"flp" poems
Here’s the bouquet you say you deserve
After all that you’ve been through
Here are some flowers
Symbolic of whatever
I couldn’t care less
It’s on the table next to the dinner that you said I never cook
Off center is a hallmark card about how I don’t love you enough
But should
We are stagnant like holy water
Which is stage three in the second half of a relationship
according to Knapp’s Model
I did the math and researched the reasons why we don’t work anymore
Here is the math
Sometimes
I is less than or equal to U
Not that
I could or ever should be greater than U
|But I want our equality to not be a battle to maintain|
We don’t need each other anymore
I don’t need you like I don’t need teeth in my *******
And you don’t need me
Like an extra head on your shoulder hanging so heavy
So here are your flowers
Here is your dinner
Here is you apology letter to the both of us
For how long it took for me
To tell you to go
It’s simple math
It’s 20 minutes over dinner in silence
+3 bags I’ve packed for you
+1 20 minute drive to your friend’s house
It’s the remainder of me
When the fractions don’t fit
And I want to be whole
This is me becoming whole
The square root of dying to an over-exaggerator
Maybe you deserve flowers
I deserve to deal with life in whole numbers
I’ve fallen from your fractions
Been rounding out my edges
And I’m almost done
Now go
And leave me to the simple math of being alone
Apr 30, 2012
Apr 30, 2012 at 4:16 PM UTC
Corduroy
by far
is the sexiest fabric
Zipper wisp you thighs a bit faster
You cat-call of body language
I wanna hear you coming
You are not a denim ******
Not cotton soft
My hands are rough
Let me feel your texture
Of parallel lines that go all the way up
Let me lose your button
You can find it later
Keep your innocence like that bear
In that children’s book you might read
To your own kids someday
Corduroy is ugly
So are we
Has texture
So do we
Is made from finely twisted fibers
Like DNA
Corduroy makes me sweat
Literally
And figuratively
If
We were trapped under a blanket of it
And could not tell the difference between
Scar tissue and fabric
Hair and fabric
I will have to bite you to notice the difference
Unless you holler like corduroy
A sound you could beat me with
Then we would just be a transcendental blanket
Of
This should be burned later
So
When I tell you
I think you’re **** like corduroy
It’s a compliment
Apr 7, 2012
Apr 7, 2012 at 4:03 PM UTC
1
If unicorns were real
I can’t imagine much would change
I might own one
Get high on the finely chopped fibers of fur
Collected from his grooming
And when girls ask me how I came to be so sweet
I’d tell them how I was ***** once by my unicorn
How some sorts of sticky sweetness haunt your soul forever
2
In the second grade
I swore I had dinosaurs living in my backyard
This is after I swore that I actually had a backyard
Never mind the hand-me-down t-shirts
So big I often exposed a boney shoulder
I had the strangest tan lines then
3
Under my bed was a cave
Where the boogeyman taught me
I should be more afraid of my father’s feet at the entrance
And less afraid of things I could not see
In the shifting dark I could have been anywhere
Anywhere was somewhere
My father’s claws could still not get me
4
For the longest time I thought my grandmother’s ghost
Haunted me
I’d often wake to the smell of her musty home
Mixed with her perfume
and the sweet scent of the soft earth she often tended
Until one day I didn’t notice her anymore
Ghosts are the parts of the people we miss
When our stupid brains are still learning how to deal with loss
I’d like to say that once I finally stopped missing her
She was free to leave earth for heaven
I don’t believe in heaven
5
If god were real
And I could live forever by his side
I would still break everything
From bones to hearts
Because I can’t live for tomorrow
I need to live for today
6
As a man
I still tell stories in order to get people to like me
So
When my unicorn finally dies
Or majestically sacrifices himself
For my sake
I will grind him down to glitter
And unicorn glue
(Which is very strong)
I’ll make a sign so big you can see it sparkle from space
*I was here ************
