"numbess" poems
I watch many shows
About a savior
Who is separate from the world
They were chosen
To save everyone
Yet they are so depressed
Being seperate from everyone
Buffy wished she was normal
She considered herself a freak
Eventually stopped being alive
And inside she died
She had friends
But felt so alone
She could not socialize
And show her trueself
She was a freak
But everyone saw a hero
She was empty inside
She wished for death
But only could hide
I watch these shows
Almsot religiously
Becuase I feel i grow
As buffy losing reality
All i wished for
As a little girl
Was to be normal
And see the world
All I get
Was being a freak
While everyone else praised me
For being innocent and sweet
They look to me as a saving grace
Their last fall
When they hit their face
Then they leave
The hardest thing in this world
Is to live in it
Buffy said
As she dove into her death
Only to awaken even more dead
Inside a deep grave
Living life depraved
Of basic emotions
Everyones falling apart
All around her
But she has to work
And be a good girl
I dove head first
Into numbess
I died
And woke up
With no bliss
I see your suffering
I do not care
I'm so gone
I'm going nowhere
I lost my morals
And sense of heroism
I wish to destroy
The city of hell
That is my prison
Maybe then i can be free
And see my reality
Show love to those around
And finally be proud
Like a normal girl
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 2:15 PM UTC
As the last attatchment from the past clashes with morality and is found to be heavily sad,u wonder why u live as the voice cracks and back slacks, holding your head in your hands, abandoning all thoughts that once made you laugh, You look deeper into darkness till nothing feels bad. just numbess at the heart from a destroyed past. the girl you asked to be your last was your first ex, without a chance to prove you was glad to fix the problem spued from a rumored movement consuming your relationships best, in the dust she went. Hell bent on other fake women knowing they were jealouse you moved on and lost trust. still this slow pause remains odd as my thoughts wonder off beyond this capsul. this dark after taste has replaced my scence of heartful becoming bashful in a natural scence. Guess I'm going to live with this , knowing im going to live to win.
Nov 7, 2013
Nov 7, 2013 at 7:18 PM UTC
I am surrounded by voices-
my loved ones, my demons,
my own rational thoughts.
They swell and ebb like the tide,
A perfect chaos which drives me on,
drives me forward or drives me mad,
echoing in the chasms of my mind
like the voices in the dark night.
The things I know to be true,
to be real and honest and fair,
my anchors, my ports in the storm,
the stubborn rope which ties me
to a mortal coil I've so often tried to escape.
They are undermined by that call,
that desire, the siren song which
drags me back to the blackness,
which promises that numbess is better,
less painful, less terrifying than living.
All my life I've heard the call,
denied its lure or thrown myself,
desperate and thoughtless,
into its depths.
I ignored the destruction I wraught
in its name, the quiet lipped,
cold eyed terror of those around me,
the frantic trembling of my own soul.
The slow death of the drowned.
Sirens do not starve or bleed or die,
gasping for air and choking down screams,
cold water closes over their heads,
freezes their bones and invades their lungs.
I am no siren. I am warm blood
and flesh annd love and passion.
I will not dampen my fire for fear
of what it may release any longer.
I will not drift, forgotten, along the sea bed.
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 5:02 PM UTC
disbelief as the words come out
the world starts to move in slow motion
your thoughts turn like gears in a clock
as you try to comprehend the news
finally, you put meaning to words being said
numbess at first
denial follows close behind
the possibility was always there
but thoughts were never suppose to turn into reality
then it hits you all at once
you crack like an egg under pressure
the questions running through your mind
anger now races through your veins
a feeling of betrayal and abandonment
now all there is left to feel is sadness
Apr 5, 2012
Apr 5, 2012 at 2:09 PM UTC
my skin has been dripping from my pillow
to the wood gaps on my floors
the sun creeping through my curtain
my room is dark a bit of shine comes in
and rests upon my tanned skin
and fingers are floating
the music is honey to my brain
i think of you in the deepness of my coffee
i see you glimmering
smiling me that smile
you have
i wanna laugh with you
right now
and let the clouds become a place
of pure numbess
in your trembling in your arms
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 5:40 PM UTC
I am trying to feel the pain of you
You led me to absolute numbess
Jan 30, 2017
Jan 30, 2017 at 10:57 PM UTC