"numbing" poems
dissociation a curse
dissociation my enemy
enemy barges in
enemy takes control
control is crippling
control must go
go seek advise
go to friends
friends may ignore
friends may listen
listen to god
listen to nothing
nothing is something
nothing is numbing
numbing craves alcohol
numbing craves drugs
drugs are prescribed
drugs will fix
fix my brain
fix cracked mirrors
mirrors taunt me
mirrors tell lies
lies i tell
lies cover bruise
bruise my hand
bruise my brother
brother is silent
brother please forgive
forgive me father
forgive me mother
father please help
father is futile
futile defines me
futile invites suicide
suicide with pills
suicide i survived
survived from coma
survived in hospital
hospital is helpful
hospital gives answers
answers for family
answers to problems
problems with doctors
problems with diagnosis
diagnosis is discovered
diagnosis is depersonalization
depersonalization creates poet
depresonalization becomes mad
mad
poet
Apr 17, 2013
Apr 17, 2013 at 10:41 PM UTC
So he said to me one night
Submissive is not what's right
He said to me one day
You've to command and make your way
You cannot be quiet
You cant be a riot
You have to be you
And not let destroy'it
He calls me his friend
Say, when will this end?
He says he don't care
It goes beyond repair
He says I mean nothing
Without the slightest grieve
"You are my closest"
Oh, I wouldn't like to believe
But I've known better
And not made up a pile
Fed it to the skies
Never failed to smile
I've grown as a human
I've grown as a friend
He's been a pillar
The crave will never end
He's helped me in ways
Helped find my forte
He's helped me mature
Never enough to sway
But now that he's changed
I'm hit by numbing rain
Now that all's deranged
Major bouts will reign.
Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 1:41 AM UTC
It was golden and splendid,
That City of light;
A vision suspended
In deeps of the night;
A region of wonder and glory, whose temples were marble and white.
I remember the season
It dawn'd on my gaze;
The mad time of unreason,
The brain-numbing days
When Winter, white-sheeted and ghastly, stalks onward to torture and craze.
More lovely than Zion
It shone in the sky
When the beams of Orion
Beclouded my eye,
Bringing sleep that was filled with dim mem'ries of moments obscure and gone by.
Its mansions were stately,
With carvings made fair,
Each rising sedately
On terraces rare,
And the gardens were fragrant and bright with strange miracles blossoming there.
The avenues lur'd me
With vistas sublime;
Tall arches assur'd me
That once on a time
I had wander'd in rapture beneath them, and bask'd in the Halcyon clime.
On the plazas were standing
A sculptur'd array;
Long bearded, commanding,
rave men in their day—
But one stood dismantled and broken, its bearded face battered away.
In that city effulgent
No mortal I saw,
But my fancy, indulgent
To memory's law,
Linger'd long on the forms in the plazas, and eyed their stone features with
awe.
I fann'd the faint ember
That glow'd in my mind,
And strove to remember
The aeons behind; &
21.4k
When did things change so much?
When did I get so encapsulated
Into the world of technology?
When did I stop listening
To myself and my own thoughts
And instead add another view
To some article or YouTube video
Just to reach some spoon-fed "opinion"?
When did we stop engaging
In life and with ourselves?
When did playing video games turn to
Watching other people play them online
Numbing our brains to the world
And "filling" our social needs digitally?
When did watching television turn into
Binge-watching an entire series in one sitting?
With this much constant stimulation
It's no wonder we're bored so easily
And that no one goes outside anymore
And that I don't feel alive anymore
Because one of the first things I do
When I get home from work or the gym
Is turn on the smart tv so it can warm up
Because the apps on it take time to load
And I already know that my free time
Will be spent in front of that screen
Lately I've been nervous about
Eventually moving in with new people
Primarily because I spend a lot of my time
Passively using the television
I was concerned with how we'd balance our usage
Instead of considering changing the way I spend my time
When did I start placing my use of technology
Above my own self-care?
When I spend hours watching YouTube
But still forget to take a shower sometimes
And I truly wonder if my recent urges
To leave the state to work on a farm for a month
Are more indicative of some deep desire
To unplug and reset my energy and priorities
Than my interest in agriculture or
Learning to live off of the land
When did I start to feel the need
To take such drastic measures
To change something so simple
Something I could choose to disengage with
At the simple touch of a button?
Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 10:51 PM UTC
my dreams are
the texture of the earth
softened by the monsoon
a clairvoyant fragrance rises
from the green sprouts
pushing their way through-out
and through-in
my rain-coloured mental canvas
a cool drop snakes down
my ready spine
i’m dissolved
in the frissons that ensue
even as your warmth
embraces me
every numbing night
the winds detach the flowers
from every mourning tree
and i give you myself
as you rain on me
incessantly
- Vijayalakshmi Harish
13.06.2013
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
Jun 13, 2013
Jun 13, 2013 at 7:31 AM UTC
With my bobby pin, taken from my hair after volleyball practice,
I scrape black resin from a blue bowl
It's a rougher
Dirtier
Hash ball
But it loves on your brain just as much
And my arms are bruised from passing
They could use that numbing forgetfulness
That lurks like stupidity
In the back of my brain
Always
The *** just emphasizes it
The way gaudy clothes do on a pretty girl
That's me too sometimes
But I have a mother,
Just as you,
And she gave me dreamss
To live up to
A school of science and engineering
So...what do you do?
Jul 19, 2013
Jul 19, 2013 at 1:14 AM UTC
She is the vindictive snow
Beautiful, cold causing her chilling touch to leave me numb
She creates an overload of dopamine for me
But like I said she left me numb
She compressed limerence upon me
The concentric feelings I have for her linger
This contours her opaque heart
Leaving her pliable words lay rendering in my mind
She applies this solvent to it leaving me broken
Forlorn she left me
Yet, the tactile, numbing sensation keeps me going
For she is the one I love
Causing our hearts to be diptych artwork off our hinges.
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 12:02 AM UTC
please don't fall in public
don't let them see
tears are just a reminder
of the pain inside of me
I never had a friend
who saw when my tears rained down
I never had a friend,
who cared if I was around
I used to try and hold them in,
late nights where spent pondering if death was the way
it seemed I was drunk off my pain, and my tears helped numb that
it seems to me that tears are just another way of numbing myself.
Jun 12, 2014
Jun 12, 2014 at 12:58 PM UTC
And when I met that girl in San Francisco
Off a dusty little pier
with rotting wood
and squawking seals
And screaming bayside wind
She caught me off-tropics
and danced with the grace
of a palm tree
lines between the quaked
concrete
off telegraph avenue
On an obscuring Sunday morning
and no
she didn't go
to church or any silly thing
like a temple or synagogue
She said those were no places
for god
God was the trees
We smoked cigarettes and got off to each other's
carcinogenic practices
oxidizing a little faster in conjunction with hopeful
Formaldehyde
Deriding the formalities
of small talk and trivialities
She liked her guitars with nickel-wound strings
I with nylon
But I couldn't play songs
that sounded any good with them
while she could
and did.
and girl did it ever sound good
She'd laugh at the contests on the radio
while we drove on a half-moon
to half-moon
full and whole of ourselves
We'd stopped in the lobby of a cheap motel
And waltzed to background
muzak
wacked out of our minds
Sniffing in deep huffs of subliminal
divinity
Understanding
loving
that mind-numbing
monotony
muzak...
ppsh.
Who ever really listened to that?
And then she left
at the end of one fine winter day
in a cloudless sky I waved
watched her plane
skip off
towards the edge of a pale blue horizon
back south
to warmer climes
to wherever she truly stayed
The tugging on my heartstrings
chimed grotesque in
precise
D minor.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 9:23 PM UTC
LOSING YOU HAS BEEN THE MOST NUMBING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE IT'S BEEN PAINFUL BUT IT'S THE MOST COMFORTABLE PAIN I'VE EVER BEEN BROUGHT UPON IN THE PROCESS OF LOSING YOU I'VE LEARNED THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF NUMBNESS THERE'S THE NUMBNESS YOU FEEL WHEN THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBES YOU MEDICATION AND YOUR BODY DOESN'T REACT THE RIGHT WAY AND THEN THERE'S THE NUMBNESS YOU EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU'RE COMING OFF OF NOVACANE BUT THE TYPE OF NUMBNESS YOU'VE CAUSED ME TO FEEL IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NUMBNESS I THINK A PERSON CAN FEEL BECAUSE I FEEL FREE AND NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE I REALIZED IT DOESN'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT FROM WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSEDLY IN MY LIFE SO CAN A PERSON REALLY LOSE SOMEONE THEY FEEL THEY NEVER REALLY HAD IN THEIR LIFE TO BEGIN WITH?
