I'm searching for an explanation but it doesn't add up. Nothing does.   I stay Comprehensive but nothing suffices.  Its a case of reversionist logic.      A impending cycle with no absolute meaning. Fog seems to cloud my judgement so my conscious doesn't comply. Loathed anti prescription swallowed daily, while the white walls and blue ocean make it's scenery. The voices try to compromise,  but it's a debate that holds an never ending rebuttal. Always forced into the unknown.   But a understanding of me, my voice, my demeanor, and my place in this bounden life circle is lost. So you must believe that no one will understand me.   I consider my self a ancient relic. I'm one of a kind but not rare. Cause once someone sees something extraordinary over time, it looses it's taste and someone becomes tired of seeing the same thing over time.. logic at it's finest. We all soul search to fill life's embrace of these mixed emotions. To experience what keeps my sanity afloat.   My vices keep me intent. In a way of keeping my head up and realize what power Im withholding that makes me immune to unknown circumstances. But the path to the void is too simple. My courage consumes and corrupts my will of giving up. But yet again,  it all seems irrelevant. Maybe your point of view on these lines I speak is a clear one. But then again maybe manipulative resources blind you. Or do you see my point?
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Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 5:23 AM UTC
Irrelevant Relic
*Those words I've been dreading to hear, Not boldly uttered-- But clearly, I could feel...*      ***Unspoken words, indeed they sear...      Seemingly rendering you unfettered.      Our flags mismatched in mauve and teal.*** *I marched my fingers, slowly, To your cheeks down to your lips. Touched the traces of stained tears. From deep slumber, You've awaken. Eyes fluttered open. Those eyes. They spoke. Those eyes. They told me to stay--- To stay. Away.*      ***I cupped your face while time froze in      eternity...      Locked in tender gaze as my heart dips.      Reflected in yours were the wasted      years...      Felt the weight of commitment's anchor...      Dragged over a land forsaken...      Overladen...      With dastardly lies...      Tinting future skies so grey,      But my mouth would welcome the urge to      say,      Of the courage long held at bay...      This minute... This day...*** *Sweetly tortured by your kiss. The pain came. Swift. Blinding. Sharp. It pierced me to where i am. My heart shattered before it dies.*      ***These subtle hints you conveniently miss,      Only hastened the end of this game...      Time had seen our hearts set adrift...      We are only playing,      A broken, detuned harp...      Withholding our conflicting wants, much      like a dam.      Protecting us from defeated cries...      So let us dispense with sweet      pleasantries.      Let us bid farewell to the dream of our      unified fates in one painful sigh...*** *Along with all our memories. And your words of goodbye.* iammissbrightside ryn
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Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 3:11 AM UTC
A Farewell Ballad (Collaboration with Sir Ryn)
*Those words I've been dreading to hear, Not boldly uttered-- But clearly, I could feel...*      ***Unspoken words, indeed they sear...      Seemingly rendering you unfettered.      Our flags mismatched in mauve and teal.*** *I marched my fingers, slowly, To your cheeks down to your lips. Touched the traces of stained tears. From deep slumber, You've awaken. Eyes fluttered open. Those eyes. They spoke. Those eyes. They told me to stay--- To stay. Away.*      ***I cupped your face while time froze in      eternity...      Locked in tender gaze as my heart dips.      Reflected in yours were the wasted      years...      Felt the weight of commitment's anchor...      Dragged over a land forsaken...      Overladen...      With dastardly lies...      Tinting future skies so grey,      But my mouth would welcome the urge to      say,      Of the courage long held at bay...      This minute... This day...*** *Sweetly tortured by your kiss. The pain came. Swift. Blinding. Sharp. It pierced me to where i am. My heart shattered before it dies.*      ***These subtle hints you conveniently miss,      Only hastened the end of this game...      Time had seen our hearts set adrift...      We are only playing,      A broken, detuned harp...      Withholding our conflicting wants, much      like a dam.      Protecting us from defeated cries...      So let us dispense with sweet      pleasantries.      Let us bid farewell to the dream of our      unified fates in one painful sigh...*** *Along with all our memories. And your words of goodbye.* iammissbrightside ryn
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56
My age is such a disrespect to how old my soul is I've been 16 for 6 months now and I have learned so much But really, the lessons That can only be learned through experience; Those started 3 years ago In 3 years I learned just about enough to be set for the rest of my life That makes me sad I've always been different you know Open minded Non judgmental Free spirited Wild hearted Rebellious I thought about things in a different way My intellect is and has always been one withholding infinite depth; at 13 years of age it was greater then my ability to differentiate from what was, what wasn't, and what could've been I was definitely way to independent for my own good I don't think that being a 13 year old made up of all those things was good for me But I guess there's not much I can do about that considering the fact that all of that is left in the unfortunately non changeable and non reversible  thing called "the past" I've felt way to much pain I've been treated way to poorly I've been used way to much I've been taken for granted Touched in