That I'll never feel again, that the numbness I've enbalmed myself in might never wash off.
That I'll never find a place where I belong, that I'll always be an outcast, an outlier.
That I'm too different, that people will never be able to accept both me and my endless flaws.
That I'll never extinguish the fire of bitterness and regret that burns endlessly in my hardened heart.
That I'll never be articulate again, that one day my witty words will fail me and my blundering words will completely take over.
That I'll never feel confidence, that I'll never be able to look past my exterior, my vessel.
That I'll never feel the warm light of affection and love, that the clouds of poisonous lonliness will consume me with fatal lesions that seep out scorn and desperation.
That I'll never be able to forgive, that I'll never be able to forget. That my decisions will haunt my psyche forever, ever present.
That I'll always be mediocre, that I'll always settle.
That I'll always be misunderstood and mistreated. That I'll never be some-ones perfect fit.
That I'll always hide behind cynisim and sarcasm. That my sharp blunt words will come back to tear at me.
That I'll always be this way.
I'm worried that life has broken me in ways that are irrepairable.
I'm worried that I will remain this way. Damaged, insecure and broken.
Yes, wounds tend to heal. But what happens when you are ruined inside and out?
Not in a dramatic way, in an honest way. Visable scars cover me.
I'm worried that the marks, ****** cuts and scabbing blemishes will be my albatross and that it will consume me.
I'm worried.
