I've never stood on this side of "unforgiveness" before.


A whole different kind of pain that I've known nothing about, ever, in my lifetime.


A place, I never dreamed I'd end up.
I'd never done anything unforgivable before, to anyone.
But here I am in this.. Place, time, diminsion...


A place so sad and Harsh, uncaring and cruel that it  rips apart my very worth, a day at a time.
Leaving all of me mangled, on memory's cold, dusty floor.


I see myself through your eyes and even I despise myself.
I'm locked inside inaccurate details that somehow become hard lined truth and fact without reason or exception.

Only worthy of the harshest punishment.


Truth doesn't live here in this tortured place of long halls of funhouse-like mirrors created by your mind.. imaginary demons distort even the purest memory of who I really am, and what I was to you.


I should simply no longer exist like this, in my Un-pardonable grave of disgrace.  
Non-deserving of even the smallest shred of mercy.


Through your eyes I am a worthless *****, a liar and manipulator and heartless...
Or worse...


A faceless, nobody that you never knew.


I hardly recognize myself in this distorted view.
But who am I to defend my own worth to one who once saw me worthy to love?


I'm not worth fixing now or worthy of defending.
I'm  just a unforgiven act that can never be redeemed.


You can't hear my screams or my telling you that this isn't ME!
It truly isn't ME!


I whisper "I'm sorry's" into the dark, until even I'm tired of hearing it.
Helplessly and hopelessly I fell into places I've never been before.  
The darkest side of hate and disgust.


I'm not worth your words anymore or worth hearing.
Scarcely worth a thought.
Cast out and banned far away from you.
Nothing more than garbage beside the roadway.


I am no more, my feelings are muted.
I'm out of sight and mind, therefore I don't exist.


I am in fact.. Nothing.


Your thoughts of hate so sharp that it penetrates my shattered heart.
I can't even feel myself breathe anymore.
Not dead, but not alive.


I wish that I could bleed or die, but that would give relief that I don't deserve.


Untrusted, unloved and carefully judged and sentenced to a silent hell of hatred and death, that no human should ever see or feel.


I used to love seeing myself through your eyes and now I have to close my eyes because I'm too scary and disgusting to look at.


Doomed,  better off dead, am I, than to live unforgiven in this dark, silent torture..
Hated by the same heart that once loved me before my fall from grace.
Unable to plead my case before the judge who charged my sins.


So cold and unfamiliar that I don't even recognize the heart that I once knew as the extension of my own.


Now banished to a
literal hell without a door.


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