"prehaps" poems
As I laid on the roof with my back against the shingles and the guitar over my chest, I could glance out toward the right and see dashes of heat lightening rapidly setting the sky aglow for a few short moments, while I watched the last remnant of color diminish from the cloud above me.
I wondered what the cloud was seeing, it still had the warmth of the sun that i could no longer gaze upon. I watched as it slowly faded into the blackness I was in. It seemed instantaneously after the cloud disappeared into the blackness a star was there to take it's place. I began to notice the crevices in the oak tree above me, as the twilight made out it's shapes.
The only light the earth was yielding were the few stars above me that weren't blocked by clouds I could no longer see. I looked across the street and saw a dimly lit lamp post, that looked like it could have been from a mythical time, it was surrounded by branches that it's light could just reach to outlines of their vegetation.
As I breathed in, I set my head on the roof I knew to be grey but now was black, and found my gaze anchored on one small star out by itself, absent from any other form of constellation. It flickered, as if it was an aged lantern, far way in the distance, who's light was ailing to die out.
While I watched the lantern I unconsciously observed the lamp in our neighbor's house across the street present itself, once it did a man placed himself in a chair to read, while I was watching him I began to ponder about the activity in all of the other dark houses around me, all of us in boxes that we spend most of our time in. But then I was drawn back to my little isolated star, watching the ever so minuscule light glimmer, in the sea of black.
And as I watched, that weak star I had thoughts, I had thoughts of you, mainly of you. Somewhere, on this planet you were present. It's Friday, so are you out with friends, prehaps being a quarter back for a football team I don't know the name of, or on a date with a girl who's trying to make a good impression.
Then I pondered a thought, what if you were seeing something similar to what I had my eyes set upon. If you could be lying down, and looking up at sky, soaking in the atmosphere, and if you could be looking at the same solitude star I was peering into.
And then I just laid there, and could not look away, not for a moment, I was enjoying the knowledge of knowing we are both under the same sky, and you could be viewing the same star I was, and I imagined looking at you, and watching you study my favorite lonely star. And when I did, I didn't feel the night air on my legs, the marks in my hands from the guitar strings, the still damp bathing suit on my body, or the sandpaper like shingles that were beneath me. At that moment, I felt you, looking back. And that was enough.
Mar 11, 2012
Mar 11, 2012 at 9:55 PM UTC
What is wrong with me?
Am i Too skinny? too fat?
Am i too tall? too short?
why cant i be happy with me?
what is wrong with me?
Am i too dumb? annoyingly smart?
Do i talk to fast? or prehaps to slow ?
am i too loud? or too quiet?
Why cant i be happy with me?
what i wrong with me?
am i too sensitive? am i heartless?
am i self-ish? or a little to selfless?
am I not silly enough?
should i be so jealous?
Do i care what people think?
Is this really where i wanna Live?
Am i stuck with this job or do i love it?
Should i have gone to school?
Is this the person i shoud be fighting for?
Do i need to go to the doctors?
Why cant i be happy with me?
whats wrong with me?
I just cant be happy because of ...me
Feb 15, 2013
Feb 15, 2013 at 2:37 AM UTC
Was willst du, was brauchst du?
- what do you want? What do you need?
Would the smell of my hair,
Or touch of my hand surfice?
Or prehaps solve everything?
Or do you need more?
Possibly the sound of my breath,
Could ease your beating heart;
Heavy and upset.
Or the taste of my lips against your own,
your neck,
your skin
- prehaps that could help to still your sense of unease,
Your certainty that nothing is quite how it should be.
And if not, my dear,
If all my attempts remain futile,
And lead to no bettering
The last I have to offer are my eyes.
Look deep, lover,
Pull me apart, piece by piece,
bit by bit
- and do not be frightened by what you see.
Until no doubt remains that you know every colour,
line and speck and space.
Then tell me, sweet one,
Is it all gone?
Oct 21, 2015
Oct 21, 2015 at 6:05 PM UTC
questions about how we’ve come to be
and who we’re here to see,
what we are here to do,
none of these have been thoroughly thought through.
they’ve missed the last query
oh how we are so dreary
lingering in the past
when the future is approaching fast.
perhaps it’s a divine plan
set out hand in hand
with the dice of luck,
a twist in the cards
who gives a ****
Your here and you’re
breathing.
your heart is still beating,
you’ve a soul,
you’ve a mind
so cm’on be so kind
and waste not,
want not
time is of the essence
and oh there are so many lessons
get out of your house
and off your screens
then prehaps you’ll hear the screams
resonate
and by god do they illuminate why your here.
for you are breathing and can’t you hear
your heart still beating?