unpleasant ways and wiped clean of confidence, trust, and security There once was a time were I was able to feel You know that type of feel you only obtain once in your life And then I experienced my first heartbreak; it was as if I died for the first time I remember the feeling as if it was still living in me I found myself dried out of tears sitting on the floor staring at millions of tiny broken grey shards of glass .. I realized that I was staring at everything I was that had now been ripped from me; all of my many colors and my perfectly whole self was broken and grey lieing in the floor without life it felt as if a knife was stabbing right through my chest and my loungs were filling with blood slowly I was bleeding out everything that I was; my innocence, the love I had yet to give was draining from my soul & hopelessness took over me for  I did not know how to make it stop 2years later Many deaths later Here I am Empty You might think: "she's only 16 how could she be stuck in such a hopeless dark whole? How could her loungs be filled with such thick smoke composed of intoxicating and fatal desolation" Truth is that's exactly how I torture myself every second of my dam life; With that same question How could I have let my past **** me and shape me into what it wanted me to be? I should of fought for myself People keep telling me to fight but I'm not really sure if there is anyone left to fight for. 16, Beautiful, Damaged
0
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 7:50 PM UTC
16, Beautiful, Damaged,
My age is such a disrespect to how old my soul is I've been 16 for 6 months now and I have learned so much But really, the lessons That can only be learned through experience; Those started 3 years ago In 3 years I learned just about enough to be set for the rest of my life That makes me sad I've always been different you know Open minded Non judgmental Free spirited Wild hearted Rebellious I thought about things in a different way My intellect is and has always been one withholding infinite depth; at 13 years of age it was greater then my ability to differentiate from what was, what wasn't, and what could've been I was definitely way to independent for my own good I don't think that being a 13 year old made up of all those things was good for me But I guess there's not much I can do about that considering the fact that all of that is left in the unfortunately non changeable and non reversible  thing called "the past" I've felt way to much pain I've been treated way to poorly I've been used way to much I've been taken for granted Touched in unpleasant ways and wiped clean of confidence, trust, and security There once was a time were I was able to feel You know that type of feel you only obtain once in your life And then I experienced my first heartbreak; it was as if I died for the first time I remember the feeling as if it was still living in me I found myself dried out of tears sitting on the floor staring at millions of tiny broken grey shards of glass .. I realized that I was staring at everything I was that had now been ripped from me; all of my many colors and my perfectly whole self was broken and grey lieing in the floor without life it felt as if a knife was stabbing right through my chest and my loungs were filling with blood slowly I was bleeding out everything that I was; my innocence, the love I had yet to give was draining from my soul & hopelessness took over me for  I did not know how to make it stop 2years later Many deaths later Here I am Empty You might think: "she's only 16 how could she be stuck in such a hopeless dark whole? How could her loungs be filled with such thick smoke composed of intoxicating and fatal desolation" Truth is that's exactly how I torture myself every second of my dam life; With that same question How could I have let my past **** me and shape me into what it wanted me to be? I should of fought for myself People keep telling me to fight but I'm not really sure if there is anyone left to fight for. 16, Beautiful, Damaged
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43
And you're a liar, But then again really everyone here is. The words spoken, Always sound so dull, When we sit in this room, And mindless words float around. I've seen you all lie, For me,      For friends,           For yourself, And we will all lie, to Save lives,      Save thought,           Save even face, People will tell tiny white kinds, Others will tell the blackest of all, All in the name of trying to be cool, All in the name, they say, of kindness and love. I'm a liar too, To friends or my mother, To strangers or a lover, But it's in this silence, I have to be honest, Sincere, not withholding. In stillness, the faintest, Sound of beating chests, Breathing lungs, Trembling souls, Zephyrs come howling, While trees stand and whisper. Sick and tired of the daily lies, Fall into each others love, Trusting silence to Finally speak honest words, For the first time in days, Maybe months, even years. A heartbeat cannot lie, With sanity on the line, And it's a sure step up, From that sneaky little muscle, Slipping in our mouths; They say it's called a "tongue." Let these untruths of yours Be set free unto the sea, Cease this fabrication, Of stories told to me; Pergure yourself no more, Drop down your defenses; Show the world what you have, Show everyone your heart. Nothing left to be said, Can be the greatest gift; I write these words unto, To attest to you to sift, Through all the words you hear, Because words are left to   You to read and perceive, They  might call us fools, But I'll tell of how I, Loved more, this way than that, Saved and spent my sweet time, The right way, The honest way. I've lived ways most have not, And if anything more tragic Than a lie doth exist, It has to be the story, Of the souls who know not, Honesty, but prefer lies, How they have been bound at the wrists And ankles, blindfolded at the eyes.