Jun 30, 2014
Jun 30, 2014 at 10:27 PM UTC
Your kiss is invigorating
Strong like a numbing wave crashing overhead
Followed by the beating sun grazing my tingling skin
A perfect moment
Something I could linger in
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 12:08 PM UTC
For as long as I can remember, I've always had this void in my life. It's this empty feeling deep deep down inside of me and no matter how hard I try I cant quite seem to shake it, overconsuming, eating away at me, I can have happy moments when everything seems to be going great, the feelings of not being okay comes back like a head on collision.
Theres a constant nag deep down to fill this empty void, anything to make it all better. Trying from hobbies, family, friends, material stuff and just nothing. It's not simple or an easy matter to explain, especially when you get to a point when numbing it out seems to be the better option from having such a hard past, from abuse to ****** trauma.
So badly I long for true happiness, no worries. I desperately long for what I see around me, to have not a care in the world. Instead I'm in this dark hole and I cant find my way out, filled with horror, dark, and scary. So consumed with feeling crazy.
I tend to put on this act like I'm so happy and I have the perfect life, when in reality that's just not the case. I lash out and I dont mean to.
God I just want so badly to be okay. To have never gone through the things I have, instead here I am. Lost in a spiral out of control, a ride I cant get off.
One day I will look back and it will just be a memory. Just a part of my past and I can finally say no longer I'm not okay.
Jun 6, 2019
Jun 6, 2019 at 9:07 PM UTC
like a fish out of water
walking backwards upstream
grand illusion of compliance
buying nothing sight unseen
respecting their essence
detached from their path
connected in spirit
repelled by all wrath
norms without ethics
morality sans love
passion ever searching
a need to rise above
heart sinking hatred
mind numbing neglect
mountain moving greed
rarely circumspect
not infrequently i ponder
how my being was unfurled
wondering deeply in my soul
if i belong to another world
Apr 2, 2014
Apr 2, 2014 at 2:40 PM UTC
On a wall through the dark of the night,
thrills sent down by countless of legs creeping up and down in their dance
Daddy, is that you ? I asked a spider with long legs
Indeed a daddy longlegs spider haunted for prey
It hopped onto me, trying to guide me out, of this nightmare,
In fact a quite gentle grip of this venomless beast, a sweet embrace of this two eyed arachnid
It whispered to me " Umi, keep going, before they find you "
A shadow of the long past, forgotten in the loitering abyss of time
Serene and clear, my friend kept his dance on my head, resting was no option
A ****** devotion of the creeping darkness,
Ah, phantoms ! Spiders, gather in a dark night,
One tarantula crosses my way, with no intention to bite
The shadow I was running from was no where near, but my knights summoned around me, tapping on the ground with their eight legs in their dance
Realisation floods my mind, relentless, numbing all my senses
The black widow of hatred cast on a pure fury, with lilies of murderous intend, was me,
Running from myself was what I did all these years but not anymore
It is best to dance on these fantastic grounds with me,
Because I am the eternity of this realm of fantasy
After all, we have infinite time in our dreams
~ Umi
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 1:04 PM UTC
I wear a double sided mask
so that I appear as desired
an yet I feel this feelings
with wich I cannot relate
because the mask is double sided
and it doesn't match
so I turn the volume louder than my thoughts
no sleep no more
and escape without end
these worlds, these people
they are better than this
than me
STOPSTOPSTOP these thoughts
I scream internally
why can't I be like the mask?
the double sided mask
it is better than this
than me
up the volume goes again
the base resonating in my ears
drowning the thoughts
numbing the feels
trimming the sleep
charging the escape
escape
escape is all I know
in the end
the volume
grew the thoughts
the thoughts of violence
to myself
to my surroundings
mentally
torturing myself
and killing my sleep
my sanity
my grades
grades
do I care anymore?
yes says the mask
the double sided mask
no says the voice
the dark voice in the back of my head
and i
I don't know
not anything
not
a
single
thing
I
I want to be myself
but who
is this self
I ask
as I look trough the mask
the doublde sided mask
to the wall
the wall i've built
the mask is uncomfortable
i've outgrown the mask
the double sided mask
once, the mask was my face
and my face was the mask
but my face started changing
while the mask kept staying
someday i'd outgrow the mask
that day
is long gone
but the mask
the double sided mask
the mask is familiar
the mask is consistent
the mask is desirable
but my face?