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 4:12 PM UTC
I'd been trying to do something with my life,
Any ******* thing
But i've always been too easily distracted,
especially with the promise of tangible experiences,
Like the seeing of sounds and the tasting of love.
He said just come round, what's it matter anyway?
And as I could give no answer to the meaning of life,
Here i stand again.
Nineteen it is now,
Nineteen small white pills,
And they won't do much if i swallow them,
I've tried that one before.
But if i didn't know better i may well try again.
Prehaps at the end of the year,
when it will be twenty glistening childs teeth,
I could try again,
Double the dose,
Triple the dose.
Slot them into a double scoop ice cream,
Eat up all my desert,
Then allow my soul to desert my body,
Once more, on a one way flight.
I'll postpone the inevitable for now,
Its what we're all busy doing anyhow.
But i've seen more in my short life
than hollow headed women baring their *******
for just one more drink that might help forget their boredom,
And sporting young men, desperate for attention in any form it may come,
Some form of reassurance,
We're glad you're alive son, we sure are.
He sat there in an oversized jersey,
and i wished he'd let me crawl up inside it,
To sit there in his lap and cry myself to sleep,
No, No! I've had quite enough of such foolish business.
It's in the past.
But isn't it all?
The past is never really gone,
I don't trust it for a minute.
I don't trust much.
Mar 24, 2013
Mar 24, 2013 at 5:52 PM UTC
As she sunk down to depths of herself
Her arms were weak and fragile just like her spirt.
She was close to letting go of the only pieces
of herself that made her happy.
Then... Suddenly he was there.
He pulled her up from her drowning state
even when her eyes her full of her pain.
Miles separated them as did years.. and yet
he was simply there.
He claimed he was just a guy...
but to her... he was so much more
He had in a few days time help mend the
tattered and torn expections of friendships
and even unknowingly helped her stitch up
some of the wounds that covered her back and her heart.
She didn’t know that friends existed.. not like this one
She told him he was wonderful
and he told her she was amazing
and for one of the first times in her life she believed the words
Thanks and compliments seemed to poor from her heart
and for once she didn’t breath so heavy
with the counting the number of days before his departure
but simply opened herself up
and let part of the little girl out that she had trapped there long ago.
She found she wasn’t so angry and
the fear didn’t eat her like it use to.
blushing over took her cheeks
and smiles spread across her lips like
a pink rose in the midst of spring
She couldn’t help but feel good inside and out
when they talked
and hearing his voice for even seconds was better.
She knew with this person
she had found not only a friend
but a brother
someone who gave a **** about her.
Who saved from herself.
Or maybe helped her save herself.
Which she wasn’t sure.
All she knew as that she once thought
that finding a person to click with was rare.
And now she knew that the real challege was finding someone
how you bonded with and connected with..
Who was willing to give more than take.
And that’s what she found.
She could’nt see the greatness in herself
but he could.
Prehaps he couldn’t see what hid within himself
but she could.
For once in her life she was okay with the world not being perfect
and prehaps for the first time as well she let herself go.
He did so much for her by just being herself..
but in the end the best thing he ever did to her
was love his friend for who she was.
Mar 21, 2014
Mar 21, 2014 at 10:21 AM UTC
So here I am, not sure what to write
The words are eluding me
Thought about a love song
But surely I would get that one wrong
Prehaps I should write about Suzie
And how she has broken my heart
Prehaps I should write about Society
With all its ills and wrongs
Prehaps I should write about my sad, sad life
But then I wouldn't know where to start
Prehaps I should write about my addictions
But then I would just want to get high
I am not sure what to do now
As the words are eluding me..
Nov 28, 2015
Nov 28, 2015 at 11:25 AM UTC
Do you want to know about me?
Want to hear secrets that I keep ?
Then when I go to sleep I weep
That my soul is invisible
When I start to fall I let myself go
I believe in aura's and spirits and so
My purpose is unknown at this time
I feel lonely even in ones embrace
My mind goes in a million different directions
That I hate it here at my place
I smile to fool whats hidden inside
That my body is feeble like as if I died
The mirror tells lies
Photographs of me make me feeel unsettled
Where did I go and when did I even start to leave ?
