Dear Crystal ****,
I loved you
I put so much trust in you
I spent every hour of every day confiding in you
I told you my deepest fears
I let you know how broken i was
and you ******* took advantage of me
You took everything i owned
you stole my family from under me
you robbed me of all my money
We never had a healthy relationship

From the first night i met you
you beat me into a ****** pulp
You made me hate everyone
You turned me into a monster just like you..

You dug your claws into me
You slit my skin with your razors of control
But you just brushed it off and kept destroying me
I tried so many times to leave you
I tried so hard to cut you off
But the attemps just failed

You flooded my mind with thoughts of you
You gave me flashbacks of when we were together
I heard your voice screaming when all i wanted to do was forget about you
You controlled every aspect of my mind
my body
And my life

Then one day i couldnt take it anymore
Your abuse was to muc for me
You had me on my knees begging for a saving grace
I cried
I screamed
I begged god for the light
I wanted to die
I stood on the edge of bridges
I stared at knives and blades
I felt like i couldnt continue with you
and like i definitly count continue without you..

Then one dark august night
God awnsered my prayers
He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me to sleep after so many weeks without closing my eyes
I slept for almost 4 days
Waking only to use the restroom and to shove any food i could find in my face
You slowly left my system

You didnt go peacefully of course
You paniced
You clawed
You begged me not to do this
but i didnt listen

I stayed true to myself
I finally left you...

Things wernt smooth at first
I felt lost
I was confused about everything involving life
I didnt know who i was
I thought i would for sure go running back to you
But i gave it time

I pushed through the hot and cold flashes
Ignored the hallucinations and the fevers
It was pure hell on earth
But the torture was worth every second because leaving you was the best decition i have ever made for myself

Tomarrow is 30 days free from your shackles
Life still is a constant struggle
But honestly
I would not expect any different after breaking free from the cage of satan and into the sunlight of heaven

I now hae so many things to be greatful for
I have a roof over my head
I bed to sleep in thats not jail or a hospital.
I am a cherished member of y family again
I found love unexpectedly with a man who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth
I have my goals and morals back
I see a future for myself
and most of all..
I am thankful i am breathing because you almost killed me

Someone once said
"Dope heads never quit, they only take extended breaks"
Well, i am proud to say i never am allowing you back into my life

So thank you ****
Even though you shattered every part of my soul
I now have a brand new outlook on life
I also never would have asked my now fiance for a ride home if you had never made me so sick i was in the emergency room
I dont regret you
Because i learned so much about myself and life from you

But now i can finally say...
I ******* hate you and i will never be with you again

Sincerally:
One greatful proud, life loving forever ex tweaker <3

I want to find a day
where memories don't fade away
where this moment lasts forever
and the sun rise becomes a never
drunken dancing playing pool
moon shining and you're lookin cool
with your 90's jacket open showin
Skin is glowin toastin' boastin
bout being forever young
broke and dumb tired of
feeling so numb you
******* alive
the way you kiss me
makes me miss the
days of witch we
never knew we'd be rememiscing
back when after school naps
was our favorite thing to do
it's hard when i'm depressed
but a little less when
I'm depressed with you
said you love me
And i know it's true
cause what you don't show
in your eyes it shines right through
and i got that rock, it took
all the change in my pocket, look
i don't mean to take it back to there
back to that day with the teddy bear
and all of our pets that i took care
not because i wanted to
but because they made you happy
in a time when you were scared
but now i'm sitting all alone
writing letters in my phone
looking back and taking notes
i'm not to sure what helps
but i know this ain't the antidote

Still i lay, thinking, hoping,
wishing that you would stay
but unfortunatly tomarrow comes
and i'll get lost in the day
then in our bed, all alone, i lay
And think back to a time
where everything felt so safe

Not Knowing you will live today,
but maybe not tomarrow
not knowing who you will be
but hoping you will find out tomarrow
Thats what keeps humans moving
It is not knowing
Because it may be joy,sadness,anger,confusion
Humans are significant
because we do not know what lies ahead
of each of our individual roads
There are some of us who think
they do not hope at all
They do,they hope of not hoping
Destroying hope each day that comes
Will be like destroying half of our human ways
We evolve around,even not knowing that we do
It is in our nature