And this is how I will live forever
Apr 5, 2012
Apr 5, 2012 at 5:39 AM UTC
Looking for love in different faces
Looking for love in carnival mirror beauty
Alex does this
Tells himself that she might actually love him back this time
He sees them all perfectly
Falls for their touch
Can’t tell the difference between passion and love
The difference between being caught up in the moment
And when the moment actually ends
*I am going to **** you as hard as we hate ourselves*
It takes a long time to actually make love to somebody
And being caught up in the moment hasn’t ended yet
So Alex doesn’t realize this
But it ends eventually
Ends with him wondering
Why is there so much wrong with me
When all I wanted
Was a warm body
Because I don’t know how to sleep alone
I don’t know how to sleep alone
Alex looks at this new girl
Gives her his weight
In patience
In presence
In hope
She doesn’t bite
Doesn’t take the bait
She smiles and removes her clothes
So he can see her carnival mirror clearly
He only sees himself
He wants to stretch her out
So he can make sense of the lies next time
He knows
If he were really broken
She wouldn’t see herself either
Wouldn’t run scared at her own image reflected back
Alex no longer has a carnival mirror
The truth is the scariest thing on the planet
Since like
Ever
And Alex is honest
Knows
People don’t shatter when they feel broken
They melt and make harder
They stretch out
It takes a long time to love yourself
It takes even longer for someone else to love you
Like you want to be loved
Alex has been waiting around
For almost that long
He hasn’t seen that yet
He doesn’t know what his own reflection
Really looks like
But if he’s lucky
He will
Apr 19, 2012
Apr 19, 2012 at 3:27 PM UTC
Your smile inspires me
To write
I have already spoken about hearts
and their inability to affect other peoples hearts
I'll never go there again
But your smile
makes me smile
You've got dimples designed for sailing
kiss me
and we'll make a ship
big enough to break the bay
Brave enough the beach our bellies
to kiss new land
Smile so big you chew the tip of your tongue again
I want to make you laugh so hard
and so often
you have crows feet by the time you're 30
You are an ocean-throat whisper
of salty air
and sand that sticks to the bottom of my feet like a memory
the way my feet always remember how to land
to cushion the blow
Inside your smile are lists
lessons on living
that you might one day tell me
it's hard to talk when you catch wind like you do
I want to kiss the words out
taste your language
Run my thumb along the bottom crescent
curved first finger under your chin
Your smile is a language
anyone can learn
I can read your lips
At least I think I can read your lips
They always say kiss me
say
There is a secret hidden between these teeth
Tucked under this tongue
Buried in the back of this throat
Coax it out
I dare you
Secrets are prone to laughter
find safety in the crevices
of dimples designed for sailing
Tell me what it is
Your smile inspires me
To write
To kiss you
To mirror back your language
With my
Broken toothed
and ***** dimpled
secret
Your smile
I want to kiss it
Apr 14, 2012
Apr 14, 2012 at 3:52 PM UTC
Oh so I guess it was infected
On so many levels
Probably my fault for loving
an angel ****** Scorpio
who gives ******** like a greasy exhaust pipe
who swaps ****** fluid
like a last ditch transfusion for a cure
done in an ally in Mexico
I thought you could save me with your shameless passion
The vibrating underwear at dinner
The dare to straight face in public
You were *****
And you were *****
And I was trying to make a mess
So cleaning myself up might look drastic
You were an adventure I can’t shake
The kind of adventure you can’t catch twice
Until you catch it twice
I have been told
Learning is a change in behavior
Learning is finding ways to not make the same mistake
Over
And over
Clearly
I am still learning
Still infected with
With the self-inflicted wrong decisions
Of loving people who don’t love me back
And filling holes
With the parts of myself that are designed to do that
Hoping mine will be filled too
I’ve put a pillow in my open chest wound
