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"messiness" poems
It's 3:09am I'm im the library Desperately trying to write a research paper: 'LGBT Familes' How fitting. Caffeine courses through my veins Coffee overloads my bladder Bathroom. I hate bathrooms. When you have no gender The simple act of relieving yourself becomes a chore The heavy weight of that key decision Chokes your lungs as you stand outside the doors Two doors. Men. Women. Not me. The choice becomes simplified: While I sometimes pass as a man I often do not. I can choose the men's bathroom The consequence of which could end in physical violence The same hate I explain through my essay. The same fear that plagues my community. The women's restroom is also an option The consequences likely less dire than the former: Heavy side eye and the potential of yelling. A much safer choice. Obviously. Per usual, I walk into the women's room. I take three strides inside. Then I stop. I've never used the men's room. My fear of violent reactions has always won. Yet at a time like this How likely is it that someone is inside the men's room? Now is my chance to face my fears. Now I have a safe chance at peeing in peace. In a bathroom potentially more suiting Of my gender identity So I turn around. Let the door slam behind me. Half a step into the men's room The smell of rancid ***** hits my senses Toilet paper liters the stalls I have missed absolutely nothing in my years in the women's room Women have nicer facilities A significantly more advanced hand dryer Cleanliness Air freshener Men do not have these luxuries Now I question, Do men not take as good of care of their bathrooms as women do? Do the workers intentionally prioritize women's sanitation? What causes this undeniable divide? Is the messiness of the men's room a result of their conscious decisions? Or simply a response to societal expectation? Regardless, I think I'll stick to the women's room While I add bathrooms to my compilation Of more discrete gender inequality
0
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 2:23 PM UTC
My First Time Using the Men's Bathroom
It's 3:09am I'm im the library Desperately trying to write a research paper: 'LGBT Familes' How fitting. Caffeine courses through my veins Coffee overloads my bladder Bathroom. I hate bathrooms. When you have no gender The simple act of relieving yourself becomes a chore The heavy weight of that key decision Chokes your lungs as you stand outside the doors Two doors. Men. Women. Not me. The choice becomes simplified: While I sometimes pass as a man I often do not. I can choose the men's bathroom The consequence of which could end in physical violence The same hate I explain through my essay. The same fear that plagues my community. The women's restroom is also an option The consequences likely less dire than the former: Heavy side eye and the potential of yelling. A much safer choice. Obviously. Per usual, I walk into the women's room. I take three strides inside. Then I stop. I've never used the men's room. My fear of violent reactions has always won. Yet at a time like this How likely is it that someone is inside the men's room? Now is my chance to face my fears. Now I have a safe chance at peeing in peace. In a bathroom potentially more suiting Of my gender identity So I turn around. Let the door slam behind me. Half a step into the men's room The smell of rancid ***** hits my senses Toilet paper liters the stalls I have missed absolutely nothing in my years in the women's room Women have nicer facilities A significantly more advanced hand dryer Cleanliness Air freshener Men do not have these luxuries Now I question, Do men not take as good of care of their bathrooms as women do? Do the workers intentionally prioritize women's sanitation? What causes this undeniable divide? Is the messiness of the men's room a result of their conscious decisions? Or simply a response to societal expectation? Regardless, I think I'll stick to the women's room While I add bathrooms to my compilation Of more discrete gender inequality
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61
In My Salad Days Salad Days **Wikipedia: Modern use, especially in the United States, refers to a person's heyday when somebody was at the peak of his/her abilities, not necessarily in that person's youth.**                         ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Salad Hints of tints of golden pear skins, combine with ruby'd cranberries each a face, the cheeks of alcoholic old men, each wrinkle, a life's recording. All are mates for the marcona almonds nestling, playing hide n' go seeking tween silk sheeted leaves of butter lettuce. All dressed to the nines, underneath a top hatted, cravatted, Fred Astaire marinade. Coated, bathed, loved, protected by a vinegar of balsams, aged grape must, pressed, a lovely, desirable color, a brown and bronzed rust, pressed, then left, to easy rest for oh so many years, like I do, easy resting, when  you feed me in My Salad Days. The Days Though it was a life,  decades destructed Millenniums of de minimus, Forty plus Seders of exile, of hell, Marked by promises, whispers, horseradish tears of Next Year and Jerusalem, Time steeped in a tradition of patient waiting. Each year, recorded by a spot of red wine Purposely Spilled, By my father on unbleached Passover tablecloth, To example, to symbolize that Messiness in life, Is O.K. The Salad Days Salad served with irony generous, When beard greyed and scraggly, White speckled, wisps of sea salt, All my youthful greenery, long wilted. Yet the words herein writ are my Afikomen, my just dessert, My victory song of Hallelujah Just before we eat, celebrating My Feast of Ascension, marking a Delayed Arrival, yet right-on time of My Salad Days. It was only when I was resurrected as two bodies, A pair of cuffed links coupled, In My Salad Days, With the taste of freedom, A first-born infant survivor, Was I rebirthed, and to the fore, risen. When words fell from smiling lips, and Rain and tears flew upwards, and Each and every breath was an Amen.
