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"dislodging" poems
On a bogus hill, a man stood in self defence and shot himself, clean through the heart of the white flag that hung breezily around his neck, like a neckerchief in situ A calm reverence, self awareness, had positioned itself, 'enough' shone in the deaf hours before daylight begs, dislodging sad meanings from ungrateful dictionaries. You bought words, they lead you,   rocked a changed lullaby....au revoir, checking the white flag of departure, arrival of metal, red bled wounds, flag swaying, stained under surrender
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May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 8:00 AM UTC
White Flag of Surrender
Indecisive and sounding as interesting as a brick wall, I sauntered along the brick path colliding with my brick silent mood, causing me to falter kicking the covers, dislodging the brick, hour on hour in the brick dark night, eyes feeling brick heavy, tossed, turned, the bathroom, bricked in on four sides, plodded in the dead of night to the beat of heavy laden feet, tic toc as the brick swings soil, solid bricked ground, shuttered down solitude, walking away....a heart,. brick heavy, awash, water swirling, brick pockets....sinking
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Jun 12, 2013
Jun 12, 2013 at 3:50 PM UTC
Brick
*i find the crow more eloquent, more treacherously abiding a fulfilment of aesthetic investigations when walking, the crow more beautiful than in flight, unlike the sparrows' comic grounding, with its epileptic quick-step twitchy caoutchouc trot... poetically drawn as: huh?! huh?! chirp. huh?! huh?! chirp; really quickly.* the only way to transition back into the humanities from learning science, ******** p... chemistry and physics, from these two into the humanities: because you wrote a high standard sociology essay plagiarising trying to beat the anti-plagiarism logarithm imposed... and that camus' l'étranger also written to a 1st in the degree hierarchy... the only transition from the sciences to humanities is with philosophy, which is a qausi-humanism... mind you... edinburgh is the last gothic city, and scotland the only place where university can be like high school, diverse, equipping you with many choices, you can major chemistry, but understudy computing, french, history, sociology, etc. so in the background you have my favourite theorisation: friedel-craft's alkylation & acylation / effects of substitution on the beneze ring properties: ortho (β) / para (ν) directing goups... meta (π) directing groups... ipso (α) directed at dislodging the algebraic x already attached... i was never going to write cute poetry... lessons in inductive effects of σ-bonds orientation controlled by resonate (of) π-bonds... the faustian myth continues without cute goethe rhyme.
0
Feb 17, 2016
Feb 17, 2016 at 12:51 PM UTC
3rd year lecture notes
*i find the crow more eloquent, more treacherously abiding a fulfilment of aesthetic investigations when walking, the crow more beautiful than in flight, unlike the sparrows' comic grounding, with its epileptic quick-step twitchy caoutchouc trot... poetically drawn as: huh?! huh?! chirp. huh?! huh?! chirp; really quickly.* the only way to transition back into the humanities from learning science, ******** p... chemistry and physics, from these two into the humanities: because you wrote a high standard sociology essay plagiarising trying to beat the anti-plagiarism logarithm imposed... and that camus' l'étranger also written to a 1st in the degree hierarchy... the only transition from the sciences to humanities is with philosophy, which is a qausi-humanism... mind you... edinburgh is the last gothic city, and scotland the only place where university can be like high school, diverse, equipping you with many choices, you can major chemistry, but understudy computing, french, history, sociology, etc. so in the background you have my favourite theorisation: friedel-craft's alkylation & acylation / effects of substitution on the beneze ring properties: ortho (β) / para (ν) directing goups... meta (π) directing groups... ipso (α) directed at dislodging the algebraic x already attached... i was never going to write cute poetry... lessons in inductive effects of σ-bonds orientation controlled by resonate (of) π-bonds... the faustian myth continues without cute goethe rhyme.
