Handbag~ 1994
exam timetable
£5 from my Mum
shiny key for the front door
fresh-mint chewing gum

Handbag~ 1998
keys for work
keys for home
£20 and a bit of change
photo of my best mate
and a bloke that's twice my age
lipstick~ lacy knickers
condoms~ ID card
ticket for a bus to town
UV sparkly stars

Handbag~ 1999
keys for work
keys for home
spare key for his flat
condoms~ contraceptive pills
No.7 powder-ivory/matt
VISA/Delta debit card
paper
gel ink pens
number of a bloke
who says our love
will never end

Handbag~ 2000
keys for work
keys for home
key for the gas meter
Teletubbies picture book
list of baby-sitters
new mobile phone
herbal teething gel
lipstick~ Anadin
vanilla impulse body spray
children's Nurofen
photo of my baby boy
really tiny socks
under-eye concealer
secret stash of chocs

Handbag~ 2002
keys for work
keys for home
pull-back-and-go car
baby wipes
mobile phone
estate agents' cards
picture of my little boy
list of things to do
Boots own brand pregnancy test
both windows coloured blue

Handbag~ 2005
keys for home
card from work
tissue full of tears
photo of my boy in school
that shows his gappy teeth
photo of my baby girl
and one of both of them
a ring that used to be my Mum's
Pro-Plus~ Diazepam

Handbag~ 2009
keys for work
keys for home
one SLIM~FAST bar
one Cadbury's wrapper
Haribo~ Calpol~ tissues
assorted Disney plasters
treasured stones~ special shells
sand and bits of twig
money to buy ice creams
photos of my kids

When the sun slumbered beyond the falling
horizon, a deranged mentor of those it wondered
over below. False expressions were given in tribute
to that which watched with acidic smiles of their  
persecution beneath its gaze.

In its fading they were collected in truest outline.
Negatives of perceived imaginings, pigmentation
descended from form like coloured petals
turning to dust. They were the abattoirs of this
now discoloured imaginings.

Sweetened voices of lullabies were replaced by
disorientated shrills, that reverberated within
the halls, they lumbered in there contorted abodes.
Nesting into corners of despair that blossomed on
them with hues of isolation.

Feasting on warm carcasses, weeping with
trepidation at this momentary freedom they felt.
There home of tattered souls that were cleaved
from prey, no peace in death. They hang at
the windows clinging to lost hope.

Time was a nine tailed mistress that whipped them
into the binding once more. For the arising was upon
them, they were lacerated within colour once more.
All that was flaked away and became as it was.
Smiles on there faces paying tribute to that above.

Met this easy chick that don't **** ****, she a no brainer
I said **** my duck and she said "What could be lamer?!"
Defamed, I went home cried and smoked some ******
Watch teletubbies in my ****** like my last name was schiefer

I went to bed and heard a scream
like R.Kelly I peed my sheets
Turns out the ****** was laced some sort of hallucinogen
I'm worried that in my bloods a carcinogen
decided not to worry cause whats the point
We all die so chill and roll a joint

May sanggol na buhat-buhat ng isang babae
Naka teletubbies na T shirt
Maikli ang buhok, maputi ang mukha
Mataba ang mga braso

Ang dalawang anyo ay nakaupo
Sa isang silid
Nakangiti ang babae
Ang sanggol ay nakatingin sa kawalan
Buka ang bibig ngunit
Walang boses na lumalabas

Ano ang kanilang patutunguhan?
Alam ko kung saan.

Ano ang kanilang mga kasalanan?
Alam ko kung ano.

Ano ang kanilang mga pangalan?
Alam ko kung ano.

May masamang pakiramdam
Sa aking dibdib
Sa pagitan ng mga nangyari
At maaring mangyari
Hindi ko maalis ang aking tingin
Kahit na ako'y nasasaktan
Kahit na gusto kong mawala

Inosenteng bata
Inosenteng bata
Ano nangyari sa iyong pagka-inosente?
Bakit ka lumaki?
Bakit ka nagkasala?
Bakit mo iniwan ang iyong panginoon?
Bakit hindi ka pa magpatiwakal?

Bata, madami kang pagdadaanan
Naaawa ako sa iyo
Mabuti at nakayanan mo
Ngumiti ka, umiyak ka
Ligtas ka dito
Hindi kita pababayaan
Naaawa ako sa iyo

Itinago ko ang letrato
Masyado nang ginugulo ang aking isipan
Theodora, wala kang kasalanan.
Theodora, wala kang kasalanan.

