I have thought about it.
Now I've got to shout it.
At least talk about it.

I'm always chasin' a dream.
Chasin' here and there and you everywhere.
Cause you're the dream I'm chasin'.

I see you daily in my mind.
And in my eyes, you're totally fine.
Proud to tell the other guys that you're mine.

The only problem is, you're just a fantasy.

Which is why?
I'm always chasin' a dream.
Cause in reality , I want you to be real to me.
Oh, I'm chasin'-(chasin' a dream).
And would be surprise if it should come true.

Out of the sky
Yes she was the sweetest love
I had pleasure of having.
I said no to all the
One night stands I had.
I stayed up all night
Searching for the right words to
Put in the poems i wrote for her.
She gave me sunshine
When I was hopeless.
Hours just looking at you
So happy to call you my girl
My mind just drifted away
Kinda forgot about family and stopped
All my social networkin'.
Then she hit me with
"I just need to be alone
But nah it's not you it's me"
I said " I need you"
With tears you said "sorry there's just a lot going on"
Caught her chasin' love
So I guess it's time to fly.
They say true love is really hard to find
But it all takes time.
So much on my mind
I couldn't even eat breakfast.
Getting back together, yeah I'll be a little patient.
My friends be saying
"stay focus give her a little time and space"
Others say
"forget her, she don't wanna be together.
You're a perfect guy you can do better"
But I still wait, thinking its true.
Till I see her holding hands with some other dude.
Heart broken thinking I wanna **** this stranger
Could of beat his *** but I just hold all my anger.
Now she uploads pics of them together
Higher's my blood pressure
But all I wanna do is forget her.
Never fall again
Don't ask why.
I was caught chasin' love
Guess you're ready to fly.

I got 99 problems but hip-hop ain't one.

"Poetry, that's a part of me, retardedly bop
I drop the ancient manifested hip-hop straight off the block"
Nas and Jigga beef was the first I heard of drama in the music industry-
fueled me as a youngin' crowned from my brother's love of it.
Fast forward to when the radio put me on-
in the garage, on my mongoose
I heard someone spitting through the stereo
didn't pay much mind until a high-pitched voice rang through.
"Through the wire-"
no "through the fire?"
I couldn't understand but this dude started rhyming
and speaking through the speakers at me
my hair raised up and I knew this was love-
smile on my face at first listen
never really heard anything like it.
I thought back to the first song like that I heard-
"Life's a ***** and then you die-"
knew that line all too well
resonation in my bones didn't feel so much like a stranger-
my young self started spitting around the older crowd
they looked down and smiled-
a sense of admiration.
Hip-hop was my way in my ticket to acknowledgment.
Started listening to Eminem before I was even 10.
5th grade on the bus rides to and from field trips
"Shut the **** up guys I'm trying to listen"
headphones in, finally found someone to relate
so many thoughts of suicide being taken away-
realized the radio wasn't really my thing
too much pop and not enough soul
the words they sang were nothing to me.
In the beginning hip-hop was just a facade I liked to play
so other people would notice and think I'm pretty cool
but somewhere along the line it took me over
bumping nas, em and pac through my stereo
mom looking in my room like
"where the **** did my daughter go?
she's listening to this ****, she's gotta get a grip-"
But when I hurt the music would listen
bass lines and samples running through my veins
didn't know much about hip-hop
except the way it made me feel..
Technology came abrupt and the computer was my safe haven
the runaway from the abuse I was experiencing
mommy and daddy fighting?
headphones in so I can't hear it.
crying through each verse
and then the chorus hits and I'm better
finally realized I wasn't alone in this hell hole.
Started up a myspace-
more room for discovery
Eazy-e some Biggie more Nas
and **** even some Jeezy.
Every word they spoke
became something that was apart of me.
"Poetry, that's a part of me, retardedly bop
I drop the ancient manifested hip-hop straight off the block."
Nas said it best-
old school rappers speaking to me before bed.
Then I discovered Cudi, more Kanye, andre 3k.  
thought about how I had to write like this
it was my destiny to manifest this passion
put it into my pen until I could learn to lavish
in the luxuries they could afford
not the riches but the rhyme schemes
and the way it helped me
again and again would listen until I got tired
notebooks full of rhymes
my life was on the line and it became wired
then came limewire and my mind blew up
there's an entire world of music I never knew-
download after download the music became me
so much more to go through
****** up my computer
virus to the hard drive
all my music's gone. ****.
Freaking out in my room at midnight
threw a chair, punched the wall
mom asking if i'm alright.
"*******, go away"
She thought the music was to blame
but without that **** is why it happened
never gave up on this **** called rappin'
wrote my first rhyme when I was in 5th grade
poetry turned to rhyme schemes
and samples I liked to play.
Passion turned to aggression
when everyone started spitting
thought this was me and no one elses
has to prove who I was to the masses.
High School came and I was
"The girl who rapped"
freestyle lunch sessions to secure it.
Voices from the crowd
"**** she murdered it".
Slipped up-
started on the pills
too many thoughts in my mind
too many demons to ****-
ran away from the hip-hop
turned that **** to heavy metal
pop-punk and punk rock.
Turned away my from my passion
and started writing poetry
stanzas, sibilance and sonnets
filled my insides.
I suffered without the classics
the dream began to fade away.
We moved-
became a recluse.
didn't eat for weeks
but this time money wasn't the issue.
Heard something bumpin' from the basement
my hair stood up when I heard that base hit
ran down like I was chasin' after my passion again
"what is this?"
my cousin laughed "Life Changes"
"who is it?"
"Wu-tang" he said to me
I bobbed my head and smiled once again
"Wu is indeed for the children"
he laughed and so did I.
Realized my love for hip-hop
would never actually die.
"Poetry, that's a part of me, retardedly bop
I drop the ancient manifested hip-hop straight off the block"

