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"intern" poems
Ttthee fiirstttt timmee i was alone with le tele i got excited as a kid of 8 i knew tv was fun my dad went to work early morning time i grabbed up my favorite blanky and sat down in its presence the icy cold remote in my handddddddddddddddddddddddddd, blood guts and big ***** tv knows about everything STD results and Wars on Terror my favorite cartoons McDonalds has a new sandwich i am not the father Lindsay's back in jail stage collapse smushes ***** couple scientists report, transfat is a-okay President's schtupping an intern moonbase has a ******* epidemic i think i want to grow up to be a juicehead 45 dead in pakistani drone strike i figure, they'll just re-spawn or I'll wish them back when I collect the dragonballs anthrax in the mail and feet on the beaches eyes in the sky eyes from under bomb threat at my school mom had me stay home and munch on some chips watch the tv
0
Dec 2, 2012
Dec 2, 2012 at 11:37 PM UTC
Ttthee
I stand alone in the dark Fulton Street subway station, Breathing in the urine-scented air, Breathing out clouds of steam, A subway train rushes along, Not stopping, Biting at my eardrums, With the painful percussion, Of thousands of people, Silently screaming, I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, The air fanned by each subway car, Rushes against me, Pushes the ozone and the smell of burnt brake linings, Into my nostrils, Along with the air, ****** through the iron gratings, Along miles of Brooklyn sidewalks, Carrying the odor of a prostitute’s festering sores, And the cries of a hungry, fatherless child in ***** diapers, And the hoarse moaning of a city councilman mentoring a young intern, And the cheap perfume of a fourteen year-old runaway, Turning $20 tricks in an alley, Smelling of stale Chinese food and wet dogs, And . . . I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, . . . the smell of spoiled cabbage soup, And the rancid remains of a hotdog buried in sauerkraut, And putrid lilies lying in a gutter, All assaulting me, forcing me backwards, Until my back presses against, The grimy once-white tiles, That coldly burn their graffiti on my spine: God is dead, Bake a **** Whitey ***** **** the ******* I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, The train finally passes, Its red eyes receding into the dank, Dark tunnel beyond the platform, The screeches and screams slowly die out, Their echoes ******* behind them, The smell, Of my, Warm *****
0
Dec 23, 2018
Dec 23, 2018 at 10:54 PM UTC
The Subway
I stand alone in the dark Fulton Street subway station, Breathing in the urine-scented air, Breathing out clouds of steam, A subway train rushes along, Not stopping, Biting at my eardrums, With the painful percussion, Of thousands of people, Silently screaming, I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, The air fanned by each subway car, Rushes against me, Pushes the ozone and the smell of burnt brake linings, Into my nostrils, Along with the air, ****** through the iron gratings, Along miles of Brooklyn sidewalks, Carrying the odor of a prostitute’s festering sores, And the cries of a hungry, fatherless child in ***** diapers, And the hoarse moaning of a city councilman mentoring a young intern, And the cheap perfume of a fourteen year-old runaway, Turning $20 tricks in an alley, Smelling of stale Chinese food and wet dogs, And . . . I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, . . . the smell of spoiled cabbage soup, And the rancid remains of a hotdog buried in sauerkraut, And putrid lilies lying in a gutter, All assaulting me, forcing me backwards, Until my back presses against, The grimy once-white tiles, That coldly burn their graffiti on my spine: God is dead, Bake a **** Whitey ***** **** the ******* I don’t want to see,      I don’t want to see,           I don’t want to see, The train finally passes, Its red eyes receding into the dank, Dark tunnel beyond the platform, The screeches and screams slowly die out, Their echoes ******* behind them, The smell, Of my, Warm *****
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52
i detoxed myself under this pale sun      (you stood by and watched the       unfolding saga all the while       questioning the meaning of zen) the original concept was lost somewhere along the way when i dropped the ball on the forty yard line      (can you recover your own fumbles?) every time i stand by, the waiting is eternal and i become engrossed in the uselessness of my position, pondering      (my love for this is a game of solitaire) i am the ultimate in irrational action, a demagogue of dark pathways and religious zealotry, trapped beneath glass floors watching, trying desperately to cannibalize my fingers. i have smoked your toenails and wandered away listless at comments unbecoming and salivated on the fires set to displace my vessels      (i have seen you ignoring me) in the coming months i will rend my eyes and pierce my skull artificially so you will be able to see into my soul and destroy me more efficiently      (you will know me by the number of the dead) i will search deep and long inside this shadow's shell, extracting this cancer so i can cook up my shortcomings and inject them into a Ken doll because then at least i will be pretty. i will feed my chilled oatmeal to a Cantonese family that will honor me as the ***** poo-flinger i am for you. i will cease to exist on a plane with your type, sinking lower on scale like a rock in the Mississippi River. Mom, when i stop growing up, i will be the ****** loser everyone always thought i would      (aren't you proud?)      (isn't he cute?) i cannot imagine surviving your intern camp after the tattooing of arms, we will eat the testicles of the fallen gods and dispense great suffering on the weak because of our enlightened prospects and redemptions      (what do you know about pain?) i will place my severed head in a place of prominence, likely in your bed, right before i cease to breathe my eyelids weaken.... flicker, flutter.... i grow tired with the advent of your indecision, the totality of abandonment the lenses fog, fade... flicker, flutter... i have run out of things to sacrifice
0
Sep 30, 2013
Sep 30, 2013 at 7:57 PM UTC
flicker, flutter
