"starters" poems
remember the boy
you made fun of
3 years ago and
never stopped
he died today
and you went to his funeral
your heart beating
but his was not
you uttered sorry
you tried to push the blame
consoled yourself
saying you didn't mean it
the heavy weight
in your heart
it didn't leave you
you knew what you did
you started drinking
a bottle every night
but that was only
for starters
it extended
to several a night
until the day
you got hospitalised
karma, you thought
and boy were you right
it is karma
and it ****** you up.
Oct 25, 2014
Oct 25, 2014 at 6:38 AM UTC
always the bridesmaid, never the bride
you have no idea how many times i cried
asking, "why me? why not me?"
well, for starters
i always oversleep
my eating habits are on repeat
i've worn the same clothes, same filth
for three days this week
i don't make an effort because i'm not going out
but no one asks me out because i don't make an effort
i write love poems i never send
i creepily covet people i consider friends
while my heart is stuck on the same old trend
hearts
yours and mine
your heart
pure and prone to breaking bones
my heart
crippled and casually crashing cars
the destruction duo
probably foreshadowing if i'm honest
i never get any rest
purple hues rise to the surface
furthermore, my life lacks any zest
and to top it all off
no matter how hard i've tried
i know i'll probably never be satisfied
so yeah
maybe that is why
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017 at 7:10 PM UTC
Remember me?
I'm the girl you sent away,
Cause you were afraid for your REAL children's safety!?
What happened to "You're our daughter now."?
Did I mean anything? I mean ****
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the girl you molested!
After you said I could call you Daddy!
BULL ****
You knew EVERYTHING that happened to me as a kid,
You shoulda known it would **** me up more than I already am!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the little girl you *****
While you were beating my mom and me!
You were getting so high, you probably don't even remember me.
But **** You remembered when your friends came over! So why not?
And you!
I'm the girl you gave birth to!
But you never gave a **** about!
You only cared whether you were sober or not,
Or if your supply was doing ok...
Do you know you have a son too?
Oh yea, you do... But like everything else in your life,
You scared him the **** away too!
So now I have to pay?
I've already given blood!
What more do you ******* want!?
Haven't I given enough???
I mean really,
I'm a big girl now,
And I'm still paying for your mistakes somehow...
But you couldn't care less,
Cause you got what you wanted...
Maybe child support,
Or just some ******* you started.
I Just gotta know,
Did it pay off for you?
You lost so much,
You almost lost me too.
I almost KILLED MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF YOU!
And now I'm going crazy,
I've lost **** too,
For starters, my virginity...
But that wasn't my choice.
But it's all gone now...
And I still don't have a voice.
Second, Blood
**** and lots of it.
I've bled and shed for you,
And you ******* love it.
Third, my mind.
******* thanks a lot.
It disappeared one day
while you were smoking ***
Do you know what you did to me?
Can't you see?
What the **** is wrong with you?
CAN YOU ******* REMEMBER ME!?
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 10:56 PM UTC
I remember best coming out of that factory into the
night
none of us saying much
glad to get out
but needing the job
---getting into our old cars
one could hear the grinding of the starters
the sudden roar and explosions as
the worn engines fired up once more
---as we backed wearily
out of the parking lot
to pull away
leaving the factory back there
---each of us to a different place
---some to a wife and children
---others to empty rented rooms or to
small crowded apartments:
as for me
I never knew if my woman would be there or
not
or how drunk she would be
if she was home
---but for each of us
the factory waited back there
our timecards punched and neatly
racked.
for me somehow
the best time was that moment
driving from the factory to where I lived
stopping at the signals
looking at the crowds
suspended
between a place I didn't want to be
and a place I didn't want to go
---I was caught between my two unhappy lives
but so were most of the others there
not only from that warehouse
in that city
but in the world
entire:
we had no chance
yet still we all managed to continue and
endure.