It been a while now I'm back,
playing the beat on a track,
Lyrically I attack,
I'm an M C,
So naturally,
That's how I react,
You might not get my psych,
goin ape shyte crazy,
chasin these monkeys of my back,
I guess opposites still attract.
Rapidly rapping raps,
spitting facts,
I'm what these other cats lack,
cut from another cloth,
Can't cut'em no slack,
This rifts, rat,
I'm way better than that
I master my craft
Like captain kirk taking a bath
higher than an aircraft
Plotting my path
like a hovercraft
Fully prepared for the crash.
These other guys, think they fly,
I just laugh. They get puff up,
While I pass by, getting
Roughed up, crossing my path
Iooking like ironman with this mic in my hand,
Feels like I'm hold a staff.
Like a titan, I clash.
I am the better man,
check my clasp,
I got a better plan,
Better lyrical grasp,
I'm so smooth,
These other rappers, rap sound like ***.
I land minds, no gymnastic class
my geographic quadgraphics better than a veteran
with a can of V8 in his hand
Still crazy from the war,
tasted the blood of a warrior,
Now I'm thirsty for more.
I'm dropping bombs like the army core in 94
With more confidence than Al b sure on tour
Finding common sense scattered all over the floor
Picking up feed back on channel 4
Turning the microphones up,
Then slam it to the floor,
Cause I don't want to rap anymore,
Back and forth I go,
It's all a part of the flow,
I'm just putting on a show,
rhythm book, pinned up,
It's a wrap, flow after flow,
Pulling up, getting my spins up,
The treble and bass doing chin ups,
While I'm spitting rhythms galore,

did the common fish
bear witness to your dive
from cliff conformity
through that raging hole
in the sea
carved by uncertainty
and fear?

did the strident lark
hear your resolve
ringing with resonant refrain
from the ivory sill
up yonder?

did the hapless beggar
see her tears
in your eyes
dripping with empathy
at her demise?

did the orphaned child
smile with glee
unbridled
when the toy
he so craved
arrived suddenly on a star
piloted by you?

did you leave
a blissful byte or two
in the memory
of another?

lift a soul
in plight
like a buoyant kite,
with a gust of kindness?

or were you so consumed
chasin' hell
that you missed
the heaven
in earth's purest pleasures....