i detoxed myself under this pale sun      (you stood by and watched the       unfolding saga all the while       questioning the meaning of zen) the original concept was lost somewhere along the way when i dropped the ball on the forty yard line      (can you recover your own fumbles?) every time i stand by, the waiting is eternal and i become engrossed in the uselessness of my position, pondering      (my love for this is a game of solitaire) i am the ultimate in irrational action, a demagogue of dark pathways and religious zealotry, trapped beneath glass floors watching, trying desperately to cannibalize my fingers. i have smoked your toenails and wandered away listless at comments unbecoming and salivated on the fires set to displace my vessels      (i have seen you ignoring me) in the coming months i will rend my eyes and pierce my skull artificially so you will be able to see into my soul and destroy me more efficiently      (you will know me by the number of the dead) i will search deep and long inside this shadow's shell, extracting this cancer so i can cook up my shortcomings and inject them into a Ken doll because then at least i will be pretty. i will feed my chilled oatmeal to a Cantonese family that will honor me as the ***** poo-flinger i am for you. i will cease to exist on a plane with your type, sinking lower on scale like a rock in the Mississippi River. Mom, when i stop growing up, i will be the ****** loser everyone always thought i would      (aren't you proud?)      (isn't he cute?) i cannot imagine surviving your intern camp after the tattooing of arms, we will eat the testicles of the fallen gods and dispense great suffering on the weak because of our enlightened prospects and redemptions      (what do you know about pain?) i will place my severed head in a place of prominence, likely in your bed, right before i cease to breathe my eyelids weaken.... flicker, flutter.... i grow tired with the advent of your indecision, the totality of abandonment the lenses fog, fade... flicker, flutter... i have run out of things to sacrifice
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83
I put this cigarette between my lips in the foolishness of maybe it could make me poeticize. Ingenuous thought when I know the only drug able to mess with all my system is you. More effective than nicotine, fogging all my mind More dense than an smoke that I stubborn to take to my lungs, your smell clogs my aerial vias. More rough than the cigarette material rubbing my fingers, your words scratch my skin. More agonizing than abstinence, *your distance makes me writhe inside my own body,* facing an intern fight that always end in riot because I can’t decide between leave you on your own luck or convince you that we can be the lucky of each other. And here is the living proof, here is the poetry that i’m only able to extract from the collateral damage caused by you.
0
Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 9:05 PM UTC
Abstinence
It kills me not to be by her side not being able to cuddle her at night we'll be back together soon then we can swoon, swoon, swoon but until that long awaited night I'll hug your picture and hold on tight
0
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 5:21 PM UTC
Summer Intern
Medical Technologist you will be by next year, As you do your best part then success is near. Realization of your life's dream is not impossible, Zealous dedication is what you do to make it possible. Act now be a keen diligent intern to claim your victory! Dawn has sparked so make the most of the opportunity, Accept the challenges don't quit fight all the negativity. Winning is not easy to achieve as it requires determination, Nobody but yourself alone can justify for your own action. Plan for your future and do it with the highest attention, Insure that whatever outcome will help realize your ambition. Zest you have will inspire you to perform well with integrity, Allow no negative vibes to degrade your courage and dignity. React professionally to whatever trials that may come your way, On whatever duties you do always follow the protocol don't sway. Be tactful in your actions follow laboratory protocols, Read and understand fully the procedures before using the tools. Avoid mistakes in running the tests so you won't give false results, To the patient's doctor such act is a taboo and you will get insults. On to your internship my darling do your best and make us all proud.
0
Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 12:47 AM UTC
My Protege 2
**** you people and your 2D polo's please use me for to tape down cords and I will use you for credit. credibility I had enough and I would never take a recommendation from a polo like you. but was the credit really worth it or three? did I need this experience? knowing the world is gonna **** you is a no brainer but learning and not being paid is like an underdog smothered and stomped you are an intern and you are unpaid for me... You know how it feels but do you know how it starts those eyes and words.. slowly creep in or maybe the words don't even show worst of all those looks linger on after do something great... ___________ do something wrong- __________fool don't you know what a bamba mamba is? I thought I was here to figure out what a bamba mamba was?
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Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 11:59 PM UTC
Bamba Mamba Underdog
The video stutters and she jitters to a halt in an intersection; Traffic lights turn green, and the display revs up, The Broken Egg food truck clips her heel and spark-like static fogs the screen. His fingers, once lightly brushing over a braille textbook, freeze out. The book lifts itself and scraps left to right under his palm. Her professor speaks, and her lecture on Maxwell's equations propagate towards the classroom wall, only the walls have fled with their chalkboards, and the standing waves have been left stranded in the sudden infinite space. She has lost reflections; only direct, brute force remains. The Truth: I wear petty images like a cloak. The Truth: My gears tremor under the strain of life, stuck on The Truth: I think You'd think me stupid, a bust, and the truth is I'd rather stand in traffic, frozen, mute and dumb, than ask questions, intern, or learn the difficult stuff. Secondary screens: I'd rather write poems and post them online for strangers than talk about chemical potentials or spherical wavefunctions. I'd rather talk about chemical potentials and wavefunctions than figure out what happened to my remote. There's too much movement to feel good standing still.