0
Aug 15, 2013
Aug 15, 2013 at 1:44 PM UTC
In My Salad Days
In My Salad Days Salad Days **Wikipedia: Modern use, especially in the United States, refers to a person's heyday when somebody was at the peak of his/her abilities, not necessarily in that person's youth.**                         ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Salad Hints of tints of golden pear skins, combine with ruby'd cranberries each a face, the cheeks of alcoholic old men, each wrinkle, a life's recording. All are mates for the marcona almonds nestling, playing hide n' go seeking tween silk sheeted leaves of butter lettuce. All dressed to the nines, underneath a top hatted, cravatted, Fred Astaire marinade. Coated, bathed, loved, protected by a vinegar of balsams, aged grape must, pressed, a lovely, desirable color, a brown and bronzed rust, pressed, then left, to easy rest for oh so many years, like I do, easy resting, when  you feed me in My Salad Days. The Days Though it was a life,  decades destructed Millenniums of de minimus, Forty plus Seders of exile, of hell, Marked by promises, whispers, horseradish tears of Next Year and Jerusalem, Time steeped in a tradition of patient waiting. Each year, recorded by a spot of red wine Purposely Spilled, By my father on unbleached Passover tablecloth, To example, to symbolize that Messiness in life, Is O.K. The Salad Days Salad served with irony generous, When beard greyed and scraggly, White speckled, wisps of sea salt, All my youthful greenery, long wilted. Yet the words herein writ are my Afikomen, my just dessert, My victory song of Hallelujah Just before we eat, celebrating My Feast of Ascension, marking a Delayed Arrival, yet right-on time of My Salad Days. It was only when I was resurrected as two bodies, A pair of cuffed links coupled, In My Salad Days, With the taste of freedom, A first-born infant survivor, Was I rebirthed, and to the fore, risen. When words fell from smiling lips, and Rain and tears flew upwards, and Each and every breath was an Amen.
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68
i open my eyes and the light hits my face i toss and turn in my bedsheets, stretching my arms i inhale breaths of life and exhale i am grateful i am grateful for a roof over my head a warm bed to sleep on clean water to drink and food i can eat i am grateful for blue skies and sunshine staring up into the horizons feeling the warmth consume my body from the inside out i am grateful for friends who care about me saying i was lonely, feeling hurt, and down giving me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on i am grateful for tough days for without them, how could we be grateful? learning to appreciate what we have despite feeling empty and broken i am grateful for silent moments and days where i sing at the top of my lungs learning to embrace the still and quiet taking the time to reflect that even silent moments have something to teach us and expressing my joy dancing like nobody is watching but most of all, i am grateful for my Savior, Jesus who bore everything for me on that cross pursuing me despite my messiness, failures, and sins fully knowing me and loving me i am eternally grateful forever grateful of each breath He gives me teaching me to live this life for Him and not myself to give glory, honor, and praise to the One who paid my debt
0
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 12:24 PM UTC
gratitude
My life pressed like those perfect folded sheets. Married in steam and good intentions of having life together. Of course, that always starts with making your bed in the morning and filling the days with things you ought to do. I'd spent my whole life trying to be this person.... I can't but help miss the stain on my coffee table and my linen sheets sprawled across my floor waiting for my return. The chaos in my life felt like a harmony of bethovan's seventh symphony. A beautiful orchestrarted master piece I could only make the sense of. I was an absolutist. Completely content with the messiness of it all. Entirely captivated by the beauty and desire with urge to succumb to it all. The unequivocal grounding of not giving a **** at all if at least felt good. I can't help but wonder if the person I'm unbecoming is the person I should be saving.
