i detoxed myself under this pale sun
     (you stood by and watched the
      unfolding saga all the while
      questioning the meaning of zen)

the original concept was lost
somewhere along the way
when i dropped the ball
on the forty yard line
     (can you recover your own fumbles?)

every time i stand by,
the waiting is eternal
and i become engrossed
in the uselessness of my position,
pondering
     (my love for this is a game of solitaire)

i am the ultimate in
irrational action,
a demagogue of dark
pathways and religious
zealotry, trapped beneath
glass floors watching,
trying desperately to
cannibalize my fingers.

i have smoked your toenails
and wandered away listless
at comments unbecoming
and salivated on the fires
set to displace my vessels
     (i have seen you ignoring me)

in the coming months i will
rend my eyes and pierce
my skull artificially
so you will be able
to see into my soul and
destroy me more efficiently
     (you will know me by the number of the dead)

i will search deep and
long inside this shadow's
shell, extracting this cancer
so i can cook up my
shortcomings and inject
them into a Ken doll
because then at least
i will be pretty.

i will feed my
chilled oatmeal to a
Cantonese family
that will honor me
as the ***** poo-flinger
i am for you.

i will cease to exist
on a plane with your
type, sinking lower
on scale like a rock in
the Mississippi River.

Mom, when i stop
growing up, i will
be the ****** loser
everyone always
thought i would
     (aren't you proud?)
     (isn't he cute?)

i cannot imagine
surviving your intern camp
after the tattooing of arms,
we will eat the testicles of the
fallen gods and dispense
great suffering on the weak
because of our enlightened
prospects and redemptions
     (what do you know about pain?)

i will place my severed head
in a place of prominence, likely
in your bed, right before
i cease to breathe

my eyelids weaken....
flicker, flutter....

i grow tired with the
advent of your indecision,
the totality of abandonment
the lenses fog, fade...
flicker, flutter...

i have run out of things to sacrifice

The clouds race golden
As be chariots
The sun is born
Like the deviants

As gusts of wind
****** the thoughts
Underdressed
The chest it coughs

While Major Clank
On wheels and stub
Bellows out and
Rubs the nub

Then by runes
the best made plans
Test the dikes
And angst of dams

The age of truth
The youth desired
Across the space
without the wires

The universe comes
In a box
Neatly packed
Shelved , detoxed

And all because
Annointed by rain
The blue sky morning
Clouds it's pain

I was selfish, when I was a little girl I would never share my graham crackers
because I wanted every sweet crumble in my mouth.
I am selfish because your love is more rare than any gem
but when it's shared with all of them the artists, the worthy
I feel as insignificant as the moonrocks I thought helped me soar through your galaxy
but were actually pure, poison. But no matter how toxic you believe yourself to be
every whisper of the wind reminds me of your melody.

There is a volcano of good inside you, I've seen it bubble and spurt
in your steamy passion for music and fashion, authenticity
is the heat eminating from the lava trapping everyone you meet
in a warmth so intoxicating, you make James Franco as dull as carbon dating
I saw that ****** volcano whenever you met someone new
I walked along its edge hearing the passion playing from your guitar,
strumming with dust, magic like a star

it's taken you trillions of years to get here so when I felt
your violent vibrations as you detoxed in my bed
I thought I'd hold the death of lightyears in my arms.
Like the medicated forever you lived for so long until you forgot
happiness was cleaner than any **** and brighter than any lightshow

But you know this, you knew this you hold libraries of knowledge in
every freckle on your body if I placed each one like a stepping stone
towards a computer I'd create a whole new wikepedia before iOs 8 was done
I'd predict it as predictable as your smile lifts the sun
and if those freckles were questions on a gameshow I already won

I will never know what goes on inside your head or to a comfortable point
but I prefer fluttering butterlies and a **** good joint
to any complacent ride and with you by my side I for once in this life
feel un-alone because being with someone who steps on their own
shards of glass every day because the pain is easier than bending
over to pick up the pieces pushes on the door of my opinion of evil
He could never be evil. He is delicate3 like the crumbling
of sweet graham *******

He is alive like the Happy New Year bellows we unisonly screamed with our
friends and the rest of toads after dancing for hours then dancing for more

You know my struggle, or try to know and that effort means more to me than
the fuel of a pollen to a buzzing bee
Your life, has been as ****** up as that time we almost died in your huge-*** truck
when you were higher than jesus and I went down on you in prayer
that moment, we got struck with inconceivable luck I thought I saw a *** of gold.

