"contingencies" poems
I don't ask your permission
to make a fool of myself,
tell you publicly
what my near, dear ones
have almost no clue
my mental torment,
headache-constant,
imperial and impervious
poetry, pills, therapy,
caring words
don't pay my kind of bills
a man has a job.
Feed you family.
Protect and serve.
do it well,
there is no acceptable excuse.
none.
was supposed to be easing on down,
slipping under.
come so far, my soul is old.
my tired is w/o definition.
the legs, knotted shoulders,
body aging faster than I can write.
the doctors only give me
if's and unless's,
contingencies in order
to die a little slower
warped, reversal of causality,
the older I get,
the more mouths to feed.
tough, this unexpected situation,
a nine lives time survivor,
do it again?
defraud myself,
living like I can afford
to write,
with courageous reckless abandon,
when earnest is deadly
and Lady Luck gave me the finger.
simply amazing.
eyes, constantly tearing,
nobody notices.
Do not ! Like this poem,
don't.
hate weak,
been strong so long.
this well, just got dregs left,
drudgery ain't potable, or even
worth drinking.
need nothing,
for myself, need nothing.
not one object on this planet
want to posses or be possessed by.
Monday wrestle with strife,
star in my reality show once again.
now, deny reality.
Do not!
Like this poem,
don't.
hate weak,
been strong so long.
my voice is stilled,
it's poverty exposed,
ashamed of every word I ever wrote.
hush me not, for tis true,
write on for an audience of one,
on but one subject,
a life, mine,
yet, still unmastered,
after decades of trying.
poverty exposed,
a life unmasked
for what it is worth,
or not.
Sep 13, 2014
Sep 13, 2014 at 12:38 PM UTC
Sometimes when I rise out of the nebulosity of my ego, I can see dead leaves on the ground.
Above I feel formless, Uncrippled by any precursing contingencies.
Disturbances are nullified by the rising and falling of my breath.
I am no longer a keeper of anything.
I feel as I've been left to float inside a vacuum that requires the complete disassociation from anything that I have ever known.
Everything here is gentle, && welcomed.
vibrant and healing.
perplexing to those that aren't ready to let go, salvation for the many who are.
Mar 2, 2017
Mar 2, 2017 at 8:57 PM UTC
. . . . . . .
. .
. . . . . . .
i would like a space marked out
wherein in silence i'd observe my sacral auguries,
and insularly divine
amid mid-dawning light contingencies,
to sweep a magic sweep for sunrise-
-tabula|_|rasa
and find, founded in a flout: a sect beyond sects
to section self sectionless~
inwrought helix interhelix nest~
and there reside attentively
()blinking() s l o w ...ly
in rainbow eyelash quiver flow,
arrows soaring ' ' ' ' ' 'centerly
to pin
each
whirl
of dream,
of sleep,
mneumonic residue,
prehensions right or wrong clear through --
symbological goo, too--
all too evidently called
from out an obvious deep
oblivion of plenum om,
or so it's said it's seen
in clear eidetic percept room
of alter overmInd of mindstuff's tomb [*]
and form of selfish altar drama gone and soon
for looking in or out or neither both
oblique, about aboutness-mirror zoom~
to which what spectionism halves
behaving in a twofold twining intro free: the finest of the fine:
insight-interred intuited sign
quiescently, albeit doubtfully at times, benign
.
.
.
.
Aug 4, 2012
Aug 4, 2012 at 4:32 PM UTC
By Arcassin Burnham
Two crossed lovers with one common goal,
To find their way to each other and bind their souls in gold,
I was told , to find a woman with a peaceful heart,
Must've told myself that , cause nobody would enroll,
The facts of life to be a man and understand all of the urges,
Now stuck in a time where I gotta give myself more courage,
My family always had a hand in all of my contingencies,
I hope these ignorant complacent people stop trying me,
When I have a child of my own, he or she will have the advantage to
Learn things on their own , he or she will know the meaning of respect when
It condones,
He or she will know there won't be any favorites on this throne,
They don't have to know about their grandmother,
Does it bother me in any way to never let my kids see the woman
That should've gave me more love,
Or the woman that locked me away when I needed someone to
Go to , but I had no one,
Thats why I'm leaving everyone,
Bye.
Dec 17, 2016
Dec 17, 2016 at 11:19 AM UTC
//////
Enchained since puberty
Enchained in manic mutilating scorn
We
Mystic playmates
Of eachother and the gods
••
Drifting
The mountains
We
Are the waters and the years
••
SEED SEED SEED SEED
••
The garden and the gardener
•
Adam and Eve
The fountain
We who make the creation
LAST
Thru all contingencies
•••
Little tiny beings born to love
To nurture and sustain
••
••
we
••
••
Enchained since puberty
created a need for TRUST
And allowed
Demons to enslave
All the righteous powers that were ours alone
••
BATHE !
In the RIVERS OF GOD
IN EACHOTHER'S FRAGRACES!
