I pulled myself along
the freezing tile,
leaned over the shower,
My teeth went through
the grinder as my brain
was struggling to breathe.

I vomited and vomited.
I had no water to drink.
I had no one beside me.

In the other room they
were laughing,
they were laughing
           they were laughing,
and I had no water to drink.
No one beside me.

I began to quiver,
I began to call out,
but nobody heard me,
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold,
             I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'M SO COLD, i'm so cold, i'msocold.

So,
I pretended I was talking to Mary.
I'm not sure what made me go to her,
I whispered her questions, and answered.

Mary asked what was going on with Lauren.
"We don't talk much.
She's trying to find her freedom.
She was a kindness, and now she looks at me with hate."

Mary asked if I was okay.
"Aside from just throwing up, I'm dandy."

Mary asked if I had another girl in mind.
I laughed detached,

"I drank so someone would take care of me,
and there's no one beside me,
and I'm freezing,
and they're laughing,
and Tyler is so far away,
and this tile is bitter,
and I'm SO COLD!" I roared,
hoping someone would come and aid me
to rest.

My phone lit up to my side,
a message,
Kyri said she is moving on,
that was the fourth woman
to tell me that in the last week.

There was a shift in the movement
in the next room,
I thought they remembered me,
but they were all leaving.

what to do?
no god to listen to me,
just one who ***** on me.

what to say?
no lover who will stay true to me,
just brief windows of making misery.

where to go?
my brimstone parents' pattern,
is all i've ever known.

how long?
will Kyri keep my line of poetry
painted in red by her bedside window.

when will the realization hit?
the young girls chasing me,
see they are better off without me.

when will
the ones i want
succumb to the web of me.

what to do?
to pull the splinters from the pew,
to get god another Job.

how long will it last?
the states and kingdom ain't united,
all the old folks are begging for a tyrant.

will we ever find comfort?
being alone together,
staring at the maddening sky.