Please sing the following to the melody of (Sittin' On) The Dock Of The Bay.
Sittin' for my morning poo,
Every morning it's what I like to do,
Hearing the ***** fall in,
Then I'll watch them flush away again
Sittin' for my morning poo,
Letting one piece-a crap out or two
Sittin' for my morning poo,
Making this rhyme
Well sometimes it's like torture
'Specially when I make a mess
Whilst it can seem like a chore
My straining always tends to end in success
So I'm just sitting for my morning poo
Taking a crap whilst here on the loo,
Sittin' for my morning poo,
Making this rhyme
Looks like I'm all outta luck,
There's no toilet paper here; oh ****
But all while there's nobody here to witness
Well I guess I'll just use my fist
Sittin' here using my hand
And I hope that all of you'd understand
Didn't have much of a choice
Use my hand or let my pants get all moist
Sittin' here taking a ****
With my hand smelling like a cesspit
Sittin' here taking a ****
Making my rhymeee
Whistles
Aug 17, 2019
Aug 17, 2019 at 12:55 PM UTC
Don't you hate doing a phantom poo?
10 minutes I sat there waiting on number two.
But nothing came out, except for a ****
And a dribble of ***** from my naughty part.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 4:51 AM UTC
Walking around with my head held low,
Unable to escape this status quo,
Understanding that feelings I thought were gone,
Were only suppressed even after so long
Sands swallow my feet as the tide comes closer,
This never ending search an emotional roller coaster,
But I've not stopped looking, each night and day,
Ever since that moment when I flushed my poo away,
I walk along the beach, perhaps he's landed there,
It pains me so much, as he'll think I didn't care,
I sent him away like a discarded used ******
I take each step carefully incase my poo I do stamp on
I've even checked the sewage works,
They shout "away! You're not authorised",
If only they understood,
Just how much I've been traumatised
Thus this journey I must continue,
Until my poo I rediscover,
Whilst I suffer constant cramps,
As I refuse to make another.
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 1:50 PM UTC
POO.
IT COMES BUT ONCE A DAY, UNLESS IVE ALTERED MY EATING, THEN TWO, MAYBE THREE TIMES I SHALL GIVE MY BOG A GREETING. ITS CONSISTENCY IS ALWAYS UNIQUE, WITH EGGS IT BECOMES QUITE TOUGH, AND IT TENDS TO EXPLODE LIKE SHRAPNEL ON THEM MORNINGS WHEN FEELING ROUGH.
POO.
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 7:57 PM UTC
PERHAPS POO IS LIKE A BLESSING, PERHAPS SIMPLY A CHORE, IT INVITES YOU TO THE BATHROOM, IT WANTS TO GO EXPLORE, AND SOME SAY POO IS STRAINING HARD, AND SOME SAY TO RELAX, AND SOME SAY POO NEEDS FIBRE TO COME, AND SOME SAY JUST USE LAX
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 7:55 PM UTC
POO!
SOME OF US DO BIG ONES, OTHERS MAY DO DROPPINGS, SOME OF US DO QUIET ONES, OTHERS DO LOUD PLOPPINGS. SOME OF US DO FRAGRANCE FREE, AND OTHERS MAY CAUSE A STENCH, SOME OF US HAVE IT SIMPLY SLIDE OUT, OTHERS FEEL LIKE THEY MUST BENCH.
POO.
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 7:54 PM UTC
The night was calm and silent
Until I heard a shriek,
I knew it was my girlfriend,
For her I went to seek!
In the bathroom she was standing,
She looked to be in fear,
Then with her words that followed,
The situation became quite clear
"The toilet seat is up!" she cried
"What is wrong with you?"
"The toilet seat is up" I concurred
"Cos I didn't take a poo"
"It's not hard to place it down,
So really what's the issue?
If it grosses you out to touch it
I suggest you use a tissue "
She yelled at me for an hour,
Whilst I just rolled my eyes,
"Imagine I sat straight down" she said
"And developed a rash on my thighs"
This whole traumatic experience,
Has led me to a decision,
I'll put it down real nice in future,
But **** on it with precision
Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 12:14 PM UTC
Isn't it funny how life goes?
Ups and downs, highs and lows,
Sometimes we all feel pain,
Each one will feel the same
But we must not give up,
We must not succumb,
We must soldier on,
Till the pain goes numb
And I know it's hard,
It will hurt you inside,
When a loved one has gone,
And their presence subsides
But do not surrender,
For you will get through,
To all those in pain,
I have faith in you.
Nov 28, 2014
Nov 28, 2014 at 4:01 PM UTC
Hey mister, can you spare me a dime
or maybe just a moment of your time
I hate to admit, I'm a starving artist
and these days are the hardest
it seems senseless starving for art
artistic integrity plays a big part
parting my ways seems so hard
hardest part is silencing my heart
hey mister, can I sell you a rhyme
it might mean something over some time
I'm proud to admit I'm a starving artist
but my choices aren't the smartest
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 2:36 PM UTC
It was twenty past two,
In my bed I was snoozing
Soon to be awoken,
Though not through my choosing
I needed to urinate,
I had to go and ***
Not one beer before bed,
Instead I had three
Not that I was drunk,
Not even a little,
The issue you could say -
My wakefulness was brittle
I went to the bathroom,
Not turning on a light,
A lapse of judgement,
I'll admit in hind sight
My urethra had opened,
My ***** did ****
But unfortunately my friends,
It was quite the bad miss
In the darkness I stood,
As I threw down a towel,
An action that ultimately,
Only led to a row
Apparantly this mopping,
And a squirt of febreeze,
Just wasn't enough,
To put my girlfriend at ease.
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 12:26 PM UTC