••
Nothing else must touch
Or
Define you on any way
•
Be
Lovely and free
Be
The ONE who shall ASCEND
dissolving all pain and chains
Into
Magical faces !
And gentle strength
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC
Wading through the mire and sinkholes of contingencies
I move gingerly, quietly, gasps merely whispered
upholding propriety and pragmatics of
housing association bylaws
enough to make me consider mowing my own lawn
but humans are human, co-exist as they say
And although I detest your husband's cigarettes
I am quite sure blowing smoke back
down the air vent would not be as effective
as your decibel oblivious obnoxious self, imitating my lustful voice
I am a reasonable woman, truly a lady, preferring mature consultation
But the fact is, honey, if you imitate me again
when summer air re-invents lingerie season
the two of you might want to go outside for that smoke
because you haven’t heard anything yet
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 2:45 PM UTC
the acceptance
of her capacity
to love you
cannot be contingent
upon her desire
to spit or swallow
Feb 1, 2011
Feb 1, 2011 at 6:15 PM UTC
It was impossible
simply
utterly
impossible
I had held my heart
back
so long
processing
my emotions through
long
logical
outlines
Trying to take in account
everything that
could
would
happen
making contingencies
for contingencies
setting thousands of
plans into motion
preventing consequences
before they happen
and it was annoying
but it was how I was
built
complex
intertwining
impossibilities
with sheer will
but what you said
was impossible
but you
bridged
that
gap
with a simple
question
and
I couldn't say no
even if it was
impossible
I've done it before
I did it
again
and for
once
I shut up
my mind
and
I
kissed you
the impossible
achieved
and now
that I've
done
the impossible
I know
I am
Mighty
and its not that
scary
because its
not impossible
anymore
Dec 12, 2011
Dec 12, 2011 at 11:25 PM UTC
Familiar wounds oppressed omitted timbre,
Sallow contingencies imprisoned profaned emerald,
Indisposed intuition bares impassive fondness,
And the young girl ceases to exist inside.
Feb 2, 2014
Feb 2, 2014 at 12:15 PM UTC
looking back;
i hear the faint voices of my parents creep up my spine;
threatening to hurt those who hurt me
yet,
never to love those that loved me,
the contingencies of it all ablaze past me,
but i finally feel
what i couldnt see in their eyes;
the truth.
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:38 PM UTC
the buzz and the blurrrrrr…
the absurd contingencies
the adjacency of our dependencies
(not discrepancies)
i and her
we demur the frequencies
the inconsistencies we deter
the buzz and the slurrrrrr…
what was and deferred
the efficiencies of three
us, we, but not them
and the absentee
her and me
NOT THEM
to condemn it and spin
the sins we could make
and our skin to awake
wherein we wont forsake where we begin
began
i and she
i and her
her and me
she and me
we, us
the buzz and the…
Jan 26, 2013
Jan 26, 2013 at 5:58 PM UTC
ray peeps around a corner,
playful child reflecting light through
a periscope. lashing gales, umbrellas concave,
ponds dampen scurrying workers.
morning sky was blue, everything
turned with lunch. praise replaced by
a battle back to element of gas.
curtains drape to trap comforts.
again the sun hides, astral signals
unbalance and change. Venus to star
in a celestial ballet. scorching orb
of retina burn the prop and set.
eclipses of dramatic entrances in a single
month. exit from knots and
hibernation from the troubles of others.
a bear stomps to a hollow trunk.
king tides and fishermen endangered, waters
rise hauled by lunar spectacles.
maddening navigators endanger with
skids escaping weather and wheels.
pool at the back door trapped by
leaves on a grate. level rises then cleanses
bricks as a gust clears the drain. A single
dawn ‘til she casts her spell
on a damaged inhabitant. James Cook sailed
with secret plans to record her dance.
pressure on, contingencies set, the
ninth battalion armed and twitching
Apr 4, 2015
Apr 4, 2015 at 4:04 AM UTC
It’s the key to open your heart
One press to blow it apart
to be fickle like a fire
only by desire do we design
mine a mind of mine
and find an urgency in signs
drawing contingencies in dotted lines
so hit it and forget it
all the cost in memories
soon enough you’ll get it
exit wounds hemorrhaging.