So you might still think it’s safe to lay there
So you won’t hear the heartbeat race of hope
That things won’t hurt so much later
Won’t feel like a film on my skin that doesn’t wash away
When I watch you leave me in the morning
And all I want to do is beg you to stay
Stay and pretend this is real a little longer
I’ve never been one to tear band-aids from wounds quickly
I pick scabs
I have scars
I am ugly
And I am still learning
Still trying different ways
To love healthy
So yeah,
I guess this is infected
Apr 20, 2012
Apr 20, 2012 at 5:25 PM UTC
Your rose colored glasses make everything okay
Until the shades blend
and you're seeing red again
There will always be a point
where filters deliver their ***** backwash
and you're left with the mess the elephant made
in the corner of the room
and he's rubbing your nose in it
He's rubbing your nose in it
I know I am only beer goggle beautuful
A latex layer of desensitization
to try and make our crash last longer
And you see in hues
of rising shades of deadly
Miss my blushing
so you don't realize
how uncomfortable this is making me
But you're smelling roses
Feel the thorn's *****
but miss the blood on your hands
Wonder why the roses suddenly smell so coppery
Please let us learn how to peel back the layers
Flay me like a whale
on a boat-deck-cutting-board
Pull me out of my element
and peel back my skin
while I am still begging you not to
See me for who I am
while I am at my most vulnurable
writing poetry at 2 am
when I should be sleeping
A t-shirt over a lamp shade
because I am afraid to sleep alone in the dark
The door cracked so I can hear if my father falls again
Sometimes silence scares me
Sometimes it is all I want
Right now it is so quiet
There are no filters here
Your rose colored glasses make everything okay
Everything is not okay
Flay me
See me for who I am
without any filters
Then tell me you still love me
Apr 25, 2012
Apr 25, 2012 at 5:22 AM UTC
She said
When you're done slaying dragons
and fighting for thrones
will you come back and stay for a while?
But there are not enough puddles
Not enough dirt
He is the king of the living room
when the carpet is lava
Don't come out of the kitchen
The carpet is lava mommy
She says okay
and watches as he jumps from couch cushion to chair to tile
to save her
There will never be a man in her life who can save her like he can
No man who knows the exact distance from doorframe to bedframe
so the hands underneath will not get them
if they jump right
No one's ever thought to save her
From the things she cannot see
I wish I were old enough to use a saw
He is stomping a tin trashcan lid flat
Cuts kite string with his teeth
Discovery says its duck season
If I have armored wings
and get hit by a shotgun
I'll still be able to fly home
I wish I were a shark
I wish I were the wind
I wish I was a lost boy but didn't have to be lost
Can I be a boy forever
and still get homesick?
If peter pan came and offered to whisk him away to neverland
The hardest thing would be for her to let him go
Maybe he can be a boy like ten more years
she thinks
With fistfulls of crayons
and constant pleads for one more of everything
Just one more night as a boy
Just one more day as a dragon
Just one more day as a bird with steel wings
One more day as the wind
But she knows he'll be a man
And he'll visit
and call
talk about
The damsel in distress he met in college
When he saved her at a party
How she spent the whole night laying on his chest
While sleeping on the grass
And for some reason
The cold biting air smelled like home
She knows mothers raise the best men
Because they know what they want in a man
It's not always okay to be your father's son
She says,
When you're done with dragons
and steel winged flights
and being emperor of the living room
Be honest
Women love men who are honest
Smile about everything
Smiling is attractive
and sometimes it's all you need to make yourself feel good
Call me now and then
Or I'll call you every five minutes
Now go
The wind is calling you home
Apr 21, 2012
Apr 21, 2012 at 3:17 PM UTC
Paint splashes of dirt on the bathroom floor
Kyle coats the room with war paint
He shakes dirt from his ****
and it splatters walls with childhood
