You remind me of the fall, when I don't mind spending my days sitting in the shade. With my coffee and smoke, I spend all my time thinking about all of the days to come.
With you, I can smell the leaves that fall so the trees can get ready for winter.
The amber, melon, and dusk rainbow that blows across our view.

Most think it's a time of dying and fading glory.

But to me, it's renew. When everything starts again and you can leave the wrongs behind you. You can shed the worries off your shoulder as you would bad dandruff.

I think about the next year and what I can do with my time. It always seems like I have as much time as I need. Too much time, almost. I don't worry about overbooking or time constraints.

That is when I am happiest. When I'm sitting in the shade.

With you.

I’m sick of being tired
Constantly on the go
Because if I don’t leave enough time for myself, than I don’t have to acknowledge that i’m not doing ok.
I’ll keep overbooking my schedule until I’m so far run into the ground
That all that’s left to do is place the stone.

Im sick of being tired
Every action dictated by a thousand various imagined world exploding outcomes.
None of which come true.
Because if I’ve thought of every single thing that CAN happen- I can’t be surprised, disappointed, or let down, when it does occur.
The last thread of control in my grasp
But my grip is growing weak.

I’m tired of being sick
knowing that something isn’t right and constantly trying to figure it out.
Like trying to find Waldo on the page.
Everything becomes a blur of colors, frustration grows, until, right in front of you all along, there he is, the mystery solved.
Until you turn the page.

And I’m tired of being sick
and continuously adding names to the list of people I feel I disappoint.
True or not
It’s rapidly growing.

I want to feel ok
But I don’t
I want my friends to think I’m ok
But I’m not
I want to break free from this circle
But,
Really,
I’m sick of being tired
And I’m tired of being sick