0
Apr 1, 2013
Apr 1, 2013 at 3:29 PM UTC
Pause
Lunch rush was hell for the new girl, stacking foamed cappuccino cups and stirring spoons in a broken-handled bus tub while trying not to slip on soft ice and discarded lemon wedges. She took our mugs, and told us about a guy —Dave, she said. I don't know.—who sat with his friend, comparing *** to work over the rusted cabinet tracks of his warped fork scraping his egg-caked plate. Dave's friend was leaned in with a cocked grin waiting for one of Dave's "Classic Dave" punchlines, which I'm guessing are all witty, the funniest ******* things you've ever heard, but there wasn't one this time because there's nothing funny about a ***** intern cringing beneath the weight of fat Dave and his brick paperweight jammed in her back.
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Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 2:08 AM UTC
Cubicle ***
Am I just a flaunting fancy specified set of alphabets? Now listen, sir! My brain has owned you a long while back like say, a hundred times. But ya, my mouth is zipped for the Terms and Conditions I signed to intern here. My heart is a masked Superhero that goes for the needy and the helpless, while yours just desires to sit in the next luxurious sedan out. My body serves for the nation; no, not in war but in the agony of being a good citizen when things (like you) are nomore right. I manned up instead of you. I can prove my worth to the world w/o you. Again, I shall repeat, sir! Am I just a flaunting fancy specified set of alphabets?
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Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 1:09 AM UTC
Respected Sir
Lunch was done, decisons made the table cleared, the bill was paid Final words were spoken And none more truer than.. Have your people call my people And we'll do this again. They went back to the office And they thought, hey he was right I'll have my people call his people And we'll hit the bar tonight Funny how a line like that Can set one's mindset soaring Sitting down and making plans It sure broke up the boring Afteroon ahead, that each of them could see But going out again that night Well, then they would be free Wives at home, while they were out Drinking, flirting...what the hey The ony question left now Was which of them would pay? But as one's folk called the others And the plans were carved in stone They would finish out their day And then they would head home They'd have "my people call your people" And plan a meeting late They would do it on the sly It would be their watergate But, people being people Their plans were overheard By a coniving young new intern And she wrote down every word Since she was one of the people She started making calls Phoning every number of every wife This woman sure had ***** She told them how "the people" planned to go out after work How their family type duties Each one had planned to shirk So these people called their people And made plans of their own They would keep it all a secret Until the men got home Men forget that wives have people And that their people kind of rule When the men all try to hide stuff By doing stuff that isn't cool The men, all smug and smiling Thinking of the fun to ahead Would walk on in their house And stay until the kids were all in bed Then their people would start calling Making sure the lie was told About that late night meeting At a bar where beer was cold But, that coniving young new intern Making calls to all the wives Had laid out every detail Had ruined all their lives As each man sat for dinner Thinking of what the night would bring At each house, just 5 minutes in Every phone would ring It was her people calling people Telling each wife where to meet They would have to leave the husbands And they would not be so discreet For their people all called people And the men's plans all were blown As the women went out drinking And left the men at home So next time when your people Call and plan things on the side Make sure your intern isn't there Or else your plans are fried I'll have my people phone your people And we'll get together soon But in order that we pull it off We'll have to leave at noon.
0
May 1, 2012
May 1, 2012 at 5:58 PM UTC
Have My People Call Your People
Lunch was done, decisons made the table cleared, the bill was paid Final words were spoken And none more truer than.. Have your people call my people And we'll do this again. They went back to the office And they thought, hey he was right I'll have my people call his people And we'll hit the bar tonight Funny how a line like that Can set one's mindset soaring Sitting down and making plans It sure broke up the boring Afteroon ahead, that each of them could see But going out again that night Well, then they would be free Wives at home, while they were out Drinking, flirting...what the hey The ony question left now Was which of them would pay? But as one's folk called the others And the plans were carved in stone They would finish out their day And then they would head home They'd have "my people call your people" And plan a meeting late They would do it on the sly It would be their watergate But, people being people Their plans were overheard By a coniving young new intern And she wrote down every word Since she was one of the people She started making calls Phoning every number of every wife This woman sure had ***** She told them how "the people" planned to go out after work How their family type duties Each one had planned to shirk So these people called their people And made plans of their own They would keep it all a secret Until the men got home Men forget that wives have people And that their people kind of rule When the men all try to hide stuff By doing stuff that isn't cool The men, all smug and smiling Thinking of the fun to ahead Would walk on in their house And stay until the kids were all in bed Then their people would start calling Making sure the lie was told About that late night meeting At a bar where beer was cold But, that coniving young new intern Making calls to all the wives Had laid out every detail Had ruined all their lives As each man sat for dinner Thinking of what the night would bring At each house, just 5 minutes in Every phone would ring It was her people calling people Telling each wife where to meet They would have to leave the husbands And they would not be so discreet For their people all called people And the men's plans all were blown As the women went out drinking And left the men at home So next time when your people Call and plan things on the side Make sure your intern isn't there Or else your plans are fried I'll have my people phone your people And we'll get together soon But in order that we pull it off We'll have to leave at noon.