I ask the mask facing me
no lies the mask
the double sided mask
I know it's true
why else would I wear the mask?
Jan 6, 2018
Jan 6, 2018 at 4:41 PM UTC
a draper is someone who creates garments or patterns by draping fabric directly onto a dress form (Wikipedia)
~~~~
I am a draper,
by trade, by nature, by instinct;
a fling of one arm across her body,
while she dreams and sleeps, rambles, mumbles,
and even convulses,
to hold her tight with two, with both,
soon grows discomforting as the blood ceases to flow,
the heat breeds unsweetened sweat,
and the snuggling impact,
is too fast subsumed by the pins and needles
numbing, deadening,
and ironical attenuation
this is my pattern,
how I address her,
how I dress her,
draping my contiguous,
drawing five fingers
upon her form,
reshaping her in her sleep,
the arm flung, there, and then
there,
to be hung,
at varied places across her body,
higher lower, above below,
but her face,
free and clear,
so not to interfere
with her sensory preceptors
and as I draw my pattern upon her skin,
her body whole,
listening her to indeterminate utterances,
to determine
which
pitter patter pattern
to which.
she feels best suited,
then,
I prepare my
invoice
for her,
for services rendered,
to present upon awakening,
demanding
in voice,
by her voice,
payment in words,
of her own chosen
amuse-bouche,
mmmm, will it be?
good morning my love?
hello you!
or just an indiscriminate
but yet,
a discriminating
sound of
having been pleasured
by unknown forces
in her deeper sleep, using her lips
to say, to hum, to sing,
a genteel unspecific
but, and yet, a
terrific,
deep from within
guttural remittance,
the sound of a delicious,
mmmmmming
greeting
a new equinoxal gale
of a refreshing fresh
birthing, fulsome
already satisfying
draping of the
day
Aug 13, 2025
Aug 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM UTC
You look at the world through empty orbs,
ignoring the beauty that swells within.
Your lips work like anesthesia,
numbing your words till they have no meaning.
Sometimes I have to wonder, who you really are.
If I’d knock on you, and hear an echo,
sound bouncing off skin walls.
I want to reach down your throat and strike a match.
Ignite a fire in your gray soul.
Fill you up with fiery flickering hues.
A passion that forces you into motion.
Awakening your mind, realizing your truth.
A yearning for life beyond just living.
Apr 23, 2012
Apr 23, 2012 at 3:59 PM UTC
I’m Drowning in the noise.
I’m Drowning in the noise.
Tried to drown out my pain,
With things.
But it couldn’t fill the void.
I’m just Drowning in this noise!
I’m Drowning in this noise!
Feels like I’ve been sinking.
Drowning in the ocean of my mind.
No time for me to start breathing.
For I’m stressing about what I could potentially find.
Find out whats behind all these walls,
That I’ve built up inside.
For so long.
Because I wanted to forget,
But there’s just things that I can’t hide.
So, what’s on my mind?
What’s on my heart?
That has put me in a bind.
From the start?
Let’s take a rewind.
Into what I’ve tried to keep dark.
Uh.
I’ve been struggling with my addictions.
Pop a pill just to feel satisfaction.
Drink my fill, numbing kills the depression.
Catch a feel, ****** thrills kills my imagination.
Brain is filled with nothing but wrong intentions.
One wrong move and imma either be in the grave or in an intervention.
One wrong move and imma either be in prison or get more than just a suspension.
I could be taught a million years,
And still won’t learn my lesson.
Lord knows I’ve been drowning in this deception.
But how am I supposed to heal,
When everyone else see’s me as an infection?
Can’t they see that I’m Drowning?
Drowning in this noise.
Drowning in this noise.
Tried to drown out my pain,
With things.
But it couldn’t fill the void.
I’m just Drowning in this noise!
I’m Drowning in this noise!
Feels like I’ve been sinking.
Drowning in the ocean of my mind.
No time for me to start breathing.
For I’m stressing about what I could potentially find.
Find out whats behind all these walls,
That I’ve built up inside.
For so long.
So, tell me what’s on my mind?
Tell me what’s on my heart?