(Sing along to tune of 'Strangers in the Night!"
TUMMIES IN THE NIGHT...
Tummies in the night, is this a romance,
Tummies in the night, what does enhance,
All our fat sharing love, would the air be blue?
Fatness in our thighs, was so enticing,
Fat double chins, were so exciting,
Fat around your  guts, told me I must love you,
     Tummies in the night,
Teletubbies ,we looked such a fright,
Two naked tubbies, we  were  tummies in the night,
up to the moment, when we ate our first jello,
Did our fatness grow,
Fat was just a dance away, a fat embracing lard away,
and ever since that night, we've been fat together,
Tummies at first sight, in fat forever,
It turned out so fat, for tummies in the night!!!!

paint fingers,
jelly mouths,
katie's teletubbies
bike helmet.
mom said
now don't go too far
and the park was just
far enough to not be
able to see the house
but close enough to
smell dinner being made
and hear dad mowing
the front yard. no
skinned knees this day
just riding our bikes
through the grass,
down the big hill
that made us scream
until the bottom. wind
blowing through katie's
hair, too long then from
her refusal to have it
trimmed even one inch,
and capri sun's under
the weeping willow tree.
before the sun went all
the way to her bed, we
made flower crowns
from the dandelions,
picked an extra handful
for the dining table,
waved to donna as we
flew down the sidewalk,
ran hand in hand to the door
before dad had to call our
names one more time.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
one glass of Ovaltine- oops,  I had three
can we fix it? yes we can!
a plethora of beanie babies always at hand

no play-doh or silly putty on the couch
remember the smell of York patties when you opened the pouch?
Teletubbies is on, I hear the nu-nu
my beloved game boy and Gremlins; Gizmo's my booboo

come along and see what's new
it's me, you, and Zooboomafu
remember when Emily wished on a dragon scale?
that's what started the Dragon Tales

I'd drop anything to catch the Rugrats show
Tommy, Dil, Angelica, Chuckie was kinda slow
Cinnamon Toast Crunch in my bowl
Soccer Boppers and those little ugly trolls

Jell-O pudding and Dragon Ball Z
I knew the Fresh Prince song when I was only three
I still watch SpongeBob and now I'm in high school
just because you keep it real doesn't make that you're uncool.

Gone are the days of all play and no work
When life was never bore
The day went watching teletubbies
Without any worry of studies
Early to sleep and late to rise
Kept me shining and bright
My favorite was Superman
Like him I wish I could ran
I can never forget dearest Mickey
The one show I loved to see
But Pokémon was the best of the best
And the coolest of the rest
No matter where I gazed
I would always be praised
So many games to play
All those kept me happy and gay
I remembered my favorite past time
The game where I spend most of my time
The pencils were my army
And the pens, my enemy
The battle would go on
Till all the pens were gone
Those days were so fun
When everything was easily done
Though those times have begun to cease
They will forever remain in my memories..........

First, you need to mix the potion.
You must read the instructions very carefully
You don’t want to be summoning up any old witch.
So make sure it’s the October manual.
Especially as we know what happened last year.
How you got October mixed up with November is nobody's business.
But my god, when I saw the fire brigade heading to the Houses of Parliament, I just thought to myself, what has the idiot done this time.
Now I know what you’re going to say.
What about that little corporal guy you summoned up.
Okay, I take that on board, he looked harmless enough, little pencil moustache set him apart from the usual riff raff.
How the hell was I to know he wanted to rule the world.
Just goes to show you.
Nearly lost my brewing license over that.
Then you went for, in your own words, that guy who makes people laugh.
Atila for fun.
Are you dyslexic or what.
The grief that caused
Another warning handed out.
So let's have a look at the ***** ups over the years, see if we can rectify them this year.
This is what you’ve summoned up so far.

Sirenes
The Cheeky girls

The Teletubbies.
That guy who said, I didn’t have *** with that woman, that week.
European Union
Hp  Poets

You can see how the coven is not over the moon with this lot.
So, before you summon up anyone this year, I’m going to be looking over your shoulder, make sure you get it right.
Right, the mixture is brewing up fine, looking good.
Okay, begin the summoning up.
Oh great spirit in the brew, sum us up something new.
Okay looking good, coming through now.
A big dumb guy wearing a wig.
Right, I like it, do you have a name for him.
Trumpy  you think.
Looks more like a Donald to me.
But the main thing is.
He looks harmless enough...

Thy hero is kinda sleepy
While the beast feasting upon his city
The people's pressure, however, forces the hero to his duty.

The hero, tiredly, puts on his blue jacket
And grabs his mighty plastic sword
Facing the beast, slightly bored

"Shucks", says the sleepy hero
"I forgot to put the toilet seat down"

As he walks to the bathroom, sleepy hero then says,
"Yo, I could go for a snickers right about now"
As the beast makes havoc among the kitchen.

The beast then questions the hero,
"Can I watch some Teletubbies Pa?"