5.5k
Every colour has a melody
Every song has a hue
Every kiss has a story
Every scar is true
A soldiers strength
A lovers tenderness
A mothers love
All warriors true
All endings had beginnings
All beginnings will end
All starters will finish
All rainbows will bend
Every love will taste hate
Every hate will love taint
Every tear will see a smile
Every smile will feel great
Every colour has a melody
Every stranger is a reminder
That you paint your own pictures
And kiss them with colour.
Aug 7, 2018
Aug 7, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
I,
Am a teenaged girl
Lost between the deminsions of
Fantasy
And
Reality.
I am a Filipino and Mexican
Knowing no spanish
Lost in a language my mother has forgotten.
I am what it means to be a human being.
Trying my best to be there
Making zillions of mistakes that end up drowning me in the end.
Wanting to remember but always forgetting
Wanting to help but saying the wrong things at the wrong time.
Trying to find a place in the world
Only to end up being isolated like a lone wolf.
I am what it means to be a student,
Not loving the whole school system but trying her best to prove it wrong.
Educated by watching the world, day by day,
Philosophizing life
Analyzing the story lines that mean something
Surviving in a jungle we call High School
And day by day,
Struggling in classes just to pass it.
I am, what it means to be
not so smart, not stupid at all but
a hard worker, learning everything I can with the little time the school system provides.
So,
Who am I?
Well for starters,
To tell you who I am,
I'd have to spend the majoirty of my life writing a one hundred paged book,
With only one page that has one sentence of writing that says,
"Too much to say, ask me another day."
Who I am,
Is a teenaged-Filipina-Latina-video gaming-anime loving-poetry/story writing-girl
Who is always lost in her own world~
Dec 11, 2011
Dec 11, 2011 at 4:18 AM UTC
UNSPOKEN
Unspoken words from empty promises; Gullible truths from more lies of his
Walking thin lines of faith vs. fantasy, The more I try to believe the more you hurt me
How could I be so stupid to fall for your tricks? Time and time I listen just to regret
“Follow your mind, your logic is fool proof, You’ve heard this before he’ll just hurt you.”
“This time is different, he swears it, I feel it. Never mind the past 7 years, I’m not giving up yet!”
I argue with myself unsure of which way to go, Is it time to give this up, if not, how do I know
Unspoken pleads to just love me unconditionally
Unspoken apologies from argument never meant to be
Unspoken feelings of pain and mistrust
Unspoken emotions and thoughts between the two of us
You ever feel trapped between what’s right and what’s wrong?
Then someone asks the rhetorical question, “Baby what’s wrong?”
For starters after 7 years this is not where we should be.
You know me, you know what you did, you know what the hell’s wrong with me!
Unspoken resolutions from arguments of long ago
Deep rooted pain from decisions you made that still bring me sorrow
The right thing go do is to try to forgive you and simply be happy,
The wrong is so much easier - lash out, get even and truly feel happy
But I’ll pray to God and just one more time try to make this work again
I’ll decide to forgive, close my eyes and keep these feeling of doubt, unspoken
Oct 28, 2013
Oct 28, 2013 at 3:56 PM UTC
*Spread love like an infectious disease,
To rid malice, strife and negativity with ease,
Let your light shine like the summers rays,
Embracing your fellow man creating better days,
For starters pay it forward without acknowledgement or compensation,
Spread this germ generously and watch the loving mutation.*
Love Wins…..
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 10:02 AM UTC
Well I don't know if you saw me and passed on Coffee Meets Bagel a few days ago or not, but you look pretty adorable and sound interesting too, so I wanted to say hi either way! 4 weeks in Ireland sounds pretty great too - was that for work, or some other opportunity?
If you had to pick between only skiing or snowboarding for the rest of your life, which would you choose?
Hey! I do web work too...what do you do for the sports coverage website? No workaholism here haha, but I do work hard.
Where do you like to get ****** up on a Friday night?
Love the uggs on the one male stripper. Gotta get myself a pair.