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81
i want to cry so badly that i want to cry that i want to cry you overwhelm me. i want to cry so badly but my ducts are dry the tears well inside i'll drown intern a l l y
0
Feb 17, 2021
Feb 17, 2021 at 7:16 PM UTC
Untitled
ping-pong in the sun with psychiatrist intern-- "you don't belong here"
0
Oct 26, 2012
Oct 26, 2012 at 4:33 PM UTC
haiku ping-pong
I used to be an intern for CD Tech Health Corps I worked with stipend money Through Trade Tech Community College I was trained to learn about health in The communities of Los Angeles, California And how it affects us as individuals and as groups Some things I already knew like how the government Allows liquor stores, fast food restaurants and loan offices To be overpopulated in middle class and ghetto communities To cause: misery, addictions, and poor work ethic But people got used to it, even though it’s obviously unfair What I didn’t know is by law there is supposed to be A limit on how many fast-food and liquor stores There are on each corner in the community I learned from watching the Michael Moore video called Sicko That the pharmaceutical companies own the hospitals And they pressure the doctors, nurses and other staff employees To refuse to help some people if they don’t have health insurance Or they make it difficult for the people who are qualified for it By making these ridiculous rules and requirements I saw a grown man cry to God for help, because he was very sick But the insurance company wouldn’t cover his Medical procedure… a few years later he died I learned that: France, Canada, and England run their hospitals With more efficiency and compassion than the United States: A visit to the hospital is free; they provide safe transportation home, Give patients money to catch a cab, and they believe in Treating their citizens with resect whether they’re rich or poor C’mon people we live in the most powerful country in the world And we supposedly have the best health care system on earth We should back up that reputation, embrace the Obama care Or come up with a better health care program to help all of our citizens And we should be more Godly about how we treat the less fortunate
0
Nov 4, 2013
Nov 4, 2013 at 10:42 PM UTC
I used to be an intern for CD Tech Health Corps I worked with stipend money Through Trade Tech Community College I was trained to learn about health in The communities of Los Angeles, California And how it affects us as individuals and as groups Some
I used to be an intern for CD Tech Health Corps I worked with stipend money Through Trade Tech Community College I was trained to learn about health in The communities of Los Angeles, California And how it affects us as individuals and as groups Some things I already knew like how the government Allows liquor stores, fast food restaurants and loan offices To be overpopulated in middle class and ghetto communities To cause: misery, addictions, and poor work ethic But people got used to it, even though it’s obviously unfair What I didn’t know is by law there is supposed to be A limit on how many fast-food and liquor stores There are on each corner in the community I learned from watching the Michael Moore video called Sicko That the pharmaceutical companies own the hospitals And they pressure the doctors, nurses and other staff employees To refuse to help some people if they don’t have health insurance Or they make it difficult for the people who are qualified for it By making these ridiculous rules and requirements I saw a grown man cry to God for help, because he was very sick But the insurance company wouldn’t cover his Medical procedure… a few years later he died I learned that: France, Canada, and England run their hospitals With more efficiency and compassion than the United States: A visit to the hospital is free; they provide safe transportation home, Give patients money to catch a cab, and they believe in Treating their citizens with resect whether they’re rich or poor C’mon people we live in the most powerful country in the world And we supposedly have the best health care system on earth We should back up that reputation, embrace the Obama care Or come up with a better health care program to help all of our citizens And we should be more Godly about how we treat the less fortunate
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33
The normal way of life is such: the old give way to young. To understand does not take much, explained in simple tongue: Adults that love do procreate. Their selves they form and replicate, continuing the song which they have sung. The first into the world are first to leave the world behind. They dry and shrivel in their thirst, are ground to dust and rind. They find their solace in their spawn, inside whose flesh they carry on their signatures, in place of their old mind. The next await their counted turn, with shovel at the hand; enjoy the lives which must adjourn into the unseen land. Then find a mate to spawn their own, before their own flesh from the bone departs into the dryness of the sand. Yet once upon a blood red moon, the normalcy defers. The next in line depart too soon, in snares of life's dark lures. The first must intern on the shelves of crypts the flesh that holds their selves, and taste what to the next this life confers. (C)2014, Christos Rigakos
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Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 1:22 AM UTC
The normal way of life is such
-----------I weave my grand                     mother's spirit to life--------              when I paint with my             words what she dreamed              in her life.  My grandmother's kimono sat in the dark never             worn; so needs a     dusting--I lift it up      into this light to be            seen, to be heard,      to be felt, fabric of          loving  heart           dreams to be.  It's     not perfectly shaped   or tattered or torn,          rather fermented       beyond her time  to      take form.  My        Grandma loved  to        eat her white rice          she ate thirty       seven million grains      of rice by the time         she reached her       104-- Born on a             sugarcane plant'tion         on the coast of      Oahu, a child in               the tropics then a       teen in Japan. Her     family returned to          their roots to learn,    & grow, reenter the    cultural force. She                discovered her              new talent as                                             ------------------------------                                                 K  I   M   O  N  O                                                               A R T I S T                                             ------------------------------                                        Kikuyo  Yamamoto became                                      liberated as an artist and then                                      her life changed as her family                                     demanded she leave her position                                    and marry away to a Japanese man                                     who lives in California (my Grand                                     father).  The matchmaker said it                                      would work really well....She                                    endured life as an American farm                                      wife, then life in Japanese intern-                                     ment camps. Five  children, nine                                     grandchildren...Dear Grandmother                                      I know you had lots to surrender-                                            I honor your life as mother,                                            grandmother, and artist --I                                           wove this poem in the form                                        of  a kimono for you  May your                                          spirit rest in peace. I love you.