0
Oct 7, 2013
Oct 7, 2013 at 1:49 PM UTC
Honesty, Honestly
And you're a liar, But then again really everyone here is. The words spoken, Always sound so dull, When we sit in this room, And mindless words float around. I've seen you all lie, For me,      For friends,           For yourself, And we will all lie, to Save lives,      Save thought,           Save even face, People will tell tiny white kinds, Others will tell the blackest of all, All in the name of trying to be cool, All in the name, they say, of kindness and love. I'm a liar too, To friends or my mother, To strangers or a lover, But it's in this silence, I have to be honest, Sincere, not withholding. In stillness, the faintest, Sound of beating chests, Breathing lungs, Trembling souls, Zephyrs come howling, While trees stand and whisper. Sick and tired of the daily lies, Fall into each others love, Trusting silence to Finally speak honest words, For the first time in days, Maybe months, even years. A heartbeat cannot lie, With sanity on the line, And it's a sure step up, From that sneaky little muscle, Slipping in our mouths; They say it's called a "tongue." Let these untruths of yours Be set free unto the sea, Cease this fabrication, Of stories told to me; Pergure yourself no more, Drop down your defenses; Show the world what you have, Show everyone your heart. Nothing left to be said, Can be the greatest gift; I write these words unto, To attest to you to sift, Through all the words you hear, Because words are left to   You to read and perceive, They  might call us fools, But I'll tell of how I, Loved more, this way than that, Saved and spent my sweet time, The right way, The honest way. I've lived ways most have not, And if anything more tragic Than a lie doth exist, It has to be the story, Of the souls who know not, Honesty, but prefer lies, How they have been bound at the wrists And ankles, blindfolded at the eyes.
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71
Passive-aggression? I'm withholding feelings I'm afraid to mention You'll judge me with your intellect and wit I'll deal with myself how I see fit I'm comfortable, yet always on guard This isn't how things are supposed to start I only care to please you But I've failed myself, and can't help but continue I've put you on a pedestal, despite your flaws You're everything I want because you're everything I'm not I seem to be losing confidence in myself Constant contemplation, refutation... There are so many things I wish to say I feel the opportunity continues to slip away I'm too slow to grasp the concept of initiative So this passive, ambiguous life, I'll continue to live
0
Aug 19, 2011
Aug 19, 2011 at 9:48 PM UTC
Passive-agression
birthday, birthday 22 years spent in orbit looking for the treasure in golden moments hoping i am deserving as destiny’s unfolding tired of withholding, fasting from my motives birthday, birthday sunken thoughts from the optimistic ship smiles can only get you so far, as far as this recline into decline into the abyss growing is the acceptance of this
0
Mar 6, 2024
Mar 6, 2024 at 6:57 AM UTC
22
I'll write a letter To those who matter Because, though I won't be there to see I want to imagine the faces of those Who I'm not writing to. I'll write a note to him because he still intrigues me It'll be a cowardly note that says everything I couldn't And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins, I'll pray he didn't care for me I'll pray it doesn't hurt him Because he doesn't deserve it. I'll write a note to her because she's his And he's hers and that still hurts me somedays And because I love her like I love him: In a million, million ways. And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins I'll pray she's enough to get him to stay I'll pray she doesn't care so she'll be okay. I'll write a note to her because she birthed me And I'll explain the importance of contraception And I'll tell her I don't blame her and give absolution And then take it back in the next sentence. And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins I'll pray she hurts until she can barely breath In the same breath, I'll pray she forgets me And uses the rest of her life to be as free as she wanted to be. I'll write a note to him because he's my sister And I'll explain the way I hate him and do hate him And I'll explain the way I never stopped feeling the rage Of every single wrong he did me over the years And then I'll forgive him because he doesn't need me to And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins That he'll understand the simplicity and importance of tact I'll pray that he gets everything he wants in life I'll pray he understands why I couldn't wish that While there was still air in my lungs. I'll write a note to him because I hate him and I love him And it'll explain the way child abuse lingers for years And it'll say how much I wanted to see his grave before my own And it'll say how I never wanted to see anyone live forever besides him And it'll explain how he hurt me by withholding unconditional love It will explain how little I cared after the first decade crept by And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins And I'll turn over to pray I'll pray he gets what he's due I'll pray he finally dies I'll pray he gets some happiness And I'll do it all in one word: Why? Those are the notes I'd write. No one else I'd explain to. Those are the people who've impacted my life. If I keep death bare and simple. I'm not crying this time. I'm not just on the brink, about to go I'll think, just as I always do But there's no indecision anymore. This is not a place I want to be Not a life I want to live But I still have a single ambition I've still got one last wish. So I'll do it. I can be my own shooting star. I'll get that last dream done And open a vein? Or step in front of a car? When I'm done with that I'll write a will Containing three items: Burn all my stories and poetry, delete my existence Cremate my body, funerals are too expensive. Be honest in my death, express your abhorrence.
