My father used to take me fishing;
i can remember it clearly:
bleary eyed wakeups at 2:30 a.m.
after preparations late into
the night prior, the
smell of gasoline
as the outboard motor
sputtered to life,
its deafening roar as we
raced the sun along the
river's length.
The eery silence that followed.
Because we rarely talked.
We were fishing.
Dad loved largemouth bass,
red-breasted bream, catfish,
shell-*******, warmouth,
stump-knockers, and
whatever else.
i enjoyed fishing, too.
But we rarely talked.

Time moved on, and us with it.
And there was less time for
us to go fishing together.
Years passed, and i said
to myself, -i said it
very clearly, i did- i said,
self, we need to go fishing
soon.
There is at least one more big fish
out there that i am after.
i even mentioned it to my father.
Let's go soon, i said...
     -Yeah, that sounds good.-
but we both knew we wouldn't.

Time moved on, and us with it.
And there was less time for
us to go fishing together.

On the day of my father's funeral,
there were many surprised faces
upon my arrival.
They thought i had gone off fishing,
but i knew the river had run dry.

CHILDLESS MOTHER!!!

It's impossible to know that you child is still okay,
To protect your child was your job, so you think you failed in every way.
When your child is no longer with you and still so very young,
You can’t help but think there must be more you could have done.
Because you didn't do what was needed u failed u must confess,
Now daily wakeups for me are extremely depressed.
You turn the music up and sob while in your car and the shower hides your tears,
You know you can’t survive this kind of loss another day, another month, another year.
Yet, the years go by and you realize you’re still alone,
Although you did all you knew and could, your child did not come home.
They take my children and rip me of my rights as a mother,
Now the everlasting pain I'm covered hurts like no other.
The child you carried and brought into this world has gone away,
There’s nothing left to do but pray and pray .
How evil are those who desire nothing more than to destroy the mother-child bond,
You continue to seek justice, but the gut wrenching pain goes on and on.
No matter how huge the loss, you have no choice but to start another day,
Without your child that gave your life meaning in every way.
So now your lifeless all you want to do is die,
So confused on self worth low self-esteem thinking why try.
The crazy thoughts on why they had to go makes no sense at all,
They say brain surgery to be with them or allow your family to fall.
You lie down at night and think of your child and feel so all alone
There is nothing in this world you want more than for your child to just come home.

     By:Santandra Davis