I did not sing in the shower today.
Oh, I made noises in there,
But they weren't meant to be...
Pretty.
With my shoulders quaking,
And my breath shaking,
Feeling it raking and
ripping through me,
In and out, in and out,
Just need to breathe
In and out, in and out
Through the pain inside,
And a satly mixture of water and tears
On my lips, my cheeks.
Yet my eyes
Are somehow...
Dry.
No.
I did not sing in the shower today.
Today,
I cried.

I’ll never show it to you personally but remember what lies in this vessel
The tears of an aura made in constant heckles

The wells behind my eyelids can no longer contain
What they always attempt to maintain
The failing membrane
Who’s only connect is the end game

Now passing by makes me. Feel shame
I Relive trauma in an area. I feel insane

As I lay all I can think about is the act of disappearance
As my tears blur my vision and give me no clearance
See I got lost
But Mostly in my thoughts
Because the endurance of bartering the validation of my emotions has a cost

And with that many things changed
Soon they’ll be a shift when somebody calls my name
Because I can’t answer the same
and anger builds up until we burn in pouring rain

Lately it’s been effortless to cry
My emotions connect quickly as if satly tears were identical to the blue sky
It's also been easier to speak my mind
But sometimes my sight goes blind
And I look back the situations on high
But to be talked to in a way where I feel disrepected I cannot comply

In true I don't appreciate the way people treat me
Forever blissful days until you beat me
Where I felt uneasy
And you treated me like I can't get sleezy

and I'll never hold bad blood again
But after all I've done how could you treat me so poorly then

It always ends up being the ones closest to you
With pain.. When it comes to this ill act like I never knew you


Pt.2

Remember I said it’s hard to show it to you personally if I share all that lies in this vessel..

The reason I retreat
That often looks like defeat
And my plummeting confidence that glued my eyes to the floor like feet

There’s so much I could say to you that would ease any suspicion
The reason I move how I do travels back to being Christian
If I was in a space to show you Lenora I would
Given that’s the entity you want to know and I want you I should
Every moment I think to touch you
And you run through my mind crashing like boulders once sudle
If you had a sneak peek at how I live
When you ask not for dominance but to be assertive
My *** drive all time high
And I only want to look into your eyes
But it seems I’ve been terrified to touch
I know that it deals with my past traumas and such
All the time I want it
Even though it’s not the persona that flaunts it

Most times I sit in silence not because I have nothing to say
But because I spend hella time in my brain
I have so many responses
And many different voices in my conscious
But it’s almost as if I’ve been trained to be silent
And to unlock a true voice you must find it

My mind stumbles around the end game
As if I pass the talking stage
And never make it to a hall of fame
When they claim im some sort of a trophy
But I retreat because people make me feel like there only trying to rope me
in…