Test Ting Won To Tree
By
Charles Fleischer







Rifleman decal water is to Tiny basket liners as Strained yo-yo string is to?
Dark wool glowing is to Oldest lost oddity as First genetic engine is to?
Black quail taint is to Nut curdled paint as Hemp biscuit dominoes are to?
Steam traced paper is to Lemon ash vapor as Digital ****** wig is to?
Eccentric brine mimes are to Electric silk slacks as Spark formed lava is to?
Sunchoked black hornets are to as Rescued orphan doves as Retold cat jokes are to?
Hand traced videos are to Braided rubber spines as Opal rain dancers are to?
Halogen anchor gong is to Annoying bread portraits as Soft bracelet lockers are to?
Old troll bios are to Select cherub echoes as Broken matchstick parasols are to?
Dome nine chariots are to Frayed lunar remnants as Fuming honey flasks are to?
Bluing assault operas is to Beading fluted flowers as Magnetic lawn tweezers are to?
Converted flea sponges are to Floating dog murals as Frozen Archie comics are to?
Molded road pads are to Crusty gumdrop thread as Straw ribbed pelicans are to?
Inflatable diamond vowel is to Single gender raffle as Groovy desert coffee is to?
Temporary solution radiation is to Idiotic witness mumble as Motorized marshmallow kit is to?
Panoramic utopian paranoia is to Aggravated **** silhouettes as Unhinged gun sellers are to?
Homesick ghost pajamas is to Virtuous fly fungus as Royal sandpaper gloves are to?
Gangster hayride tickets are to Deer milk Oreos as Turnip fairy maps are to?
Glue gun **** is to Nocturnal cabin mice as Cab fare corn is to?
Speckled fish nickels are to Under water bric-a-brac as Epic snakeskin paisley is to?
******* bungalow pranks are to Drowsy vapid oafs as Quantized cavern fish are to?
Raunchy snail kimono is to Coiled time dice as Smeared equator malt is to?
Metallic centaur franchise is to Transparent cheese chess as Spotted glacial remnants is to?
Sky fused pong is to Rustic mothers brattle as Granulated canister ointment is to?
Overgrown maze mule is to Mated smugglers hugging as Floating thesaurus exam is to?
Sliding coed sprinkler is to Soapy whitefish rebate as Precious lamb diaper is to?
Mushy acorn luster is to Lilac protein rings as Slapstick wrestler dialect is to?
Freaky plankton bells is to Rolling horse divorce as Morphing morphine lips are to?
Sticky razor sparkle is to Emerald muscle spasm as Glaring cat cipher is to?
Peppy unisex mustache is to Pelican fighter syndrome as Clumping night grumble is to?
Scanning paired pearls are to Ruby rubbed roaches as Satanic sailor flotsam  are to?
Glowing asteroid solder is to Ideal shark data as Failed frail doilies are to?
Numb nuts boredom is to Fantastic icy phantoms as Sporadic silk creations is to?
Crooks crow chow is to Loading spackled bonder as Gargled snowdrop blasters are to?
Outdid myself today is to Outside myself again as Outlived myself controls is to?
Venting shuttlecock upset is to Texting badminton kitten as Settler tested motels are to?
Prepare paired vents is to Prefer paid events as Pretender predicts fiction is to
Crunchy mental fender is to Catching mentor menace as Poorly seasoned lettuce is to?
Outside sidewalk inside is to Seaside outcast input as Sideways landslide victory is to?  
Compile fake password is to Compost world poo as Compose village anthem is to?
Crooked crotch blunder is to Loud crowd thunder as Divine vine finder is to?
Chucks’ wooden truck is to Bucks good luck as Sticky ducks tucked is to?  
Overhaul underway overseas is to Overturned downsized pickup as Underground onramp overloaded is to?
I’ll bite there is to Aisle byte their as Isle bight there is to?
Gnat gnawed wrist is to ***** show beans as See through putty is to?
Flapping floppy guppies are to Buzzing zipped dozers as Muddy ****** strippers are to?
Dark diagonal dialogue is to Diabolical dihedral die as Interesting circadian exposition is to?
Experimental flossing expectations are to Waxed dental traps as Permanent impermanence resolution is to?  
Outran ringside intrigue is to Sidetracked onboard boatload as Loaded firearm topside is to?
Phony ****** phone is to Chewy ego honey as Yogi Mama’s dada is to?
Nimble teardrop squiggle is to Humble cage curtains as Loyal truckstop morals are to?
Torching curled elastic is to Sonic neighbor clamor as Golden droplet integers are to?
Duplex pupil scanners are to Nacreous cloud clocks as Shrouded flute shops are to?
Lawn rocket tendrils are to Finding surreal borders as Sheep monarchs children is to?
Gloating ungloved squires are to Busting double doubters as Pushing woeful doctors are to?
Tricking snowbelt firedogs is to Panmixing blackened haywires as Unclothed shameful leaders are to?
Malicious ranch ritual is to Internal puppet bubble as Ornate underworld masquerade is to?
Rustic debonair Eskimos are to Mindless sassy elves as Gorgeous somber acrobats are to?
Learned earthy pimps are to Fearless sneaky Queens as Somber gentle vagrants are to?
Shocking horse wear is to Glossy sled fluid as Damaged chipmunk tongue is to?
Traditional agony chart is to Damp voodoo motel as Backwoods museum quote is to?
Magical cat cabin is to Dapper porpoise humor as Malicious graveyard foam is to?
Therapeutic gazelle cushion is to Stored alibi equipment as Stunning tempo light is to?
Fantastic rascal art is to Wasted prune dust as Jupiter’s ****** law is to?
Little nut razor is to Gigantic hyena shield as Hourglass pillow fever is to?
Coiled rain clouds are to Dizzy tycoon clowns as Lime eating cowards are to?
Possessive epicurean demonstrators are to Faded eavesdropping giants as Determined swanky drunks are to?
Aquatic preview pocket is to Soggy judicial topiary as Finicky hamster fabric is to?
Enlarged fruit cuff is to Obedient mumbling orchestra as Dark tenant tariff is to?
Recycled flash thermometer is to Botched temptation probe as Pet glider grid is to?
Seriously shy idols are to Costly driving perfumes as Ferryboat chapel wine is to?
Winged jalopy details are to Faithful spectral fathers as Sprinkled mint rainbows are to?
Spelling unneeded words is to Sprouting donut ***** as Blaming mellow mallrats are to?
Eroding loom keepsake is to Magnificent accordion canoe as ***** bongo fumes are to?
Souring violet ink is to Juvenile insult park as Periodic ferret envy is to?
Obedient boyfriend aroma is to Sanitized fat lozenges as Dramatic jailer garb is to?
Mysterious patrol group is to Dynamic maiden discharge as Captured hurricane ratio is to?
Lackadaisical bigot bingo is to Oblong care merchant as Expensive swamp shampoo is to?
Petite orifice worship is to Atomic barge pet as Plucked hair exhibit is to?
Elite officer wallop is to Automatic yard rake as Healing ****** glitter is to?
Needless swan costume is to Giant jungle goat as Organic picnic napkin is to?
Leaky jet steam is to Innovative fascist whistle as Enchanting idol evidence is to?
Plastic mascara seduction is to Greasy thermal ointment as Attractive muskrat crease is to?
Lucky camel pills are to White coral Torah as Eternal stage clutter is to?
Roasted oat **** is to Sloppy *** glue as Nylon table debt is to?
Steep nook catastrophe is to Empty dome damage as Pulsing breeze powder is to?
Empty sack power is to Hitched buck stroke as Red claw warning is to?
Ultra brief slogan is to Yummy lab mutant as Pathetic ball armor is to?
Nauseating fish splatter is to Obstinate ****** twitch as Strained ***** coffee is to?
Mezzanine intermission fossil is to Proven **** apathy as Golden duck shroud is to?
Civil tutors torment is to Thor’s posted theory as Yellow melon rain is to?
Immense olive raft is to Exploding kangaroo buffet as Ethereal witness index is to?  
Marching dark speeders are to Searing scribble fighters as **** tripping sinners are to?
Seeping viral angst is to Aged hermit tea as Murky bowl nibble is to?
Condensed blister guzzle is to Pink dorsal pie as Lavish speckled runt is to?
Needy insult poet is to Sedated acorn trader as Dry honey zoo is to?
Veiled trust flicker is to Deranged poser fashion as Flat sizzle tangent is to?
Purified diet spray is to Nebulous wishing target as Thrilling screen dope is to?
Majestic ribbon astronomy is to Bizarre formation sector as Rebel bell gimmick is to?
Sealed dart whisper is to Green silk draft as Cold vacuum varnish is to?
Clumsy raven power is to Insect island circus as Minted mink drapes are to?
Curved map ruler is to Tiny lethal radio as Blue fused metal is to?
Inverted laser invasion is to Damp sheep dump as Puffy gown smoke is to?
Saucy Channel blazer is to Leather goat filament as Starched locomotive hat is to?
Broken jumper leads are to Disgraced mini exorcists as Designer shamrock caulk is to?
Tweaked poachers smokes are to Assorted sulfur pathways as Collected bedlamp trickle is to?
******* bungalow pranks are to Drowsy vapid oafs as Quantized cavern fish are to?
Crawling battle worms are to Vibrating metal pedals as Mentholated matrix wax is to?
Missing meshed rafts are to Liquid rock pipes as Crinkled bean bikinis are to?
Tithing **** joggers are to Perforated buck fronds as Leather zither picks are to?
Fearing truthful cowards is to Rambling preachers mumble as Gazebo ambulance gasoline is to?
Shelving elder’s whiskers is to Poaching goalies pesto as Radical tricycle angst is to?
Mucky gunboat polymer is to Primeval maypole flameout as Cathedral greenhouse intercom is to?
Diaphanous safety prize is to Unleashed saucer lion as Dorky blonde ropewalker is to?
Tapered spring meter is to Silver silo mythology as Misguided judges medallions are to?
Alligator x-ray money is to Cherry unicorn water as Coyote cactus toy is to?
Cowardly dorm scrooge is to Atomized pewter script as Flattened spore smoothies are to?
Trash can yodel is to Flashing wired spam as Exploding chocolate pudding is to?
Sonar blasted bushings are to Threading ruined wheels as Forty shifting boxes are to?
Tiny balloon rebellion is to Softened square cleanser as Iconic soul sucker is to?
Harmony night light is to Spanish nitrogen desire as Squirrel cavern iodine is to?