~ P
(#ChasinHell)
1/27/2015

"Say, whus tha good wurd, Mista Mornin Bird?"
"Ahh, ya know just chillin here singin these here tunes waitin fah Mista Worm."
"Ahh dat Mista Worm - he alwayz be runnin late."
"True dat!”
”Yo! peep this...
Last night he took his ol girl out on a date."
''A date? Really? Mistah Worm?”
"Yup.
But it getz betta tho.
It wuz dare anniversary. Ol fool went to tha chapel an got married."
"MARRIED!!??"
"mmhmm."
"Where dey get married?"
"At dare special spot in tha apple orchard.
Mistah worm told me he and hiz girl are movin to the Big Apple.”
“Big Apple? Fah what?”
“He gunna work fah tha East New York Farms.  I guess hiz uncle Jim
got him in.”
“…Mista Worm…”

"Say, howz Mista Skunk doin?  He evah get clean?"
"I dont see much of him theez dayz.  Heard heez down on his luck. Evah since tha paper mill closed he aint been tha same.  Heez so stressed out he got mo white hairz than a polar bear.”
“Dammmnnn!!!”
”Sumone told me that heez a nasty lil ol drunk wit a funky attitude and a quick tempa!
No wunda hiz wife leftem.
My understandin iz he still outta work - rummigin through peoples junk - collectin cans, tryin to make a buck.
Itz a **** shame, aint it?"
"Uh huh."

"Howz Mista Rabbit?"
"Miiiista Rabbit! Oohh dat Mista Rabbit he dunn got himself a nasty habbit."
"Whys dat?"
"He be stealin outta Mizz Jonsens garden again.
Otha day Mizz Jonsen shooed him away chasin him down tha block wit a pair of ol rusty scissors in her hand."
"Scissors!!??"
"Yup. She told him next time he wont be so lucky wit out hiz foot."
"WHUT!!??  Whus dat suppose da mean?"
"I dunno.”
"Dat Mizz Jonsen gone crazy!!
She dunn lost her mind in her ol age.
She crazier than a ******* rat!
Man, when Mista Rabbit gunna learn?”
"I guess when he haz no foot."

"Say, you talk to Mista Squirrel at all?"
“Itz been sum time.”
“How wuz he doin?”
"Man, you know Mistah Squirrel.  He wuz all ova da place, or at least he wuz.  He alwayz be jumpin from one tree to tha next, alllllwayz tryin to get a nut or two.  Last I heard he got deported and now lives in anotha county.”
“Why iz dat?”
“He dunn got locked up fah breakin in a few too many attics. They finally caught him....Stoopid fool."
''****…”

"Nuff about tha neighbahood.  How you been?  Havent seen you inna while."
"Im still doin my thang, ya know.
Roamin from town ta town, chasin down tail."
"Yous still chillin in dem alleys too?"
"Fa sho!"
"Man, aint a **** thang changed wit chu.
Yous alwayz been a cool cat...”

Etta James, oh the lady could sing.
Sarah Vaughn,when I hear Anita Baker in away it's Sarah.
If you never knew one of the two.
You would swear they was one.

Billy Eckstein, during his time.
Mister B, was smoother then Billy Dee Williams.
And he had away of mastering a song.

Which we saw when David Ruffin came along.
Who was a rival to Sam Cooke?
A master of the coolest romantic hooks.

He might have been a little different.
Except Chuck Berry can't be deny his dues.
Johnny B Goode, is nationally known.

The color country boy in his song could play.
Yes, he had to change the word to suit the segregation days.
But Johnny B was African American in everyway.

Who doesn't believe that when you see Morris Day?
That he owe his style to Cab Calloway.

The role of an African American diva could be trace to Lena Horne.
Or maybe actress Freddi Washington.
Or opera star Marion Anderson.
Who sometimes don't get recognition like they should.
Almost like Dorothy Dandridge doesn't.

