I remember my old street. (North Overlook)
The people there never changed, like a television with the **** broken off.
I remember my boxer, Brutus. I would let him lick the inside of my mouth to freak out the other kids.
I remember eating honey suckles in the back yard. I also ate a whole bottle of Tums in the medicine cabinet. (I thought it was candy)
I once drank a whole bottle of nail polish remover, but I puked it back up.
I remember having a jungle gym and a swimming pool. My sister and I swam naked in it once.
I remember when we touched each other’s private parts in a fort we built in the closet. She made me smell my fingers afterwards. My nose crinkled upward and I thought it was gross.
I remember when my mother came home crying one day because the hair stylist cut her hair too short and she looked like a “****.”
I remember spending mornings at grandma’s house. I would watch The Price Is Right and Days of Our Lives. She would fall asleep and I would clean the wax out from her ears with a paintbrush. I remember enjoying it.
I remember my first ****** nose (I used a whole roll of toilet paper). I could taste the blood running down the back of my throat.
I remember all the other ****** noses and calling mom from the nurse’s office
I remember Mr. Iles (3rd grade) screaming at his class for being idiots. He drove a motorcycle to school everyday.
I remember doing times tables in his class. I was always terrible at math and thought I was stupid. We watched the twin towers fall on television. I didn’t know what was happening so I continued to doodle on my times tables.
I remember in middle school being the only one at my lunch table wearing yellow. My friends became gothic. I didn’t know what that was, but I knew I was different.
I remember my first art class in high school, thinking I was better than everyone, and I was.
I remember the first time I masturbated. I don’t remember how many times I did it that day but my **** hurt for a while and I walked funny.
I remember my mother trying to teach me about God. I never told her that I didn’t believe in him. I’ve always felt guilty.
I remember my first girlfriend. We dated for 7 months. My friends hated her, and I stopped talking to them. I remember hating them for it.
I remember the first time we had *** it was **** ***. I didn’t use a ****** and my **** was covered in ****.
She was great at *******. She once ****** me off in the backseat of her grandma’s car while her grandma drove. I forgot about the time she threw up on me.
I remember she loved Disney and nicknamed my ***** “Captain Hook” because it curves to the left.
I remember the day she found out she had ******, she told me over the phone. I cried because it was my fault. In high school health class, they didn’t teach us that if you have a cold sore and eat a girl out, they could get ******.
I remember when she broke up with me and went back to her ugly ex-boyfriend (now ex-ex-boyfriend). I cried again. Her friends stopped talking to me.
I remember it was on my birthday. (Friday the 13th)
I remember the threats over texts to leave her alone. I told everyone at school she had ******.
I remember eating lunch alone. (A lot)
I remember shutting myself in my room and not eating.
I remember when I tried to **** myself with a steak knife in the kitchen. I didn’t do it right. My mother asked me what happed, so I lied and told her it was an accident. I don’t think she believed me. We still don’t talk about it but I still have the scar.
I remember making art. (A lot)
I did nothing but art (That’s all I had.)
I remember making friends in my art class and how my teacher would dress like a Jedi.
I remember meeting Bobby, and Brandon, and Tyler.
I remember thinking that art had saved my life.
I remember the first time I smoked ****. It was in the parking lot of a Best Buy with Brendan and Kristiana. I didn’t feel “high” and we ate cupcakes after that.
I remember drinking a beer for the first time and hating the taste.
I remember, “It’s an acquired taste.”
I remember, “Drink it, *****!”
I remember the first time I got drunk. It was at my brother’s house and I almost fell asleep with my head on the toilet. He carried me to the couch, emptied a bowl of pretzels and set in under my face. The smell had me dry heaving all night.
I don’t remember the first party I went to.
I remember my mother worrying if I would make it home those nights.
I remember making friends with people from Sayler Park They were in a band with my brother, but liked me more. I felt bad for him, but I was drunk. I went to other parties they had. There were always sweaty teenagers and *****.
I remember the guy who ****** on everyone in the mosh pit. The support beam broke under us that night and the floor almost caved in.
I remember ******* in the front yard. It rained so we were mud sliding in puddles.
I remember the two girls making out in the bathtub naked. Bobby took a video of them on his phone.
I remember when he tried to get this girl to sleep with me. Her name was Lauren Luckey and it was her birthday. She found out I went to art school and had me draw smiley faces on her and her friends’ *******. She started kissing me over the sink (her hair got caught in the garbage disposal.) She bit my neck and broke skin. It was 6 in the morning.
I remember she took me up to the bathroom and we had ***. I remember her taking off my boxers with her teeth. Bobby tossed me a ****** but I lost it. Curtis (he owned the house) came in and ****** anyways. He told me I had a cute ***. When he was done, he left the bathroom door open. There was a line waiting to come in that watched the two of us **** on the eggshell colored floor.
I remember waking up the next day and finding out she was engaged.
I remember the first time I had a pizza from Dewey’s and fell in love.
I remember when I started smoking. My mother gave me **** for it. I always complained when she smoked (I used to break her cigarettes.)
I remember the summer my grandmother died.
I remember staying the night at her house the day before.
I remember when my mother called everyone into the room. I remember, “It’s almost time.”
My family crowded around her.
One of my uncles fainting while the other vomited in the corner.
I remember my mother crying. I remember crying.
I remember “Amazing Grace”
I remember when time froze.
July 11th, 2013, at 1:26 p.m.
I remember my uncle walking over to her, pressing his hand against her mouth trying to feel her breathe. His brain wouldn’t let him accept that she died. I remember him looking up at me like a lost boy, looking for an answer. (I didn’t have one.)
I remember my mother told me she was with God now.
I remember.