0
Jan 13, 2023
Jan 13, 2023 at 1:36 AM UTC
Folded Sheets
I favour the deep, impenetrable truth of the jungle Over the smooth ride over sleek black rubber; The ***** disturbing, demented disorder; The distortions of the lights we bathe on, Over outward alignments and the staleness of systems. I favour the cheap, rugged, bittersweet taste Of a late night's substandard drink, In the midst of true lights and shadows And the uncertainty they cast upon us, Over the orderly and satisfactory-- The dead pleasures and securities that Exist nowhere but in feeble projections. I favour the basic, primeval, animal grunt-- The dirt, the dizziness of true treading Across the muddy shallows--, Over the clattering of an overflowed, Certain mind. I favour doubt, earnest doubt, Unpalatable doubt, inescapable doubt-- A smile in a pitch-black room, A journey on a lukewarm air balloon, A half-finished sentence in a half-serious gloom--, Over hasty conclusions and tainted allusions. I favour the endearing messiness of reality; The chaos of light and dreams; The mystery, so out of reach, Of you and me and the space in-between; The stained, torn, shattered, burnt, Twisted texture we find ourselves upon, Over the smooth, marble-white, Sterile surface where false certainties Slide, grinning, before they find themselves On an impending collision with the infectious hesitation of the ground. I favour the acknowledging look Straight into the eye; A ladder with one step; A race with no competitors; A contentment without resentment; A bread on your table that's good enough, That doesn't tease you and promise you more, And more, And more, So that you forget what you should really care for, What lies deep under your skin, What stirs up the dormant contents of your guts-- You climb to the hilltop Which finally allows you to have A peek at the next one. I favour uncertainty and risk, And walking too close to the edge; I favour barely enough, And cutting it too close; I favour throwing all excess over the board, And lowering standards; I favour the taste of imminent failure And the adrenaline of a heart-wakening sprint; I favour meagre means And big dreams, free of currencies; For they all remind me what the world Really looks like, Who I really am, And what the winter-night winds Really feel like. I favour the ways of nature, often erratic, ***** ugly and convoluted, Often dumbfounding, Unintentionally intelligent and mysterious, Over the ways of fear-ridden constructions, For there is no such thing As a straight line.
0
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 2:31 PM UTC
Wednesday Manifesto
I favour the deep, impenetrable truth of the jungle Over the smooth ride over sleek black rubber; The ***** disturbing, demented disorder; The distortions of the lights we bathe on, Over outward alignments and the staleness of systems. I favour the cheap, rugged, bittersweet taste Of a late night's substandard drink, In the midst of true lights and shadows And the uncertainty they cast upon us, Over the orderly and satisfactory-- The dead pleasures and securities that Exist nowhere but in feeble projections. I favour the basic, primeval, animal grunt-- The dirt, the dizziness of true treading Across the muddy shallows--, Over the clattering of an overflowed, Certain mind. I favour doubt, earnest doubt, Unpalatable doubt, inescapable doubt-- A smile in a pitch-black room, A journey on a lukewarm air balloon, A half-finished sentence in a half-serious gloom--, Over hasty conclusions and tainted allusions. I favour the endearing messiness of reality; The chaos of light and dreams; The mystery, so out of reach, Of you and me and the space in-between; The stained, torn, shattered, burnt, Twisted texture we find ourselves upon, Over the smooth, marble-white, Sterile surface where false certainties Slide, grinning, before they find themselves On an impending collision with the infectious hesitation of the ground. I favour the acknowledging look Straight into the eye; A ladder with one step; A race with no competitors; A contentment without resentment; A bread on your table that's good enough, That doesn't tease you and promise you more, And more, And more, So that you forget what you should really care for, What lies deep under your skin, What stirs up the dormant contents of your guts-- You climb to the hilltop Which finally allows you to have A peek at the next one. I favour uncertainty and risk, And walking too close to the edge; I favour barely enough, And cutting it too close; I favour throwing all excess over the board, And lowering standards; I favour the taste of imminent failure And the adrenaline of a heart-wakening sprint; I favour meagre means And big dreams, free of currencies; For they all remind me what the world Really looks like, Who I really am, And what the winter-night winds Really feel like. I favour the ways of nature, often erratic, ***** ugly and convoluted, Often dumbfounding, Unintentionally intelligent and mysterious, Over the ways of fear-ridden constructions, For there is no such thing As a straight line.