The hero nods valiantly accompanied with a thumbs up sign.

You can feel it in your throat.

Your Chest.

The feeling of wanting to scream,

but you can't

so you cry.

But I don't want to cry

because

I am strong.

I dream of the animal parade.

The one from the Teletubbies.

I dream of simple times.

When I would burn oil over a candle and it would smell like summer rain.

And it would smell like the first girl I loved.

Thankfully wife as helpmate available,
when yours truly feels unswell
her tender loving care can spell
relief afflicted which she can hopefully quell
but spouse of mine, he doth not aim to oversell
nevertheless counterpart valued
as once me Matty Mattel
prized boyhood toy unfailingly and unstintingly
reflected, mirrored and kickstarted mood to kvell
and encapsulate impossible mission,
thus now grown lad with sincerity does impel
to communicate how thoughts gel
regarding how the missus tries to expel
his physical displeasure
while sequestered within B44 prison cell
as dark shadows creep along the edge of night
surreal as ghosts made manifest
courtesy fratricidal brothers Cain and Abel.

The charming primary physician
at Patients Matter Always (Doctor York Yang)
prescribed Amoxicillin 500 MG Capsules
one capsule three times a day.

Two days since visit with
aforementioned medical practitioner I went
and thus far, no reduction
to swallow without great strain,
hence crafting reasonable rhyme I vent,
which lame endeavor
marginally alleviates torment
rendering swallowing painful
despite depending
on above pharmacological medicine
synthesized courtesy countless
top notch star students
upon landing dream job
able, ready and willing to pay rent
at pricey residences
with regal names such as Kent
Village Apartments, Kent Place Residences,
versus drab Highland Manor
which costs me one hundred ninety red cent
every month, no doubt a bargain
yet absent amenities
most every tenant here would assent.

Although prone to experiencing chills
still slight drawback extra frills
case in point on site medic clinic
would be grand for folks
long in the tooth
regarding being old, yet over the hills
and far away Teletubbies come to play
attempting to draw out child within
once garden variety Jacks and Jills
unfortunately many youngster
plucked by steel mills
decades later in their dotage
heavily rely on magic potions and pills
to facilitate basic ambulatory skills.

hence yours truly (me)
seeks mental health services
without any luck
even after reading Scripture
from my namesake who exuded pluck
after paging thru
the AETNA Medicare directory,
whether a group practice or individual,
I expended energy and precious time today
June sixth two thousand and twenty four

hoping to get linkedin and truck
with a suitable therapist,
cuz various and sundry issues
such as chronic anxiety, dysthymia,
obsessive compulsive disorder,
and panic attacks plagues
sexagenarian old body electric
matter of fact mein kampf
and hard times reducible
to four letter description
conveyed by the word yuck.

Exhaustion prevails courtesy emotional distress
self evident to any anonymous reader
predicated on morose poetry of mine
invariably discouraging positive ambitions
for friendship receiving,
yet I experienced
unexpected welcome response
from over the hills and far away
where Teletubbies come to play with me,
whose fealty being a ***** buddy
gratitude sexagenarian does express
and so what if three score
plus five year old does regress.

Once upon a time
more than half century ago,
in a faraway galaxy
this second born and singular son
of Harriet and Boyce Harris
(mother and father since passed away
May third two thousand and fifteen,
and October seventh
two thousand and twenty respectively) though
both parents during their lifetime
beset with impossible mission
to administer to my psychological woe
and actually unwittingly exacerbated

dysfunctional behavior of mine
exhibited, jump/kick started,
and witnessed videre licet
courtesy their verbal
browbeating with ultimatums
aghast at irregular impulsive decisions
to attend this, that or another institution
of higher learning
post high school graduation
psyche subjected to actions experienced
being whipped back and forth,
to and fro, hither and yon
analogous to ma yo-yo.

Scads of irrational thought processes
bombard nooks and crannies
within me swiftly tailored
harried styled noggin
sense and sensibility
doth create veritable boondoggle
stumping psychological masterminds
even Sigmund Freud himself if alive
would be mystified and ask ghost writer
of Mary Shelley to craft sequel,

where Doctor Victor Frankenstein
rids trademark neurosis of mine
shape shifting Matthew Scott Harris'
witnessed when whirled
wide web of electrodes
activated courtesy toggle
subsequently flash brilliant lightning bolts
in tandem with deafening booming thunder
reconfiguring bitta bing bitta
chitty chitty bang bang switch  

rendering corporeal cerebral flesh
truly significantly reconstituting
dogma, enigma variations, karma,
and persona of aforementioned
poet of Perkiomen Valley into altered state,
whose psychological state now mimics,
dovetails, and approximates
that of Neanderthal man
forever linkedin to seventh heaven.