As I’m drowning in this noise,
With my whole world falling apart!
Sep 11, 2019
Sep 11, 2019 at 5:01 PM UTC
Inside of your mind and body
A numbing occurs
You feel shallow
So shallow
Like a lowering tide
As if the oceans will dry up
Forcing you and the fish to choke on air
But at least you'll have something in common
Alysia Marie 2014 ©
Nov 13, 2014
Nov 13, 2014 at 1:08 PM UTC
Even in Third Place the gods carry you
Niko and Nike, both Siblings to your Cause
The Festive Cheer, numbing their Silent Boo
And your Best Bronze Offer was never lost
Which you deserve, definite on Boon's End
Such Shout everyone will always Cherish
Goodbye, Riley! Your Dim Plan was all but Bent
The Assassin turned on you and Perish
Still, Anointing Tears on the Bleacher's Side,
Was but Artificial in its Console
You made a Plan to Upgrade the next time
And Fight till Morning until the next Goal.
Meanwhilst enjoy, and sip to Iberia's Best
With Everyone on-board; And not one less.
Mar 10, 2013
Mar 10, 2013 at 8:59 PM UTC
Love is a violent act.
I mean, how does something,
So sweet and lovely,
Make you ready to commit,
Brutality and adultery,
And render us so incapable,
Of thinking past jealousy?
With red words fogging our eyes,
And a black void echoing between our ears,
I think love is a violent act.
For nothing like it,
Motivates us to tear down cities,
Dance in the ruins,
And rebuilt something new,
All for one person.
Love is a violent act,
That makes us take our hearts,
Pry, rip and tear slowly from our chests,
And lay it as an offering,
To someone who doesn't want it.
Love is such a violent act,
Melting our brains and controlling our tongues,
Numbing us to the fact that if we care, we will hurt,
Giving us an addiction worse than that to drugs,
God, it made us do so many things we shouldn't have done.
Love is such an unforgivable,
Violent,
Act.
Jun 13, 2019
Jun 13, 2019 at 11:48 AM UTC
Numbing pain; headache tablets full in a mouth,
speedy replies, and local loves. I love the rush.
I broke my heart for a crush.
Reminder: life is a little too
rough.
But I'm acting tough, close to the lines of messing up.
Always about to cuss. I swore it was the last,
but that's just a whispering bluff.
Enough of myself, too full of
myself every time I
laugh.
I spend hours thinking about random stuff; to huff
and puff, and blow away my best love. And we
both love spending hours talking about
some random
stuff.
She's had enough, with pure innocence of a dove.
And I'm the one sinning on her behalf. She's the
better half; but still a kid at heart, acting
tough. She's a calf, domesticated from
her wild love from her
past.
We're tragically in love, not from above or succumbs;
pushing time into each other, as it will shove.
Holding necks with a love glove, it has me
so choked up. In the first line of
love being a
drug.
Jun 6, 2022
Jun 6, 2022 at 3:00 PM UTC
My head is spinning
My vision is blurring
My neck is paining
My whole body is aching
My fingers are numbing
My arteries are clogging
My fate... I am hating
My life is shattering
My suffering is neverending...
Am I dying?
My kidney is teasing...
My blood is aggressively pumping
My glucose is cynically laughing
My heart is still beating...
Death... am I cheating?
Tick.. Tock... Tick... Tock...
Am Still breathing...
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 10:42 AM UTC
what is PTSD they ask
it’s not knowing which
way is right or left
it’s not knowing how
to maneuver your own mood swings
it’s trying to find your way
through a dark maze during the night
with not an ounce of light to guide you
it’s suicidal tendencies
it’s never thinking you’re enough
it’s thinking you’re *****
it’s thinking you’re useless
it’s thinking you’re used
its thinking you’re undeserving
it’s icing people out at the second
you start to feel emotion
it’s numbing yourself to the world
it’s laying in bed
it’s not being able
to move your body
for days on end
because the pain
strikes to the bone
it’s aches
its going a year out of treatment
and you were strong
until the anniversary month roles around
and suddenly you are a glass house
with stones being pelted to the core
it’s lost years
years of life I may
never fully remember
it’s nightmares
the gut wrenching ones
that night replaying
over and over and over
but most of all
it’s guilt
for not being able
to save my 7 year old self
Mar 2, 2019
Mar 2, 2019 at 3:15 AM UTC