Aww, you and your pup look like super good cuddle buddies. It's really hard to pick something to watch on Netflix...or Amazon Prime in my case. Watching anything good now?
What is there to get butthurt about on your profile really? Except for short guys, maybe. Oh, and gamers. I play games sometimes, but not excessively. What's the cooper tires thing you did?
6 pounds is tiny! What kind of dog is he, a yorkie or something?
Hey, hope you're having a good weekend. Kinda feels like a golf day today based on the way this last week has felt ha. Do you play a lot?
Hey, how are you liking the city and school so far? I went to an engineering school not too far away, you might have heard of it - ...
Sometimes it's hard to sum up our IT jobs in a few words, but nice job ha. A constant challenge and learning something new every day is what I like about mine!
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 10:00 PM UTC
Charity starts at home don't we say?
Be kind to your kith and kin come what may.
A family's not only your safe haven
Tis pals your very own roots
Water these shoots with love devoid of hate
So they bear you sweeter fruits.
Maybe you'd say that's not so easy
but perhaps that's coz you just too busy
Or your clock just don't chime
for quality family time?
For if you can't make time for a letter or a hug
Then let my poem give your conscience a gentle tug.
And if this may sound like a very preachy homily
Deserves much more mention and affection the family
If you can make time for so many other things
some of them not even worthwhile
Try discover the happiness family brings
Just a tad modify that routine lifestyle.
My words in crystal clear clarity
sing compassion is likewise a charity
Charity need not be for strangers only
Find out who needs help in kindred and family
Ties of kinship severe not
Value the relations you've got
Your siblings, cousins from your family tree
and all else that you call family.
What supports and buttresses your family tree are your very own roots
And what keeps the tree living on are your beloved offshoots
Love and regard is quintessential to reaping sweeter fruits
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 1:09 PM UTC
Instead of foraging around making connections
with cables and wireless systems that
bluetooth and sync their way
into our pocket technologies
and portable screens
(tablets of which we self-prescribe
and regulate through overdose
and comatose keenings of stillness
and waking dreams)
why, instead
don’t we fool around
making connections
with others of like mind and brainwaves
instead of radiowaves and
the mastered minds of computer waves
and lift an arm and
really wave
beyond our windows to
real people
in real time
rather than peeping
like a holographic Tom through
tabs and browsing windows,
multi-tasking time in a state of mime
like it’s about to expire
(like the wireless wires will break)
and all that we’ll have is
all we can physically take
from this moment awake we call ‘life’
– a mistake.
What else is left now
in this vegetative
one man one woman state
where we live to close our eyes
and shut our minds and wait for
the modem-router to re-dial and
get our avatar back online and
our friends back into our
multi-dimensional realer-than-time
time?
Pseudonyms solving identity changes
emerge without birth
with designer non-faces, as
now that we no longer need imperfection
or meaning or privacy
or even perception
we alter ourselves to impress our connections
with whom we connect without really connecting
by hiding as one almost nearing detection
and tip-toeing straight past
concern or reflection
(invisible firewalls at our protection)
our own walls around us
with keys we can capslock,
screening ourselves from unfriended friends,
and playfully sated by charm and ‘pretends’
that will mean next to nothing
when fantasy ends.
Where ARE the connections we make
in this digital age
that we rarely turn off since
the internet craze has become a new God
that we dial to be saved
as we sacrifice friends we once made
face to face
with those we are longing to meet
as we race across networks
with hunger and haste and
with spambots and data and viruses made
to detect and infect
and reject, just for starters,
and that’s not to mention
the ads and the logins and
passwords that lock us
from somewhere far yonder
that doesn’t exist
as we grow ever fonder
of pics and of pixels and
texts of expression
– the reality of which
we could lose in a second.
Jul 10, 2015
Jul 10, 2015 at 7:13 PM UTC
How do you begin
to talk about trust,
when every thought
that swirls around in your brain
has additional questions
attached to it:
is it real?
is it made up?
is it rational?
is it an overreaction?
is it temporary?
is it permanent?