....................terrorism......................
I Opened my window and peeped through.
Heard the loud panicked voice of screams.
Just I saw the world of dreams.
People were shouting'crying'runing here and there.
Destructions and dreadful scenes seemed everywhere.
Streets were covered with huge blood.
Just like I lost in terrific flood.
Dark smoke raised over the sky.
War jets and gaints were so high.
When i glanced all the round.
And didn't believe what I found.
Street lights were broken and dim.
Everywhere laid down the corpses of muslim.
Muslim children and muslim babies.
Their white shrouds turned into red.
War jets bombed,killed,left crippled & then briskly fled.
Only innocent people were on their list.
People were wraping them and taking away by cist.
My eyes burst into tears.
By the thought of terrorism whom everybody fears.
The thousands of people are now lifeless.
And remained so helpless.
Taken away the poor children's future brightness.
with War,conflicts,disputes and violent fray.
Unjustly killed so many people also by slaughter and slay.
Everything for them is just like a game to play.
By the war demons everywhere,everybody is sad & depressed.
Why Only innocent people are being harassed & oppressed?
Violences and wars only left miseries and sorrow.
Nobody can imagin what will happen tomarrow.
that's such a big shame.
blaming only muslims and giving them terrorist name.
Why the Muslims are only labeled of terrorism and extremism?
Come and recognise the real face of terrorism.
In the name of religion why people usually fight?
open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light .
Terrorism has no place in Islamic religion.
It teaches the supreme wisdom with real vision.
I pray when will come in this world that day.
One person will unite the world and bring peace oneday..
.............
((((By shaffu))))
Alhamdulillah I am a muslim but not a terrorist.

RECORD: THURSDAY'S CHILD
FROGMAN: DAVID BUOY

The fiend became complacent towards control of its own free-ways,
and let lonely throughts tarry it whenever they needed to be.
And in its wake lie
their ghostly work on the lies
of the Brads and Janets of The Word.
-- Thrusher Swainson, Bear M.B.

Frank: Give yourself over to instinctual pleasure.

I wanted to breathe smoke.
I wanted to churn the Louvre.
I'd do the Elgin Marbles with a ban-hammer
and wipe my class with the Mona Lisa.
This is My Word, now.
This is my word,
MY WORD,
and those ancient Brads and Janets are data.
-- You and Me and Everyone We See

(. . 6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . )

We rest; a dream has power to fission sleep.
We rise; one pweandering thought foallutes the day.
We feel, conceive, or reason; laugh or weep,
embrace fond woe, or cast our tares all-ways;
It is the same: for, be it joy or sorrow,
The all-ways of its way-out still are FREE.
whoman's festerday may ne'er be like his marrow;
nought may endure but mutantility!
-- Percy Bysshe Shelley Frogman

Johnny's: While this may be true,
                 mutantility isn't always enough.
                 Some moments

STOP: TURN THOUGHT

Today is Today
Yesterday was history,Tomarrow is mystery
But today it is gift
not because we will get presents tomarrow
but because
we are still breathing
Some people are corrupted by the wrong road
that lies ahead of them of drugs,alcohol,commmiting
sucide
When in the future they may not know
because of their death
One false move it may be your last
You last kiss,Your last spoken word
Yor last chance to see your family
So many deaths were made
past,present,and future
You have to...
You have to live like your dying

The city sleep but
im still awake
runnin through my mind
not a canidate
you're the president
i don't want you there
But you resinate
Remember when
You were cryin on my bed
cause i caused you pain
The fact that you still loved me
Is so insane
But
one too many times you
felt this way
even after all this time i'm
still ashamed
wish i could explain
~
Yeah
you were layin on my chest
it was pourin rain
you told me that you loved me
got me shivering
Years flew by still
i felt your butterflies
so down on one knee
swear to god i almost cried
~
Swear to god i almost died
~(64)
Swear you're still my pride
swear you're still my bride
swear i always loved you
Bed's colder on your side
swear if i could change the past
get back to better times
i would leave before it started
cause our future is a crime

our future is a crime
our future is a crime
the way that you once loved me
still playing in my mind
this mental penitentary
stuck me in a bind
Struggle every day just to
keep myself in line
Or keep myself in check
checkin out a bottle boutta
stuff it down my neck
checkin out a model
just like all of my regrets
can't see what's right in front of me
looking at what's next
Greener on the other side
learn to be content
livin in regret
livin aint the best
Dont be mistaken
i aint suicidal yet
just miss my baby girl
Still better than the rest