Lazy winter secret is to Slow airport widget as Silly mustard binder is to?
Elephants raising raisins are to Microscopic lamb planet as Purple hay puppets are to?
Caribou venom vaccine is to Electronic lemonade choir as Demonic princess massage is to?
Beet coated bridge is to Fattened needle point as Mylar monkey spine is to?
Ashy ink dust is to Youngest rabbi planet as Orange cartoon geometry is to?
Cold green chalk is to Cobalt ladder farce as ***** river filters are to?
Sublime sheep master is to Sleeping past rapture as Subliminal bliss jelly is to?
Ocean crust slippers are to Twigged germ radar as Popping sharpie scope is to?
Zen wrapped beep is to Oak foamed code as Wicked flashing sizzle is to?
Dew eyed sleigh is to Say I do as Act as me is to?
Humpback on hammock is to Ham hocking hummer as Hunchback with knapsack is to?
Corned flag jelly is to Draped wing chewers as Tripping swan acid is to?
Futuristic Rembrandt chant is to Almond likened meadows as Asian timber blue is to?
Nap in sack is to Flap on Jack as Ducks dig crack is to?
Flowing flavored lava is to Gleaming optic layers as Enhanced goose gibberish is to?      
Flag tied pajamas are to Saline checker choir as Speed reading quotas is to?
Whipped spam spasms are to Misted shaman scripture as Testing pitched bells is to?
Cave aged eggs are to Crowded tiger cages as ****** wagon pegs are to?
Pigeon towed car is to a Man toad art as Wolf whisker wish is to?
Second hand clothes are to Minute hand gestures as Final hour prayer is to?
Slick wicked shavers are to Tricky watch boxes as Sprouting pine tattoos are to?
Waxed stick ravens are to Match stick foxes as Narrowed thermal towers are to?
Ice cave rice is to Laced face lice as Gourmet pet **** is to?
Diamond lane anniversary is to Space age appropriate as Time travel agency is to?
Lime bark violin is to Lemon twig guitar as Lunar sky waffles are to?
Fake rat **** is to Smart cake batter as Rugged fur tax is to?
Tarred raft fluff is to Flaked rafter dust as Lined liquor flask is to?
Flakes will fall is to Take Bills call as Broken maze compass is to?
First faked voter is to Entombed cartoon honey as Smallest aching smurf is to?
Fancy bared ******* are to Flaky fairy treats as Kings amp filter is to?
Bone window folio is to Whittled fake pillow as Little fitted jackets are to?
Nine nuts brittle is to Ate pear pie as Six packed poppers are to?
Incandescent playground pencil is to Elastic hand worm as Perfumed piano ink is to?
Opal shifting anode is to a Windup lion decoy as Pale paisley trolley is to?
Stacked black boxes are to Old packed tracks as a Throwing micron hammers is to?
Apricot bark furnace is to Merry Orchid Choir as an Ivory rinsing funnel is to?  
Narcotic honey nuts are to Slick flag toffees as Silk fig sugar is to?
Orange coin raisins are to Low note candies as Smelling balled roses is to?
Pocket packed monotints are to Tragic ladder hayracks as Ravishing speed traders are to?
Crayon spider resin is to Coral squirrel forceps as Wolf tumbled loaf is to?  
Silver wheat flies are to Width shifting wheels as Golden blister blankets are to?
Really tiny hippopotamus is to Masked fat podiatrist as a Sad sack psychiatrist is to?
Miniature Mesopotamian monuments are to Apple minted elephants as Raising wise ravens is to?
Lathered nymph nacre is to Sonic ion constellations as Concealed iron craft is to?  
Epic gene toy is to Ladies bubble sled as Jagged data bowl is to?
Bugged dagger bag is to Pop sliced meld as Atom bending moonlight to?  
Rural madam’s deed is to Dyed dew dipper as Eight sprayed dukes are to?
Jiffy grand puffer is to Floating altar myth as Vintage dark mirth is to?
Undercover overnight underwear is to Overpaid undertaker overdosing as Overheard understudy freebasing is to?