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70
i look at our time together like the keys of a piano, somehow pounding on a mess of a's and d's and f's creates something beautiful. somewhere between all the laughter and late night phone calls our messiness of a journey became a piece that was worthy of being played by Bach or Mozart. we found the balance of those a's and those d's and those f's, something that will be remembered by those after us for centuries.
0
Jul 29, 2014
Jul 29, 2014 at 2:47 AM UTC
worthy of Bach and Mozart
my mom called, i cried by the dhall, on facetime been thinking about how lucky we are to be alive even if to deal with mornings and swollen eyes even if dad's always on the night shift, even with this big rift caused by the distance and the lack of time just because we made out once doesn't mean you're mine i got glimpses of a pink top, my blanket of a jacket i bet it would look classier if you were wearing it but you're distant and cold and partying is getting old i'm forever out of polaroid film and cheap distractions so i took an amtrak home, straight from south station the flight back to boston was short but still exhausting and when i walk home alone, the silence is unsettling seems we're both better than i thought at method acting
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Feb 28, 2024
Feb 28, 2024 at 1:21 AM UTC
late july messiness
jia jia of supple plastic face gracefully arranged hair hands that gesture, eyes that roll a lifelike porcelain doll docile ****** expressions perfect height to weight ratio fluent in English and Mandarin soothing, well-modulated tone what can I do for you, my Lord? the creator's goal to refine programming until jai jai can laugh and cry learn to interact naturally he calls her his robot goddess a wet-dream confection with none of the messiness of a full-fleshed playgirl though she is artificial and cannot feel I pity my non-sentient sister controlled by design submission absolute maybe she can fill the hole left by women who abandon conformity to seek being real
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Apr 22, 2016
Apr 22, 2016 at 11:07 AM UTC
Goddess
I want to be a place you call 'home' Do you know what's the meaning of 'home' itself? Home is a place you always keep coming back, no matter how far you could go Home is a place you always gonna miss, no matter how messy it could get with its imperfections with its messiness And I don't want to be a five-starred hotel-or a mall, for you with its perfections with its glamorous with its beauty But you can always leave them, anytime you want Because it's just a place you passed by, just a place you enjoy, you look at, for short periods of time, then you leave it behind I want to be a home, for you with my own imperfections, with my own messiness, Because I want you to keep coming back to me, no matter how far you could go And you'll always gonna miss me, because I'm your home.
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Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:43 AM UTC
Home
To love me is to put up with a messiness I inherited from my mother. The displays of self loathing and self sabotage i work on daily. The clothes I leave on the floor. The coffee cups in the sink. The bed unmade and the too many shoes. To love me is to deal with an annoying amount of independence I inherited from my father. The acts of self serving that I work on daily. The know it all moments when I’m working on something or fixing something. The confidence in my work ethic, my persona & who I am. The laughter I have over everything. To love me is to know the loyalty and respect I’ve inherited from my stepmom. The empathy I still long for and work to find daily. The care over details. The nurture I give when you’re sad or sick. The standing up for you but also putting you in your place. To love me is to cope with the stoic coldness and wandering spirit I’ve inherited from my grandma. The parts of me you’ll never fully know that I work to show you daily. The look of dismay I sometimes don’t know is on my face. The inability to stay in one place for too long without going insane. The moments I want to run away and never look back. To love me is to cope. Cope with knowing sometimes I’m mean. Sometimes I’m sad. And sometimes I love fiercely and passionately. To love me is to love all of me. Everything I’ve inherited and everything I’ve learned and unlearned over time. To love me is to be loved in return.