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38
hearts bought and sold on whimsy dark secrets screamed aloud resonate in empty heart chambers dislodging logic as ripples shift sense to passion sold for a song bought for practice eyes open, heart shut heart open, eyes shut bubbling cauldrons casting spells deeper, deeper, deeper down darkness blinds normality and bends reality let go/ hold on tighter, until hands weaken watching shadows of self chasing shadows of yesterday fear or excitement aroused or afraid enchanting eyes in navy winter trust a stranger and lose yourself trust yourself and lose a connection tied in musky fog to the inside of another chained to that which claimed you for nothing more than cupidity
0
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 11:33 PM UTC
Cupidity
Like you were a first trip to NYC, or a perfect view of the cosmos from that clearing on Sylvan Avenue, I was agape and fawning while you sauntered out from your double doors, to the end of your driveway, to where I rocked on my heels eagerly on Allen Dr. at 6:23 Come 7:15, we bedecked your body with stripped and frayed Armani in tribute to the Walkers we've seen; cool-white fluorescence drew emphasis on the harmony between your ivory simper and each cobalt marble that rolled and flicked beneath your tuckered eyelids by some sort of beatnik artistry. Frankly, my chest swelled with fever when I noted the scrunch of your nose askance to liquid-latex applications, or the way black cherry sap wept from the corners of your mouth while dislodging the blood-capsule in-between your molars and your stately, hollow cheek at 7:50 And I noticed around 8:00, when I had slowed you to a halt near the crosswalk on Montauk between Coastal and Le Soir to fix the scar-tissue on your chin, that if I ever knew there to be one, you made a most stunning zombie with my Tom & Jerry cap lining your scalp; Which made the stain left by the makeup worth the trade of my hat in exchange for your company, as we picked up a twelve-pack at the 7-11 just down the street before we returned to the party.
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Dec 17, 2013
Dec 17, 2013 at 8:05 PM UTC
Zombies in Snapbacks
The rusted mailbox creaks as it’s pried open, dented door dislodging. Two yellow balloons tethered to its post and bobbing in the wind, stark color against a slate sky. The bomp bomp of the balloons barely heard over the wind’s whistles. Empty inside. It’s Sunday after all. Too easy for you to forget the day when days amalgamate into one long moment. Stuck in an everlasting condition, waiting for the day when your mind at last is quiet. A quiet that comes when your hands are busy. Too distracted by tasks to dwell on thoughts.
0
Sep 20, 2023
Sep 20, 2023 at 9:12 PM UTC
Waiting
i found two things bewildering, alzheimer's attacks the pronoun category, and other forms of it too, but modern psychiatry having abolished asylums for a humane revision of its practice has become a branch of medicine that over-prescribes nouns, and by such over-prescription invents noun jargon, it cut open an ancient greek word, used the prefix (overly) and added a suffix (sufficiently) to make no sense whatsoever, it prescribes neonouns like it prescribes pills that don't work... or if working then in a negative way... anti-psychotics can make you **** yourself in your bed when sleeping, i've been drinking for some time, and my bladder is arnold schwarzenegger, when i used to be on anti-psychotics for no adequate reason (living in a post-colonial society does that to you, you can come from lithuania or poland and be treated like a would-be coloniser to extract the fastest sprinters for a new country, without the "doctors" treating you adequately), so as i said: alzheimer's attacks the pronouns, the iron core of the earth that's an individual thus dislodging all the adequate orientations of categorisations of words... like psychiatry abuses the noun category: schizoid, schizo-affective, plain dumb schizophrenic... bi-polar, uni-polar, plain dumb depressed... psychiatry has long established a monopoly on nouns... i just use their terminology to excavate a new grammatical categorisation of words, from poetry, among nouns adjectives pronouns and conjunctions... you'll find psychiatry nicely suited and booted as a word categorisation: metaphor: all psychiatric diagnostics should be categorised as metaphorical... 'cos they name it... but have no idea as to how to behave behind it: it's not like they say cancer and you're expected to die... you're expected to live in their terminology of treating you for a ******* pay-cheque: you won't even commit a crime, but they'll treat you like a criminal... so long suckers... i mean western europeans, i rather live in (as the americans say) i-raq... and shoot a bunch of you protected by what i see as the final solution you thought was once church v. state... how about segregating democracy (the church) from bureaucracy (the state)... but of course the two are mutually dependent.
