Cast in a world that’s divided in two
I fall
I fade
And watch as I see your memories shatter and be forgotten in front of my eyes
Recollection of my own flash before me
And for a moment
It’s as if I’m dying
And these are my last thoughts...always of her

I feel the shadow of my past self, withering
Falling to the force of the cloaks of darkness
Just this once I am capable of crying
I’m losing feeling as I pound my fist to the tree
Lack of interaction my skin grows raw and untouchable
This is what I made myself into
This is what I'll have to live as
Into the life of her forever bonded nemesis
nothing more and nothing less

But I  knew in that frame of melted frozen timed space
in the bottom of my heart I knew that she was saying ‘Thank you ’ with all her might
But that’s not what I wanted to hear
I wanted screaming
I wanted a savor
I wanted her to give me something to hold on to for the eternity of a burden that I cast you out of and used myself as the sacrifice

Repeat those three words once and I’ll let go peacefully
But I never got them
And now a war is coming
I can’t contain the emotions as they boil above my level
Exceeding past my limitations
And prying open my inner door

I will be the sacrifice
I will take the suffering
As long as she thinks of me as long as she doesn’t forget me
Everything cannot be lost
Even if the memories are false
Even if they're formed for the exact purpose of her hatred towards me

I know I hope you’ll see past the barrier of the counterfeit memories I replaced in you
And instead of hatred I get the love that was once returned
But whatever I had devised in prison I incaged myself into I start to realize that reality of the game I have created

But I saw in your expression
As the space grew larger between
That all there was, was agony
Maybe for me
Maybe for both of us
But not the spark of what I wished for

You will be set free
I will take the burden
You can be the key
But I know you won’t remember
So I will never remember anyone
I will never be close to anyone
I will never I will never
          Get out.

I will never let them hear
I will never believe in that long lost savor

But light the candles
Cage my past
And never let anyone


know.

I drank to breath
Breathed to drink
Numbing all the pain and
Joy away...
My eyes swollen from tears unshed
Not knowing how dead
I'd become...
Thinking control was what I needed
Thinking another route would be my saving only to lead down the same hole
incaged In the same jail
only became my undoing...
while Fears consuming my day away
Running in circles drowning in whisky soaked skin,  whisky soaked invisible tears, whisky poison!... But only saw my friend...
My friend! The one who never left...My friend!  The one to hush the voices in my head!  My friend!  my friend??? who told me this lie???! He became a Killer in disguise wanting nothing
but to see me 6 feet under...
Sobriety is freedom
They all say
Just one day at a time
That's all I need to much waste living in yesterday to much stress living in tomorrow...
But who am I? This person I can't recognise
I don't know her not sure
I like her...
Afraid to speak...what will they think of the me
I can't create without my drank...
I fear the loneliness that lies in wait where'd they all go these friends of past mistakes fake if only I known sooner...
Sobriety I'm told gets better if I hang
But sometimes my hanging on is weak...
Sometimes I feel like screaming!
HEY!  I feel alone... Alone lies from satan
Trying to get me shakin
I may not have friends to hang but alone
I'm not...
Still...
Sometimes I feel like crying I look around and I'm sitting alone in the silence of my car in the silence...
Silence where my head starts yelling
Making me spin through all my past failures,
Screaming! at me making me wonder
Will it ever get better?
But they say sobriety does
and ill grow stronger out of this pit
That I'm trying to climb out of.
My vision is blurred I can't see farther
Than these tears that are flooding
outside of me!
But I know that my bottle is sitting in wait in the grave made by my whisky friend,
So I'm hoping and I'm trusting
in those put in my path,
Hoping and trusting in their faith,
Until I can see and hear more clearly
Until I can find who and what I am.