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Nov 29, 2023
Nov 29, 2023 at 10:02 AM UTC
Loving the Real Me
Social media Controls your life; It tells you how your hair should smell And your skin should glow Have long hair No.. short Pluck those eyebrows off Oh wait now grow them back If you don't have the right nose and lips Well, you're ****** Everybody should starve themselves Who can be the thinnest Only then you'll be beautiful Oh, never mind Now we like curvy girls But you better get the proportions right or You'll just be fat And fat That's unacceptable As well as having any different colour of skin or a uniquely functioning mind Enough to be lower than others Out casted Made fun of Rejected Wear what everybody else is wearing We don't care for the price But stand out And do you And be yourself Just be happy. But how I ask how can we be happy when we're put into such impossible standards When we're labeled When what we have to offer is never good enough When we feel judged everyday And by whom? Who's created this social media controlled society if not us Every single one of us You and me So All I'm really here to say is You are beautiful. Each of us is made differently in such an exquisite way And that's what really matters The uniqueness of each person's nature, appearance and story The messiness and diversity of life is what makes it so alluring and magnificent ✨ Let's embrace our differences and learn to love the beautiful imperfect
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Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 1:53 PM UTC
True and honest love
It makes me look weak,                                     My tears leaks…                       My eyes are sore                   My heart is a bore             and My body repeats a painful encore.                                 I dust away the sad memories,                                         but it comes along like it’s my adversaries.                   I hate sadness It shakes my reality, a piercing faithfulness                 towards my soulful unhappiness. I don’t need help,     but in truth I am lying to myself. You’ll never know, what comes and goes     yet I am stuck between my toes. I hunger for that light     but all that comes is my arresting night. Perhaps I am doom with my own gloominess. Starvation and Weariness                   is a consolation of my messiness ~ a choice with laziness,          to ponder and wonder                     to the world’s unending sadness. © Pax  September, 2013
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Nov 2, 2016
Nov 2, 2016 at 8:04 AM UTC
~ I hate sadness
I try to cut, through the skin, as if it's my last effort to free my own soul from it's own pain, The skeletal bones and tissue intertwined, wanting to break free, from such limited physicality's Rather to feel real pain, then this goopy stuff they call emotions, I'm entangled in a war of not my choosing, A world, I was not made for, And I walk aware of this, Every, single day i'm breathing hard and the cold air ***** all the warmth from my own blood, And I feel nothing, but darkness, ******* out my soul, The life I once wanted, A fairytale forgotten while I'm living this horrid nightmare, Full of language and knowledge I could care less about, When all I wanna do is run in fields, and soak up the ocean with my heart, And never return to a desk if it's the last thing I do, Freedom from driving and technology, A phone always beeping, Just me, myself and I, And a God that I could see with all the stuff out of the way
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Feb 5, 2013
Feb 5, 2013 at 12:17 AM UTC
The messiness inside
To me, words sing. They carry me up to the heavens and drag me down to the depths. Sentences soar. They lie there, dripping with juicy meaning as they whisper softly. Descriptions dance. Well paced prose or the precise hitting of phonetic notes are a symphony to my ears. Pearls are found amongst the thickest of slime. Masterpieces of diction, form and character one can uncover, buried underneath the deepest mires of messiness. These glorious works, both lengthy and pointed, are attractive for one main reason: the thoughts and flavour they contain. These concepts swirl and crystalise like intricate snowflakes and make me think, 'If only life was always like this'. Webbed connections spin and mesh, reflections and shattered mirrors are found everywhere. The hallmarks of beauty and the breath of the Divine mix with dark and twisted truths. Great words and those more humble writings weave a magnificent tapestry indeed.