0
Jan 30, 2016
Jan 30, 2016 at 7:19 PM UTC
democracy (the church) / bureaucracy (the state)
i found two things bewildering, alzheimer's attacks the pronoun category, and other forms of it too, but modern psychiatry having abolished asylums for a humane revision of its practice has become a branch of medicine that over-prescribes nouns, and by such over-prescription invents noun jargon, it cut open an ancient greek word, used the prefix (overly) and added a suffix (sufficiently) to make no sense whatsoever, it prescribes neonouns like it prescribes pills that don't work... or if working then in a negative way... anti-psychotics can make you **** yourself in your bed when sleeping, i've been drinking for some time, and my bladder is arnold schwarzenegger, when i used to be on anti-psychotics for no adequate reason (living in a post-colonial society does that to you, you can come from lithuania or poland and be treated like a would-be coloniser to extract the fastest sprinters for a new country, without the "doctors" treating you adequately), so as i said: alzheimer's attacks the pronouns, the iron core of the earth that's an individual thus dislodging all the adequate orientations of categorisations of words... like psychiatry abuses the noun category: schizoid, schizo-affective, plain dumb schizophrenic... bi-polar, uni-polar, plain dumb depressed... psychiatry has long established a monopoly on nouns... i just use their terminology to excavate a new grammatical categorisation of words, from poetry, among nouns adjectives pronouns and conjunctions... you'll find psychiatry nicely suited and booted as a word categorisation: metaphor: all psychiatric diagnostics should be categorised as metaphorical... 'cos they name it... but have no idea as to how to behave behind it: it's not like they say cancer and you're expected to die... you're expected to live in their terminology of treating you for a ******* pay-cheque: you won't even commit a crime, but they'll treat you like a criminal... so long suckers... i mean western europeans, i rather live in (as the americans say) i-raq... and shoot a bunch of you protected by what i see as the final solution you thought was once church v. state... how about segregating democracy (the church) from bureaucracy (the state)... but of course the two are mutually dependent.
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54
Subtly hacking its social fabric To dismantle ancient Ethiopia Its enemies and opportunists Come up with this and that trick That aims at dislodging Every brick.... Time goes on tick,tick,tick The problem reaches on its peak Many harbor fear They may lose Their country Ethiopia They hold dear But always When it is left with A declared last chance Displays Ethiopia resilience. "Are you not like The children of the Ethiopians to me, Children of Israel? " God-referred land Stirs out from Uncharted water To remain grand Though self- seeker dissidents And only-me Historic enemies Fail that to understand.
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Oct 22, 2019
Oct 22, 2019 at 4:45 AM UTC
Resilient Ethiopia
The lines on her flesh The slightly closing eyes The breath Just barely Everyday I'd wait for you at the top of the stairs Hiding in the shadows as the morning glare peeked through Shining on the boxes that I had stacked up in the night While I gnawed on my hunger You'd come up for several minutes Whisper to me in our stolen time Let me smell you all over in brief embraces And then leave Moments in the breaks of my lightwatch Nights and the descent of the wolves on the hunt The scent of dusk and the ever blinking stars And the creaking of bicycles treading through the woods I'd look you all over in the darkness of the moon Taste the weariness through the souls in our eyes Mildew and the chirps of homecoming birds Warming our bodies in unison The whips of sunshine would come again We'd scramble away from each other Dislodging our joints and other such things Tightening the knots Every fragment I'd wait for your silhouette Luminance granting me brief glimpses Drawn through the curtains of prying eyes And the numerous opuses creasing our hearts The dots of Orion in the amber snow Greeting our hands and chalking the rain Pyres of pain make the distances scarce And burrowing in my chest we'd sit Burning in the ashes of twilight.