Still they played on like Josephine Baker.
Who like George Washington Carver faces hostility and problems?

We still trying to educate people about Charles Drew.
Who fame is traced to the blood floating within you?

Against the greatest of odds.
They adapted and blazed a trail.
Through the roughest of times.
They was determine to be.

Who doesn't know Little Richard?
Who borrowed heavily off of gospel singer Billy Wright?
And soon was creating truth within his lyrics.
Until others came along and water them down.

We know truth still is avoided by them.
Except for the man that sung about a hound.
Which wasn't at all about a dog.
But about a cheating man.
Sung beautifully by Big Mama Thorton.

But then no man plays the guitar better.
Then Marva Collins or Rosetta Throphe.
Yes, these women could play.

Some people will never understand Malcolm X contribution.
Except, he left many that's seen today.
Just notice the way he never revisted the prison in any negative way.

We marched.
We protested.
And some of the best controversial stars comes from the musical side.

For no other side of music can touch the blues with truth.
Well, I guess country do.
But the blues takes many forms.

Could be about leaving.
Could be about loving.
Or that stuff you do in the dark with your love.

It could be the howlin'.
It might be the scoffin'.
It could be the chasin'.
But like many styles of music.
Some knows they was creating babies.

Which leads us to Marvin Gaye and Teddy Pendergrass.
Where the Love TKO and Let's Get It On still is the songs.

It's an African American tradition of the past.
That affects the future too.
For stars of yesterdays.
Are seen in stars of today.

A Legacy.
And we know legacies doesn't fade.

We all have a hidden fantasy of things we want to be.
We just afraid to go out and chase that dream.
We imagine it.
We pretend to the deepest degree.
We're just afraid to chase that dream.

Whether it's a scientist.
A doctor.
An actor.
Or athlete.
We know our interest.
Similar to our hearts.
We chasing our fantasies.
When we should chase our dreams.

Of course some will never be achieved.
But we must believe.
While we chasin' our dreams.

The biggest surprises come to our wishes.
As many answers comes from our prayers.
Whether it been successful.
Whether it means being rich.
We must still chase that dream.

Or we be wondering about them in our fantasies.

( Song Ballad )

You say you don't understand me,
Here's a bargain for free I'll be sellin' you true ;
We'll go to a place, above the sea raging,
An' get down to what's troubling you.

When I was a lad, I remember my dad,
Would take me on walks down 'Langtrae Doon' ;
He'd tell me great stories, of sailing ship glories,
An' somedays just whistle a tune :

  *Slip away, slip away ;
  He'd say 'hopes will die chasin' the moon,'
  I'll tell you my girl, that the cares of the world,
  They don't matter much round 'Langtrae Doon.'

Rueful me mother was, six children never loved,
An' pride was offensively used ;
'You'll never amount to a thing,' she would state it,
Ashamed she was of her own brood :

  Slip away, slip away ;
  She'd say 'hopes will die chasin' the moon,'
  So but on your bonnet, I'll write you a sonnet,
  We'll get down to 'Langtrae Doon.'

Father died a broken man, just now, you'll understand,
Lord knows they buried him cruel ;
Left his debts unpaid, he never owned land,
But in his heart was 'Langtrae Doon.' :

  Slip away, slip away ;
  He'd say 'hopes will die chasin' the moon,'
  So but on your bonnet, I'll write you a sonnet,
  We'll get down to 'Langtrae Doon.'
.