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Dec 17, 2015
Dec 17, 2015 at 7:10 PM UTC
Profound, profane and poignant: Words
Call it women’s intuition— but she knows the power of silence, how to bend you to her will, whether she’s calm or not. Eventually, you’ll crack, if given enough time. Trying to figure out what’s wrong, following her from room to room, asking question after question— whether you’re crazy now or crazy later, it’s soon to happen. Oddly enough, the various cigarette and liquor companies profit from her silence— the way, even at your best, it still finds a way to get your attention. Even if you manage to block her out, bringing it up at another time is just an argument. It’s best to take a minute and get yourself together. no matter what you do. You can’t trust the way she stares, you can’t trust the way she laughs. It’s all a trap. You won’t realize it until it’s too late. Through her messiness, through her beauty, through her chaos, She just wants to see how you’ll react, if you’ll reach for her, even when she’s right in front of you
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Jan 16, 2025
Jan 16, 2025 at 10:41 PM UTC
Oh No, She's Quiet
VIII Glassy smooth a mirror-sea reflects a turbulent cloudscape blending white into grey today far distant the sea joins the sky the sky absorbs the sea into the one the other disappears and little movement at the water’s edge . . . the tide-uncovered land lies exposed to harden in the still air IX Despite the profusion the messiness of it all and with disorder everywhere there is a precise vocabulary for the nature and experience of the coastal strip the area caught between land and sea. Rocks littered Sand pitted and patterned Sea sounding breaking pulling-back Sky an overarching complement to it all and the necessary story of coming and the ‘just being here’ and this path to the sea shore strewn so with anticipation with forward-facing dreams almost urgent imaginings as we let go of the constraints of the squared space the vertical architecture of daily life X See how those we love are transformed when the sea is their only boundary a figure stands before a sand bar in a crescent of water left by the tide an affecting geometry of solitude another gathers her body in a crouch to come close to a speckled play of tiny shells fragments thrown together by the morning’s tide The beach is such unconfining space where movement demands no direction XI this attentive looking at what lies at the feet or not choosing to pass by the curiously-formed or not but there is a measuredness of step an accompanying intent with that always-confidence there may be something so single out what can be held in the fingers what can lie entire in the neutral space of your collection’s row then later with the pencil’s mark the brush’s touch in line and shade and the tricks of chiaroscuro an image will be secured in mind and muscles’ memory you will have drawn this form into knowledge
0
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 3:59 AM UTC
Tide Marks #8-11
VIII Glassy smooth a mirror-sea reflects a turbulent cloudscape blending white into grey today far distant the sea joins the sky the sky absorbs the sea into the one the other disappears and little movement at the water’s edge . . . the tide-uncovered land lies exposed to harden in the still air IX Despite the profusion the messiness of it all and with disorder everywhere there is a precise vocabulary for the nature and experience of the coastal strip the area caught between land and sea. Rocks littered Sand pitted and patterned Sea sounding breaking pulling-back Sky an overarching complement to it all and the necessary story of coming and the ‘just being here’ and this path to the sea shore strewn so with anticipation with forward-facing dreams almost urgent imaginings as we let go of the constraints of the squared space the vertical architecture of daily life X See how those we love are transformed when the sea is their only boundary a figure stands before a sand bar in a crescent of water left by the tide an affecting geometry of solitude another gathers her body in a crouch to come close to a speckled play of tiny shells fragments thrown together by the morning’s tide The beach is such unconfining space where movement demands no direction XI this attentive looking at what lies at the feet or not choosing to pass by the curiously-formed or not but there is a measuredness of step an accompanying intent with that always-confidence there may be something so single out what can be held in the fingers what can lie entire in the neutral space of your collection’s row then later with the pencil’s mark the brush’s touch in line and shade and the tricks of chiaroscuro an image will be secured in mind and muscles’ memory you will have drawn this form into knowledge
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72
passports, abstracts, and cigarettes i swear it was all just for the aesthetics thin walls, smoke screens, and window tints we crawled through one just for the hell of it it's nineteen and nose rings, i got asked for an id we're twenty-one in jersey, you like my con artistry i borrowed a street sign and failed to book an uber ride everything is so much messier than i would've liked i tired of people pleasing, and you never reply we don't really need to talk about it i try my best to not really think about it said that i'm conceited, hedonistic, manipulative but some nights i just want to drink until i start to lie see, if coping was a job and paid an hourly wage i'd be working overtime, id have a career drive and i'd be a millionaire after six shots, or maybe five
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Feb 28, 2024
Feb 28, 2024 at 1:22 AM UTC
mid july messiness
I don't like new notebooks. I mean, I like new, beautiful, clean, pristine notebooks, but I don't like using them. I don't want to ruin it. I open up to the first page and it's so blank, so white, so pure, there's not an imperfection in sight. I don't want to use it because I don't want to mess it up. I want it to stay perfect, and beautiful. I don't want that inevitable ****** drawing or poem to **** it up. I don't want my uncleanliness, my messiness to spread to something so perfect. I do end up using it. If I didn't, I'd just have a bunch of empty notebooks lying around which honestly I'd prefer. But I take forever to do it, to break the seal. I have to have the perfect thing to ruin perfection because if it's not perfect, it's not worth it to ruin it. It goes two ways though: The first entry is perfect, beautiful, inspiring, deep, and then I never use that book again. Because now it's perfection is magnified. I couldn't possibly follow it up with something better or just as good, and it's quite possible that the more I try to come up with something good to match, the initial piece deteriorates and it becomes disappointing, thus resulting in the notebook not being used. The second way this goes is the first entry is trash. It's disgraceful and I want to tear it out but suddenly the book becomes less daunting, less intimidating because now, it's imperfect. Every entry to follow doesn't have to live up to some grand standard. But I'm reminded everytime I use that book that I failed, that I created garbage. It makes everything that comes after, not as good as what I want to do, it lacks passion. If I tear out the initial entry, the cycle starts over. No matter which way you spin it, we just don't get along. I end up with a bunch of half used, disappointing books sitting around haunting me as I walk by. A notebook is reflective of who you are, it displays the deepest parts of you. What if your unhappy with what you see on the page? What if what you see isn't you? What if, this blank, empty page of nothingness is better than what you are? Why would you want to ruin something so pure and perfect with your mess? Because nothing you ever write, draw, sketch, compose or create on it will ever be as good as it's once held purity. -t.s.