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Sep 24, 2011
Sep 24, 2011 at 3:51 AM UTC
Pictures of Orion
since you don't know me here's something to help I leave wood splinters in my hands so I can brag about not crying when I clench my first manly, yes I know because you told me the scales slithering through my spinal cord tell me many things like when you bit my long hair and said it was gay I spent years dislodging your teeth but I think I learned my lesson build cradles from rusted nails sew them to your skin so you never have to leave I forgot the next lesson though and was caught swallowing pencil shavings sneers rattle from the tail in my ribcage hissing that I'm too skinny to be a boy the jokes hard to get at first so I l graffitied the punchline on my mirror my heartchambers gasping for breath is the sound they make from draining blood for gun powder a strong proverb really I'm glad I learned how to blow up ghost sailing to my head now my shadow walks to the store for me because I'm still learning how to crawl on my belly
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May 23, 2020
May 23, 2020 at 10:13 PM UTC
The Art of Manliness
the symphony played by the water upon the shore punctuated at times by that errant wave that crashed a little too hard dislodging half-buried notions, revealing pint-sized dreams and tabulating forgotten score serving watchful eyes a fistful of sand, and pays concerned hearts with total disregard
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Jan 2, 2018
Jan 2, 2018 at 5:44 AM UTC
Regardless
Men hunting Men Desire mixed in their molotav cocktails a righteous dissatisfaction on each side a twinkling dusk falling behind ruby hillsides limbs and religions sway in the tide Of the rupturing world each wondering how will we make it & why night undresses her ******* are perfect A slow dance towards the edge A serenade of gravity dislodging itself All the little creatures in the play love money beauty grenades survival of the most depraved ah here comes another day
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May 3, 2011
May 3, 2011 at 7:02 AM UTC
the drones in his smile
Stomach full of dandelion knots, we collected in the rain Poetry that feels like bullets tearing my flesh away I lived beneath your bones every day Your words spilled like paint covering me whole I realized I don't  like the taste of blood Dislodging myself, I smell words Heartaches first kiss
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Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016 at 1:23 AM UTC
A Heartaches Kiss
I wish I could write poems of distraction. I sit all day in rooms and there are times I am outside and it feels unnatural. I am curious to the state of my insides. Sleep is not reliable. Dreams are not patient. It is night and it is cold, and as I look up to stare at stars and planets I see car crashes. Orion totalled by a Chevy Cobalt. A pickup dislodging each dipper and sending them reeling to infinity, smacking empty space. Cold nights are cleansing. I need more time to think. There is so much to be thought, isn't there, so much potential just floating around, pathless, empty. The season will not change for a while. I must build a fire and warm myself.
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Dec 5, 2014
Dec 5, 2014 at 10:37 AM UTC
Funnelmouth (V)
If you aren't looking you will never see them hidden in whitewashed caste systems forced to conform to federal papers which fit in a folder that fits in a file of an emaciated white guy who doesn't fit anywhere checking the boxes and "disorders" voted on by a majority of uncaught criminals who are protecting store front lifestyles while the real merchandise of their lives lays in the back storage room with the rats of their conscience. They judge sanity setting rigid walls and hanging permanent badges on Salvador Dali dream catchers, borderless thinkers, and geniuses of the things not yet discovered. Just because the gifted can not or will not stop thinking, they are detained for their Difference. State Hospital No. 3 titles every page framed in frayed edges and unfrayed passion. Lions of courage stand with childlike joy in traveling circuses obliterating demons of oppression, overwhelming reoccurring ECT...ECT...ECT. An etcetera of living beyond electroconvulsive therapy where the spelling of ECTLECTRC is perfect in its grammar and definition, standing in banners atop the wide-eyed portraited guardians of institutionalism. Glorious art shuddered on a curb, lost and intended for ******* Thank God, beauty beholders come in all ages of eyes. 14 year olds also find treasure in garbage piles clutching dearly to the feeling that greatness lies in colored pencils dancing on unusual stationary. Edward Deeds comes of age in the same moment as the scavenging boy does opening the binders on their inter-joined journey 36 annuals after dislodging it from a leftover ham and rye. A voice is unmuted merely by being seen. Revelation is given by turning on the light. Art, music and knowledge is infinite when boxes are destroyed, ignorance rebuked, and courage is embraced. Let us dare to never be just what we know. Let us live to be what we have never yet seen.
