"idek" poems
It’s 3:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Yes, I guess, maybe. Just got home from school;
Tired and sleepy. Laughed a lot,
But relapsed once again.
Why is this happening again?
I can’t let myself fall again,
Though I’m forcing it to go back for them.
It’s 2:30 in the morning.
Am I happy?
No. Demons are coming all over again.
The voices are getting to me.
They’re going to take control over me.
Things are getting worse each time.
It’s like I’m in the middle of a tug war.
I don’t have anyone, and everyone has me.
I’m always there for people but they’re
Not always there for me.
It’s 4:00 and I haven’t been able to sleep.
Am I happy?
No. I feel alone. Loneliness.
It’s empowering itself through my bones
and all the way through my brain.
Taking control over me, as if I was no victim.
I have no friends, no one to talk to.
I have to deal with my own drama and
I just can’t. I want to sink in my bed.
Let the dreams sink me in for I
Have nothing to live for.
All of this is happening, yet I go around the
halls with the bright smile on my face.
Pretending like everything’s okay when
It’s actually all a ******* mess.
It’s 6:00 and I haven’t slept a bit.
Am I happy?
No.No.No.No.
The same answer over and over.
Thinking about the same nightmares.
Dreaming about what will never truly happen.
I have bags around my eyes, but no one notices.
I try to cover it with make-up, and everyone
Believes the dark fantasy of ‘okay’ being the truth.
It’s 2:00 in the afternoon.
Am I happy?
Idek.
I’ve learned a **** lot of lessons,
Yet not one of them seem to help me tbh.
I give them to whom I call my “friends”
And I use myself as an example of being the best
And the one who suffered but already got better and is ready
To experience life 100%.
But really, is it true?
It’s all BS tbh that comes out of my mouth for trying to
Help others.
*** is wrong with me?
Who am I fooling?
Me and only me.
You’ve got to understand you have 0 friends.
No one likes you. You’re a loser to the left.
You’ve got NO ONE.
And that right there, were my demons talking.
Now you get how I feel when they come?
Yeah that’s what I thought.
No one will probably ever read this,
Because as I wrote up there,
I have no one so nobody will be ever
Interested in what I feel.
But however I write it. To feel accomplished.
To feel like I’m talking to someone when I am
Actually talking to nobody. I did this just to let it all out.
And honestly it feels good.
Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 3:47 PM UTC
I scream for you to understand
But you will never get it.
I am forced to be confined,
Inside my own mind because you can't, won't, understand it.
Understand me.
Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 8:50 AM UTC
Every time I'm doing okay,
You always gotta come back and ruin my day.
I'm just trying to breathe like what the hell!?
I haven't cut yet you hurt me and I fell.
I just want to live my life and be okay,
Make this pain and suffering go away.
How is it so easy for you to ruin me?
When all I've done is set you free.
Yay me I'm writing now,
But honestly I don't even know how.
Let's just get this over with I'm done with you,
Wish you were done with me too
Sep 13, 2021
Sep 13, 2021 at 12:07 PM UTC
HISTORY LESSON:
Teardrops and blood stain the heart,
Guess you could say,
We’re all ****** up from the start.
Built to fail, fail to learn,
But so many don’t get a good education.
We follow history’s footsteps,
Just to repeat their mistakes,
Taking away nothing from our past,
Cause we’re to lazy to learn it.
MUSIC:
I like my music loud,
For the main reason,
Of being able to block out the world.
A big **** YOU
To all who say dreams are impossible,
To all who doubt my skill.
This is what I really think…
TRYING:
I think we don’t try hard enough,
I believe we have more potential
Than we are told…
**** LIFE:
I say **** the world,
**** what they think,
More like what do you think…
What do you care about,
What do you want to change?
RANTING:
Ranting is my greatest strength,
I could go on for hours on end,
So many things to be ****** about,
And so little time to vent…
RANDOM:
I make no sense in this poem,
But what makes sense anymore,
We are chucked into life,
Expected to know certain things,
That never are taught.
So **** the system…
HATE OF LOVE:
I don’t understand love anymore,
Guys have become animals,
And woman have turned into ******
Why can’t people get the fact,
That love is something beautiful,
Not a version of lust
Meant only to be abused!
**** LIFE AGAIN:
Ha, I take life and grab it by the *****
Saying **** you too man”
Just to **** with it’s head.
**** **** ****
God I love that word!
I love swearing in general,
Let me just get it all out…
MOTHER *******
LITTLE ****
******* SON OF A *****
LITTLE BASTERD OF A *****
IDEK…
BORED…:
I hate being bored,
In between my four bedroom walls,
I’m left to my own thoughts,
Thus left to my own demise,
Cause thinking well,
Is only thinking bad thoughts…
In disguise.