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Jun 26, 2017
Jun 26, 2017 at 9:18 PM UTC
New Notebooks
I don't like new notebooks. I mean, I like new, beautiful, clean, pristine notebooks, but I don't like using them. I don't want to ruin it. I open up to the first page and it's so blank, so white, so pure, there's not an imperfection in sight. I don't want to use it because I don't want to mess it up. I want it to stay perfect, and beautiful. I don't want that inevitable ****** drawing or poem to **** it up. I don't want my uncleanliness, my messiness to spread to something so perfect. I do end up using it. If I didn't, I'd just have a bunch of empty notebooks lying around which honestly I'd prefer. But I take forever to do it, to break the seal. I have to have the perfect thing to ruin perfection because if it's not perfect, it's not worth it to ruin it. It goes two ways though: The first entry is perfect, beautiful, inspiring, deep, and then I never use that book again. Because now it's perfection is magnified. I couldn't possibly follow it up with something better or just as good, and it's quite possible that the more I try to come up with something good to match, the initial piece deteriorates and it becomes disappointing, thus resulting in the notebook not being used. The second way this goes is the first entry is trash. It's disgraceful and I want to tear it out but suddenly the book becomes less daunting, less intimidating because now, it's imperfect. Every entry to follow doesn't have to live up to some grand standard. But I'm reminded everytime I use that book that I failed, that I created garbage. It makes everything that comes after, not as good as what I want to do, it lacks passion. If I tear out the initial entry, the cycle starts over. No matter which way you spin it, we just don't get along. I end up with a bunch of half used, disappointing books sitting around haunting me as I walk by. A notebook is reflective of who you are, it displays the deepest parts of you. What if your unhappy with what you see on the page? What if what you see isn't you? What if, this blank, empty page of nothingness is better than what you are? Why would you want to ruin something so pure and perfect with your mess? Because nothing you ever write, draw, sketch, compose or create on it will ever be as good as it's once held purity. -t.s.
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The Cuddle Of A Thousands Cries Pacify My Soul My Childish Ways In The Mist Cold Deep Snow Alone Tears Of Numbness Perfume My Eyes Into Despair The Messiness Of My Shameful Diaper On My Vary Delicate Body Filled With Shame In The Desolated Crib Of Mine Like A Child In Shankles My Tears In Jail Wrapped Around In Sorrows My Pacifier My... Stuffed Animal Taken Away In My Childish Eyes ~Numbness Of Despair~
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Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 5:10 PM UTC
The Soft Side
I am a girl, And I hate details. I hate the little things in life that seem to cause so much trouble, I hate decorative pillows, accented candles, and making sure I eat some pinterest recipe meal my friend sent to me on thursday. I don't like the minor things in life, such as cleaning, or cooking, and making sure I get to bed on time, or if my hair ever looks right. I walk around with no makeup usually, sometimes wear the same shirt twice in a row, if my hair is semi greasy, then let it be under a hat, I'm a girl, I won't wear the right clothes when it's 50 degrees, or I forget to take my medication so I wake up all clogged up from my allergies. I don't always eat right, and drink coffee way too much, and I don't dream of my dream wedding dress I like to think of other things that make sense to me. I don't get upset with C's. If I passed at least I passed. I don't always make it to class, and though I wish I could be a neat freak, I can't, cause that's not me. I am a girl who can't stand the little things in life, like perfect date nights, or pleasantly planned events, or fretting over if my earrings go with my outfit. I like the messiness of life, unexpected relationships, random calls, winging assignments, and trying not to make everything make so much sense, It doesn't matter, not a hundred years from now, I live through the rhythms of my own heartbeat. Yes it's troublesome, and I am always late, and I quit jobs, and make irrational decisions, cause I don't like the details, I like to flow with destiny and fate and see what happens nonetheless and I really don't like rules...