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Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 1:06 AM UTC
UNCHECK THE BOXES (The Voice of Edward Deeds)
If you aren't looking you will never see them hidden in whitewashed caste systems forced to conform to federal papers which fit in a folder that fits in a file of an emaciated white guy who doesn't fit anywhere checking the boxes and "disorders" voted on by a majority of uncaught criminals who are protecting store front lifestyles while the real merchandise of their lives lays in the back storage room with the rats of their conscience. They judge sanity setting rigid walls and hanging permanent badges on Salvador Dali dream catchers, borderless thinkers, and geniuses of the things not yet discovered. Just because the gifted can not or will not stop thinking, they are detained for their Difference. State Hospital No. 3 titles every page framed in frayed edges and unfrayed passion. Lions of courage stand with childlike joy in traveling circuses obliterating demons of oppression, overwhelming reoccurring ECT...ECT...ECT. An etcetera of living beyond electroconvulsive therapy where the spelling of ECTLECTRC is perfect in its grammar and definition, standing in banners atop the wide-eyed portraited guardians of institutionalism. Glorious art shuddered on a curb, lost and intended for ******* Thank God, beauty beholders come in all ages of eyes. 14 year olds also find treasure in garbage piles clutching dearly to the feeling that greatness lies in colored pencils dancing on unusual stationary. Edward Deeds comes of age in the same moment as the scavenging boy does opening the binders on their inter-joined journey 36 annuals after dislodging it from a leftover ham and rye. A voice is unmuted merely by being seen. Revelation is given by turning on the light. Art, music and knowledge is infinite when boxes are destroyed, ignorance rebuked, and courage is embraced. Let us dare to never be just what we know. Let us live to be what we have never yet seen.
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73
You want to see him Now? The receptionist Asked. Yes, this minute, You replied. What’s it About? None of your Concern. I think I need To know before I can Interrupt him. You need To know jackshit. There Was a staring of eyes. Hesitation. A looking Down at the phone, a Scratching of forehead Dislodging flakes of dry Skin. Is it that important? Maybe you could give Me some idea what you Need to see him about? *** you mutter. *** Yes, he came around To my place last night And after a real good Session lasting until The small hours he up And left without so Much as a goodbye kiss Or whispered word. That Right? Yes, you said. I’ll Get him right away, I Wanted to know where The heck my husband Was last night and now I know. Are you sure Want to see him now?
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Mar 14, 2013
Mar 14, 2013 at 2:58 PM UTC
IS THAT SO?
how i loved each bare, floor naked walls shadows on newly empty halls by day, my head humming to itself of dreams, i cleaned and scrubbed to make my life new; dislodging from the corner, the old moths and cicadas pinned on the screen dangling from beams, and each windowsill clutter of dried leaves
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Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 11:13 PM UTC
Settling In
There are faults along this desolate landscape. The concrete is falling away and stones litter the wide road. Slowly, the rain starts. First with a light pitter patter and then later with hard knocks that dont let up. Slowly, the birds stop singing. They fly away. To the north, to the south or east or west, I do not know. I hardly felt their absence. It was the silence that made me lift up my head. And what I see was the aftermath of an earthquake. The ancient colossal trees were snapped cleanly into half. The torrential rain was disappearing into enormous sinkholes. The collapsed buildings were ghosts watching over the dead city. The crowd has gone, so has the lights. This destroyed land mirrors my destroyed mind. The birds have stopped singing. Everything is silent. And all I see when I open my eyes, is despondence. *fault   (fôlt) n. 1. a. A character weakness, especially a minor one. b. Something that impairs or detracts from physical perfection; a defect. c. A mistake; an error. 2. Responsibility for a mistake or an offense; culpability. 3. Geology A fracture in the continuity of a rock formation caused by a shifting or dislodging of the earth's crust, in which adjacent surfaces are displaced relative to one another and parallel to the plane of fracture. *
