If you're ever part of secret government testing
or your irradiated with cosmic power
or you fall into a vat of mysteriously glowing chemicals
you don't get superpowers
you're not bulletproof
your spidey senses won't tingle
you won't be nine feet tall and made of stone
you won't move things with your mind
or tear your shirt when you get mad
no blades to snikt from your knuckles
no eye lasers
no supersonic screams

you'll get sick
lose all your hair
cough up blood
liver will fail
yellow skin
sunken eyes
Eventually you won't wake up
and maybe your girlfriend will cry.