0
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 5:36 PM UTC
And I'll Cross My Fingers
I'll write a letter To those who matter Because, though I won't be there to see I want to imagine the faces of those Who I'm not writing to. I'll write a note to him because he still intrigues me It'll be a cowardly note that says everything I couldn't And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins, I'll pray he didn't care for me I'll pray it doesn't hurt him Because he doesn't deserve it. I'll write a note to her because she's his And he's hers and that still hurts me somedays And because I love her like I love him: In a million, million ways. And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins I'll pray she's enough to get him to stay I'll pray she doesn't care so she'll be okay. I'll write a note to her because she birthed me And I'll explain the importance of contraception And I'll tell her I don't blame her and give absolution And then take it back in the next sentence. And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins I'll pray she hurts until she can barely breath In the same breath, I'll pray she forgets me And uses the rest of her life to be as free as she wanted to be. I'll write a note to him because he's my sister And I'll explain the way I hate him and do hate him And I'll explain the way I never stopped feeling the rage Of every single wrong he did me over the years And then I'll forgive him because he doesn't need me to And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins That he'll understand the simplicity and importance of tact I'll pray that he gets everything he wants in life I'll pray he understands why I couldn't wish that While there was still air in my lungs. I'll write a note to him because I hate him and I love him And it'll explain the way child abuse lingers for years And it'll say how much I wanted to see his grave before my own And it'll say how I never wanted to see anyone live forever besides him And it'll explain how he hurt me by withholding unconditional love It will explain how little I cared after the first decade crept by And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins And I'll turn over to pray I'll pray he gets what he's due I'll pray he finally dies I'll pray he gets some happiness And I'll do it all in one word: Why? Those are the notes I'd write. No one else I'd explain to. Those are the people who've impacted my life. If I keep death bare and simple. I'm not crying this time. I'm not just on the brink, about to go I'll think, just as I always do But there's no indecision anymore. This is not a place I want to be Not a life I want to live But I still have a single ambition I've still got one last wish. So I'll do it. I can be my own shooting star. I'll get that last dream done And open a vein? Or step in front of a car? When I'm done with that I'll write a will Containing three items: Burn all my stories and poetry, delete my existence Cremate my body, funerals are too expensive. Be honest in my death, express your abhorrence.
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69
One cannot just simply Replace The salty tears or scattered pieces That once contained a heart. One cannot just simply Reconstruct The fallen home or forgotten wishes Withholding a haven of wonder and Bittersweet reminiscence. One cannot just simply Prosper When this world has once again come to an Abrupt halt The smiles and sentiments have refrained from spinning and The images have stopped moving. Where there was once laughter Now lies an empty silence. Where there was once life Now lies an empty body.   Everything that binded her in rusted chains Escaped from her desperate grasp and now She Is only a memory.
0
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 6:33 PM UTC
Rusted Chains
never content: withholding love out of what? fear? envy? greed? sadness? how i long for peace, stability and change... a constant contradiction. barreling from heart to heart - never finding ground long enough to lose myself in someone else’s arms. feelings stronger after i tear them out. have to look at them in the air in front of my eyes. bleeding, dripping their blood on the carpet, heart beating in my hands. to be clinically inspected and torn apart only to discover that this was what i wanted all along. like a tree, felled to tell its age, dead, but finally understood. too late to say, “ah! look how old it’s branches, how deep its roots, how wonderful it’s shade!” dead. dead and decomposing on the floor. will i always glorify love lost over love in front of my eyes?
0
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 8:37 PM UTC
woodcutter
Communication:     Yes, to me I believe this is the key      Talking, really listening              Honesty   Always saying what you truly mean        No secrets, no withholding No lies     But sometimes         You can say "I love you" With only your eyes Trust:       This, so important   Yet, so hard for some           I know it's terribly difficult for me     Without trust, you're done         Then there's suspicions       . Fear          And so many questions       But sometimes, trust can be earned           With a bold statement And the wiping of a tear Love:     You may be thinking           "Why is this third?"   Well, the first is just words       What you have the most of The second is in your mind     Something in which, you have no control         Mmm, but Love    That's deep in your soul And if two people can make it this far        Past the flirting, past the insecurities Past all the old bruises and scars      To simply love one another           Well, they'll be able to move                      MOUNTAINS            Together
0
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 3:54 PM UTC
Basics Of A Relationship (Challenge)