My problems never cease cuz adversaries try to bury me
But since I'm initiated by the hoods
They gats protect me catastrophe
Been with me since my family tree
Nothing crack dealers and cap peelers
Seen life early wanted to the king
So I chased figures
Lookin' at all the cold cash I was stashin'
Went from a jalopy to fly Benz
Dark tint limo roll up the indo
Cuz a brother gotta stay blitz always on a different **** never let the **** blind me
Its money over ******* fake ******* get stitches
No love bury with five slugs in ya cranium
A young ****** on a war path a
Ain't no tamin' em
Since muthaphukkas jealous I gotta stay strapped
Lookin' at the skies for better days askin' why?
My life is like this why am enticed to this?
**** imagery its the best of me
Can't help if I want to abolish slavery
Punks *** cops always chasin' me
But my mind too strong to be caught up in the wrong
I strategize with actions raw raps keep the Co's packin'
Put out an APB for a **** nigguh livin' in this streets
My heart goes out to the lonely I feel.ya pain
Don't let the burden tare ya down
Get up off ya *** if ya plan to make cash
Cuz the ***** *** government never gone give ya a reprimand of a helping hand
Lean on me and overthrow political rules
I wamt the gold and silver not the fake *** jewels
Paper currency ain't nothing but a advocate to debt
So many lost in this world breakin' a sweat
Tryna be something that's you'll never be
And if a follow the footsteps of revolutionary I'll be a threat
So what?? I'mma keep pushin' limits testin' nerves
As I sip the henney and blunt as a swerve
In my top drop feelin' right and tight
Its the black Sun Tzu
Thinkin' maybe I'll die tonight


Am I chasing for something
In vain?
Am I chasin'
For something
That is not there
In the first place
Maybe a mirage?
Am I down
Am I in a dream?
Fadin' away from
Reality
Versus fiction?
Am I chasin' for something
that ain't there
A 2D picture
Would anybody care if I get lost?
In my dream
Chasin' something in vain
In vain
A Dream maybe?

“What did you say your name was?”
“I didn’t”
“Well kiddo, I seen a lot of guys come through here... You got something’,”
*Smile.

Don’t ask me when it started
Don’t ask me how long it’s been
I just always wanted to be someone
I just wanted to be seen
It makes me feel good
It makes it seem right
Just telling my story
In front of that spotlight
Just wantin’ to be somebody
Just want to have a cause
Just want you to put the words
In this melodic pause
I’m just the stars
And you are the moon
You are the words
I am just the tune
Playing, playing, playing,
I always had a dream
That I would be more than a job, a car
My ma always said I loved to write
But she never thought I’d take it this far.
At the sight of a coffee cup
I just sit down and write
And I got this buzzin’
As if I was putting the world right
An’ of course I had opposition
There were times I read for free
People said you can’t write that
But I knew there were people who believed in me
And said ‘come on, you can do it,
People have to hear what you have to say’
My pa got that TV he waited thirty years for
And he said, ‘son, I know we’ll see you on here someday’
Just keep going, my boy,’
Keep sending those poems away’
You’re a natural writer my boy
And maybe someday it’ll turn out that way.’
Well I kept on writing
I believed what my guys said
I kept chasing that vision of light
I could see it in my head.
All it took was a little determination,
Daring to dream, a little courage
And each time they would hear me say
Show me the way to that stage
And so here I am,
Chasing that vision of light
I’m living the poetic dream
It all turned out just right

Like they said it would,
Like they said it would,
If I just chased that vision of light
And dared to dream.

He went around
and came around, and went around again~
Then he came around, went back around
and came around again.

"What's with all the run-around?"
I asked my breathless friend
"Guess what goes around, will come around
and right up to the end."

"But what's all this you're chasin, then?"
I asked the weary clown~
"Been chasin' all these wimin,
and they've yet to slow me down."

"Who runs this ride, you run beside,
and can't they cut the speed?"
"I have no clue, but maybe you
can jump this thing, and plead."

"One last run around, dear girl
take a ride and wait for me,
it won't be long, enjoy the song,
I'm a sick sorry son of a b."

I hopped aboard his dream machine
where ladies rode the poles
and pushed passed blown out ******
to the room which housed controls.

I peeked inside the window there
and much to my surprise
no one was manning anything
on this carousel of lies.

A sea of lovely lonelies
ride 'The Future' from the past
around again a few more times
our lives are fading fast.

Suddenly he's on the ground
and draggin' on his knees
with sweat upon his forehead,
I said, "*******, LET GO, please."