Tangled root systems
of the same questions,
for every thought.
And I haven’t even
started on
Feelings,
[that’s a different poem
altogether].
-
How do you begin
to talk about trust
when, for starters,
you can’t trust yourself.
Grow up,
with silence
and
shrugged shoulders
and
the helpless statements of:
I don’t know, I don’t know, I just don’t know,
in response
to all your scientific parents’ questions –
questions peppered with
“logical”
and
“rational”
and
*“you understand where we’re coming from
…right?”*
and
eventually,
every time you think or feel anything at all
and have no explanation,
you’re left with one question:
how can you not know?
how can you not know?
how can you not know?
-
Say a word enough times
and it starts to lose its meaning:
trust
trust
trust
trust
Is it even a word,
or just a lucky combination of letters?
-
How do you begin
to talk about trust
when you’ve been let down
not once, not twice, not three times…
well, what’s the point of trying to recall,
when you’ve lost count of the times.
It would be one thing,
if you knew
why you’ve been abandoned,
or why people hurt you,
or why everything gets to you so often,
[is it you or is it them,
is it you or is it them,
is it you or is it them?]
but it’s the not knowing
that makes you realize
that people as a whole
are:
Unpredictable,
Unreliable,
Untrustworthy.
You’re not usually too angry about it,
this is just Reality.
-
This is just Reality, but
it’s the not knowing
that kills you,
closes up your heart
in a certain kind of way
after a while.
Oh,
you’ll talk to people,
if you must,
say whatever seem to be the right things,
be the listening ear they need,
if that’s what’s required of you,
be good, understanding, kind, empathetic,
to the best of your ability,
but you won’t Rely on them,
won’t accept statements of
I can help.
That’s a different story.
-
If you can’t trust
People.
[Forget about your family, the ones who supposedly love you,
with their helpful advice of “get a job, be useful, it’ll make you feel better.”
Forget about the docs and therapists, the ones who supposedly make it better,
with pills or overpriced talking sessions.
Forget friends, the ones who supposedly are your support system,
with “I’m here for you” and “I can help” that lead nowhere.]
then what you are left with
is trusting yourself
out of necessity.
And you’re back to where you started.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 9:43 PM UTC
Journal Entry #11
People in my life always ask me why I don't date, my mother included. And we can now add my therapist to that list as well.
I told my therapist I find dating humorous and annoying currently.
I think my answer caught her by surprise as she smiled at me and then asked why?
So I decided throwing out actual scenarios would be my best course of action.
I told her for starters I'm completely oblivious when a guy is interested.
For instance:
My Mother: "Honey, why didn't you end up going out with that nice boy, he seemed like a good person for you?
My Response: "Mom, I planned on going out with him. But then I started watching that movie What Woman Want with Mel Gibson, and I came to the conclusion that I'd rather not wear pants.
So I never left my apartment."
~~~~~~~~~~
My best friend: "Hey, that guy over there keeps looking at you. He's totally checking you out!"
My Response: "Naw, he probably has something in his eye and just so happens to be looking in my general direction. He was probably eating something spicy and touched his face. You don't know!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Sister: "Umm, that man was clearly hitting on you. He was just just taken by you, it was so obvious! He was smiling at you the entire time."
My Response: "Naw, he was just really interested in what my preferences on vacuums were."
~~~~~~~~~~~
My therapist laughed at my awkward interactions with men and then went on to say,
"Clearly men are interested in you, but maybe you're just not ready to even be open to the idea of dating again, and that's why you really don't see when men are actually interested in you. How do you feel about that?"
My Response: "I think in part that's very true. But I also think that the idea of actually having to put on pants and talk to men is just a huge no thanks. I think the day I even humor another mans existence will be the day a man makes me happier than eating bread in a pile of freshly washed laundry.
A girls gotta have her standards."