This is when being ***** was a good thing
When showers were a chore
He is still muddy when he steps from the tub
Pigeon chest protruding like a plate of armor
She is not mad at Kyle
His smile is a saving grace
She is practiced in spit baths
And spankings that didn’t hurt
Only scared him
Kyle is a little warrior
With long skinny arms
And long skinny legs
And a smile like a lighthouse
She ruins a white towel
Is rough when she rubs the dirt away
Pays much attention to his ears
Kyle knows this is pointless
She knows this is pointless
It’s what boys do
They get *****
And mothers
Can only do so much
Acknowledge that they are helpless to the process
Of becoming a man
Kyle will always find ways to get *****
She won’t always clean up his messes
But parts of her
Will always want to
Apr 6, 2012
Apr 6, 2012 at 7:51 PM UTC
If I could say one last thing you'd know I was different
You’d see these walls as something else
You’d see the holes for footing
The scars on my shoulders
From the grappling hooks I’ve shaken
It’s a reflex
I’d like to reset
If I could
I’d rip the seesaw from my spine
Break the balance in the fulcrum of my chest
So when you jump away
I don’t fall from you
Call me swing set
Give my arms monkey bar bravery
So I can shimmy close enough for you to see
I want you here
I won’t try and nock you off
I am done playing chicken
I am done playing chicken
Foot on the gas pedal beggin god I run you off the road
Again
This path I am on
Is lonely
I know this
I want to tell you I love you
When I know you won’t say it back
If you could
Shake the dust from your knees
After my walls reflexed a shiver
In your embrace so hard
You fell to the floor
If you stuck around long enough
You’d see
All the cotton I swallowed
So when I heard you leaving
You wouldn’t hear me say
Stay
If I could say one last thing
You’d know
I was different
Was better
Might be ready
With enough patience
Please stay
Apr 18, 2012
Apr 18, 2012 at 6:51 PM UTC
She smothers me with her words of desire
So I kiss her to stop it
And choke
I choke on her words
Choke on her soft tongue
Like a vicarious seizure
Put a wallet between our bear traps
So that I might catch my breath
Her lips brand my brain
With short circuits
So I stutter responses
And if she were any less beautiful
Or I could somehow be gay
I might actually have enough confidence
To say
Shut up and bring them gnashers my way
It’s okay if you bite
I like it rough
And
Already I can barely breathe
Suffocating under a blanket of words
I can smell the alcohol on her breath
As she speaks
As if her words could be any less flammable
Makes me wish I could drink gasoline without dying
Do you hear that dark room dancer?
You liquor breathed torpedo tongue
You cat eyed lighthouse
Reminding me where I want home to be?
You make me want to drink flammable liquid just to compete
I pull her close
Like the gentle slam of a car door
Are we dancing?
Or swimming?
Or drowning?
Go ahead **** me with your words
I give up
Mar 26, 2012
Mar 26, 2012 at 2:39 PM UTC
I’ve written all these first lines
But I am out at the moment
And
I am drunk
So here is mine
It is 1 am and raining
I want to stand in it naked
Feel the wet and cold bite my body into shivers
Feels almost as good as being punched for the first time
Where you realize that these the people you’re afraid of
Can’t hurt you as badly as you thought they could
I am a body practiced in resilience
We are bodies built soft enough for the bounce back
Only now I am not so sure I can bounce back from this
I want to want someone so badly that thinking about them
Helps me sleep at night
He said
Thinking about her helps me sleep
And I want to be wanted like that
Right now I am tired
Maybe it’s the beer
Maybe it’s the comfort of a bed
That I no longer get to sleep in
My ex is out for the night
And I am in our old bed
If I wake up early enough
Leave before she knows I was there
I will still have slept shamefully
There are days where I remind myself
That the strongest men
Are ones who let the chinks in their armor show
And keep walking
I’ve got some nasty holes you might’ve noticed
But I’m trying
And I’m sorry I push you away sometimes