Black grape crackle is to Red cactus ruffle as Installing padded pets are to?
Snide snobs sniffing are to Sneaky snails snoring as Snared snipes sneezing are to?
Exploring explosive exits is to Explaining expansive exports as Expecting expert exchange is to?
Shrewd logic ledger is to Puppets dropping cupcakes as Placated topaz octopi are to?
Door roof tools are to Cool wool boots as Wood cooked root is to?
Bright fight light is to Night flight fright as Mites bite site is to?
Floor flood fluid is to Wooden door Druid as Nasty **** broom is to?
Accurate police photography is to Intelligent microbe geography as Condensed aerosol biography is to?
Cowardly cowboy grime is to Corpulent corporate crime as Bosnian dwarf necromancer is to?
Jell-O clearing shaker is to Brillo cleaning shiner as Cheerios bowling shields are to?
Mumbled mindless hokey is to Fumbled found money as Humming kinder bunny is to?
Daisy’s clock setter is to Lilly’s boxer toxin as Poodles rose paddle is to?
Watch Bozo Copernicus is to Hire Clarabelle Newton as Find ***-wee Einstein is to?
Amethyst thistle whistles is to Lapis pistol whip as Diamond bomb scar is to?
Dandelion seahorse rescue is to Crabapple dogwood farm as Faux foxglove lover is to?    
Optical poppy stopper is to Polar halo lens as Day-Glo rainbow sticker is to?
Savanna leopard spotted is to Eskimo lassos kisses as Alligator lemonade standard is to?
Bill of Rights is to Will of left as Thrill of night is to?
Baptize floozies quickly is to Useless outsized nozzles as Puzzled wizard wanders is to?        
Chaps wearing chaps are to Chaps contesting contests as Consoling concealed consoles is to?
Quiet squirming squirrels are to Aeon beauty queens as Queasy greasy luaus is to?
Knew new gnu is to Sense scents cents as We’ll wheal wheel is to?
Blazing zingers ringing are to Wheezing singers flinging as Freezing finger number are to?
Lamb tomb jogger is to Dumb numb **** as Thumbed crumb bug is to?

Blue accordion casket is to Jaded scholar ***** as German mushroom circus is to?
President George Flintstone is to Funny Fred Washington as Abraham Jetson’s dog is to?
Google Desmond Tutu is to Kalamazoo Zoo Park as Zodiac actors Guru is to?
Swamp cradled whisperer is to Cherished drawbridge cello as Bludgeoned prankster outlaws are to?
Dukes pink mittens are to Smeared nest carava

Nilimot ng ulirat ang sarili
Nakaligtaan akong dalawin
Ng antok na pinangungulilaan.

Pinihit ko ang imahe
Nitong bughaw at dwendeng bida.

Bagsak ang panga
Ayan, pabaya ako sa pananim
Patawad **Papa Smurf!

I make
stupid decisions
when I'm drunk.

I drink whiskey without food
and puke up yellow bile.

I put my hands on girl's *****
who have protective boyfriends
and get into shouting
and physical
matches
with dudes I can't remember.

I talk about love
and stupidity
in the same
sentence.

And I yell
like a *******.

Sometimes I yell some incoherent
*******,
while Josh drives back to the crib,
****
about how
I love the girls I can never ****,
**** the girls I could never love,
and don't know ****
about love
in the first place.

That's what I mean by stupid.

I'm a smurf that doesn't know it's blue
when I'm drunk.

Blue smurf.

Wand'ring
Lost and alone
Through a dense and murky wood
Far from familiar shores
A damp, deep weariness
Pervades my soul
As I search
For the tell-tale signs of passage
My quarry has evaded me thus far
The path weaving
Between the roots
Of ancient, gnarled oaks
I pause and wonder
At the futility of my quest
Might he have slipped from my grasp
For good and all
Ne'er to be seen again
I laugh derisively
The cynic rears its ugly head
I must keep up hope
Else why go on
Steeling myself
I begin to move once more
I turn my thoughts
To years past
And a wave of bitter nostalgia
Washes over me
I can almost hear the faint echo
Of their singing
The high pitched
Tra-la-la
As they went gaily on their way
I can hear his voice in the lead
See his blue skin
And white beard
A tear rolls down my cheek
I sink to my knees
I cry out
Papa Smurf!
Where are you?
But, alas, there is no reply
And so I journey on
In search of all I've lost
Knowing deep inside
That it can never be again.

so, he's there whistling through
his missing front teeth,
he slobbers and pretends to stutter,
but he still manages to call
me papa smurf...
why the **** am i papa smurf?
so i ask him...
he replies saying,
you seen yourself in the mirror lately?
why aren't you shaving
that ****** off?
   oh right... the ****...
can't be bothered,
saving up on razors and what not...
conversation soon changes
and i'm out of the picture of
interest...
    papa smurf... **** me...
next time he'll be brining
the grizzly bear metaphor:
to be honest, kids below
the benchmark of 1m tall
find bearded men fascinating,
they shy away hiding behind
their parents' legs,
but they still peer at the *****
phenomenon: yeah, i know,
my face doesn't exactly look
like a ****, good luck
trying to sort out your puberty
conondrum years later
having tested this ugly mug.
well, last time i was buying beer
i was winking
and making 4 ****** expression
per second while suggesting
i was hallucinating looking
at this blonde haired boy...
wh'ah? wh'ah?
you heard me! he kept looking
at me!
   so i kept flicking the switch
and asking for the nervous
eyelid twitch to match
a donkey he might recognise...
i guess it worked,
minus the lightbulb moment:
either side of the equation;
guess that means:
                win                  win;
ah, the magnetism of
the correlated both of: young, & old;
i sometimes wish
i impregnated a *****
that could have appreciated me
as fulfilling the role of daddy...
oh well...
     better laugh, better cry,
than finding the everyday mundane
reality of the thought
of: what could have been.

