I used to compare you to a hurricane,
I used to describe what we had as something like a giant, destructive ring,
With a calm, seemingly odd centre,
I used to tell people, that when things were good, and going strong,
That we were in the centre, we were in the eye, and we had nothing to worry about because we had found the calm in the storm,
I was told to not compare us to something that is notorious for being destructive,
Because I was told that we were in fact, the opposite of that,
I was told that you were not a hurricane, and you were not the centre of the storm,
Instead, you were pure calm, and pure safety, likened to summer nights and sunsets,
As I grew wiser, I likened us to a hurricane more and more,
As the months passed, and we trickled through the cracks more and more,
It became more apparent to me that, we were not a summer sunset,
We were a hurricane,
When things were good, we lived in the centre of the storm,
We had calm, and peace and we did not have to worry about the mass destruction going on around us,
However, like a hurricane, storms move quickly and safe havens in the centre change,
The only mode of survival to keep your place in the eye of the storm is to adapt,
To move quickly with the change and the direction of the storm,
So we tethered ourselves to each other, so that even if we were on opposite sides of the calm,
Too far to touch,
Too far to see,
We were still connected so that if the storm moved, we could move with it together,
The funny thing about hurricanes though, is that they move quickly,
And sometimes you do not always see them changing course and direction,
So in the midst of our perfectly calm centre, we were thrown off course, and thrown in opposite directions, our tether which was keeping us together, tangled and weakening,
In the midst of the storm, and our calm being thrown off you got scared because this was the worst it had ever been,
And our tether was so damaged, and so strained that it felt like we would always be too far to touch, and too far to see,
You took, action, you cut me off, severing our tether and suddenly, we were not in the safe place in the centre of the storm,
We were thrown in opposite directions, into the destructive, black swirling rings that we had avoided with such courage,

And so here I am, beat up, black and blue, trying to find my way back into the centre of the storm,
Silently praying that maybe you are too.

EMW.

I remember the first time I slept next to you,
Your body creating a silhouette underneath my sheets,
I remember thinking how odd it was,
That we could go from eight and needing a stuffed animal,
To eighteen and needing another human being to put us to sleep.

I remember the first time you kissed me,
Your lips on mine sending silent messages,
I remember thinking how odd it was,
That we could go from eight and our parents kissing us goodnight,
To eighteen and craving another human beings lips on ours.

I remember the first time you held my hand,
Your fingers intertwined into the slits between mine,
I remember thinking how odd it was,
That we could go from eight and our mothers pulling us by the hand across the street,
To eighteen and feeling loved and protected by another human being,

I remember the first time we ever fought,
Your words cutting through me like a knife,
I remember thinking how odd it was,
That we could go from eight and being taught only to say nice things,
To eighteen and using words to hurt another person,

I remember the first time we broke up,
Your actions, words, and events ringing in my head,
I remember thinking how odd it was,
That we could go from eight, and creating fairytales,
To eighteen and feeling crushed and unwanted beyond belief.  emw.

I used to count on my fingertips,
All the days which we had spent together,
The numbers grew and grew,
And each month, I was so surprised by how many days,
We had spent talking to each other,
Then, at midnight on the 9th you would call me,
And we would talk, and talk,
And remember,
And plan,
And then you would yawn,
Tell me that you love me so much,
And say:
“Good night Goof, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,as always,
I love you so much, you mean the world to me.”
The smile on my face would be enough to put me to sleep,
The sweetness of your words swirling in my head like a lullaby.

Slowly, without warning, you began to slip away,
But I still counted the days,
And for every new day that I counted and fell more in love,
You slipped further and further from me,
And more into your new world you had built,
There was no place for me,
No matter how many times you denied it.

Two months after I lost the privilege of calling you mine,
I still sit here on the eve of the 9th,
Counting my fingertips,
Only this time,
I am not counting the days which we have been together,
I am counting the days that we have been apart,
And there are no smiles,
Only tears streaming down my face.
emw

I hope someday you stumble upon an old photo of us together,
Forever stuck in laughter, looking at each other,
Unaware that the photo was ever being taken,
Too involved in each other to hear someone say:
“Say cheese”
I hope that you wonder,
If I still drink coffee like it is a form of blood,
Or if I still make pinky promises because I believe that those can never be broken,
I hope you wonder,
If my favourite thing to eat is still grilled cheese,
Or if I still love midnight phone calls,
Or if I am still the same insomniac I was when I was with you,
I hope someday,
You stumble upon an old picture of me,
My eyes looking at you,
Forever smiling,
Because in that moment I loved you,
I hope some day,
You wonder about me,
And how I am doing,
And if I ever wonder about you.
emw

Allow me to always be the one to take over all your problems,
Or, if I cannot solve all your problems,
Allow me to stand next to you and fight in an armored battle as well,
However, if I cannot follow you into battle,
Allow me to watch and support you from the sidelines,
But, if I cannot be there to watch from the sidelines,
Allow me to be the one that you call to exclaim,
How ecstatic you are that you made it through the battle and back where you belong,
Stronger, wiser and more aware of what you want than before.
   EMW.