Just that I don’t want you to see me
When I have to retighten the springs in my knees
To keep the buckle at bay
Or when I have to loosen the screws in my jaw
Tightened from a tear-bite
Holding up this armor is hard
These shoulders want to hang heavy
I don’t want to rust in the rain
I want it to break
So the truth might punch me perfectly
Into understanding that this hurts right now
And even though for the moment I want it to **** me
It’s not going to **** me
I am better than that
But I am lonely
Apr 26, 2012
Apr 26, 2012 at 1:31 PM UTC
Your voice is like a silent whisper that I no longer wish to hear
On any given day it breaks me down
like the soft hiss and hush of waves
working to break the levee
I feel your voice speaking from inside my cheeks
It feels like forever
and I still can't seem to shake you from my skin
how I say things the way you used to say them
how I sometimes think about things that make me uncomfortable
and say your name out loud to halt my thought's direction
I ******* miss you
but I don't want to miss you anymore
Moving on is the dilemma for ghosts
Who have nothing left to hold on to
I can't hold your ghost
There are people here who
are still perfectly capable of holding me
And when I see you again
Maybe you won't be able to hold me
Because I imagine
heaven
is energy
I know this in the way my skin still heats up
at the thought of your touch
you move my molecules a fire-friction-engine-rumble
You are energy
and this is how I know you are happy
because there isn't anything else you can be
This is how I know heaven is real
God is a ball of light that feels like a fiery smile when you touch it
But I still hear your voice at night
and maybe your memories creep up
like epiphany shivers
like
oh
This is just me missing you
I am still human
and I am allowed to do silly human things
Because I am alive
and so much self preservation
I haven't let you go yet
Which is why I still hear you
reminding me to do stupid things like take care of myself
and to not hang my head so wrecking-ball heavy
unless I am finally breaking down my own walls
to sucker punch my gut
in order to remind my lungs
that even without you here
the air still tastes so sweet
Reset my suckerpunch
to gasp
to fight for inhale
to understand
that my own breath
still tastes so sweet
I hear you
you silent whisperer
I hear you
Apr 15, 2012
Apr 15, 2012 at 4:32 PM UTC
To the simple minded man
This day would have been like the rest
Would have been an overdone steak dinner
Alone
But he plays a broken bone remix
Of ex-lover’s gritted teeth
It is the click in his jaw over steak
That reminds him of the gnashing
He nurses a beer
In between helpings
But there’s always the click
A painful metronome
For past music
When he was capable of lapping the language out of her mouth
Days when he was all noise
Like a hallway echo
Or a fist through drywall
Or a nightmare gasp
But now all he needs is the cotton he eats
To soak up the sound
So he won’t have to listen to himself keep sayin’
There used to be this growl my gut made
For your bitter music
When we choreographed a collision
Of bone
And breath
And teeth that touched when I still thought I wasn’t pressing hard enough
The masticating click
Reminds him of her smile
It hurts his jaw
And his memory
But he continues making her painful sound
Like it might actually bring her back
And it does a little
Just for today
And tomorrow?
Tomorrow is too far away
Apr 1, 2012
Apr 1, 2012 at 5:55 AM UTC
My heart was in spin cycle and I knew she would hang me out to dry
Michael tells me
Tells me
I knew she would find someone to fill the gaps I couldn’t fill
Dear Michael,
You knew this was going to happen from the start
But it felt good while she let you hold her
when her past came back to haunt her
How your arms felt like the biggest arms
And your heart felt like the biggest heart
And you felt like a man
A real man
Who can make her feel a little less lonely
Until someone comes along who’s better at it
She tells you about him
Tells you how funny he is
And charming
And about his mini crooked sailboat dimples
You are better than he is
You are better than the wind ******* back his cheeks
And you know what?