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Feb 24, 2014
Feb 24, 2014 at 9:49 AM UTC
The Fault In My Mind
Disjointed flashbacks and coincidences --regurgitating, bubbling up surfacing-- faint aftertaste lingering then fading Episodes disentangle and defy Chronology Without cause or consequence They return to me like Sand to the ocean --dispersing and settling dislodging and rearranging-- Separate scenes of specificity Activated by change circumstance Stirring sensations once Lost to the churning tides of Time and Space Engaging emotions once forgotten Now set free by the Endless eb and flow, Dissipating Memories, thoughts, dreams Rising up from and Returning to The Void Exchanging Manifesting haphazardly Ever-awakening The tapestry of Experience unfolds Threads of Time and Space Unravel And as the pattern Recycles The forms change but the substance stays the same
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Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 2:14 AM UTC
Episodes
You want to see him Now? The receptionist Asked. Yes, this minute, You replied. What’s it About? None of your Concern. I think I need To know before I can Interrupt him. You need To know jackshit. There Was a staring of eyes. Hesitation. A looking Down at the phone, a Scratching of forehead Dislodging flakes of dry Skin. Is it that important? Maybe you could give Me some idea what you Need to see him about? *** you mutter. *** Yes, he came around To my place last night And after a real good Session lasting until The small hours he up And left without so Much as a goodbye kiss Or whispered word. That Right? Yes, you said. I’ll Get him right away, I Wanted to know where The heck my husband Was last night and now I know. Are you sure Want to see him now? (2010 POEM)
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Nov 14, 2014
Nov 14, 2014 at 6:37 AM UTC
IS THAT SO.
a wodge uh Wrigley’s   ‘ard an knobbly on thuh underside uh desks shufflin’ tuh DJ Caspar   in thuh ‘all unduh thuh gaze uh   year three’s it were   packed lunches, dislodging mi brace   from thuh roof of mi mouth like extractin’ a tooth,   scoffin’ bars uh white chocolate years-old Blu-Tack   stamped black intuh carpets, grey plastic-y chairs,   writin’ learnin’ objectives, underlinin’ dates   with shatterproof rulers, I upgraded tuh a pen   in year four same time   remember listenin’ on the radio in Scottish Clark’s mobile   when it wuh Ingland v Brazil, summer uh ‘02,   thuh likes of Sheringham, Beckham in audio only, no picture,   and thuh TA came in   ‘alfway throo a lesson, said ‘we’re out’ and the time   I cort that cricket ball, dived and it stung mi hand,   a crimson-drizzled palm, throbbin’ ring and the time   we played football wi’ tennis ***** and I blurted intuh a trio   uh eager classmates, a tumble-shirt compote,   knee flecked wi’ grit, mi own spit, skinny whispers uh blood and thuh time   I plagiarised Potter around Azkaban,   got a Woolies notebook, ragged Pritt-Sticked cuttins’   of Watson in the pink ‘oodie, but it wuh the seed   for thuh next decade and more, standin’ up,   tellin’ a story, somethin’ or othuh
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Oct 13, 2017
Oct 13, 2017 at 2:47 PM UTC
Growin'
I have a haemorrhoid,  It causes me much pain, I once strained too much, Unfortunately dislodging this vein, Sometimes it causes hemorrhaging, Especially when lacking fibre,  I wish I could fix this with duct tape,  Like a lavatory dwelling Macgyver Or maybe some elastic bands,   Potentially it could fall off,  Then I wouldn't have to check my ***  When letting out a cough.