Your life, has been like elephants trying to juggle circus tents
if I could give you 22 years of reassurance that you are a beautiful boy
I would.
I'd like to believe you don't even want anyone to, I think you're through
with playing rockstar to a show that you can't even hear the music to

4 months without any substance in your body is an extraordinary
achievement and I am more than proud of you.  You've been a teacher to me.
You've been a prime example of needing someone as much as needing oxygen, or
loathing crawling through your veing towards the very thing that washed away the pain.

If I ever figure out the vernacular I'm not too embarassed to throwup in front of you,
I'd spill every nauseaus word proclaiming my fascination with your determination
to finding love in this life.
My memory is awful, so I exxagerate most, but I'll try to learn your lessons
I'll try to learn how to coast.

My thoughts of her have spilled out of my mind and onto my tounge
creating sentences I never should speak
My desire for her has built into an aggression for the world around
Now I drop more insults  than solders do bombs  
I cause more emotional deviation than a third world typhoon
Wounding others in ways they have tried to replicate
Becoming the ultimate form of self harm
I have withdrawals from her skin
In which my body twitches  palms sweat and
my mind is consumed in a mirage of her touch
But I cannot be detoxed from her like a common alcoholic
Even though I have purged every emotion out of my body
Like the calories I feared would store over my bones
I cannot rid myself of this burning craving of affection
That only she can give me  
For she has filled the void left by the generations
of sanitarium prisoners my lineage was cursed with
My fragile balance of living thins the longer she is away
But I am no acrobat and I don't know how much longer
I can tiptoe across this tightrope of stability

Tell me it's the air you breathe,
That's got me hooked like this,
Tell me I've stopped my lungs,
And detoxed from the air I missed.
Now life keeps coming my way,
Another night, another ******* day.
Long drives and headlights,
Just for a fix,
Baby tell me it's just the ******* air I miss.

i really did love you
thats why i let you into that
dark wet spot inside of my chest
and thats why i let you
choke my veins and arteries
until the lack of oxygen
left nothing but a dizzying
imprint of your face
burned into my brain
should you ask me now
(not that you would ask,
pride was always your
gravest sin)
i would tell you that you
were like a drug to me
and like most drugs
the crash was a nightmare
i have detoxed every part of me
that you poisoned
and the imprint you left on me
is nothing more than a scar now
an ugly reminder of the final
bullet you put through my skull
should you ask me now
it would surprise even me
just how much we
never happened

You are an orchestra
I am the instruments
And our love is a symphony
It’s so loud and so overwhelming
The strings of my heart are weak
But ever so piercing, because your touch is rosin
Your skin meeting mine tunes my body
And your hand on the bow of my violin
My hands on the keys of your piano
Is tranquility
And my voice from another planet
Not cutting through, but uniting with yours
Creates the most beautiful harmony
A harmony that pushed new air into my lungs
Detoxed my veins
And brings my heart back
Back to key
Back to life
Back to our symphony.

happened on the day special to me
It was a text not so plain to see
There were many texts sent to me that day
I failed to see it  in right there displayed
For my eyes only in my inbox
Feeling like a deer in headlights
was my eyes detoxed?
It was my Mother's day message that
made my heart skip a beat
IT was a Mothers day wish
that made it quite complete
I know that i had to rub my eyes twice
to see the special and lovely surprise
I felt your love and felt your love
everyday of my life since you left
My intuition was good,  at my best
You were my gift sent from above
I felt it I felt it all of your love.

Living in a constant bliss...
The thought of this
Shared product
Of imagination pain happiness
And consciousness
Turn intoxication by the devine
Autopsy of the body
God detoxed... at ten o'clock
Of the planet as a paradox
As it was before we got this *****
On hembero talk
And staring box like thought
As policy for Brad ***
To lay the bad talks...
On Monica and phoebe....
As our friends... grab
Fat socks out the slap box
And drown bad clocks
As time becomes
Reversed from sad walks
To fat pockets...
Happy grant sponsors..
College grants
And prophets of a child
With script to battle
Mad hops
Any feeling you incurred
In blurry earth shock

Like his first clock is

burned in terminal
Rehearsal of a dirt moccasin

And thirsty inferno
Of hell before you and mercy population...
Sent from hell sprang up
And first walked...
Before you and the all mother first talked