A cat was found on the street
A man had left him lifeless ,beaten
Black and blue literally
It had some scars to show up for the persons artistry
Now a cat is called mean
Well never heard a cat dying a man green
And man is a social animal
But sometimes animal part comes out at the scene
But the fact is man has a bigger animal in him that any lil blue dyed cat named smurf can bring on the scene
And I m not being gender specific each time I write a man there is a man along with a woman ,fact was I just wanted to write human but each time I guess  the animal in me came on the scene.

A beautiful cover of silk and sky
I could almost die
It reminds me of the sea
And a tiny flea
It reminds me of a bee
Which fills me with glee
It reminds me of the blue bonnet
Just like the glue gonnet
I think of a blue smurf
Which likes to surf
I know a blue emoji
Just like a goji
The color of magic
Which is created by hagic
It is the color of a kitty's eye
And a fly
It is the color of the cowboys sign
But not the color line

The stage was  set the little untalented ***** monkeys gathred
like bizzar attention seeking ******  all for the title
of  Hello Poetry's top poet.

But enough with the weird named carbon copy poets
who now **** the charts im just saying im a little bitter.
Lets take a look at the judges you silly little donkeys.

It was a who's who of people who actully were something
that what in the real world we like to call original.
Jack  yes the loveable kinda ******* ****** who deep
down would probaly have more in common with Jack the Ripper
than Lord Byron  im just saying.

Baths  yes the queen of Hello  and i'd  be a smart *** now but im scared she'd hurt me  and not in a good way  not that im into
pain dam you Marv  Albert    i never knew the tijuanna brass were so freaky.

Chris Smith  the poet  the model  the all  around  hansome devil
with a heart of gold  you go girl.

Phil Roberts  the silent  yet  down right evil  arch enemy of
all things  sweet and pure finally off probation and his meds.
Still the restraining  order was in full effect thank God  Barney
that devil worshiping dinosuar was no where in site  and as long as the voices in Phils head were happy we were all safe.

And the man the myth the pervert drunken *******  of Hello.
Just back from his recent vist   to  Shady Pines  resort slash mental
institution.
Gonzo  along with his court ordred doctor .
Dr Jerry  Who held many degree's in bartending,Massage therapy with happy endings,And chemistry yes  he was a real busy ******* slash drug fiend okay dealer.
What a girl has her needs.

Sitting at the judges table it was the usal chatter how are you.
Nice ***'s  hey Phil  put down the knife.
Jack  wear did you get that muzzle and straight jacket?
Baths  reminding me she didnt wanna have to use the pepper spray
like at the Hello christmas party.

Gonzo pouring his wild turkey.
Dr Jerry yelling  hey just what do you think your doing?
What are ya drinking by yourself?
Good point  you silly *******  so after four strong drinks
some lines of uhh  sinus powder from Columbia they dont just
make records  to my suprize we were off like lindsy lohan
on a drug I mean  well a drug run.

The first couple of guys read there genitic poems all of which
were like taco bell food.It  pretty much  would either give you food poisening or the ****'s.

Person after person read there poetry the drinks poured
people gave there opinions  Chris well the poem was great just maybe pace it better.

Baths giving another deep comment that was always welcome
that and the contestants outta sheer fear knew not to cross her
cause **** happens after dark around here and the Hello dumpster
is filled with not just bottles of wild turkey yeah remember Drew?
Exactly.

Jack gave a long muffled  comment  that must have surely been brillant someone should really remove that dam muzzle.

Phil  goddamed dinosuar  i'll teach him for playing hard to get.
oh yeah he'll like it he'll like it real good  oh look
a puppy dog.

Okay kinda weird  but well yeah.

Then the  attention turned to the attention grabing little *****
of Hello  no not  Gary ****** man.
the only G that matters beside's spot  Gonzo.

Well I think you need to lean more into the microphone  when you
read  and um well to relax  show more clevage.
And may I say if that was a samba   it totally ******
1 star.

The room and other judges must have been amazed by my depth
for they were all silent.
Dr Jerry aplauded  dam he really knew how to fill out that cheerleading outfit   we really needed to take a fishing trip im just saying
male bounding is okay sometimes  just ask Phil.

The people kept rolling in i slept through most of the mens readings
the women  because im a gentleman  and a scholar I had DR Jerry give my card  cause if Ican help inspire and guide maybe cuddle  fresh hot
young poets im all for it   I know what your saying yes I am  
giving back to the Hello community and not just STD's and hangovers.

But enough with the foreplay  finally  with the tension built up
like little catholic school girls waiting for there savior Justin Bieber to make a appearence   it was time.

Who was Hello's top new poet.
The short little **** *******  slash  napoleon of hello walked to the mic.
And after several  attempts at reaching it  one of his many  
assistants slash  friends with benfits of staying on the charts forever
assumed the possition.
So he could stand on there back and talk in the mic.
Get your mind outta the gutter.

The winner is  for there poem the Gentic.
There began a rumble beside me ******  Dr Jerry
stop jerking off were public man.

But it wasnt my dealer I mean doctor .
It was My fashion forward amigo Jack.
The rumbling continued slowley the straps began to snap
as his color changed to red once would have been to green
if not for copyright infrigement dam you king kong.

The red devil burst from his restraints  like a  stripper off
a four week ******* binge let loose  at Macdonalds.
tables flew  clothes were ripped.
Bathe's yelled  at the top of her lungs  look ****** I have a tazer
so if you try to cop a feel i'll use it.
Must have been talking to Phil or Chris.

I knew what to do  in this chaos i quickly ran with the special talent of Hello  to my dressing room  DR Jerry  emergency bring  wild turkey duct tape  a video camera  a inflatable swimming pool  some jello mix and  a Kenny G  cd  and some roofies .
Im kidding  I never listen to Kenny G.

The screams were that of a german shapard ripping a smurf to shreads.
Help me  plaese  mommy I almost felt sorry for Eliot.
But i did what a true gentleman slash long winded journalist does in these time's. Sat back with some cocktails and enjoyed some jello
wrestling  opps  I think  the tickle monster is loose.

Me first  me first  ******  Phil  well if it keeps the voices at bay
why the **** not.
We laughed we danced  Jack Horner  bathed in Eliots blood.
While Chris said please  stop including me in these ****** stories
Gonzo.
    
While Baths  kept her tazer in hand  and dry white wine in the other.
Much like  a bad habbit I grow on you.
Jack looked at me as old brothers in shared insanity often do.
Hey Gonzo  when ya  gonna end this one mate?
Hey amigo  as soon as ya get that  *** on stage and close the show
with a lady gaga  preformance.

The *****, the *******,  the Brits,And Gonzo,
With his doctor slash roadie slash personal man servant bartender
who could ask for anything more than a purple dinosaur's head on a platter but enough about Phil.

Untill next time Stay Crazy  Kids.
Gonzo.

