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Amanda Leigh Dec 2012
You know those moments in life where your thoughts are SO LOUD? Blaring over all actions your preforming as you watch them race and bounce through your head. All the sudden I realized how badly I would give anything just to be able to see him face to face one more time... Just to spend one more night together, limbs as one and hearts beating together with our chest plates pressed tight together.

As I sit there in the shower and let the wave pass I laid down on my back and just let the water hit me wherever it pleased. Staring up at my shower, watching the water run down and the little droplets on the ceiling in such a perfect formation, life just felt so poetic down there. Everything I was feeling had imagery of perfect poetry lines scribbling down in my head mixed with the oh so fitting vision I was looking up at. It was beautiful.

You know that feeling where the whole world is spinning around you and you're kind of in the eye of the storm? At a stand still? That's where I was. Or, maybe everything around me was still and I was the one spinning. It was calm.

All I know is my heart was radiating like it hadn't in months and I genuinely felt beautiful as I hurt for everything we would never be. I saw a beauty in myself and in the connection we had... I felt it on his side to. Do y'all think that's possible? When you've loved someone to be able to "feel" each other? It's also very possible I'm insane or something.

My heart is warm and hurting right now and I was close to positive I had a point to make when I started typing this. It's 1:30 am on Christmas Eve.
Amanda Leigh Dec 2012
About a year ago my heart was feeling everything, truth floated to the surface. Threw everything he ever gave me in the gulf, wishing I could fling the slowly forming scar tissue with it. It’s rare he crosses my mind but there’s always going to be a part of me deep inside burning for that man… If it’s in a good way or a bad way I’m not really sure. Feeling so much this Christmas with nothing but memories founding it… It’s all part of the process I guess.

Things crumble, people change and our story is over but the essence of how this pure heart loved you is forever sovereign. There’s always an ember somewhere within the pretty little cluster **** I call myself burning red for what he could’ve been. Mama raised me to be strong enough to walk away with grace and be ok with leaving it all in the dust. Sadly, sometimes the fear within ego wins a person over.

Why is this haunting me so much lately?

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