Scene One
...some time in time... bare stage except for a square neon sign on left that reads: “Aged Care Home”...on right is a rectangular neon message display with full title of the play...Urgo and Burgo bring Raj Arumugam out on wheelchair...
*
Urgo: I am attendant 1. Often known as Urgo.
Burgo: I am attendant 2. Always known as Burgo.
Urgo: You see this creature seated here
in the wheelchair?
Can you believe it?
This creature once wrote poems
and its poems still inhabit cyberspace.
Burgo: Oh, this creature did that?
Urgo: Yes, this.
Burgo: I think I’ve read some.
Not that I can remember any.
Not a word, not a title.
But must have been pretty good, ha?
To write all those words, in verse...
Urgo: I don’t know about that.
It’s the girls who write. And sissies.
And for all that, you know
there’s just one word this creature can say.
Burgo: Really? Just one word?
Urgo: Yes.
All right, watch this.
Come on, Raj-i.
Hey baby...Burgo here wants to hear you.
Just one poem in your one word.
Come on, baby - or no soup for you tonight.
Raj: Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
(Burgo and Urgo clap)
Urgo: Baan-derful, Raj...
Now Burgo,
let’s wheel the creature back in
and dump him in
his corner.
(Urgo and Burgo go out, Urgo pushing wheelchair with Raj in it)
Scene Two
...some time in time... bare stage except for a square neon sign on left that reads: “Aged Care Home”...on right is a rectangular neon message display with full title of the play...Urgo and Burgo bring Raj Arumugam out on wheelchair...
Urgo: Today, Burgo, is Exercise Your Vocal Chords Day.
Burgo: No problem - Ahhhhhhhhrrrrgggggooooaaaaa.....
Urgo: Not your vocal cords, Burgo.
It is Exercise Your vocal Cords Day
for our distinguished guest currently
on this wheelchair.
Burgo: Ahhh...I see...
Urgo: All right, Raj-i baby...
Exercise your vocal chords
and entertain us with your delightful voice...
Raj: Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
(Burgo claps)*
Urgo: OK - that’s enough exercise for the day!
Let’s go
(Urgo and Burgo go out, Urgo pushing wheelchair with Raj in it)
Scene Three
...some time in time... bare stage except for a square neon sign on left that reads: “Aged Care Home”...on right is a rectangular neon message display with full title of the play...Urgo and Burgo bring Raj Arumugam out on wheelchair...
Urgo: Burgo!
Burgo: Sire!
Urgo: Sire? Where in the world
did you get such a word?
Burgo: Sorry - I thought I was in a *****
Shakespeare play.
Urgo: Have your head examined, Burgo.
We’ll never make it there.
All we have is this 3rd-rate one-act play.
Burgo: I understand. I’m just a little ambitious.
Urgo: Be realistic. Don’t be ambitious.
Burgo: That’s wise, Sire - I mean, Urgo.
Urgo: Well, this creature in the wheelchair,
for example...It was ambitious...
and it had a great fall...
it never knew how to be realistic...
But more of that, later - first, what Day is it today?
Burgo: It is We Tickle Your Foot Day, today.
Urgo: You learn fast, Burgo.
Burgo: Thank you, Urgo.
(Silence)
Urgo: Well?
Burgo: I’m very well, thank you.
Urgo: You idiot! I mean if you know it is
We Tickle Your Foot Day, today -
then what should you do next, you knave!?
Burgo: Oh. Ok.
(Burgo kneels before Raj, takes off Raj’s shoes and with a feather tickles Raj’s feet.)
Raj (laughing): Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
(Burgo puts Raj’s shoes on again, and his feather back in his pocket and stands up.)
Burgo: You mentioned ambition
and this creature that sits on the wheelchair.
Urgo: Yes, it is time to exercise my vocal chords.
This creature forgot, like all creatures,
we come alone, and we go alone.
Burgo: Ah, at last! - hints of a Shakespearean play
albeit we’ll never make it into one.
With ambition, loneliness and all the Lear madness.
Will we have the lewd parts too
and rich imagery of body parts?
Urgo: Perhaps...perhaps...but let us stick to the ordinary ...
This creature was born in 1derLand
but was washed ashore to foreign shores.
Burgo: Good, good...like Paris, son of Priam and Hecuba?