Live in the day boy
don't live for tomarrow
Love what you have
don't forget it's all borrowed
The past is the past
and the future's tomarrow
All you have is today
won't you put down your sorrow

Dear pills,
I eat you everyday
Sometime to take away the pain
To take away what my life has become
Please oh please just let me be numb
I never wanted to end up this way
After watching my mom pop them day after day
Oh dear pill please take me away
I'm too fat, annoying sad all the time
Why is this pill making me happy I feel skinny, loved, so alive
Ill just take one because my tooth hurts
Then another for my headache
Oh wait my backs is sore
I forgot what Is hurting thanks for taking away the pain
Oh dear pill I'll have another just in case it comes back
' no I'm fine I promise'
Is a lie I will say
' babe its not candy'
Is what my man will say
He doesn't understand the feelings that haunt me day after day
The depression will always stay
'Just give me one more
I promise I will stop'
Tomarrow I won't need them
Tomorrow I'll be strong
Well tommarrow has come
I'm no longer feeling numb
My arms,legs,back,head,hair hurt
I don't want to move
My heart is racing my eyes are throbbing
Please dear pill I need one more to get through today
I'll give you anything you want
Money,love, my heart and soul
Just please take it, take it all
Just take away my pain.
Dear pill why did I take you
I feel so ashamed
I'm toxic to my loved ones
I don't know why they stay
They don't no how bad this habit is
Because I say I'm okay
I need help please help me
Please dear pills oh please just go away.

i had hoped that they would forgive me

but now my wrist poor out my hearts convictions

and under these sad condisions
i think that they would let me die alone

but thats what i get for thinking because
there hate has grown

please let me go on alone

let me sing this sad song
let go my chains so i can go wrong

please let me be misrable in my own cloud of hate
let me decide my own fate

dont make me heal
now i can feel
let me go home

ill bleed from the bone
ill die alone
ill bleed the deepest crimson
only then will my soul be let go from this prison

ill let all my tears flow
because then you will know

that soon this pain will brake me
and that your god has allready thought to forsake me

and when you wake tomarrow
YOUR TEARS WILL BURN WITH SARROW

because you will know that even though you stand here next to me
i am not there
i dont kare

you will come to my grave
you will think your self so brave

REMEMBER
i dont kare
because im not there
I DIED ALONE

this is the last time im going to say it

Little tiny clippings of nails
scattered on the floor
my temper is angry
and I cant hold it no more
do you see my eyes bulging
my hands cluntched tightly
my breathing is heavy
and there holes in the door
I taste the blood trickling
it drips on the floor
one drip
two trips
a thrid
and a fourth
I loose track of my cigarette
now its all scorched
Im pacing and racing
troubled for ever more
I throw my beer can off the back of the porch
and torch up a bowl
to cure my pulsing heart
my knuckles crack as I press them to my face
I see the bruises swelling
thier purples green and blues
mix ever so nicely like a sharp beat up suit
do you understand the torture
of knowing you'll die
when the ***** runs out
and your shivering at night
I smell the puke tried in my nose
and see it all running down the side of my clothes
when oh when will I understand
that **** almighty I'm just like my dad
a drunken soar ******* a **** for the juice
I've burnt down ever bridge and managed to make some up too
I'm a chamleaon to this world
I change and I move
I'm not much of a lier though
thats once thing I could never do
I could run this on forever
Till the sun comes threw my shutter
but I just popped some perocets and sniffed some Speacil K
so I suppose this poem was great
but tomarrow is anew and my fate awaits
farewell
farewell
farewell

Sweet loving
Injoyable guy
Why can't you find
Somebody
As wonderful as u
Cute funny you love the out doors too
Your birthday is tomarrow
How sweet how wonderful
You think it be bad
But maybe it
Won't keep your
Head up hi
Don't let anybody
Take you down your some body
Your important
Stay fon you old token