0
May 12, 2019
May 12, 2019 at 2:42 AM UTC
My Grandmother's Kimono
-----------I weave my grand                     mother's spirit to life--------              when I paint with my             words what she dreamed              in her life.  My grandmother's kimono sat in the dark never             worn; so needs a     dusting--I lift it up      into this light to be            seen, to be heard,      to be felt, fabric of          loving  heart           dreams to be.  It's     not perfectly shaped   or tattered or torn,          rather fermented       beyond her time  to      take form.  My        Grandma loved  to        eat her white rice          she ate thirty       seven million grains      of rice by the time         she reached her       104-- Born on a             sugarcane plant'tion         on the coast of      Oahu, a child in               the tropics then a       teen in Japan. Her     family returned to          their roots to learn,    & grow, reenter the    cultural force. She                discovered her              new talent as                                             ------------------------------                                                 K  I   M   O  N  O                                                               A R T I S T                                             ------------------------------                                        Kikuyo  Yamamoto became                                      liberated as an artist and then                                      her life changed as her family                                     demanded she leave her position                                    and marry away to a Japanese man                                     who lives in California (my Grand                                     father).  The matchmaker said it                                      would work really well....She                                    endured life as an American farm                                      wife, then life in Japanese intern-                                     ment camps. Five  children, nine                                     grandchildren...Dear Grandmother                                      I know you had lots to surrender-                                            I honor your life as mother,                                            grandmother, and artist --I                                           wove this poem in the form                                        of  a kimono for you  May your                                          spirit rest in peace. I love you.
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35
upstairs and downstairs, like a frazzled owl character in my third-grade reader in the doorway of my 200-level on sub-Sahara where we talk only of Nigeria holding the elevator for my superior in the lobby of a too-tall edifice to man a college student. an ABD. intern. backstage at your high school graduation ceremony, your mortarboard won't stay on your head in a food court where your mother doesn't get it when you say you can't wear pants anymore, or get your bimonthly haircut when you're skirting the poverty line after your family business was sued but your FAFSA says parent #1 earns six figures initiate. neophyte. not-quite-other. the female body as a threshold between worlds, channel betwixt boundaries Schrodinger's cat simultaneously in separation and marginal phases according to van Gennep divorce papers signed but not sent, enclosed in manila at the bottom of a cherrywood desk continuum. spectrum. a line without points.
0
Mar 3, 2016
Mar 3, 2016 at 4:55 PM UTC
threatholds
Poetry healed me When I was dying Braced in the oceans When I was dying Poetry healed me When I gasped for air Lost in the barren fields When I gasped for air Poetry healed me In cities where men lied Folded dreams and illusions In cities where men lied Poetry healed me In seas where all competed For a love that was sour and salted In seas where all competed Poetry found me first Initiated me in it's team In games that tricked me It found me as an intern
0
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 4:41 PM UTC
Poetry Healed Me
I struggle so deeply to feel at home in my body, all I feel when I look at my chest is all of the men that used me like a doll of my mom shaming me in my head for my big ******* and how "provocative " I am for just existing, for society sexualizing me, for all the women that hated me for my body/looks,and objectified me and all the men that "loved"  me /used me just for my body and sexualized me with their eyes. It hurts  so deeply to feel so violated  all the time it echoes in my mind,body and soul all the repeated violations words, looks and all the aching laughter, the way everyone  in my family sexualized me since I was a child, so intern I internalized all the hatred to my body and my chest. I just wander if these people  truly understand how much their actions truly affect others, how deeply I suffer with complex post trauma all the time and dysphoria sometimes, from the deep pain of ****** violence when I truly look at it all, its not even wanting to be a man so much so , as wanting to be seen as a person. who is worthy of being heard, not because I am pretty ***** or curvy or hot or **** but because I am smart I am strong I am  impressive  and resiliant have a beautiful mind and I am not just how I look or how I present. My whole life I was influenced and taught to believe that my only value as a women was my looks, or to be chosen by a  man or by my society, and to exist as a baby making machine, while not complaining or being "too much ". That I shouldn't show my body too much , & that I should always look good 24/7,like I am a doll of some kind, instead of a human being. How my body was the reason for men sinning and how I would go to hell for my thoughts or behaviors if I wasn't perfect. Now I am realizing none of that truly matters, and I don't wanna live the rest of my life chasing validation, or feeling like I need others approval to feel whole inside, I wanna accept who I am love who I am and like myself for who I am, and not just for my looks or for my body or sexuality, but for who I am down to my core the good and the seemingly bad imperfections to feel safe in myself and that is beautiful to just be me without needing to put on a show for anyone.