If I could be a cartoon character
Which one would I be
I thought about being Fred Flinstone
But he's too old-fashioned for me

And then there's maybe George Jetson
A man who knew electronics
Nothing like Yosemite Sam
Who needed to be hooked on phonics

And what about Shaggy and ******
You gotta love those ****** snacks
I've never really considered a Smurf
And their tiny little mushroom shacks

Or maybe I'd become a super hero
Who comes to save the day
Batman , Green Hornet or Underdog
Who puts the bad guys away

Maybe I'd live in Jellystone Park
Where Yogi is still the king
For "Hello Mr Ranger Sir"
Is just the funniest thing



© All Rights Reserved

.simone biles (the gymnast)...
                 miles davis (the trumpet guy)...
     must be black privilege;
wasn't there a movie...
starring
woody harrelson
and wesley snipes?
you sure?
i thought it was
called: white men can't jump...
sure as **** ****** can
sing church gospel!
how's that for
privilege?
    if you're going to
culturally box, and repeatedly
punch below the belt...
you're quiet likely going
to get a reaction...
i have an acne wart growing
on my *** the size
of a cauliflower,
it's itchy my brain,
it's differentiating between
agitate and: lying back...
i guess the excess of...
look... you may have
the excess melanin...
    i have lactose tolerance...
we're even?!
   no?
  so how come some smurf,
some European hobbit
shackle your N.B.A.
Goliath(s)?!
explain that one to me...
if these people were so
****-unsure...
how they **** did they
tame the Zulu Apache Goliath
bodybuilders?!
  what the ****?!
i already said, and it was proven...
IQ...
i don't like it...
     but i'm pretty sure that
the whites **** more people
in terrorist attacks than...
camel-jockeys...
         it took 3 or over three...
to perform the Bataclan Massacre...
three... the third of the IQ
that required a Breivik...
   130 in France...
dissociated among 3 attackers
that gorged on testicles after the spree...
fun, fun fun fun...
like: you're trying to say that without
irony...
    and how many in Norway?
    77...
i only look at the IQ of killers...
so... what's the ratio?
    77 / 1
   130 / 3 = 43...
         like i said... low IQ...
              you really want your little
racial insurrection?
you'll have it, don't worry..
i'll just the narrative...
  must be black privy...
if you can mash up a jazz compos.,
right?
                crackers read from
a prepared script...
you ******* just, "improvise"...
          rapping contra talking...
****... come to think of it...
******* boys took it too far from
your Oreos...
           like... too much drums...
not enough wind, or strings...
too much drumming...
pulverizing the ears
with drum & bass and what not...
if i wasn't deaf prior,
i'm deaf by now;
******* boy to Oreo woo-oo-oops
boy;
same ****, different cover.

I remember running to first, faster then a scream
Now that kind of speed is just a foolish dream.
Age is such a vicious foe, slower by the day
My anger yells at speed of light with nothing real to say.
I still dream of hitting first against the burning sun
Each Saturday was just a game, a war that must be won.
The ball was hit just like my soul soaring in the air
Its always true life is foul or sometimes it is fair.
I loved to hear my father’s yell when the play was on my turf
The yells from distant fans of mine screaming for the smurf.
Even munchkins have to age according to the word of  Oz
But baseball dreams have no rules and  it's sons they have no laws.

.a woman's place is not in the kitchen... **** right! about time someone made that observation, the times i've eaten under-cooked baby potatoes and over-cooked pasta? i'm actually ******* surprised that the kitchen was ever intended for a place for women... what the **** are women doing in kitchens? given, that their offspring don't know where milk comes from... or how peanuts grow... huh?

somewhere between eric dolphy
and frank o'hara:
    in terms of lunch...
            i have to gloat over this one...
it was... simply... pristine...

                   women do not belong
in the kitchen the more i'm supposed
to belong dangling off a ceiling of
a cavern emple for bats -
men don't want women in
the kitchen...
  i don't like the idea of a woman cooking...
women can't cook...
          well, for the majority...
   what's this? fast meals,
     junk restaurants -
i'm about to eat something that's
equivalent to me having ******* it out?
sorry... no...

not when i tell what i had for lunch...
iceberg salad,
carrot,
   pepper,
mild green chilli,
         em... ****...
    turkish goat's cheese -
a pear, a ******* FIG (skin intact),
    schwarzforst prosciutto -
chilli infused ****** olive oil,
balsamic vinegar...
        
women, do not, belong,
in, the kitchen...
              a kitchen is no harem...
where... i believe...
Sappho escaped from...
                  but fair enough:
nudge budge: bear a grudge... ha ha...
it's like this teasing contest i had
on my way back from an off-lice
at quarter to 11 one night...
a boyfriend,
    a scaffold(er) and his girlfriend,
drunk, d'uh...
  joking about her height...
this: smurf -

                       we laughed
she was evidently ******* -
but in a way that we could have cuddled
and kissed falling
      acorn leaves in autumn
to imply a next annum of revival...

  but **** me, what a trinity -
a FIG a pear, (a) goat's cheese -
   and that balsamic vinegar
transcendence medium of sweet contra
sour?
        
  oh wait... that was sexist?
             fine, enjoy the microwave
    spaghetti and cheese -
      like some diabolical version
of an electric ballerina twirling -
        
   i have the neo-**** gig covered too...
don't mind, being a *******
****** and all,
   having talked to my great-grandmother
about her experiences on the Eastern Front...
giving my grandmother opiates so
she wouldn't cry and become a beacon
for the Wehrmacht...

            don't worry... i'm supplied
in neo-**** music...
just in case...
   oh lookie look over 'ere...
that song -
   feindflug's größenwahn:
bought the album about a year ago
for £15... now? it's worth £40+...
                     never mind wumpscut:
               i like the fact that there is
such a position of interests that
confiscates a magnetism of
eclectic tastes...
        and please...
   the only reason you would have your
toddler and subsequent child
to listen to classical music is
not an I.Q. resonance -
   it won't make them smarter,
fat chance in anorexic hell -
         hell, let them listen to classical
music, but entrenching their I.Q. is
not the main byproduct...
    how many people, do you know...
who have lost interest in music?
   i know a few...
   some people really, really do lose interest
in music...
                by the time when they've been
fed classical music,
   been exposed to pop, perhaps even
rock...
   and never reached the antithesis of
classical music, namely jazz...
subsequently having the zenith of
having read a Jane Austen novel...
but not a Mary Shelley -
      and not divulged into espresso quick-step
******* jargon of
poetry contra performance, bloated vocals -
and that... annoying,
generic voice, apparent throughout
the spectrum of all vocal performers -
that asthmatic quasi-exasperation
   performance...
                    
true: i could perform...
   drinking got in the way...
the prime vice...
   secondary vice?
       cooking...
              
true though...
   women don't belong in the kitchen...
what sort of man would
allow a woman in the kitchen?
   i've tasted undercooked potatoes
and overcooked pasta...
   let's just say...
  we're not on friendly talking terms.