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Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 4:33 PM UTC
The Pain Inside
It feels as if a spinning top has been turned and I'm stuck to it, one side me a month ago and who I am now on the other. I was so happy. I didn't realise before that such happiness existed, or that I'd ever feel it. But I did and you let me and I smiled so hard from morning till night that people were asking me if I was okay. Okay?? I'd gotten all the way to then without ever really being okay, but now I was exactly right. You woke parts of me up that I didn't even know were asleep, helped me see things that before I'd ignored - you made me feel like something worth wanting. The mirror held me differently so that I barely recognised my own reflection. Did she always walk with her shoulders so far back, stand with her head held so high up?? The second time I met you I felt something physically change within me. A sudden jolt somewhere behind my belly button, the dislodging of stars and hot insides. I wondered if you'd noticed, if I'd changed on the outside too, but you were too busy tracing the tree trunk ring lines on my fingertips with your lips, to notice. Then I'm spinning and spinning and spinning, and I'm grabbing hair and tshirts that smell like you and home and fingers that fit perfectly in mine and stained with paint duvets that keep us safe and door handles that lead to places I've never been before and flowers and rain and mountains and oceans and forest and I've landed somewhere hard and all too familiar with the wind knocked right out of me, like a boat being spat out of a storm. Everything's dark. Everything's cold. Everything's exactly how it was before - except, now, I know. I know what could be and who we could be and who I could be but now I'm stooped so low that I can't even see myself in the mirror, people are asking me if I'm okay and my mouth is too sore to answer, I can feel something just behind my belly button but it hurts and makes stomach acid swim up my throat. I spit it out on pavement and wonder if it burns. I hate you so ******* much for doing this that it scares me. You took me at my worst, rolled me in your hands like clay till I was somebody new, and then crushed it between your palms so now I'm so broken it hurts to breathe and bits of *** plate and vase, rattle in my lungs till I cough blood. And just a month ago, before you span the top, I loved you so much it scared me but now I don't know the difference.
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Jan 2, 2016
Jan 2, 2016 at 5:22 PM UTC
Spin
It feels as if a spinning top has been turned and I'm stuck to it, one side me a month ago and who I am now on the other. I was so happy. I didn't realise before that such happiness existed, or that I'd ever feel it. But I did and you let me and I smiled so hard from morning till night that people were asking me if I was okay. Okay?? I'd gotten all the way to then without ever really being okay, but now I was exactly right. You woke parts of me up that I didn't even know were asleep, helped me see things that before I'd ignored - you made me feel like something worth wanting. The mirror held me differently so that I barely recognised my own reflection. Did she always walk with her shoulders so far back, stand with her head held so high up?? The second time I met you I felt something physically change within me. A sudden jolt somewhere behind my belly button, the dislodging of stars and hot insides. I wondered if you'd noticed, if I'd changed on the outside too, but you were too busy tracing the tree trunk ring lines on my fingertips with your lips, to notice. Then I'm spinning and spinning and spinning, and I'm grabbing hair and tshirts that smell like you and home and fingers that fit perfectly in mine and stained with paint duvets that keep us safe and door handles that lead to places I've never been before and flowers and rain and mountains and oceans and forest and I've landed somewhere hard and all too familiar with the wind knocked right out of me, like a boat being spat out of a storm. Everything's dark. Everything's cold. Everything's exactly how it was before - except, now, I know. I know what could be and who we could be and who I could be but now I'm stooped so low that I can't even see myself in the mirror, people are asking me if I'm okay and my mouth is too sore to answer, I can feel something just behind my belly button but it hurts and makes stomach acid swim up my throat. I spit it out on pavement and wonder if it burns. I hate you so ******* much for doing this that it scares me. You took me at my worst, rolled me in your hands like clay till I was somebody new, and then crushed it between your palms so now I'm so broken it hurts to breathe and bits of *** plate and vase, rattle in my lungs till I cough blood. And just a month ago, before you span the top, I loved you so much it scared me but now I don't know the difference.
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71
**The reality of who we are resides in this word.. It may seem as loneliness an ungrounding of roots frightening perhaps.. Or an unchaining from the hold of a place a dislodging into a space-like fullness a non-local experience of real freedom...**
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Oct 18, 2015
Oct 18, 2015 at 3:31 PM UTC
Placelessness
There's a hole in you, a missing piece. Listen, if you shove in any piece you think might vaguely resemble your hole, you will end up disrupting every single one of your other parts. Darling, we are looking for all the puzzle shards alongside you, just watch out, as dislodging us would make our attempts so much harder.
0
Mar 30, 2014
Mar 30, 2014 at 9:19 AM UTC
Completion