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Helena Feb 2013
then i dyed my hair six different shades
all in one sitting
to make sure.
the thick, black sand engulfing from the nape of my neck,
all my scalp; the battlefield that ate the edges of my
cheekbones lightened
until it was a sunset
and my ****** structure was unrecognisable.
that was an accident.
i wanted there to be a fight,
an endless war against the silliest things:
water condensating on the lid of my piano
stray hairs that will never tuck properly
how difficult the blue pills are to crack in half.
but i shifted myself six seats to the left
lifted the middle arm rest and fit my old guitar
on my lap and started to sing
i wanted there to be something in me that had never been seen
the black sands were rooted beyond the bleached skin
and into the burnt letters, torn tendons, the names i'll never be called
the grains often fall
into this unfamiliar home territory
the sunset glaring out the possibility of having an advantage.
transformation
the end of the bargain that stays silent
until there's room
inbetween the wood and the moisture
for mistakes.
Syd Apr 2016
it has been one hundred and forty one days since I've seen you
since the day I decided to break all the rules
          the day that wasn't even supposed
     to happen
but I happened to find myself standing in your basement
staring at you for the first time in what felt like centuries but was only weeks
shaking like the ground had begun to quake beneath my feet
hoping
like a fool
that the desperate look in my eye
                                           or my trembling lips
               or the urgency in my voice
would be enough
to pull you back out from this person you've become
like a twisted form of reincarnation
that I do not even believe in

one hundred and forty one days later
and now
you only use me for ***
there are prettier ways of saying it
but there's nothing pretty about this
so I can't decide which is worse
the fact that you are using me for ***
or the fact that I am letting you
because it's been so long since anyone
has felt this close to me
since I've seen these beads of sweat condensating on your brow
the look in your eye
when you lose control
when you reach for my hand in hopes to
bring you back to this moment you
have lost yourself in
  you lost yourself in me
and see
a long time ago I lost myself in you
except the difference is
I'm not forming search parties
you can keep the pieces because I don't want them back

one hundred and forty one days later
I would much rather believe
that eventually
we can share them
again
Summer Sep 2016
My heart is a glass castle
as you put your hand between my thighs.
i feel my body shattering
as “no’s” escape from my mouth,
a whimper.
No does not mean anything to you because my eyes said yes.
I don't know how.
They were filled with tears.
Black and blue
Slipping off
Condensating my glass skin,
I was crying.
There is nothing left for you here. It’s lost in translation
no doesn’t sound like a word anymore.
it lays stagnant on your tongue
as she continues to touch you.
Her cold hands exploring where you had put caution tape
“no" "no" “no"
you wish it still sounded like a word.
This is something I will write a thousand times before I turn eighteen
it is scrambled and constant
i accept it.
there was a straw house at the edge of everything
i wish you didn't go to it.
You should had stayed on top of the mountains far away from my glass castle heart.
my heart is a glass castle*
as the blood flows through,
there are cracks where you have touched.
It spills out,
As red touches every inch of me and paints me like a canvas
I try to ignore the awful feelings in my chest
but they have grown
oh they have grown.
as the village people build a wall between us
and run toward you
your steel hands try to break my walls in half
Their pitchforks and torches ignited with fire
they see right through you
Maybe you will think before you do this again
But they cannot ignite your skin
You are rough around the edges.
When i break
The shards will scatter
To where everything ends
And everything begins
I will find myself between your toes
You will feel a sting it is a fraction of what i felt
As the blood drips down your foot
I do not smile.
I wanted you to feel bad about it for so long
But it doesn’t take away the feelings
That plunge in my chest
As pieces of me are in places
I have never been
Lost and waiting to be found
And i hurt others
While trying to put myself together

— The End —