Can I place a missing persons report for me?
Maybe I can be found if I start to look around
Prehaps I could stumble upon some sort of truth
Something that defines me
Do I have a talent I just haven't found ?
When I'm too weary I just dont know
Let it
Let me
Let it all go
Apr 20, 2012
Apr 20, 2012 at 10:40 PM UTC
A quiet place where it's safe to be.
Where no one moves or speaks or looks.
You're not alone,
But not invaded.
There is never a problem.
Never a trouble.
Maybe you'll like it there.
Prehaps you could stay.
But first you'd have to leave here,
And often that's easier thought than done.
Your head is a lake,
filled to the top up.
You can feel the weight of the water on your weakening shoulders,
And see its depths, and feel it movings,
as you grow stormy from within.
Sep 20, 2011
Sep 20, 2011 at 4:25 AM UTC
Your light whispers surround my heart
Words like music laughter so kind
I hold you my beautiful woman
You enrapture me
My soul smiles because of you
You refresh me like wild flowers after a rain
Holding me so tender just the same
I swim in your hair like the great sea of love
Life is fragile and so blinding
You were taken from me in a matter of time
Life became invaded like death by war
A shadow that crept and took you so far away
Burning black into my being
My senses don't even seem quite the same
Sometimes I can smell your sweetness in the air
Trying to convince myself that prehaps you are there
I ask myself why didn't she take me away with her?
Terrorized by the blackness that surrounds me
I do not sleep at night
A terrible monster was thrown inside of me so violently
It is invading my heart so silently
Apr 3, 2012
Apr 3, 2012 at 12:30 AM UTC
I wore the last present you bought me for the last day of 2014 -
A pair of brown leather brogues.
and it’s funny, because they blistered my toes and made walking agony.
Prehaps it was payback for walking all over you
Like you were a piece of **** an ironic message.
You did always hate feet -
Maybe it’s not just feet anymore
Maybe its me
A.R
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 7:10 PM UTC
It's not like I ask for the world to turn black
It's a road travelled , I want to turn back
I didn't ask for this to happen
But this is where I sit
Moments of happiness
And peace do exist
Today I was told to snap the **** out of it
And that i live a life of dreary woes
It hurts the most hearing theses words
I tried to explain how I feel
Because I know that it's irrational
Prehaps to hear the words
I am sorry , I do understand
They Could go along way to healing my heart
But I carry scars
From a life of no meaning
Snap the **** out
Snap the **** out
These words ring in my ears
You truly don't understand
You don't think
That
I wish
I could
With all of my heart
I Wish
I never suffered from this from the start
But I guess the best
Is to be on my own
Cause it seems that people don't understand
It's easy to be happy when the clouds don't come your way
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 5:47 AM UTC
Take my hand as we walk together to the nearest star
Trust me with our love it won't ever seem that far
Unless your love is just a scene of a lucid dream
A clever scheme a nightmare impossible to scream
Let's redeem our vowels take a trip to the clouds
Rip off our shrouds dive off the edge into the crowd
Put down your doubts lay out your heart
Just play your part, like a priceless piece of art
Beautiful yet so smart my Venus and my fire
My universal desire coming down to the wire
You inspire the wildflower to grow in my garden
As our love hardens I begin to feel uncertain
Remember graduation what seemed like forever
Was an endeavor my first true wildcard lover
You think I'm clever when ever I talk about the future
I think you're cuter so for every wound I'll be your suture
Even the earths curvature couldn't keep me from loving you
But is it true all of the crazy things that you do
The birds eye view I had showed me the truth
I had wisdom in my youth to cover-up and sooth
Prehaps to smooth the tension I couldn't mention
So I waited oh so patient for your confession
A recession of aggression grow cast by hate
While you participate on your date I try to locate
What's now my fate but It was too late
May 20, 2016
May 20, 2016 at 3:06 PM UTC
I've forgotten where I belong
I forgot where I went wrong
Where am I from what is my home
I can not stand being alone
Homes wherever I'm with you
And now I see how that is true
There's plenty of fish in the sea
But you're the only one for me
As you swim away flashbacks appear
When we got high the atmosphere
The stars were the final frontier
My watery eyes let out a final tear
As I was letting go of your fingertips
I remembered the taste of your lips
It was a cherry scent that had me bent
To a certain extent I couldn't prevent
My knees got weak my heart gave in
You thought I wasn't worth saving
You need it love from me and her
You had us fooled but now I'm sure
You just preferred we coexist
Let's all just kiss no I insist
Wouldn't that be a pleasant twist
The lust for love you can't resist
You needed me was just a fact
Your love for her was to abstract
Your curiosity became a curse
Prehaps for better or for worse
But without you I am homeless
And without love I am hopeless
A mere wondering soul lost
Willing to find love at all cost
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016 at 10:28 PM UTC
What is the truth?