You’re brave for trying
Brave for giving someone else the weight of your arms
Brave for the buckle of legs when you saw them kiss
And wished he was you
You are so much better than that
And you’re brave
So don’t walk away from this
A lonely casualty
Or a martyr
Wring your heart out red again
Til your body is a fortress fire pumping passion
Into swollen arms so heavy
They dangle like chains
Let them know they can weld around anybody
But not just any body Michael
Not just any body
And not hers
I know
It doesn’t feel good
But boy
You’re so ******* brave
Apr 3, 2012
Apr 3, 2012 at 6:10 AM UTC
If you could see the way she looks at you
you would know
But you're busy building walls of doubt
nursung weary what-ifs
like feeding gremlins after midnight
I have this picture of the both of you
You are staring off into your imagination
always just above the horizon
And she is laughing
at something you said
She is looking right at you
smiling honest
Only you can make her laugh like that
Only you
I guess some of us need it spelled out
Our egos need to be reminded
You are not always going to be her favorite everything
You are not the best
But for whatever reason she chose you
Chose you like a raffle ticket
from a barrel full of so much better
You are not a jackpot
she is not a jackpot
but you both have won something
You're both walking away with what you came here for
You break her heart some days
How her eyes sadden
and she does that thing that girls do
you know
when they go
awww but it's pronounced oohh
(Men love that sound)
I see the tremble in her arms
the hesitation to hold your head to her *******
But your signals cross
and you beat yourself up later
for not acting differently
because she might fall in love with you
if you had done things differently
You can't act your way into a relationship
If you're not being yourself
You're being somebody else
and in that case
she's better off with that other guy
It makes me wonder about lightbulbs
and how many people it takes to ***** them in
depending on your occupation
I wonder how many pairs of eyes it takes
to notice what love looks like
Because if you could see the way she looks at you
you would know
and the only thing you might do differently
is continue to be yourself
Apr 27, 2012
Apr 27, 2012 at 7:13 AM UTC
There is a woman I know and she speaks like she is dreaming
The fog in her throat pools on her tongue
It pulls me in and I wonder if I’m dreaming too
Wonder at what age my voice will be like hers
So gentle I listen carefully
Like what she is saying will eventually make sense
Like listening to that high caterpillar
Talk in tongues
And dancing language
I wish she were my grandmother
So visiting her at the nursing home wouldn’t be weird
A woman who looks like a coffee stain in red lipstick
offers her a ride back
Though it is walking distance
She takes the smoky dreamer’s bags
And leaves
Says she’ll help her with the bags at least
I’m so confused
Where are my bags?
I remind her not to worry
Oh I feel so lost sometimes
But everything feels familiar too
I’ll feel better after a nap maybe
This is déjà vu backwards
Like walking into an empty room
Still expecting to see you there
I still get surprised sometimes
I put my hand on her shoulder
She talks in dreams
And childhood mornings
Of stereotype
Of longing
Of knowing
That any day she’ll forget again
I still have to remind her my name
Even though she smiles when she sees me
Like
Why does this boy make me so happy?
And just like in dreams
Whenever everything makes no sense
You realize your dreaming
And then everything does
Mar 31, 2012
Mar 31, 2012 at 4:11 PM UTC
Her mind is as loud as a whistle blow
I can see it in her smirk
As we talk over dinner
I hear her silent sarcasm
I’m not psychic
But her wheels turn quickly enough
That I know to be ready to dive into the dirt
And out of her path
I hear her train comin’
See the coals burn in her eyes
The way her eyelashes flicker flakes of cinder away
I feel one fall on my arm
It singes my arm hair
It smells like the square-root of burning bodies to an over exaggerator
This feels like
People who have prayed in silence
And caught fire
Because they were begging for the answers
Before the bomb went off
They are souls who have been told
Praying is a waste of time
Wondering is a waste of time
You don’t always get answers when you ask for them
You don’t always get answers when you ask for them
Sometimes you’re lied to
Souls who have to learn to accept
The helpless agenda of living
Whatever happens was supposed to happen
If it wasn’t
We wouldn’t be here
Ready for the fire
Ready for the whistle blow
Ready for the hog-tie train track love she has to offer
I ask
Do you still love me?