Once upon a time in an alternate universe not too long ago
I met the cheekiest babe from the other side of the world.
She went by Smurfette, she loved to call me Papa Smurf
and Vanity wasn’t gay, the ******* just loved himself too much.

She always sat by the window, detoxicating herself of verses
cranking out a few lyrics, scoping the city in the trenches.
Of the love we waged never wavering and waving a white flag
“I’m gonna put you to bed” were all our wars went to die.

But I was more than alive, inside the land from down under
called her Daphne the Nymph, the voluptuous Greek Goddess.
Wanted to raise little Koalas together in our Kangaroo farm
in every kiss we traded souls, in every breath we lost our lives.

And we gained them again back when the Jitneys were blue
our sweat-drenched bodies overtaken by some strange voodoo.
Every ship we embarked on was lost in the Atlantic without return
James Bean captained our vessel, holding it together with crazy glue.

In New York City locked lips inside a phone booth, it was euphoria
she was already born a Queen since she hailed from Astoria.
Our Bohemian Rhapsody blended like Cheech & Chong on a ******
her pouty lips, ****** smile, five years later how can I forget her?

Her voice, beautiful sparrow, vocal chords stone carved like no other
and yet normally speaking she sounded like the Crocodile Hunter
Soaked the landscape of her essence, remembrance without a beat
the song she wrote about us, plays in my heart eternally on repeat.

Shasha: If you like then u should’ve put a ring on it.

Emily: A.) not the right song b.) not singing time yet C.) What’s your name?

Shasha:BUT I  WANT TO SING !!! And I’m Natasha

Emily: Sorry about that folks I’m Emily. We are the Purple People Peepers

Shasha: Purple is the color peeping is the uhm.... Dollar??

Emily: Well who here knows about the smurfs?

Shasha: Smurfs??

Emily: Yup.

Audience hoots and hollers

Emily:Well sometimes if I embarrass Natasha enough she looks like a smurf.

ShaSha: You weren’t supposed to tell people.

Emily: Sorry.

ShaSha: Emily shush its my turn.

Emily: Well alright.

Shasha: We’re gonna be singing!

Emily: Yeah... What song?

Shasha: We Wish You A Merry Christmas!

Emily: (Gives Shasha a sarcastic look) And A Happy New Year?

Shasha: What song is that?

Emily: (Gives Shasha a confused look) Or, we can sing the song we planned on singing.

Shasha: (Smiling) Okay! (Turns and looks at Emily, very confused) What song is that?

Emily: I Want You Back by
Shasha: Cher Llyod!

Emily: No, The Jackson 5.

Shasha: The band?

Emily: (Gives her another sarcastic look) Yes, Natasha, the band. The group, Sweetie, The Jackson 5 is a group.

Shasha: I know, when are we gonna start singing?

Emily: Right now.

Shasha: Great! Who’s singing first?

Emily: I don’t know!!! How about Hermes??Maybe Jesus??

Shasha: \What does that have to do with the song?

Emily: Really? I hadn’t thought about that *sarcasticalIy
’
Shasha: Because you’re not smart like me. (smiles and points at herself proudly)

Emily: Yeah.....thats why.....

Shasha: Tehe

On some mornings
mom would ask
if Kyle and I wanted waffles
these were no ordinary syrup catchers
marbled by deep purple
stuffed with blueberries

When I was born
I was born a blueberry
due to the blue pigmentation
resulting from lack of oxygen
because of my mother’s smaller stature
that day a screaming smurf was brought into the world
and I’ve been getting redder ever since

Above the sink in my dad’s home
is a small purple bowl
handmade with a ceramic stem that broke off years ago
on the inside bottom is an engraving
that simply reads
‘Blue Berries’
but no longer carries fruit

All Yvonne asked for was Superman,
Ice cream style
with more blue than yellow
   all her friends would think she ate a Smurf.
Maybe some sprinkles
to hide and seek in sugar log cabins.

But that’s never what she got.
Instead you left her lost at sea.
She got too much love;
     if that’s what you call it.
Too many nights hoping you would rescue a drowning corpse.

If she could go back in time,
protect herself,
she’d chop off his **** and shove it up your ***.

I'VE COME TO MY KIDS CHRISTMAS PLAY
JUST LIKE I DID LAST YEAR
THIS YEAR THOUGH, I'VE COME PREPARED
I'VE BROUGHT ALONG SOME BEER
I FIGURE THAT I'LL NEED IT
TO HELP ME THROUGH THE NIGHT
'CAUSE WHEN THOSE **** KIDS
TAKE THE STAGE...IT REALLY IS A SIGHT

INSTEAD OF USING THE SAME DOLL
THEY'VE GOT ONE THAT IS NEW
THE ONLY THING THAT'S WRONG WITH IT
IS THIS **** DOLL IS BLUE
THIS YEAR THEY'VE ADDED DONKEYS
IN COSTUMES MADE FROM NERF
THEY HELP TO KEEP YOUR MIND OFF,
THEIR JESUS IS A SMURF

THIS YEAR THE WISE MEN GOT IT RIGHT
AND THEY'RE ALL WEARING THONGS
YOU CANNOT HEAR THE CHOIR
THEY'RE FLIP-FLOPPING THROUGH THE SONGS
THEIR ROBES TOO, ARE MUCH BETTER
THEY DON'T WEAR DRESSING GOWNS
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE A GROUP OF ROCKS
NOW, THEYRE DRESSED UP RIGHT IN BROWN

LAST YEAR MY  SON, HE PLAYED A ROCK
HE WAS A BIG SUCCESS
THIS YEAR HE'S MARY'S STAND-IN
AND HE HAS TO WEAR A DRESS
I HOPE THAT HE DOES NOT GO ON
CAUSE, GOD FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
I'M NOT QUITE SURE THE F/X CREW
CAN MAKE A BOY GIVE BIRTH

THIS PLAY WAS BETTER THAN THE LAST
WE DIDN'T LAUGH AS MUCH
POOR JOSEPH USED A POGO STICK
TO REPRESENT A CRUTCH
IT WAS ARTISTIC LICENSE
TO HAVE THE CRUTCH OUT THERE
HE TRIPPPED UPON THE MAGII
AND WENT FIVE FEET IN THE AIR

I'VE COME TO MY KID'S CHRISTMAS PLAY
FOR THREE YEARS IN A ROW
IT ONLY COSTS TWO FIFTY
AND THEY PUT ON QUITE A SHOW
I SAID THE SAME THING LAST YEAR
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN
I'LL BE BACK NEXT CHRISTMAS TIME
ONE NIGHT FROM EIGHT TILL TEN.

My friend the Smurf is sometimes blue
From holding breath for an hour or two
Please let it out and breathe once more
Lest you be passed out on the floor!

I say breathe out and love you'll find
You're strong of heart and pure of mind,
in youth and beauty you reside
as love stands firmly by your side.