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May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 12:20 PM UTC
i hate details
I am a girl, And I hate details. I hate the little things in life that seem to cause so much trouble, I hate decorative pillows, accented candles, and making sure I eat some pinterest recipe meal my friend sent to me on thursday. I don't like the minor things in life, such as cleaning, or cooking, and making sure I get to bed on time, or if my hair ever looks right. I walk around with no makeup usually, sometimes wear the same shirt twice in a row, if my hair is semi greasy, then let it be under a hat, I'm a girl, I won't wear the right clothes when it's 50 degrees, or I forget to take my medication so I wake up all clogged up from my allergies. I don't always eat right, and drink coffee way too much, and I don't dream of my dream wedding dress I like to think of other things that make sense to me. I don't get upset with C's. If I passed at least I passed. I don't always make it to class, and though I wish I could be a neat freak, I can't, cause that's not me. I am a girl who can't stand the little things in life, like perfect date nights, or pleasantly planned events, or fretting over if my earrings go with my outfit. I like the messiness of life, unexpected relationships, random calls, winging assignments, and trying not to make everything make so much sense, It doesn't matter, not a hundred years from now, I live through the rhythms of my own heartbeat. Yes it's troublesome, and I am always late, and I quit jobs, and make irrational decisions, cause I don't like the details, I like to flow with destiny and fate and see what happens nonetheless and I really don't like rules...
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*"we are learning to ... fish in the river of sorrow"* Faith Sherien this has been a year of hard lessons..... of trying, again and again, to perfect the the cast to catch, cleanly, the fish of loss. to split it open, and seize it's innards... the stench, the messiness, the ichor, the guts. to scale the skin, rough, cutting scales, little tear shaped discs. to eat of the flesh.... chewing, chewing, chewing on the hope of afterlife. and picking the bones clean of delicate, delectable memories.... hard lessons, too many this year, yet all a part, of a fishermans journey.... down, the river of sorrow.
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Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 6:04 PM UTC
fishing lessons
We are all fallible because we are all human. There isn't a soul on this earth exempt from hanging a skeleton of ignorance somewhere in life's hidden closet. A big, brawny bag of bones dumped atop our fragile heart spaces, in order to quiet those nagging, screaming egos. Sharp elbows and boney shoulders forcing us to truly taste the soured-sweetness of humility, and humbly drink it down. Peace is found in our common flaws - our shared ability to be so **** cruel, cheap, manipulative, scared, loud and wrong. What hurts you hurts me, we are all connected through that which we've decided separates us. We are not perfect. We've all really messed up. Sometime, somewhere we've caused pain to ourselves by inflicting pain onto others, and vice-versa. It's within the murky kaleidoscope of messiness that we find proof of our connectedness, our mutli-colored similarities, our twin tattooed scars of wisdom reminding us of our divinity, in the wake of this endless slumber. We must embrace our skeletons, transform them, set them free.... For they are our greatest teachers holding up a mirror to our souls and reflecting all of humanity back at us, revealing the brightest darkness we've ever seen.
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Nov 29, 2016
Nov 29, 2016 at 10:46 PM UTC
Skeletons
It doesn't happen very often any more But at times The darkness calls And I, feeling pulled Betray my better self in favor of A temporary respite from the loneliness. And though the path I'm on isn't perfectly straight, it's perfectly imperfect in all its human messiness And it's beautiful, for all of our madness comes from within, as so does our exquisiteness. If darkness calls on you, and you find yourself Unable to resist, I will love you just the same in the morning, as we are more brothers, lovers, sisters than we are distant cousins. And you are not the darkness You are not the pain You're the seer and the seen And it's not always easy to refuse the mad hatter's offer for tea
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May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017 at 7:40 AM UTC
When darkness calls