Finally snapped that thread, I think,
that strand of connection that
held my affection
for the person I thought I felt I saw
inside
the man I never saw
in real life.
I was your distraction
while you were the extraction
of what I wanted from 'us',
just friendship with that frisson of more,
that spark, that 'maybe just once'
that made me feel less of what I am
and more of who I'd like to be.
But by taking what I needed I'm left
with something real
some thing I really feel,
a warmth, a tug towards you
an elasticity of acceptance that
slithers uncomfortably around your
brittle arm holding life safely back.
Unconditionality an attack.
One more try, in the spirit of this really real regard.
'Hey man, how are you? let's talk'.
Don't can't won't answer. Banter, yes. Connection? Too hard.

Searching for unconditionality
Core burning for such totality
But realising in actuality
When meshed with practicality
The idea smacks vapid and rapidly
Melts in its own reality
Love without condition’s a formality
Defined by its own commonality
No substance is found in normality
No guarantee of magnanimity
Instead I’ll forego the vanity
And try that inhospitality
Found next to the notion of real sensuality
And accept the inescapable brutality
Of love’s dimensionality
Mortality

he holds my very soul
in his cold, dead hands
unappreciated and sad in his tortured life,
but a genius now--
he has my whole heart.
to love so spiritually is an act of insanity but
the red-bearded painter,
with his self-hatred and
desperation for understanding,
his thick brushstrokes that make my lungs numb
and his immortal madness,
is all i think about.
i am in love with his love for the world,
the world that laughed at him and drove him to his end.
i'd like to think that same unconditionality runs in my veins.
"i could not care less what the colors are in reality"
yellow paint for breakfast, to be happy
a gunshot to the chest for lunch, to be happy forever
i think my heaven looks a lot like his paintings:
bold and heartbreaking in the best ways,
an endless orchard and starry nights
and sunflowers on the dining room table.

To make it through another day without breaking apart.
When things become a little too much out of control
With people and the way they speak to you
To smile even when you're under depression
Learning to take a stand for your rights
When you begin to take new steps without any fears
Taking a deep breath and releasing it
Speaking up and loud until your heard
To allow yourself to love and to be loved
Walking away from a situation that’s uncontrollable
Trusting your vision once all the dark clouds disappear
Living your life for you and only you
Picking yourself up once you have fallen
To allow yourself to have happiness and peace
To move past any evil spirit and any toxic relationship
Praying away negativity and the energy that comes with it
Believing in opening new doors to opportunities
To understand how much you are worth and how powerful awareness can be with just a little faith
To truth a person's vibe or their words
With your behavior when you're making yourself better
Rising above when people try to knock you down
To be passionate and powerful in your own way
To worry less and to love unconditionality
To keep being beautiful on the inside out
When people are trying to unleash the beast inside you
Choosing yourself first and not being a second choice to anyone
Not to trust liars and not to become like others that you see
Being a pillar of strength and a safe harbor for people who believe in you
Holding your head up and never letting the clouds get too dark
To cute toxic people out of your life without looking back

With any decisions you make, will you be able to trust them and move forward or will it make you feel like your decisions were wrong? No matter what you come up with, make sure you are proud of yourself so you can start trusting in yourself a lot more.
Always remember that you control your
destiny!!!!!

In life - even if you wanted it to - there can be no more random, pleasant coincidences like some special, already agreed upon, ready-made surprise that among the hiding of cells and instincts, as in most biochemical continuities, the unconditionality of the hidden yeses could still be decoded, for which a relationship that is supposedly lasting, in principle, is still being built. One or two amino acids or DNA helixes still argue, conspire, and get into trouble; it is not even certain that the bombshell lady, whom we asked out on a date due to numerous rejections and persistent failures, will finally give in and, out of sheer neighborly kindness, nod and say yes to a pleasant evening of dinner.

The heavy stone flies at the end of the date, and hits the wounded, stupid, idiot, who believed that he was as valuable as anyone else. Evolution seems to have largely rejected flattery, courtship, and the usual etiquette and manners, the only possible measure of which is material well-being and a luxurious lifestyle.

Misfortune attacks from an ambush, it can sneak up on its defenseless, still hopeful victims; they stand in endless spiral lines with their selfish-greedy happiness recipes, because standing in a given line can rarely let go, because in a narrow space we are jostling and trampling uselessly like eternal whirlwinds.