Presumably the next big thing will be soles — socks with holes. Or maybe zits — pants with zips.

It’s made me wonder what else is ahead for us this season, so I headed to the mall to find out.

Topshop proclaims the return of triple denim (noooo!), the corset and coats worn as dresses. The latter should be worn undone to the waist and half falling off in order to “create a cold-shoulder silhouette”. Doesn’t make such sense during a Melbourne winter, I must say.

Topshop also has a very worrying item called a “monochrome gingham flute tie sleeve top”, which looks to me very much like a chequered table napkin worn backwards with ribbons at the elbows keeping the sleeves on. I’ll pass on that one.

Over at H&M;, winter’s “new mood” is all about “sustainable style” containing recycled materials. That means a simple flannel top is reborn as “conscious fashion” and a blue worker-style singlet becomes a “lyocell vest top”.

What would they call hi-vis? Apparently, the fash pack call it “haute reflecture”. Yes, really.

Most concerning is a shirt with “trumpet sleeves” so wide they’d need a separate seat at a restaurant. Even then they would end up dipping into the dinner of the person sitting at the next table. It may help you work out what to order, but it’s not likely to win you any friends.

At Zara it’s all about a “limited edition ballet dress” that will look perfect under a “moto jacket” Did they forget the r? Or are they too cool for correct spelling?

There is also something very strange called “over-the-knee high-heel sock boots”, which are $100. Give them to someone you loathe this Easter.

Zara also wants us to wear “Mum-fit jeans with side stripes”, which will no doubt just draw more unwelcome attention to the dreaded maternal hips. Who needs that?

They also have a velvet sack-style dress with a drawstring at the mid-thigh. It’s the style that doesn’t discriminate — it’s guaranteed to look unflattering on everyone.

So what other trends should we be running away from this season? Fashion insiders tell me “street-chic utilitarianism” is all the rage. That seems to involve wearing a flak jacket 10 sizes too big in a rotting-flesh colour paired with floral leggings with built-in shoes.

There’s also “new shirting”, which looks to me like the same thing as “old shirting” but has the added disadvantage of being just about to fall off your shoulders at the most inopportune time.

Trust me, you don’t need that and you don’t need an ironic-slogan T-shirt that tells the world “This was not a gift” or “This is a white T-shirt”.

I am also quite interested to know that “bra out” is apparently a trend and I wonder if that means I should stop tucking my daggy mum-bra straps into my tops.

Now, as someone who spent most of Wednesday this week at work with a large shop store label hanging out of the back of my skirt, I’m obviously not a huge fashionista.

But even I can see that never before has there been such a gap between clothes the fashion-conscious labels are promoting and everyday pieces we actually want to wear. You know, clothes that are well priced, well made, last more than a few seasons and aren’t made by five-year-old Bangladeshi orphans.

THERE’S no doubt something very weird is going on when there’s a waiting list for Yves Saint Laurent’s $10,000 jewelled boots and jewellery made of real succulents is being tipped as the next big thing. But really, who wants to have to remember to water their earrings?

Wandering around Zara this week (from where I bought the $89 skirt I forgot to take the label off), I was interested to see sale racks packed with off-the-shoulder tops, summer denim and lots of body suits. When are they going to learn women don’t want press studs up their privates?

I know that in fashion everything new is old anyway and that’s what really concerns me.

I’ve been around long enough to remember all the best worst fashion disasters such as pooh-catcher pants, velour tracksuits, trucker hats and platform sneakers.

Frankly, there are some items that don’t deserve to be wheeled out again. They include leg warmers — because your ankles don’t get cold when you work out, do they? And let’s not revisit male crop tops, because a hairy muffin top is something we don’t need to see.

Back to jindows. Just because Topshop tells us they’re “globally trending in the denim space”, it doesn’t mean you need a pair.

Remember. You didn’t need jeggings, coatigans, skorts or flatforms. And you sure as hell don’t need jindows.Read more at:http://www.marieaustralia.com/cocktail-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/bridesmaid-dresses

As an avid golfer, Nashville resident Victoria Kopyar couldn’t find fashionable-but-functional clothing she wanted to sport on the fairway.

Tapping into her background in retail merchandising, product development and sourcing, Kopyar decided to take the matter into her own hands and launched women’s golf and activewear label VK Sport.

“When I was looking at the market, I saw there were a lot of men’s pink shirts, not a lot of print and pattern and not a lot of styling to it. …I really felt nothing was flattering the female figure and I wanted something that fit me well,” Kopyar said.

The first collection launched in August 2015 with golf retailer Golfsmith.com. Kopyar expects sales will be 10 times higher in the first full year in business as she zeroes in on growing VK Sport’s e-commerce website, expanding the collection at independent golf pro shops across the country and reaching new demographics such as the collegiate market. Locally, VK Sport is sold at Belle Meade Country Club and Hillwood Country Club.

Launching VK Sport marked a career switch for Kopyar, whose resume includes corporate positions with U.S. Bank, Target, Dollar General and Gibson Guitar. She didn’t pick up golf as a hobby until she had a summer off work in between jobs at U.S. Bank and Target.