0
Jun 21, 2023
Jun 21, 2023 at 3:59 PM UTC
"pushback against patriarchal standards"
I struggle so deeply to feel at home in my body, all I feel when I look at my chest is all of the men that used me like a doll of my mom shaming me in my head for my big ******* and how "provocative " I am for just existing, for society sexualizing me, for all the women that hated me for my body/looks,and objectified me and all the men that "loved"  me /used me just for my body and sexualized me with their eyes. It hurts  so deeply to feel so violated  all the time it echoes in my mind,body and soul all the repeated violations words, looks and all the aching laughter, the way everyone  in my family sexualized me since I was a child, so intern I internalized all the hatred to my body and my chest. I just wander if these people  truly understand how much their actions truly affect others, how deeply I suffer with complex post trauma all the time and dysphoria sometimes, from the deep pain of ****** violence when I truly look at it all, its not even wanting to be a man so much so , as wanting to be seen as a person. who is worthy of being heard, not because I am pretty ***** or curvy or hot or **** but because I am smart I am strong I am  impressive  and resiliant have a beautiful mind and I am not just how I look or how I present. My whole life I was influenced and taught to believe that my only value as a women was my looks, or to be chosen by a  man or by my society, and to exist as a baby making machine, while not complaining or being "too much ". That I shouldn't show my body too much , & that I should always look good 24/7,like I am a doll of some kind, instead of a human being. How my body was the reason for men sinning and how I would go to hell for my thoughts or behaviors if I wasn't perfect. Now I am realizing none of that truly matters, and I don't wanna live the rest of my life chasing validation, or feeling like I need others approval to feel whole inside, I wanna accept who I am love who I am and like myself for who I am, and not just for my looks or for my body or sexuality, but for who I am down to my core the good and the seemingly bad imperfections to feel safe in myself and that is beautiful to just be me without needing to put on a show for anyone.
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56
Will walked to his car, alone. Another late night given to that thankless, soul-stealing excuse for employment. As he opened his car door, a gun being cocked sounded behind him. Then a voice: "Give me the car and your cash." Will laughed: "I've got nothing worth taking. **** me and be done with it." The hole in his belly didn't hurt nearly as bad as he thought it would. A woman heard the shot, and came running over after the murderer had fled. She said: "I'm Maggie, don't worry. Help is on the way." Will awoke in a hospital. He stared at Maggie, and reasoned something like this: "Well, I got shot; I'm probably dead. And the silhouette of your hair against the window looks an awful lot like a halo." She blushed: "I waited all night for someone to come visit you; to make sure you were okay." Then truth in reply: "I've got no one and nothing. You'll wait there forever if you're looking for someone who cares." She frowned: "That's not true! Clearly I care about you." Will, in disbelief: "So it appears. I guess there's a first for everything." She held his hand: "But I've got work to go to. I'll be back in the evening. I'm glad you're alive." Will nodded. Things were certainly changing for the better. Maggie left. An intern entered, staring at a clipboard. The intern, to herself: "Well, 'Will' is certainly a lot like 'Bill'. And it's only penicillin; what's the worst that could happen?" A few moments later, Will died of a massive allergic reaction. Oh well. Easy come, easy go.
0
Jun 11, 2013
Jun 11, 2013 at 2:27 PM UTC
Easy Come, Easy Go
Will walked to his car, alone. Another late night given to that thankless, soul-stealing excuse for employment. As he opened his car door, a gun being cocked sounded behind him. Then a voice: "Give me the car and your cash." Will laughed: "I've got nothing worth taking. **** me and be done with it." The hole in his belly didn't hurt nearly as bad as he thought it would. A woman heard the shot, and came running over after the murderer had fled. She said: "I'm Maggie, don't worry. Help is on the way." Will awoke in a hospital. He stared at Maggie, and reasoned something like this: "Well, I got shot; I'm probably dead. And the silhouette of your hair against the window looks an awful lot like a halo." She blushed: "I waited all night for someone to come visit you; to make sure you were okay." Then truth in reply: "I've got no one and nothing. You'll wait there forever if you're looking for someone who cares." She frowned: "That's not true! Clearly I care about you." Will, in disbelief: "So it appears. I guess there's a first for everything." She held his hand: "But I've got work to go to. I'll be back in the evening. I'm glad you're alive." Will nodded. Things were certainly changing for the better. Maggie left. An intern entered, staring at a clipboard. The intern, to herself: "Well, 'Will' is certainly a lot like 'Bill'. And it's only penicillin; what's the worst that could happen?" A few moments later, Will died of a massive allergic reaction. Oh well. Easy come, easy go.
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64
The broncos won and I'm still at a dead end job Didn't even watch the game, I was washing trash cans. Heard about it through social media About all the different things lady gaga looked like when she sang the national anthem. Heatmiser, pizza rolls, dolly parton Because one time dolly parton wore a red suit. Which i thought was kind of a stretch But i've read stupider things on the internet so i let it slide I saw a commercial saying that tons of babies are born 9 months after the super bowl. You know what else is right around that time in February? Valentine's day I don't think i've ever been less **** than during the super bowl. Nobody looks at their man covered in nacho grease and beer stains and goes "Oh yeah!" Its baby making time! My girlfriend is in Florida working for Disney right now. Thy have her doing laundry in a musty basement with middle aged Mexican woman. It's apparently awful. Ruins the magic she says. Seeing cinderella scurrying around half naked doing her make up. Wig cap and undergarments Snow white with her nose up asking for kombucha. Won't even make eye contact with the laundry vets. Let alone my intern girlfriend. I asked how the magic wasn't ruined before that. After watching the play hairspray when they yell cut and All the actors go back to their miserable lives, i figured it out pretty young. This middle class manifesto Where making 15 dollars an hour is a goal. But she is the faithful type. Loves her a good hoping. That's why she hasn't cut me loose anyway. She says she needs me around because i'm a taurus. I have no idea what she means by that. But i love hearing stories about mexican woman yelling in spanish at their iphone screens. And half naked princesses doing their makeup in hair nets. And her still believing in magic. I think it says a lot about her. She gives me something to dream about while I wash these trash cans.