You taught me to walk but gave me no where to go
You taught me to speak, but only words I don’t know
You told me to listen but gave me nothing to hear
You gave me a reality where nothing is real

You gave me a heart and told me to feel
As long as I don’t show it it’s mine to keep
You asked me a question and gave an answer to give
but they don’t match up and the paper is ripped

My pen is all empty, my heart is all broke
and now you have labeled me crazy, and spoke
with an evil tone that was far too kind
for the words that came out in too little time
and nothing was said
but boy did it hurt
that I am condemned and you are a ****
I try to get angry I try very hard
but all it ferments into is sadness and sorrow
and you say save the world
be kind be good
and I am trying like I know I should
and do you know that there are ten thousand kids
who sorta like me feel like they’re dying
and did you ask them what they want?
its not a car and husband to flaunt
you promised them the world
and they believed you
they all want to show you want they can do
but their hearts aren’t cheap and they aren’t for sale
you have to work for what they have to say
but you don’t think you need it,
its snake oil
so you give them options that they don’t really want
and they end up in ditches, in Chicago or Vermont,
any old place where the dying go to be dead
and they end up alone, in broken beds
and how can you blame them
they used to have places to go
now you turn them out into the snow
and the snow is all brown
with mud and with dirt
and you say life is hard
and yes life hurts
but how can you say that to bright eyed kids
who are trying to save the world that they’re living in
don’t you give out chances anymore
is there no trust? have we closed that door?
and why don’t you want me
what have I done?
was I wrong in my having a bit of fun?
or trying hard, or being too smart
do I ask to many questions,
I just can’t stop
is it my x-ray vision
is it cuz I see through you
because once I did it I couldn’t not see you
for all that you are
and all that you aren’t
and all you ever did was push me into the margins
Is that my fault? Is that my bad?
is this the only life I’ve ever had
because I’m calling for help
and nobody hears
and I know they are pretending because they all have ears
most of them two and some of them three
the third ones an their heart so its hard to see
And you give me directions, and people to watch
and they all changed the world and you want that to stop
this is it, we’re all comfortable now
but isn’t freedom a little bit more?
No? oh its not? my bad
So you bite me and kick me and then I get sad
so medicate me, and mentally **** me
turn me into an object
and when I object
You tell me I’m just the subject
of a biography of someone I don’t know
and I really hate to have to let the world go
But just for today
and maybe tomarrow
I will bury it all deep done in sorrow
you’ve ruined this world that could’ve been great
and now I believe it might be too late
there are too many people
who do not care
and they don’t want to wake up they would rather be scared
of going out at night
and of having a girl who doesn’t shave
they would all much rather be comfortable slaves
they take their drugs and they watch their tube
Things are okay, why should I move?
Some have it worse, so I have it better
If you want more you’re an ungrateful red letter
and you read to much
and you try to scare us
about things that aren’t really there, huh?
so when they tell you you think you’re too smart
theres only pain for the future in front
of you and of them
so prepare yourself
you are on your own,
they will never help
and you won’t back down.

Maybe today is different
Maybe now is change
Maybe we can find hope
Maybe tomarrow will be the day
Maybe it will be the change we all can beleive in
Maybe if we try
Maybe if we don't give up
Maybe if we fight
Maybe today we stop trying
Maybe today we become
Maybe today we are one
I beleive we are one

as the chemical is introduced into my veins, chasing after the unwanted guest
this feeling seems surreal at first,warm,abit tingling, yet normal as can be
do your thing i say for you know more than i were to go, were its hiding
for we are partners for the week
laying on the gurney, im fitted with a mask, a crude simple device almost medevil
mouth guard in place, the humming and clicking of the machines begin
lying motionless, the invisible beams take pricise aim and i feel nothing
after some time its over and wait till tomarrow and do it all again

Leading someone on was the leading cause of depression
I'm not saying this applies to everyone but it does to me
So listen up because otherwise what I do will come off as harsh

I'd classify myself as a gamer but the mind is something I'd never play with
If I get the slightest feeling something might not work
I'll change it

Get to know me while you can because when you're gone
You're gone
There will always be a next and thats something I'll never forget

Take the chance while you have it because it's not given to a lot
If you can't find it then keep trying
It might not be here tomarrow

I'm telling you this because I've experienced my fair share of depression
I'd rather not go down that hole again
So I'm sorry If what I do comes off as harsh

I've realized that if I want to care for some one else
I need to care for myself
So I'll go ahead and take care of that before I take care of you

Shooting stars,
I catch in a jar..