“My dad told me (golf is) a great up-and-coming place for women to do business, there is a lot of opportunity and it’s a lifetime sport," Kopyar said. "So I went out and bought clubs, took some lessons and I fell in love with golf."

In 2014, Kopyar started developing the VK Sport brand on weekends and nights. The following year, she decided to leave the corporate world behind to work full-time on the clothing line. The launch of VK Sport coincided with Nashville's rising reputation as a fashion hub for everything from custom dresses to high-end denim and handmade leather goods.

Her goal for VK Sport is to target fashion-forward women with her key demographic between the ages of 25 to 60 years old. According to the National Golf Foundation, 24 percent of the 24.1 million golfers in the U.S. were women in 2015. Millennials represented the largest group among the 2.2 million beginner golfers last year.

The VK Sport apparel, which is made from technical fabrics with anti-wick and sun-protective properties, includes colorful and printed dresses, skorts, pants, shorts, polos, tank tops and more. Features include anti-slip bands in the skirts and shorts, cutaway sleeves, nine-inch deep pockets, zipper details, mandarin collars, ruched fabric at the buttons and lace features.

Kopyar described it as a high-end brand with price points ranging from $90 for a skort to $110 for pants and $85 for polos.

“We’re a fashion brand," Kopyar said. "We take what’s happening on the runways in New York and Milan and take that and bring it into the functionality of golf wear and/or regular street wear."

VK Sport has been self-funded so far, but Kopyar plans to take on investors as she grows the business. She hopes to capture a piece of the multi-billion dollar athleisure market by positioning the brand as activewear for both golfers and non-golfers.

“I see us as a lifestyle brand," Kopyar said. "Not only are you functional in golf but you can wear it in your everyday lifestyle, whether you’re at the nineteenth hole having lunch with the girls or out picking up your kids at school or running to Target or a coffee meeting."Read more at:http://www.marieaustralia.com/long-formal-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/red-carpet-celebrity-dresses

In a quiet college town,
Sun on my skin, sea breeze blowing 'round.
Laughing at the girl I used to be,
Never ready for how sweet goodbyes can be.

Couldn’t afford even one misstep,
We didn’t know a thing, but we leapt.
Why’d we even try, knowing we’d fall apart?
Wearing skorts and denim like they held our hearts.

You learned my secrets, every one,
Now I see—that fight might’ve been our song.

Every time I glance back, it hits me the same,
No tears now—I’m staring at who I became.
That piece of my past was the best thing that was mine,
Can you believe we stood at the edge of time?

In a blank-walled, unfamiliar room,
Swearing my daughter won’t trace my shoes.
They turned a rule-follower into someone wild.

Flash forward—back on campus, still chasing a dream,
Boxes in hand, settling in again, it seems.
Wearing the right blouse, long pants, I look the part,
The halls are empty, but I’ve got my start.

There’s a desk, a drawer, with my name on it now,
Still pretending I’ve got it all figured out somehow.
New faces, warm smiles—I won’t let them in too deep,
Remember when we sat in the grass, beneath the sky so steep?

That’s the memory I carry,
Us laughing softly, so airy.
Forget the looming deadlines,
You turned a good girl into a rebel, mine.

Every time I look, the feeling hasn’t changed,
I’m holding back tears, watching my past rearranged.
This moment—forever the best thing that was mine,
Can you believe we once thought we’d take on the world, so fine?

In that same quiet, colourless room,
My daughter won’t repeat my mistakes, in bloom.
They made a rebel out of me,
A good girl, once lost, now free.

I remember that night—half past midnight,
I rushed out, found you drunk on the sidewalk, in fright.
Screaming for help, that’s when I knew,
I’d fallen, and it was the end too.

Now I’m unlocking truths I never dared before,
If I try, I can make it, I’m sure.
Still guarding all that’s mine,
I swear I won’t repeat what broke me, I’ll shine.

For the first time, I believe in myself,
Pruning my life, cherishing my wealth.
Goodbye means forever now,
It caught me off guard somehow.

Bracing myself for something new,
But I’ve got people in my corner, true.
Sticky notes scattered across the floor,
We’re piecing life together, wanting more.

They’re learning fast, I see,
Just when it starts to feel right, we agree.
Hold on, we can make it work,
When pressure hits, I think of us, we’ll never shirk.

Our mistakes were just different ones,
But together, we’ll rise like the sun.

Still that same feeling when I look back,
Will this déjà vu ever end, no track?
Fighting back tears as I face the mirror,
This will always be the best thing that was mine, clearer.

Standing at the start again,
In a room with bare, unpainted walls, no end.
My daughter won’t follow my footsteps,
They made a rebel out of someone good, no regrets.

You once said I was the one,
And I believed you, under the sun.
Kissing under fairy lights and photos,
It was the kind of night made for stolen moments, those.

Part of me is still there,
That world was all I knew, so fair.
Now I protect my heart with everything I have,
I’m going to rise, no matter the past’s path.

As long as I never look back, I’ll be alright,
This journey—my future, shining bright.