So now I write these words so true,
sent out from my own heart to you
my aged muscles have all but carked it
I cannot lift you off the carpet!

This is
The best poem ever.

Spread the word.
Tell the masses.

Just like you did with
that book,
that movie,
that game,
that series.

Just like all those,
You know this poem is
Empty.

Pretty words,
Like pretty 'vampires',
Like pretty smurf-people,
Like pretty-boys with swords,
Like pretty pictures;
Devoid of genuine meaning.

Or is this poem empty?

I suppose time will tell.
Empty things
Are lauded
By the empty-minded.

And don't you know,
Society's head is hollow?

Bleat on, sheep.
This is the best poem ever.
Sheep go 'baa', one by one.

Take a puff
smurf it up as it snuggles
the free air, it baffles
when smokes thick
blur grey, illusion its depicts

Surp it up
the wrath they scare you with
because life is a myth
are you living, or are breathing
are you awake or still sleeping
and in sober slumber
is this someone else's dream
are you the sum of a banter
of the inner war unseen?

Throw it out
and it goes so slow
and vanishes as it goes
and meets the air
everyone breathes
pain is shared, and none shall heed
that to your lifespan, there is no greed
you breath it,
you feel underneath it,
the canopy
is yet a mystery

Smoke it up
and see
the decree
and the flow
goes down so low
and dont tell them to stop
unless and until
you have smoked it all up

i'm rereading a book of published poetry,
and i'm feeling democratic about
fame...
              i got a pencil balancing on my ear
like a non-binge drinking Smurf -
i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow
over the phone: a triage, the bureaucrat
lady is clueless about 20th century
mail... post.. you know, lick the envelope
and lick the postage stamp.
she gets about 20 emails a day worth of
cat videos... ****... it's gonna be painful:
                  i need half a week prior to sending
the notice that i'm almost like an amputee and
i have no recyclable third limbs to attach to the missing
one! woman! understand! she's bonkers about
the calendar and doesn't know
anything about carrier pigeons' intelligence...
woman! not until the date, all mailing services have turned
electronic. no they haven't! the postmen are scared ****-less
but that's beside the point! woman: no, wait until
the exact date of expiration. me: it takes hours
to travel from London to Berkshire!
the transition from 20th to 21st agriculture
of brainwaves, atypical of 19th through
to 20th century differences... she's never learned
arithmetic, but she knows her bureaucratic
rubric limitation like she might know the
holy trinity with the stance: Ayers-rock immobility
to whatever argument might come my way:
this conversation might be monitored and recorded
for "training" / anti-troll purposes -
****, i'm just agonised about the fact that i was
supposed to get a turnip when instead i was sold
parsnip; that can't be good.
but the times i could have taken two girls
to see Aerosmith at Hyde Park
with a joint are long gone, ancient,
fables, Achilles principles the time referencing
to anything curated: passable... turtle mobile...
youth really felt like the Mongolian explosion...
most of the time...
                           people are wondering
why the 1960s didn't work as much as wondering
why Communism was stage-frightened
by the Pope... at the zenith the 1960s was the bomb...
then it fizzled out... by the time Communism
was underneath a heap of Martial Law
Commandments... no wonder the dual failures...
well, because it isn't really Karaoke these days:
but it's sing-along nonetheless:
genius dries up... if it ain't a Mozart,
then its collective (genus), the the fizzling out of
the once fizzy is harder to take on the chin...
**** and puppies!
                            oh sure, a success story
in terms of providing the household appliances,
but in terms of art? a ******* failure...
look at them: never the earnest clappers
and idolatry stinkers... Judases among Judases:
or some said: moralising artists is the best gig in town...
we can bank-out the bankers and all
will be frankly worth ***** trained applause...
and they did that, exactly
to the non-existent prose... they sold out artists
and bailed out bankers...
because the sheep always sway with: b'ah, b'ah...
translated into humanity: blah blah.
but i have to admit, it was fun taking two girls
to an Aerosmith gig in Hyde Park,
passing a joint around...
                    as ever the cenobite...
            well, due to motto:
a ***** don't give, a dog don't take -
                   cos' the elder gent has the influential
              chess-moves apiece: colts to the gutter...
                yep... ******' worth of ******* stutter.
                                        now i have a book
of poetry, alter.: a word about my "sensitivity",
a doctor's appointment at 8 a.m. to no definite hour,
triage takes 5 minutes... the ingenious n.h.s....
              i'm drinking whiskey and staying up all night...
after the appointment for a sick notice
(which, to be frank, the English nation should be
proud of, £120 a week and a free poem in friendly America -
friendly... hmm puff puff a laugh) i'm heading to
my former high school to drop off a book of poems
with the signature: to Meester BUNCE...
     who gave me a poetry assignment aged 16
and made me a poet... (no, not the crass pathetic
rhyming types that make it a living rhyming
in advertisement, rather the new-narrator types) -
i'll correct the publishers errors in pencil
and tell him to keep a copy, and stash another copy
in the school library - he always said:
Shaky rather than Shakespeare - never said poaching
a pear...
                        shaking a spare? shaking a spear?
      it really doesn't matter...
i ought to have a shave and leave the goat
where it is...
                         he wasn't that much for me:
that ingrained emblem of England to later continue:
exacting national pride like Mickiewicz in Poland...
                      these famous people
just get their remains moved many more times
after they die than the living remortgage during their lifetimes.

talking to ritchie (a scaffolder on the Whitechapel project of the cross-rail) and his girlfriend nicholle, the smurf who i told about gargamel... while almost begged the sri lankans to buy a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of diet pepsi, past the allowance for the shop's opening hours and catching the last bus from chasing the cross... me and ritchie got talking randomly... hugged and shook hands by the end of the encounter, i don't know why; ritchie was a scaffolder... i told him i was once a roofer... i don't know why i have a healthy affiliation with scaffolders;
nicholle the chihuahua walking in front of us reminded us of drug testing on the building site, i said a day off, she said a day without pay and randomised crap like curtains... now i remember why i didn't join the crew with girlfriends, i'd be in a mental asylum by now, should they exist, otherwise with the failure of community care projects... maybe that's why women look amazing in *****, but cats look better in real life; i'm not even trying to be sexist, it's just too much reality.

i have only a few words
for her:
why won't she touch me?
why am i to resolve
my objections like this,
ah, i see, because they are
objections to that
subjections that are of man
succumbing to woman
and the ordeal of chore;
that are, man objectifies woman
with all that *******,
while woman makes countless
subjects from him to appease her,
while the world around sees no
appeasement...
indeed in the crusader's song to
later show, as a psychosis
(elevation of soul via the body's
non-existence, a funny atheism)
i'll show you a levitated stone,
that doesn't require stones or loafs of
bread for proof of alchemy;
cup my hands in tears to capture
tears like rainwater...
make my eyes a convent....
i say a convent not a covenant!
da pacem domine* -
and i see the mother nuns ushering the flock
into carcass of obedience,
a volume of body as tall as the pyramids;
why are we the defending?
what pleading would craft an altar
if not to compare
idle prayer crafted as a larger spectacle
to allow marriage in its eyes
permitted...
   when i'm the sparrow of sorrow
i sound like my mother, because of you,
it's what i see that's to come
that makes me disbelieve the magic of
the advert, and embrace the advent of the saints
in petulant prayer.