Who are we to decipher what is hidden inside
To make up the rules of what is believed to be the truth
Prehaps mine are different then yours
Sometimes I just want to give it all up
Head out the door
So many others telling me what to do
Want to hear the truth
Smell it on my tounge
Whiskey will do it
It always speaks for me
Not afraid of ones feelings
Makes it short and sweet
You have a simple choice either accept me for me
Or leave
Shall I repeat myself so that you understand
I will not be afaid of the certainty that I come to believe
Its all I can be
It is all ME
Apr 20, 2012
Apr 20, 2012 at 10:43 PM UTC
Silence!
The word blurts out
These voices wont stop...
As my body sleeps
My mind can't rest
Because its plagued by these voices these terrible pests...
Prehapse they're my past regrets ?
Things I never said ?
Things I never did ?
Prehaps they're emotions of a confused kid ?
Sadness ,anger ,fear,hate,joy,lust,passion,nothingness, pain.
All of those fighting for control
Please
Please
Please
Plea...
Ple...
Silence!
I shout again
Stop your driving me insane..
I know I am broken that I can not change
The world turned me into this
And like this I will stay
I can not change so the voices to will stay
Emotions regret
So to I pray tonight
Lord above give me peace
So that I may rest
Or
Lord above take my soul so that I may forver rest
Freed from these voices
these terrible pests.
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 5:29 AM UTC
Military men called him a hero
But I don't ******* care
To me, the man was my father
Now He will never return
If he died defending this soil
Prehaps I could understand
But you shipped him off to a foreign land
For matters of no concern
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 5:40 AM UTC
Why do i exist
The answer always changes
You were born to be loved
So why don't i love myself?
Your here for a reason
Can you tell me why or do i just believe i'm meant to be
Why is it that i feel like i Shouldn't exist that i don't feel ok in my own skin that the safest i feel is around no one else
Most days i can't leave my house
i never make a noise when i scream or i cry so much vomiting becomes easy
I'm better off saying i'm fine pretending i'm not hurt
Only to question why am i alive
My rooms a mess and no matter how many times i clean
it ends up the same way over and over again
I could write off my sadness as beautiful torture but my red shot eyes and chapped lips don't seem beautiful my reflection is something i hate and my scars taunt me every single day
If you were to ask me why i'm writing this i couldn't tell you maybe right now i'm to emotional to think
Or prehaps i'm questioning my own sanity
May 27, 2018
May 27, 2018 at 9:39 AM UTC
A single voice is mortal, a loud enough chorus is immortal.
Striking the symbols and bouncing all the way down
to the sky.
The conductor wildly swings his arm for the audience who pay.
You and I sing for the joy of playing along with the birds,
We are changing nature, singing for the sake
of adding a note to the world.
We can get the thoughts in our head to turn the other way.
An army that charges screaming is scary, an army that charges
laughing would make me **** myself.
Charging at you genuinely happy to fight the
fight they know to be right to be earning ground for
those who can’t buy it.
All shall be welcome no background checks,
the undercover cop will be turned.
I’m not asking you to love every stranger,
Don’t try to make out with every stranger
that’s weird but keep an open mind.
They could be the next
Bush or an angel.
No turns in fate just the world tilted at a new angle.
Prehaps some debate about which way to be turned
after some talk among the universe.
Does this historian really think he can write who we
were? Do they really that some secrets
won’t be buried with the passing second?
They shall discover oxygen and claim it to be new
and new it shall be, the world refreshed at last.
The passing car shall pass with the horse and
the dove overhead cries a white and blue cry,
singing to the stars above
none shall rule out the other all given all. The waves shall
break in neat order, tirelessly! Our heartbeat without an audience
a wave without an audience are we really that diffferent?
Are you, I, a passing stranger and billions of unnamed people
that different?
The rock the couple sits on, the rock that gave
the kid his first ****** nose
that you and I shall sit on, rests contently
not knowing that it fell or if its still falling.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 12:00 AM UTC