Abbie hailed a yellow top cabbie

Brenda had a sister in-law named Glenda

Cate ran late on her first date

Delly ate seven bowls of lemon jelly

Edwina drove to the town of Catalina

Fran burnt her finger on the very hot frying pan

Gwen had a strong yen to go and see her aunty Jen

Hope bought her husband a towing rope

Isobel fell under the magician's spell

Joann took her mother on a holiday in a caravan

Kylie went to the dentist with her brother Wylie

Lesley liked listening to Elvis Presley

Marcia enjoyed eating a freshly baked focaccia

Nell saw a turtle coming out of his shell

Olga lived at the top end of the river Volga

Primrose had a Pinocchio nose

Queenie knitted a multicolored beanie

Ruth could never tell the whole truth

Stacey loved playing dress ups with her friend Tracey

Tilly behavior was always rather silly

Una bought a house in the suburb of Yagonna

Verity wanted to be a well known celebrity

Winifred never stopped taking about Alfred

Xena was presented with a court subpoena

Yale told her teacher a tall tale

Zealand ventured out into the bushland

A hard luck kid
Pushing and fighting
Sleeping and reaping
Hand hold his girl Joann
Sleeping over drunk and high
You always slowed me down
You always made me mad
It's funny how your dishes in the sink
Would **** me off
But now I wish you were still around
To eat off the plates
And scrape your teeth on the fork
And leave your clothes in the floor
I wish you would open the door
And ask for a ride to buy beer

But

Now I'm smoking cigarettes
On your bedroom floor
Looking at the empty bottles
Wondering about the dresser
Filled with your drawings
And your lava lamp still going
Joann comes in
And cries in the doorway
Because she doesn't know what to do
With your clothes and your pictures
And I want so bad for you to open the front door
Singing Merle Haggard at the top of your lungs

All I ever wanted was to be happy.
It was stripped by the demon under my soul.
All I ever wanted to be beautiful,
It was stripped by the words that my mind control.
All I ever wanted to do is scream happiness
But my tears overruled.
All I ever wanted was to be accepted.
But....
I could not let go of the lies my lips spoke
I didn't let my heart demand success
I always victimized myself.
I say change , but what is change when I am blindly impaired to what is hope?
I am more than the world sees me.
I am Nicole Joann Corea
I wanted to be strong through the dark tunnels.
Light will illuminate, I will sing through the somber moments.
Ignite my dormant motivation.
Let there be no more I can't or excuses
I have come far, I survived.
I am beautiful
I am smart
I am capable
I love me
I discover, I am and always be
Nicole Joann Corea

The old sod house,
The west wind
chit, chit, chatters the hinges,
The door creaks to 'n fro,
Vermin music to the denizen within.
The old sod house on the hill,
The windows were broken long ago
Like old folks who've lost their 20/20.
And the memories too have leaked
Through that busted fenestration.
Where most the year the wind is weir
And long ago caught the laughter
That onetime surely resided here.
Hard to know who did lived there.
There's only one that surely knows,
I'll ask the wind.

*This poem is a collaboration with joann alabsy who inspired its creation an contributed generously.  Any and all short comings reside at my door.

I’ve only ever wanted a husband to love me, and that’s all.
Baseline singular deepest dream
I’ve had it my whole life.

But what I have is shame, sitting on my back, shoved down my throat, piercing through my heart, freezing me up

I’ve let them all down
Everyone I love
Everyone who loves me
Everyone who loved me

To my mom:
I’m sorry I don’t get out of bed everyday.
I’ve been really sad, I just need some time.
I’m so ashamed I can’t do what you want for me

To my sisters:
You guys are the best, you’ve been my support
I’m ashamed because I’m scared to call you

To my friends:
I want to be there for you, I want to be good to you, I’m scared I’ll fail you
I’m ashamed that I can’t even text back when you’re all so kind to me

To my church:
I want to be a better sister, a better servant, I’m terrified of being a burden
I’m ashamed that I’m scared of you and I’m ashamed of how much I cry when I’m with you

To everyone I met:
I’m sorry I unfollowed you, I’m sorry I hurt him, I’m sorry I disappeared, I’m sorry there’s no good answers, I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to what I tried to be.
I’m so ashamed that I can’t be her, that I’m not there, that I didn’t become your friend and family. That it’s my fault.

To Joann:
I’m so very sorry that I couldn’t be your daughter and that I couldn’t take care of your son.
I’m very ashamed I can’t bring myself to write to you and try to explain or even just apologize.

To you:
I’m ashamed because I think you’ve read the things I wrote. I’m ashamed that I’ve been so depressed and hurting over a lot of things, some concerning you and some of them not. I’m ashamed that it’s me you were with. I’m ashamed that I have hurt you, to any extent. I’m ashamed that I exist being the person I am and I’m ashamed that I was so wrong. I’m ashamed that I know that we can’t, won’t, aren’t capable of talking for a really really long time because I know I can’t handle it.

I am ashamed because I am so locked up and frozen in place because of shame and because all I’ve been able to do is cry.

she said she proud of me, and I wonder what for

Get so lost in all this I forget who got me here.
And she told me I owe no one anything,
But I owe everything to those who share my blood.

See, this isn't only about me.
This is for Thomas, Joann, and Louise that grew up eating peppered hay because they couldn't much afford anything else.

This is for Madeline, Miss Maddy, my yellowbone grandmother with eyes that change with her mood and hair as thick as her love. My Tennessee native that was a lover of molasses men despite the blue eyed blood running through her veins.

This us for cousins that never left me without a laugh or thought. The siblings I inherited because they would never go away, still haven't. Even if the streets have gotten the best of them, when I look at then I remember the times they rushed to my rescue no questions asked.

This is for my siblings that lost their way, but always pushed me to keep going.
  
For my father that was bold enough to use a whites only bathroom.
For my mother that is the only black nurse in her department.

This is bigger than me.
we love you, and are so proud of you.