Apr 8, 2018
Apr 8, 2018 at 4:37 PM UTC
temples of time
coloring my hands
my apparatus for creation
of things seen in the mind's eye
catch what falls from the sky inside
juxtapose yourself for once
make yourself symmetrical
we are a continuity of memories
we are a one of many chains of events
my protons
my codons
copies
self similar
life creating life
an ever sprouting flower
and waiting on the next turn
is one more glimpse
at the great mystery
think large
you are spiraling towards
an event horizon
every end result of every action
will be held on the surface of a point of no return
what do you do?
with your
drop of a
drop of a
drop of a
drop of a
drop of a
drop of
time in an ocean?
well for starters learn to swim
then remember you're water
go towards the shadow of true beauty
an arrow of eros to guide your shine
light in the sky
catching an eye
eros in the wind
ethos in the mind
body aligned
i'm not confined
except the lack of ethos in my mind
and the lack of eros in my heart
and the lack of courage in my will
find it in everything around you.
As the mediums
between ideas and sensations
we have a responsibility
for that which the gods can only be objects of.
And we carry it like wishes on the wind
towards the point of no return
never forgotten,
never gone to begin with.
Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 12:24 AM UTC
We doh cur fer fancy werters
Bring us bangers in mashed terters
Gie us pork-pie caressed wi mustard
Rhubarb crumble topped wi custard
If yo’ve got a full day werkin
Black-pudding, eggs, beans and bercon
Un doh keep saying, ‘it’ll do ya no gud!’
We wont loads o’ graerty pud
If yo’me hungry jus the job
A great big hondfull of suetey gob
Grannies rice-puddin wi a gob o’ jam
Branston pickle on hunied-ham
Fish-un-chips wrapped in old newsperper
Ma’s bread puddin, nah that’s the cerper
Un if yo’ve got a babby-sitta
Wash it daen wi Bonks’s bitta
Black-Country fowk doh wont fancy starters
We wont bercon wie grey farters!
Oct 4, 2011
Oct 4, 2011 at 1:48 PM UTC
This meal will be magic
worldwide skills, are no sort of tragic
for starters may I suggest
the spinach dip, you put to the test
Broccoli cheddar chowder
to help you recoup
but served with pit
I'd choose Mock Turtle soup
It's what mock turtle soup is made from
So your hungry?
But would never eat a horse
let me enlighten thee main course
It'll keep you lookin great, in your bikini
Its the sauteed jack, pita panini
Yet wait just a second
don't be so quick to cruise
for dessert your spirit will vigor
for my strawberry mousse
Jan 8, 2012
Jan 8, 2012 at 11:06 PM UTC
Soon be Christmas ...a special day
lots of pressies from Santa's sleigh
children be good or as they say
no big parcels coming your way
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
Lights from the tree burn and glow
showing the way for santa to go
children waking from little no sleep
parents craving another 2 winks
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
4am and Santa's been
all those wishes a dreamers dream
wrapping and squeals in lots of houses
turkey in now sherry starters
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
Dec 17, 2011
Dec 17, 2011 at 1:37 AM UTC
1. Stare away into a vacuum. There's always something entertaining happening in that
vacuum and it needs your undivided attention.
2. Master a blank expression especially when staring into the vacuum or directly at
anyone.
3. Never laugh or smile in social gatherings or ever.
4. Be a miser with your words, use one-word responses and add a few grunts and
guttural sounds to your vocabulary.
5. Believe every male is a ******
6. Never show emotions, especially obvious ones like happiness, surprise, or sadness.
These may serve as conversation starters and you don't want that.
7. Don't necessarily avoid all eye contact. If the person is obviously determined to
make contact with your pupils, give it to them. Stare them down and continue to
stare. If they say something, don't respond just keep staring.
8. Crushing on someone? Don't even bother. They don't want you.
9. Fine, you can't help your crush, these eyes you must definitely avoid.
10. Use up all your tech gadgets, phones, iPods, even a **** calculator can help,
after all the measly remains of your bank account isn't going to check itself.