[they say the meek shall inherit the earth]

those *******
no one tells me anything
so no one owes me nuthin'

when living means dying
when dying means I told you so
when a letter arrives (too late)
when a boy no longer fits in his grave
when someone dies
and still wants love

defending myself
by yawning (as if shouting who me?)

afraid of people
or fighting for myself
or smoking grass

but having hatred
baring teeth
biting my thumb (and looking at the marks after)
striking my brother (with a hockey stick)

running off a neighbor's lawn
its ***** -  too fast down and breaking a collar bone
proof gone.

still biting my thumb (and looking at the marks later)

yelling **** the the rich
and bury them with those who live outside themselves

who wear me out
who wet in commercials
transmitting their cleanliness
into our homes

they can no longer stand their filth

they smile as they **** on us

the little people

turning to face me
he dares me
to make eye contact

clenching his fist
grinding his teeth
he sputters

you middle class smurf
I don't owe you jack!

No buttons
Grrh I screech
Frustration
Auto spell dam
This is madness
Someone save me
Before I smash it
Change the settings
Big keyboard
Sweating
If I were a smurf
It would be perfect
But I'm not
Crazy
Get with the game
Yes I'm insane
You won't beat me
You are a machine
I rule you
I will get this
You will learn
My speak
My language
I persist
Yes I think
I got it ...

i dare say, silent movie in the genre of horror?*

Sven and me, no, not Geoffrey or Norbert,
Sven, the coconut,
donned a red woollen glove on his coconut
scalp and told him: you're a cockerel alarm
clock from now on; Sven liked it,
i told him: you're not a bowling ball,
you've just chewed cashews
in your mouth socket, and now the
undigested pulp; if not then off to the
bowling alley with you - ah my sweet
tropical island smurf / cannibal necklace
skull of a little monkey of imitated kindred
physiognomy, oh pooh bear, pooh.

.it's not like i couldn't pay my bills at Edinburgh university, we didn't have internet access in our third year at home, but we had it, when visiting the library... so what? paying the gas and electricity bills is rocket science these days? the two of us paid them... so now it's supposedly, "hard"? mobile phone... what?! roaming internet access.... what?! car... what?! not a pair of legs?! oh yeah, i have a choice... either where i'm at... or the roof of star constellations in a forest... BIG LOSER... biggest loser of them all... the one that manages to fix up his grandparents' kitchen, and doesn't "think" his parents are lepers, or something to be ashamed of, basically a non-*****-bank donor's... attache of ******* egoism; your turn.

such a random array of people,
abstracting themselves
on the grounds of love...
or whatever love is...
   i said once:
        buy a dog first, before having
a child...
you can pet a dog for five years,
and then you can father / mother
a child...
             love... seems everyone's
love is just dandy, oh so pristine...
i drink...
        you probably watch t.v.,
match-made in heaven,
or Cerberus' ****...
       i make sandwiches that do not
resemble napkins...
i drink... ****... i said that already...
so basically as perfect as
an avocado on toast...
who does this sort of *******?!
is that crap even edible?!
     i don't want to know...
   i go to a bar,
i turn into a pseudo-Santa...
some smurf, some elf sits on my lap...
'is this the part where i get
a *******?'
      obviously i don't say
those words, i just insinuate
the Christmas metaphor...
          what the hell am i writing...
it's not even like i want
to look my best,
like i want to lie "hoping"
for a date...
           i did speed dating once,
back in Edinburgh...
let's just say...
               stroking a cat's head
amounts to the classification
of the more...
fruitful endeavors...
              dating... is that a western
"thing"? you know,
when people find thinking claustrophobic?
is that the point they start dating?
when a blank space is no longer
a redeemable "friend"?
            that time?
what other time?
              let me guess...
never walked a cemetery alone
at night...
that's one of them, right?
can't help you there...
you're supposed to be on your
own at those crux coordinates.

After a desperate night and thoughtful day I decided to re-write several facts about my crush!

First of all, chill. I know my crush won't see this because of lack signal or lack of love idk. Both reasons are acceptable.

Here, several unworthy facts about my crush that you ****** hoomans gave no **** about:
1. He is taller than me. Like 15-20 cm taller. I'm not talking about gigantic monster and won't date one, but if I have to date one it's okay lol. I have friend that tall like Eiffel tower and big as **** and tbh I'm afraid of him. I'm sorry bro you remind me of troll even though you're fine. Ehe.
I agree that tall guys are hot, but with my body like smurf and boy like troll can't even imagine what our future be like if we were together. So, bye bye Eiffel tower.
Anyway I'm 155cm so he'll be like 170-175 cm.
And I just realized that he is tall too ***.

2. He is deadass Einstein with attitude like Hannah Baker. He is-in fact-weirdest mothafaka I've ever met. One day he'll be like 'oh I'll invent flying shoes' and one day he'll be like 'do you guys see my motivation to live?'.

3. He is innocent. Nuff said.

3.5. His phone is the most private phone I've ever seen. One day I was too curious to know what's​ hidden in his phone and deadass found nothing. I think it's normal for boy to have porns or naked women etc and expected to found at least one and ya I found nothing.
((Found picture of me though))

3.51. His browser history is clean.

4. He loves anime tittiez.

5. We love to spoil each other

6. I ONCE ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED HIS ***-*** **** IT. Not disappointed TEEHEE.

7. Same thing happened to me. He accidentally touched my boo-boo. He didn't recognize tho. But there I was standing still, stiff, wanted to die.

8. He is afraid of God. Sins ain't myth, sins are real.

9. He didn't know Lana del Rey.
D I S S A P O I N T E D.
Soon boi, I'll let you go deep in my world and meet my astral mama.

10. He isn't a fan of Paramore. Super disappointed :).

11. He lives far away from me.

Last,

12. He is one of the finest art God ever made and I love him to death.

Boi, i think i have to end this unworthy facts about you.
I'm afraid.



to cry.






I thought after I wrote this I'll be laughing or smiling etc.
But.....




e//
In the end,
I love you.

You'll find someone better than me smh.
Don't choose me.
Ehehegeheheheheheh.
I've got several more reasons to love you and some of it
Hurts me
So this is the end.
You'll always be my number one boy'friend.

The mood is blue,
The day is blue,
The red has taken over.
The red is clean,
Close and pure.
The red washing at the blue.
The blue is true,
The red cuts through,
This purple mess is mine.
Its royal blue, as red bleeds through,
My blue man walks on by.