0
Feb 8, 2016
Feb 8, 2016 at 3:43 PM UTC
Middle Class
The broncos won and I'm still at a dead end job Didn't even watch the game, I was washing trash cans. Heard about it through social media About all the different things lady gaga looked like when she sang the national anthem. Heatmiser, pizza rolls, dolly parton Because one time dolly parton wore a red suit. Which i thought was kind of a stretch But i've read stupider things on the internet so i let it slide I saw a commercial saying that tons of babies are born 9 months after the super bowl. You know what else is right around that time in February? Valentine's day I don't think i've ever been less **** than during the super bowl. Nobody looks at their man covered in nacho grease and beer stains and goes "Oh yeah!" Its baby making time! My girlfriend is in Florida working for Disney right now. Thy have her doing laundry in a musty basement with middle aged Mexican woman. It's apparently awful. Ruins the magic she says. Seeing cinderella scurrying around half naked doing her make up. Wig cap and undergarments Snow white with her nose up asking for kombucha. Won't even make eye contact with the laundry vets. Let alone my intern girlfriend. I asked how the magic wasn't ruined before that. After watching the play hairspray when they yell cut and All the actors go back to their miserable lives, i figured it out pretty young. This middle class manifesto Where making 15 dollars an hour is a goal. But she is the faithful type. Loves her a good hoping. That's why she hasn't cut me loose anyway. She says she needs me around because i'm a taurus. I have no idea what she means by that. But i love hearing stories about mexican woman yelling in spanish at their iphone screens. And half naked princesses doing their makeup in hair nets. And her still believing in magic. I think it says a lot about her. She gives me something to dream about while I wash these trash cans.
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35
April 24 2010 there was a Boy Scout display in the parking lot North of Mickey Ds and by the Imagination Station. Tony was fascinated by many of the displays. The Sheriff’s Office was well represented with several displays. Tony got to climb up on the rescue boat, the one we see going by our house frequently in the summer to fish someone out of the river. The two Sheriff’s Office Deputies in charge of the boat were really good with the kids. About 15 minutes later Tony bent over the bow of the boat, I was on the good ole solid ground, and said to me, “These guys are really COOL grandpa.” I said, “yup, they are.” and looked over at one of guys. I ask, “Did you hear that?” With a big grin he said, “I sure did.” He had a big grin on his face for a while. Tony debarked and headed to new territory. I have to have speedy shoes on to keep up some days. I wish I could find a pair of those. Later we were at a different car on display. The people there were young intern or trainee types wearing the Sheriff’’s Office shirt and hardware. Tony had bailed out of the armored car where he had been playing for 20 minutes and was standing next to me watching the young group yucking it up. They were loud and horsing around some… with out the horse. All of a sudden he got a scowl on his face and said in a rather loud voice, “Grandpa, those are NOT real cops. Why are they wearing uniforms? They should not do that.” Well that was hard to explain and I was hoping “they” did not hear what he said. We left rapidly. I guess he thought they were not acting the way officers should act. At least not like the COOL guys at the boat. I suppose that comes from trying to instill respect in the uniform of peace officers. The lesson is one each of us needs to remember. If we say we are (fill in the blank) then we had better act the part or we can lead an impressionable young mind astray. So lets be COOL. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.
0
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 8:22 PM UTC
Tony Boy and The Officers
April 24 2010 there was a Boy Scout display in the parking lot North of Mickey Ds and by the Imagination Station. Tony was fascinated by many of the displays. The Sheriff’s Office was well represented with several displays. Tony got to climb up on the rescue boat, the one we see going by our house frequently in the summer to fish someone out of the river. The two Sheriff’s Office Deputies in charge of the boat were really good with the kids. About 15 minutes later Tony bent over the bow of the boat, I was on the good ole solid ground, and said to me, “These guys are really COOL grandpa.” I said, “yup, they are.” and looked over at one of guys. I ask, “Did you hear that?” With a big grin he said, “I sure did.” He had a big grin on his face for a while. Tony debarked and headed to new territory. I have to have speedy shoes on to keep up some days. I wish I could find a pair of those. Later we were at a different car on display. The people there were young intern or trainee types wearing the Sheriff’’s Office shirt and hardware. Tony had bailed out of the armored car where he had been playing for 20 minutes and was standing next to me watching the young group yucking it up. They were loud and horsing around some… with out the horse. All of a sudden he got a scowl on his face and said in a rather loud voice, “Grandpa, those are NOT real cops. Why are they wearing uniforms? They should not do that.” Well that was hard to explain and I was hoping “they” did not hear what he said. We left rapidly. I guess he thought they were not acting the way officers should act. At least not like the COOL guys at the boat. I suppose that comes from trying to instill respect in the uniform of peace officers. The lesson is one each of us needs to remember. If we say we are (fill in the blank) then we had better act the part or we can lead an impressionable young mind astray. So lets be COOL. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.