Anything with words u can pretend to read is also helpful, even your last grocery
receipt that you just randomly found in your purse.
11. "I don't know" is a very good answer for almost every question you're asked.
To make it seem less harsh (if you even care) you can substitute for "not sure"
12. Always pretend to listen, nods and grunts are helpful for this.
13. The less you move your body or your face the better, they're all watching you,
judging you, trying to study you remember that.
14. Paranoia is your friend.
15. Refuse all food or drinks. Do not let them see you eat.
Jan 16, 2014
Jan 16, 2014 at 11:57 AM UTC
only when i look through The Eyes of God am I at peace,otherwise nothing else makes sense,nothing else matters.why?there's nothing else Mathers,Marshall law we were all mislead by indoctrinated Fathers,who sought to turn us into martyrs,for entertainment only like the top five NBA starters,consumed with keeping up with the carters n catering to you haters simply by having goals that's greater,keeping faith til one glorious day Sandy comes and meets me standing in the breeze blowing trees , wind and rain set my mind at ease,caught in a storm lost in a whirlwind my head spins tilted in a dribble passing the days,still giving thanks "forever"until the day I'm carried over to the center of the suns rays...finally i see the light...yet i remain the same so many things on the brain lost,grounded,clueless;stuck like a bird in the rain.
Feb 19, 2013
Feb 19, 2013 at 12:01 PM UTC
Sadness becomes the clown
for humor is a reflex
and denial is breathing
and ease is a smile when one's secretly seething
Sadness becomes the clown
for punchlines are hits
and fools are martyrs
and what are mocked pains but conversation starters
Sadness becomes the clown
for laughter is weighty
and jokes are suppression
and comedic timing is a guise for depression
Clowns give their all
day after day
while time is a pall of emotional decay
And they know it's inevitable
when the chips are down
that the clown becomes sadness
and sadness becomes the clown
Nov 19, 2016
Nov 19, 2016 at 12:33 AM UTC
*Note: I wanted to be able to read this almost in the voice of either Shaggy from Scooby-Do or like a really nervous like, crazy kind of guy in a group session. So hopefully if you can imagine any of those voices while reading this then it'll make it even better.
Hello, my name's Paul Lauer. This is my first group kind of session so I guess I'll start off by saying I have an addiction ! I can't stop doing it, no matter where I go. In my room, in the shower, in the woods, in my therapist bathroom like four year ago before it was my turn to have my thoughts dissected. I feel so ***** admitting it but I think it's time I washed my hands of this when I say: I love to daydream.
I know, some of you may or may not be shocked. It's almost obvious to the ones who see through my facade of a confident white teenager. For starters my shaky left hand, constantly gripping my sturdy, hard pen while I put thoughts onto paper. Each word sloppier the faster I write, ink spewing itself then drying awkwardly on my pinky cause lefties drag when they write.
The more I think the greater intensity the daydream is. It's like I'm in the fantasy itself. Don't get me wrong though, I like romance just as much as the next person does. But there's just something about spontaneous daydreaming that gets me so heated, I can feel my blood pumping faster throughout my body it feels like I might pass out from exhaustion.
I feel so ashamed but when I whip my imagination out in public I just can't stop. I have to see through it to the very bitter tasting end. Does the warrior save his girlfriend from the onslaught of giant evil robots trying to crush them? I don't know, but what I do know is that I love to use my imagination while I daydream.
Especially in public.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 7:54 AM UTC
Soon be Christmas ...a special day
Lots of pressies from Santa's sleigh
Children be good or as they say
No big parcels coming your way
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
Lights from the tree burn and glow
Showing the way for Santa to go
Children waking from little no sleep
Parents craving another 2 winks
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
4am and Santa's been
All those wishes a dreamers dream
Wrapping and squeals in lots of houses
Turkey in now sherry starters
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to all my friends
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to family afar
Happy Christmas Happy Christmas
to one and all
Happy Christmas
Dec 2, 2012
Dec 2, 2012 at 1:50 AM UTC