"One last run around, dear girl,
don't you worry none 'bout me
appreciate your deep concern
I'm a sick sorry son of a b".

Well, it took some major doing
to release his grip of fear
and then I jumped, and bruised and bumped
was finally in the clear.

"we've cashed in all our chips today,
but we'll be back, you see-
you push to run the Future
and I'm a freakin' fool for thee.

We hobbled from the Carn-evil,
my weary friend and me
what goes around will come around
dear God please set us free.

fear and sweat, flashin' gear
writin' rapz in hectic, but: yeaaah!
detached paramedics, but: yeeeah!
tizz alive, he and me, didn't die

who am i? will i be a version of me
free from dat ******* of abuse, b?
who would tell you the truth? me?
dunno, demons inside wear masks

they hide, whisper, mouth odor like gas
i'm behind, they passed by, they see,
know and feel dat i'm blind -- what is real?
and what's not? i know diz be god

"good" and "god" are like moon and sun
but if i use, then i run, will forget wise men
and it's bleeding through my eyes when
i'm unable to arise and sling like five men

codes from the land of oblivion
demons sending messages: dey fo'
da trashcan, you may be from aspen,
or a child of da bronx: good remains good

wrongs remain wrongs, stuck in-between
writing songs like cage fighters, man bites
dog, my weapon may be a pen or a glock:
if i do, use, take or abuse drugs: i'll fail

the loft, the jail, the yacht, the hate
hell ain't a snake pit but a desperate living,
shivering, lonely, no homeys, suffering
ignorant and angry, indifferent, cranky

still: a flickering, glimmering, somewhen

rock bottom, i hit it, my addict: i'm wit him
he within' me, steely and sneaky, peace
of ****, b, chasin' the thrill just to **** me
i will be dyin', will be fightin', skies brighten

no bullshittin, johnny weeks, so high,
delusional: "i'm a viking", drugs are unusual
why do i used dem as much dat i felt like
jim carrey as "truman" -- observed, being

followed; diz a good state to be in?
ya know da answer, my friend, shake
your own hand, accept ya name
leave da climate of coldness

diz requires boldness, but ya know what?
the addicted demons hate us like themselves
do not let 'em do dat
lock em in an inner shelf, wit a key

call it as you like, dear friend, i call it
"SELF-LOVE", ooooh boy: what a word,
what a term, your stomach may rage now:
fierce, furious demons being in flames

heaven yeah, let em burn, it's your turn,
put your life into god's hands, soft hands
clean yourself, wash ya hands, the
end of this poem must not be ours


**********      **

HELP: SOMETIMES IN PERSON, EVERY DAY ONLINE, CARING, FOR FREE. DON'T HESITATE TO MAIL ME, IN CASE YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS. I WILL BE ANSWERING.

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Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Three things amaze me
Four I do not understand
An eagle in the sky
A snake on a rock
A ship on the high seas
And the way of a man with a young woman
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
I will always take the fall, I say
And I won't push back when you push me away
I will take the flack of a full frontal attack
And I will turn the other cheek when you slap me across the face
But I will not be known as meek!
For to be meek is to be mild
And to be mild is to be tasteless, flavorless, and vile
Devoid of passion
Crawling with passivity
Embodying all that is apathy but trying to pass it off as some kind of charity
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you for even sinners do that well,
Try loving the ones you'd rather see burning in hell
BUT IT CANNOT BE DONE
If you agree say aye,
I, think you're just too afraid to try
Well blessed are the meek,
for the will inherit the earth
Blessed are the peacemakers
for they will be called children of God
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me
But I'll be tossin' temple tables and chasin' people out with whips and cables
If they say my God is not able
For a city built on a hill cannot be hidden
And a man under God cannot be smitten
So I claim the love and grace in which I have been placed
And I claim the calling into which I am falling
And when the enemy comes a calling
I raise my sword in the air and boldly declare
DEVIL THIS HEART HAS NO ROOM FOR YOU TO SPARE
FOR MY GOD IS SO GREAT IT'S NOT EVEN FAIR
SO PACK UP YOUR TRICKS AND TEMPTATIONS AND TOYS
FOR GOD HAS MADE A MAN OUT OF THIS FRAIL LITTLE BOY
He said YOU are the salt of the earth but if the salt loses its saltiness it is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot
So I take hold of love and grace
And I proclaim the name of the one holding me firmly in place
I lay waste to the lies replaced by fear in mine enemies eyes
And lift my hands up high
Honor. Valor. Dignity. Love.
Surely I am only a brute, not a man
I do not have human understanding
I have not learned wisdom
Nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One
But I know I have found the truth.
And I will not let go.