To save my wishes
for the times i miss...

One wish i will save,
for that very big day...

For a life with no sorrow,
to bring me to tomarrow...

Twiddle Dee...
Twiddle Dum..
What is to come...

For that last wish,
what shall i wish...

Could it be,
love and joy....

Could it be,
*** really hard...

Could it just be a kiss,
from the girl i miss...

The freedom u say
The freedom I go
O goodness this not me
I'm going too slow
Walk faster I say
But then I stop
What the heck move
Then I glop
I guess not today have to
Pray must be tomarrow
There's always another day
Don't give you
That's all I got to say

i'm insane people say cause i stand alone away from society.
but i don't have any fault line. i'm not ashamed of what happened last time.
it was all of us that comitted in the act of our lives.
if we stick to gather we wont lose our minds like maybe tomarrow.
falling out of the group becomes the weakness that will make our minds go completly insane.
where do i stand when we all split away from the group.
why did we all split up cause i be came antie social agenst all that we stood for.
why did you want to bring me back to start a new group to become strong again.

when we all split we all made a fault that broke the ties that we made but now its all lies that we created to hide away to move one with life

what if the day growls long in the hot summer sun. what if that beauty leaves and never comes back. what if life turns dark and we grow cold from the solum sun that reflects warming us deep down. what if tomarrow dosnt come and we start dying off.

I shall remember yesterday, when today
goes away
cause my heart still yearns, for what I crave
the words you spoke, whispers to my ears
have me broken down into tears

I guess tomarrow starts a new chapter
for my life
but the pages are numberless, no end in sight
believe in yourself, one passage says
another proclaims, it was ment to be, I guess

was I swayed to think, when two people fall
in love
that there was nothing that we can't rise above
but the winds of time and space, have no feelings
when they calm, and you realize, you've been
unseated

so I shall remember yesterday, when today goes away
cause my heart still yearns, for what I thought I craved
the words you spoke, are now just whispers in my ears
yet they still  have broken me into tears

Sorry I didn't post today. I've been sick since about mid-yesterday. I might not post tomarrow.

The lights in my heart are fadeing fast
It's probably because I'm living in the past
I keep on thinking about yesterday  And how you made it all go away
The darkness and sorrow Keep me from tomarrow but the light frome today
I will save for another day To put on a smile  Only hides it for awhile  
To put on a frown  Puts every one down You can not win You can not lose  
All you can do is take the bruise

If tomarrow is the future we seek
Why wasn't yesterday the future to keep
They say the river run deep
So do I when I sleep
I hit a bump on the road,stubbed my toe
When I fell I saved my nose
Should I see a doctor, or a nurse
I'll pick the one who won't lighten my purse
Running from the past I'm free at last
Yet my breathing has left me agast
If I fell into a well and screamed for help
Would they send a rope down made of swirling kelp
If these words I've penned from dreams remembered
Would they be famous or tossed in the embers

Smiling all day but she drowns in sorrow.
Laughing these days just figure it out tomarrow.
When shes quiet when you complain your dad didnt do what you wanted wonder why shes broken hearted.

the living have tomorrow,
                          the dead, forever...
    how can forever lodge
itself into a tomorrow,
  and compensate the living
with the mysteries
guarded by the dead,
who attribute the sun-set
and yesterday
  toward the same -
that the living attribute
  concerns for,
               regarding tomorrow?
how can the living grasp
yesterday in all its entirety,
  so that the dead
might even glimps a nano-
  particle of tomarrow?
i find that the living are more eager
to give unrest to the dead,
than the dead are ever prone
   to usurp the theatre of life...
from diverging from its straight
path of succession:
carpe diem, diem mort oblitus
(seize the day, the day death forgot).