O Paris, washed ashore to Sparta
O so well-loved and nursed by Helen.
Urgo: Yes, except this creature is more akin to the Wanderer
like Oedipus, or just the indistinct Mendicant,
the Samurai with no master, a ronin,
all cursed to wander the face of the earth...
Burgo: Oh - are we in Shakespeare yet?
Urgo: We are in deep ****! That’s where we are!
We all are.
Burgo - let us stick to the banal like hamburgers.
This creature forgot that
and dreamt of things like poetry, ideals -
and therein is the moral of the story for you:
we come alone
and alone we go
one at a time we come
and each we own, and each faculty
one at a time they go.
Burgo: So let us stick with the banal
eat our burgers
and pick our teeth after.
Do they supply toothpicks at takeaways
in your country, Urgo?
Urgo: No, we recycle them, Burgo.
We just pick up discarded ones from the ground.
Like some nations pick up cigarette butts
from the bins.
Waste not; want not.
Burgo: Oh, if this scene goes on any longer
it might become Shakespearean, Urgo.
Urgo: Ergo - we must go.
But let us allow Raj to have the last word,
since this play is entitled
“ Raj Arumugam, (a one-act tragicomedy)”.
Idiot of a son! What kind of fool-writer will have a play
with his own name as the title of his play?!
Burgo: So, Raj-i, you egocentric ******:
You have the last word in this scene...
You really put words into my mouth, you ****!
Raj: Baa, baa, ba
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Urgo: All right, Let’s go, Burgo.
Bring him in -
Let’s drop him in bed
and may he drop dead!
(Urgo and Burgo go out, Urgo pushing wheelchair with Raj in it)
Scene Four
...some time in time... bare stage except for a square neon sign on left that reads: “Aged Care Home”...on right is a rectangular neon message display with full title of the play...Urgo and Burgo bring Raj Arumugam out on wheelchair...
*
Urgo: Burgo!
Burgo: Urgo!
Urgo: How long has it been since
you started work here?
Burgo: 3 months, Urgo. Why?
Urgo: Well, show me a game...I’m bored...a new game...
Burgo: Well, have you played wheelie bin?
Urgo: No.
But Oh I love to delve into world culture.
Show me.
Burgo: Well, let me show you.
A wheelie bin is a bin with wheels
and you put ******* in it
and you leave it outside on the kerb
and the garbage guy in his truck collects your *******.
So this is the game.
(Burgo pushes wheelchair round the stage and sings.)
This is the way we
wheel out our wheelie bins
this is the way we
wheel out our bins
early every Thursday morning
This is the way we
leave our bins,
our wheelie bins
this is the way we leave our bins
out on the sunny kerb
every Thursday morning
(leaves wheelchair on kerb)
This is the way we empty our bins
this is the way we empty our bins
this is the way empty our bins
every Thursday morning
(empties the wheelchair; Raj Arumugam drops onstage)
Urgo(joining in):
This is the way we
pick up our *******
pick up our *******
this is the way we do it
this is the way
always we do it
early Thursday morning!
(Urgo picks up Raj Arumugam and drops him in the wheelchair)
(Urgo and Burgo clap, applauding each other.)
Burgo:
And now, Urgo - for the ritual
of
Raj Arumugam’s final words in the scene...
Is that right?
(Urgo nods...)
Burgo:
Sing, you Sir in the Wheelchair.
Raj: Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Burgo: Oh, you spoil the fun! Let’s go.
(Urgo and Burgo go out, Urgo pushing wheelchair with Raj in it)
Scene Five
...some time in time... bare stage except for a square neon sign on left that reads: “Aged Care Home”...on right is a rectangular neon message display with full title of the play...Urgo and Burgo bring Raj Arumugam out on wheelchair...
Urgo:
Let's leave him here tonight;
some fresh air might do him good
(Urgo and Burgo leave, leaving Raj on his wheelchair.)
(Long silence.)
Raj: Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
Baa, baa, baa
(Raj has a thought. His thought is broadcast as a message on the rectangular neon light display: “Hey guys, come back...Another word is coming back to me.”)
(Long silence)
Raj:
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
(Raj has another thought. His thought is broadcast as a message on the rectangular neon light display: “Another one’s coming back...maybe my mind is coming back.”)
Raj:
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
**** **** ****
(Long silence. Lights fade. Darkness. Curtain...)
