I remember when I texted you, hastily heading home with Nikki,
In the busy streets of a lively city.
Standing in the façade of a high-end mall,
Constantly texting the number whom I thought was Grab.
A notification popped,
battery critically low
I frantically borrowed Nikki’s phone,
Sent my last text, instructing him to shout “Lily” when he arrives.
As Nikki bids goodbye, my heart started beating unbelievably brisk.
I remember when I met you, in the middle of the night,
under the bright light of the moonlight.
A matte black Corvette lit up my whole face,
Still processing the thought of a Corvette being Grab,
The debonairly-dressed man stepped out, and shouted, “Lily?”
His words, ringing in my ears, deep as an underlying tone in my favorite song.
His illuminating beauty syncopates with the moon’s aesthetics,
Left me freezing, unable to utter any word.
He shouted once again, “Lily?!”
But this time, it was full of annoyance.
The exasperated tone struck my reflexes, causing to raise my hand,
neurons fire without purpose.
“Get in.” his expression was bland and unreadable.
I remember when you told me, words of regret you feed me,
Words you thought would destruct me, but I found it atypically addictive.
The pain you inflicted sensualizes my wounded psyche.
Subconsciously, I was craving more.
I tried to converse with you, but all I receive was hatred.
You discharged bullets of abhor,
But I threw them into the stream,
and persevered to alter your feelings.
I remember the first time you laughed,
Science was your forte, and mine was in the comical aspect.
I kept bombarding you with science-inclined humor, hoping to connect,
And later on, you found yourself battling in the arena of emotions.
You taught yourself you can’t be in love with me,
But it was contrary to your actions.
You started replying to my nonsensical chitchats,
You started talking about me.
Everything seemed perfect until my eyes became clear of what you were doing,
and reality hit me.
I remember when you broke my heart,
Did you deserve all the romantic thoughts I have of you?
Maybe we don't belong together, maybe I'm just desperate and delusional.
The imaginary love was so sweet, it makes me sad to see it crumble away.
But maybe all you are is a boy, who wants her girl back.
And all I am is a girl.
And maybe we are just people,
Searching, searching for something we have yet to find within ourselves.
So I will let go, I will let it sail into the wind
All that poetry, all those thoughts.
And I will learn to love myself,
First.
I remember the time you came back,
We were about to get lunch, when you shouted my name amidst the crowd.
Reluctant, I declined and proceeded to walk past you,
But you were different that time.
You held my hand tight, with certainty,
As I look upon you, your eyes were filled with solitude.
Your face painted a peculiar type of persona,
And with that, I have depicted the real you.
By Mistake, I found the love, the best I could have, until the end of time.
a spoken poetry
—j.c.