DEAD:
Can I just be dead already?
I’ve lost all meaning of life…
I’ve lost all sense of purpose,
But that’s only for tonight…
Tomorrow I’ll wake up,
And everything will be fine,
(Or so I hope),
And maybe I’ll move on,
Or just drown myself in sin…
THE END…………….
May 16, 2013
May 16, 2013 at 7:20 PM UTC
What.
Am I doing here?
What.
Am I living for?
What.
Is my incentive?
What.
Are my ambitions?
What.
Can I do?
What.
Is there to smile about?
What.
What.
-
-
-
I dunno.
"Idek, bro."
The answer won't be written
Anywhere I go.
What.
Who, when?
Why, how, where?
I couldn't possibly answer and
I couldn't possibly care.
It's not for everybody
That thing we all do.
Sometimes it's for everyone-
Every person but you.
What.
Oct 29, 2014
Oct 29, 2014 at 3:17 AM UTC
You were taught
From a young age
To collect your money
Save for the future
You were taught
From a young age
That anything you can't see
Doesn't matter
And so you go through life
Collecting your money
Being very frugal
Never over-spending
But now comes a time
Where you should spend
Spend the time you
Never did
But old habits run deep
Deeper than bone
And so you continue
To play your medley of insanity
You keep stockpiling
Your pile of material goods
But you ignore
Every one of my cries for help
What are you saving for?
You'll die soon anyways
Live life while you have it
Don't forget it when it's gone
I feel trapped
In these ways
I still have a life to live
And not here, no
When will you stop?
Please
Please
Stop.
Nov 8, 2014
Nov 8, 2014 at 10:30 AM UTC
I'm sorry my mouth is lethal
When I'm angry.
I spit venom to avoid poisoning myself.
I hope you understand.
Maybe it's just me,
Missing you.
(Fah)
Apr 1, 2015
Apr 1, 2015 at 12:37 PM UTC
his breath staggered and clothes tattered
my body battered and thoughts scattered
i ate so much i drank so much
i kissed so much i hate so much
and all your tears caressed the inside of your eyelids
but mine burned holes in your jeans
you were the hole in my jeans and you ripped me up like the lyrics to that **** nirvana song you were so dramatic about
our memories are in fragments at our feet and in pools that flow into oceans
Apr 11, 2014
Apr 11, 2014 at 7:44 PM UTC
loving you was like the split second when you die and are revived
i felt like i had nothing but matches and gasoline
i was nothing but an unfinished book that the author didn’t want to finish
when i met you everything changed
i had learned the peace of healing
i learned the grace of forgiveness
i became whole
the fire that once burn my brain with anxiety was finally calmed
it was like driving under a bridge in the rain
i felt excited and quiet for once in life
now you’re gone and so am i
i don’t remember how to heal without you so i’ll just wait until you come back through that door
i will wait until you remember what it felt like calm the storm
walk across the ocean back to me and tell me i am worthy of life again.
Nov 22, 2021
Nov 22, 2021 at 11:53 PM UTC
it's not fair.
i feel your heart beating and it's closing off the blood flow to my brain.
i want to be able to fix your problems and know how you feel and tell you you're beautiful.
but i can't. you don't let me.
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 9:01 PM UTC
Lie to me again
…
I miss you too.
Staring at stars in the night sky, always reminded me of your eyes, and the sparkle they held when you saw the smile I saved only for you.
Now it’s like the sun doesn’t escape me, I feel the burn this love has left, feel the scars of your hatred etching deep into my soul, and I wonder what happened for it all to end this way, and I am so ******* confused.
I want you back.
I want us back.
But most of all, I wish for my humanity to return to me for I am so very lost without it.
…
Please.
Open the door, let me carry your burdens, the ones that leave you winded and struggling to breathe when you open your eyes and see a world that you refuse to accept love from, because I let your heart escape you and become my own.
Take what little humanity I have left and make it yours, because if that is what it takes for the sparkle to return, I will walk to the ends of the earth and bleed myself dry in the vain hope that the boy I once knew will return to us.
Return to me
Please.
Let me help.
I know I show affection in peculiar ways, sarcasm is my forte after all, but trust me when I say, I would do anything in my power to see that smile, feel those arms once more.
I’d drag the moon from the sky, name every burning star after a reason why I care, and it still wouldn’t come close to showing the affection I feel for you.
That is all I can say.
Jul 25, 2017
Jul 25, 2017 at 11:42 PM UTC
why do i feel so empty?
could it really be
because
We lost?
or is it
more?
what did I lose?
question is
what haven't i lost yet
idek
and i am too tired to
Feb 1, 2020
Feb 1, 2020 at 12:27 AM UTC