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4
I have chosen to write about my journey of healing, maybe through this it will bring more healing as I write out my thoughts and my feelings, and also bring insight and healing to those who have or may not have walked a similar journey that I am now just beginning. Today as I walked out of my appointment, DT gives me a hug and tells me to protect my heart... The thought that runs through my mind is how do I protect my heart??? If you ask me, that's what I have been doing for the last 30+ years of my life, protecting my heart, building walls so that no one would be able to hurt me again.... You see I grew up in what most people would call, a HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL family. And I had to learn to protect myself at all costs...to survive no matter what happened....and along the way I built walls, and locked a lot of doors in my heart, and I threw away the key....I didn't just lock people out, I locked the little girl inside me in.... I didn't want people to hear or see that broken, wounded, bleeding little girl inside me.... And for many, many years I have hid her behind the title of being the Sweet Young Lady everyone wanted me to be... At home I am the Mommy and doting Wife, At work I am the dedicated Pharmacy Intern, At School I am the overachieving Student.... but underneath those titles I am just a woman who loves the Lord, but has never allowed Him into the locked rooms in her heart, never allowed Him to heal the broken little girl who still hides in the corner and cries at night. So this is my journey...of taking off the masks and allowing God to walk me in a journey of healing. Some posts may be encouraging while others may be full of pain and raw truth....but I am taking a step to show the world the truth, the pain, the joy, and the journey of healing that I am only beginning...
0
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 10:51 PM UTC
IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING....
I have chosen to write about my journey of healing, maybe through this it will bring more healing as I write out my thoughts and my feelings, and also bring insight and healing to those who have or may not have walked a similar journey that I am now just beginning. Today as I walked out of my appointment, DT gives me a hug and tells me to protect my heart... The thought that runs through my mind is how do I protect my heart??? If you ask me, that's what I have been doing for the last 30+ years of my life, protecting my heart, building walls so that no one would be able to hurt me again.... You see I grew up in what most people would call, a HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL family. And I had to learn to protect myself at all costs...to survive no matter what happened....and along the way I built walls, and locked a lot of doors in my heart, and I threw away the key....I didn't just lock people out, I locked the little girl inside me in.... I didn't want people to hear or see that broken, wounded, bleeding little girl inside me.... And for many, many years I have hid her behind the title of being the Sweet Young Lady everyone wanted me to be... At home I am the Mommy and doting Wife, At work I am the dedicated Pharmacy Intern, At School I am the overachieving Student.... but underneath those titles I am just a woman who loves the Lord, but has never allowed Him into the locked rooms in her heart, never allowed Him to heal the broken little girl who still hides in the corner and cries at night. So this is my journey...of taking off the masks and allowing God to walk me in a journey of healing. Some posts may be encouraging while others may be full of pain and raw truth....but I am taking a step to show the world the truth, the pain, the joy, and the journey of healing that I am only beginning...
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12
It was September, 1967, when the young coed from Texas Tech University entered the television studio at KCBD TV, Channel 11 in Lubock, Texas. Blonde hair with a reddish tint, "Strawberry Blonde", the stylists call it, accompanied by sparkling blue eyes and and a diminutive smile that accented her personality. She was there looking to find a part-time job. That summer she had worked as an intern in the promotion department at a television station in Dallas, and was  majoring in journalism at the university. A mutual friend with whom she worked in Dallas, had put her in touch with me. I worked as an 'on air' director, and was getting the studio reset for the six o'clock news following a commercial taping session. Although the station had no job openings at the time, a series of events began to take shape. That chance meeting changed my life, and I recall it as if it happened yesterday. I was twenty five, she, twenty. Two months later, In November, 1967, we married. Forty years and two months later, following cancer surgery, Karen passed away, but not until giving us a fantastic son, wonderful daughter-in-law, and now, two grandchildren, who have redefined the phrase,"growing like weeds." The holiday period has always been a time for reflections, some good, some 'not so good.' Can't be helped, human nature. But, as the sages say, "Life goes on", and it has been good to me in many ways. "Thank you, Lord, for helping me along the way." r.riddle: January 01, 2017
0
Jan 1, 2017
Jan 1, 2017 at 8:36 AM UTC
There was a Time
It was September, 1967, when the young coed from Texas Tech University entered the television studio at KCBD TV, Channel 11 in Lubock, Texas. Blonde hair with a reddish tint, "Strawberry Blonde", the stylists call it, accompanied by sparkling blue eyes and and a diminutive smile that accented her personality. She was there looking to find a part-time job. That summer she had worked as an intern in the promotion department at a television station in Dallas, and was  majoring in journalism at the university. A mutual friend with whom she worked in Dallas, had put her in touch with me. I worked as an 'on air' director, and was getting the studio reset for the six o'clock news following a commercial taping session. Although the station had no job openings at the time, a series of events began to take shape. That chance meeting changed my life, and I recall it as if it happened yesterday. I was twenty five, she, twenty. Two months later, In November, 1967, we married. Forty years and two months later, following cancer surgery, Karen passed away, but not until giving us a fantastic son, wonderful daughter-in-law, and now, two grandchildren, who have redefined the phrase,"growing like weeds." The holiday period has always been a time for reflections, some good, some 'not so good.' Can't be helped, human nature. But, as the sages say, "Life goes on", and it has been good to me in many ways. "Thank you, Lord, for helping me along the way." r.riddle: January 01, 2017
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6
Blood vessels burst I watch them heel. A outdoor game brought inward of my stay. A Intern of a Doctor I Need. Destructive on both sides. Ironman, Ironclad, Cannot penetrat a straight nightmare Rated R, not to watch a cry.
0
Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 8:14 PM UTC
A Cry.