She picks up her glass of wine
Sips it
Leaves a stain of lipstick on the rim
She says
I do
She says
I do
Apr 17, 2012
Apr 17, 2012 at 1:11 PM UTC
*Ps. I also have to take a ****
He says
It’s what best friends do
They tell you things you don’t want to hear
Like
*Ps. You’re being a ***** right now*
We both know how badly you want to
*Just ******* kiss her*
You are sandpaper laughter
So much grind in my double over we both tear up
This is the stuff I’ve been trying to tell people
For at least 12 years now
How we are so good at following each other’s lead
We get lost in the process and crash into a heaping mess
Of what the ****
Like when I pretend to be gay Christopher Walken
And you are his best friend some Australian guy
And the whole room laughs like this was a joke
I have stenciled SAFETY in microscopic letters
Around the outside of your mattress
For the days I can’t sleep at home
For days where rest
Is the warmth of 3 blankets and a room heater inside your freezing granny flat
You satiate my soul
Like the 12 packs we **** alone in one sitting
Inside your throat
There is a harmonica exhale
Tuned to the key of gritty
It was designed by people who have learned
The true definition of lonely
And It calls to them a song that has only one word
FOUND
I feel found in your ***** harmonica voice
It gets me
Plays my song when slow dancing alone
With my beer belly is all I need for company
You so much an ambidextrous best foot forward
That you occasionally forget which foot is your best
So you remember where your heart went
Always the right place
We might be a cacophony
Of whale farts
and silly accents
and ***** mouthed prayer
to everyone else who meets us
But I have only ever loved amazing people
And I love you
Ps…………. I hope you pooped well
Apr 8, 2012
Apr 8, 2012 at 4:46 PM UTC
Her ceramic mask hid everything I already knew
It's a reflex keeping her soul alive
Smile girl
Smile girl
Laugh when your head hangs heavy
When you never thought you'd breathe deeper than this
It's amazing I've been saying
All the things you're capable of
She might not be as pretty
Might be early aged
Might dance decietful
Making people look more graceful than they actual are
But she can't be any more human
She can't be any more human
than me
or you
She wears a mask
statue hard
and beautiful
Her neck is strong from the weight
People want it to shatter
People who don't wear theirs as well
You've gotta be low to keep people low
You've gotte be willing to be *****
To make others *****
She is better than that
I know this
because I've seen her naked
Flayed her smile
like breaking a clock
She ticks a metronome of humble heartbeat
Is a wonder woman
that makes women wonder
How it is
that she can smile
when being kicked in the mouth
by her own feet sometimes
How she swallows sadness in beautiful breath
palms miming
exaggerating the air in her chest
She knows she can breath deeper than this
I see her for who she is
and who she was
I accept her broken beauty
Relax
we're human
and I don't want to keep you low
Stand up here with me
Where the both of us can see
how our angel wing footseps can keep us light on our toes
I look at her
after the overflow
and I know she wants me to leave her alone
No one wants to be seen
after stepping of scene to change costume
I see you
She steps heavily back into her boot straps
Slides on her angel wing shoes
I tell her I think she is beautiful
She puts on her mask
and says
Thank you
Apr 28, 2012
Apr 28, 2012 at 9:26 PM UTC
In a sea of lost souls
I can’t believe you haven’t found me yet
I mean
I’ve never seen so many people
Get so close to each other without touching
And I want so badly
To tattoo in thick black letters
Over my heart
The word
FOUND
This is for the people who
Are still waiting to be found
For the boys who thought they had her heart
and lost it
This is for the bravery of trying
For the bravery it takes to let someone hurt you
On a chance that they won’t
This is for the bootstraps
Caked in the dirt that you fall in
For how white your knuckles get in the rising
For the ones who have something to give
But think they have nothing to give
For the ones who have nothing to give
And try and give anyway
You will always have something to bring to the table
If you are willing
This is for the ones who’s walls of strength
Are so thick
They can’t feel the touch
So it doesn’t have to hurt when they see you leaving
Press harder
Press until you hit the soft
Find something worth holding
You are worth holding
The game of tag and all its variations
Were just preparation
For the time you spend hiding your heart diligently
Until you see the joy in being found
Know
If you are reading this
I found you
Which means it’s your turn
To find someone else
I know it takes courage
To touch someone
In a world where no one touches