Jun 18, 2011
Jun 18, 2011 at 7:14 AM UTC
Each word was heavier then the next
Punctuations were blackholes
Trapping solars through the text
Translations read "I am not afraid of death"
I am however petrified of a timeline
Terrified of an algorithm trying to define the textures of my rhymes
And the tendencies of the contingencies that disorientate the frequencies of the bell chimes
Pitches that were left to malnourish in these chambers
In the same crucible that replaced its rudimentary nature
With walls of foam that absorb the most infinitesimal of vibrations
Along with windows with shades that annihilate rays of the most miniscule of molecules of the nights constellations
I continue mediating
Eternally Waiting
Forever Creating
Until I hear a voice
It slices through the vapors
Telling me to trek and claim terrain
To march to a candice on clay
Even though grass was my choice
Now Im Forced to grow the green In my psyches Elysian fields
Because as a man dress in all orange
The color of Freedom will always systematically appeal
Faceless reapers come to visit dressed in business suits for a deal
A contract drawn in blood to harvest my crops for their sacrificial meals
I signed knowing whats to come
And at the time I wished to leave with the skeletons
Hold their robes of night
Dance my digits along their scythe
Because I see the beauty in every one of them
And I would too
That's the purest of truths
If I only knew the right numbers to dial
But I have no clue
So I'll dance in limbo for awhile
Until Deja vu
Because I was promised as a child
That they'll give me a call when its my time
I just hope thats true
Nov 1, 2016
Nov 1, 2016 at 7:35 PM UTC
The veil draws ever clearer,
easier to see through,
but still like a mirror
I can see through and also see myself
I wonder if it reflects or just shows the truth
The veil draws ever thicker,
harder to get past,
but still like water
I can not go through
and I can only skim the surface
I wonder if it is a wall or only a window
The veil draws ever larger,
spanning a greater pass,
but still within reach
I can not go around it but I can touch it
I wonder if it guards forever or just until I leave it
The distance between myself and the world could hardly be thicker
I cannot contemplate coordinating careful countermeasures consciously
I could cleverly, cunningly, calculate and collaborate clear contingencies
But my mind makes my misery mighty methodically, minute by minute
And it renders rapid renunciation of ridiculous rhythm and rhyme rather reticent
What remains are repugnant renditions wrapping where real attempt once sat
The veil is upon me
closer than my senses,
I cannot get outside it,
but I can speak through it
I wonder if its helping or hurting
Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 2:34 AM UTC
Gossamer and lemon drops
I’d be serendipity if I could
An evening stretched out across a field of pleasant contingencies
I’d be the way the sunlight hides itself in your hair
The way sundown feels like an anesthetic so you never feel darkness at all
And it’s all I ever feel
For you I’d be a solar system
Spinning. Not because I’m necessary, just because I am
Elegance and a box of wine, I’d be the moment your wheels kiss the runway
And if I could, I’d be starlight
Stretched in front of you, I’d be something infinite
If I could
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 11:42 PM UTC
I watch the ache in my chest
for you
dissolve into a quiet whisper.
I rethink every decision ever made
as these memories are telling me a story
about my progress
as if it was someone else's
will I always stand inside the shadow of another?
will even my own not be enough company to keep me sane?
why do I love lonely but crave the embrace?
I'm watching my expression change,
with every single word I say
and every single thing I feel.
it seems it's all imagined,
the desire for infatuation
and lust and connection.
it's all just ego.
I am nothing but
a whisper in the ears of no one.
should I even speak at all
when my words don't mean anything to even me.
never have I been trusting.
and here I go-
coming undone again.
thinking the world of myself
but the world is ******
so that's counterproductive,
isn't it?
paradoxical contingencies
keep me awaking from these dreams.
go to sleep it's a nightmare
and wake up it's the same.
my vision is getting blurry
and my voice now shakes
from inadequacy.
I love every part of me
so how could this be happening?
my shadow laughs back at me,
reminds me I am the same girl I was
19 and addicted to things.
almost 23 and it's more of the same-
23 and I've lost almost everything.
so what's another 23 years?
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 7:19 PM UTC
Come here
and lay with me
I will show you
the narratives of the dragons
of the horns and the tails
and the tide that will rise above
the corruption of all heavens.
Mar 17, 2016
Mar 17, 2016 at 7:19 AM UTC
By:Cedric McClester
I hope a random act of violence
Can bring an end to the code of silence
Because a six-year-old boy was stabbed to death
And his seven-year-old female companion was left
With multiple stab wound injuries
Now the doctors are exploring contingencies
And the neighborhood is left feeling bereft
Tell me what more could be left
He was just a little baby
His mother cried, "Lord save me!"
What’s this whole world coming to
How could somebody do
What they did to her only son
But now that the deed has been done
Will the neighbors cling to their tired code
Or have the courage to unload
Things have gotten too far gone
To say they’ve not would be wrong
I know for some snitching is tough
But when is enough, enough
How many children have to die
Before the police will be able to rely
On someone stepping up to the plate
To stop the madness before it is too late
(c) Copyright 2015, Cedric McClester. All rights reserved.
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 11:03 PM UTC
Premonition: foresight, flashes, freedom from the past
I’ve been chasing dreams; starting fires, spreading fevers
Would’ve helped you reach your own if you only would’ve asked
Contrast; backlash; now that I am blooming you look back
But I no longer need an explanation
Justification; indignation; extrication;
I have let it all go
No strings, no contingencies, no more holding on
I hope you know I’ve had three dreams about you this week
But they don’t make me think, or wonder
I don’t know why you are missing me – right before
You ask for her hand in marriage – but
Those are your demons now – because
We no longer share anything
Other than regret
For different reasons
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 4:22 PM UTC