But you did it once when you were a kid
I know you have doubts
I have doubts
I don’t see in me any of the things people see in me
I own a mirror
I mean ****
I shave me
No one knows how ugly this mess gets better than I do
But *********
We have got to be found
Know this is the year you do everything right
Ask someone to dance
Show them how they’ve been swimming all wrong
In this sea of souls where everyone feels so lost
Even Christians have to find Jesus
A man who can only save them
After he is found
I challenge you
To write a letter to a stranger
Telling them you’ve secretly loved them
Remain anonymous
Only send one
Hold a door open for someone
Smile like you do when you read a message
From someone you care about
And don’t realize you’re doing it
Until one of your ******* friends asks why you’re smiling like that
Smiling is ****
I promise
Do stupid things every chance you get
You’ll become a good story teller
It will make you interesting
Shake the dust from your tired shield
Let your walls fall like the crumble was healthy
You do not need walls in wide open places
Know whatever you have been made to believe
You should always love like you’ve never been hurt
You should not be afraid to be hurt
Know
Love is yours
If you want it
Want it
I dare you
Tag
I found you
Now find someone else
Apr 11, 2012
Apr 11, 2012 at 1:13 PM UTC
The snow crisped to your eyes made me giggle
Made me wonder
About the lightness of snow
How the white in your lashes made them seem more wet
And how much heavier they would need to be
Before they bent
How heavy can your shoulders get
Before the shiver shakes the weight
I want lie beneath you
And catch your cold
The doctors asked me how long I’ve been feeling this way
I told them I didn’t know
One in particular
Gave me a mirror
Told me about actors
And how they would practice making different faces until they could completely control their emotions
When you feel sad practice happy
Practice angry
Practice solemn
Practice confused
With this much control I could be held accountable for everything
When I was 14 I learned what living looks like
In the mirror
It is that jaw dropped gasp for air
After the rope breaks
It is smiling at the neck bruises
It is being thankful for ******* up
Again
And now it is forced breathes of air
Visible in the cold
It is you smiling
Carefully wiping the wet from your eyes
The weight is building
White wet and heavy
But thanks to you
The bough is not breaking
It is slowly shedding
You collect it
To make a man
You make me
I ask you not to break branches from the bough
To give my man arms
I am afraid of the collapse
Maybe I can’t hold you the way I want to
But you have fixed me so much already
You have fixed me so much already
Flakes fill your lashes again
I laugh at how cute you are
When you fight to let them stay
The slow flutter
The pursed smile
I wonder about you
And am thankful at how much you have done
To fix me
Apr 16, 2012
Apr 16, 2012 at 7:39 PM UTC
I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart
and put them into my jar of fireflies.
Only way now to keep my heart-spark alive
To live healthy in the glow
I've left the lid open
Living with the fear that this light might leave me
I have to remind myself some days that dust still rises
So I walk like an oil well to keep your memory alive
I watched them bury you
and realised my biggest fear come true
Heaven can't be real
And coffins only trap our dead
I need to let you go
When I die I want to be naked
wet
and covered in seeds
Heaven is the transfer of energy
into new life
I don't wanna be a goddamm tombstone garden
I wanna be a real garden
With ******* roses
and lillies
And weeds
Weeds are hard to ****
Make me something strong again
Give me a reason to keep on going
Help me kick my own dust
I wanna make life
even after my life
and
I want you back
I want you back
Because I miss you so much some days
I drive sixty in suburban neighborhoods
Prayin the fire finaly takes me
and
I can't do it
I know I will wake up in the morning
and you still won't be here
Sent you an e-mail the other day but purposely got the address wrong
I just wanted your name in my inbox
Someone already has your cell phone number
I called them and cried
because when they answered
they sounded exactly like you
They've asked me to stop texting
Saying I have the wrong number
Did you know all the people on tv sitcom laughtracks are dead?
It is ghosts reminding us to laugh
Remind my smile
Remind my dust
Remind my firefly glow
To get bigger
Remind me that you're not really gone
Not gone gone
Even if you're just plant food
It means something
It's why grass itches your bare skin
Reminds you it's alive
I don't want to itch like your nightmares anymore
Just know
I am picking up the pieces as best I can
And I ******* miss you
Apr 30, 2012
Apr 30, 2012 at 12:03 AM UTC