[Verse 1: MGK]
This ain't no halo over my head *****
But dear God can you forgive the sinnin'
For everything that I did since the beginnin'
Because the devil around me so much
That you would think I got a death wish
Yeah, and the voices in my head get louder
Watchin' my career disappear like powder
Wish I could rewind those hours and get my life back
Strike that, hanging on this **** like a life jacket
**** rappin', I was really livin' everything I was spittin'
***** what's happenin'
Fights daily, nights crazy dream chasin' till the drugs came
I was choppin' up them ******* like Jason
Had a ******* face layin' on the cold pavement
Wake up take 'em now I feel sane
Spendin' every penny in the studio slayin'
Me and my mob workin' any odd job
Prayin' this little dream was gonna feed our babies
Save me Lord, save me Lord, what the **** is this curse you gave me Lord
Everybody think I finally made it Lord, but all I am is now is a slave my God

[Hook:]
This ain't no halo...

Revelations says if people wipe every tear from their eyes than death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore for the former things have passed away, EST 4 Life *******!

[Verse 2: MGK]
Put that halo around my neck, *****
And give me death
I'm 22 and this 22 on my left, God bless
Maybe I'll finally see
Maybe they'll return what's originally mine because finder's keep
Maybe I will be great, and this voice of mine was designed to be the finest key
But, I'm losing faith, everyday they got news to break
Like my single flopped, and now I ain't hot
And they don't know if I'm ever gonna see the light of day
My labels mad or my albums bad or you ain't livin' up to the hype we thought you had
Or I lost a fan or I'm in cuffs again and meanwhile I ain't there to be my daughters dad
****! what's left for me? because I don't ever want to become a celebrity
I don't want anyone to feel less than me so put your camera down and stand next to me
Right here, EST, everyone stand together
And if I ever RIP than I know everything I stand for's forever, lace up!

[Hook:]
This ain't no halo...

And when you play this song, hold your head high, *******, don't ever look down, be comfortable with who you are, our flaws are what makes us perfect

***-runnin'
to the cemetery.
Goin' grave-diggin',
Tonight.

It's three to three,
and I'll be back
home.

At the half-way
house, in time for
breakfast.

Till then,
I'm chasin'
the ghost.
I used to call my reflection.

I was 'bout a haf mile down Shadow Holler, lookin' for my dog Jack.  I rounded the bend long the river and thar he sat just lookin' up at the moon that was back dropped behind him.  I was so entranced I stood stockstill in the chill evening air.  He raised his head and let out with that beautiful soulful baying only a huntin' dog can make.
Then he took off tearing through the woods like his tail was on fire.

Well, I commenced chasin' ol' Jack down, but I swear evra tree in that holler was out to get me.
My clothes, they was ripped up and my feet were on fire from being torn by briars and such.
I finally, upped and caught up to Jack.  He was pacing the bottom of a Sycamore that was glowing white in the moonlight.  I heard some cacklin' up in that tree and I looked up to see a sight that I nev'r saw afore.  They was a **** up in there just grinnin' down at Jack like he was playing with him.  Now Jack was in a right tizzy over that ****.  He leaped up the side of the tree as high as he could, barking treed as though his life depended on it.  That **** was doing a bit of glowing in the moonlight itself.  I'd never seen a Cinnamon colored **** before, but thar 'e was, bigger 'an life.  And while it was grinnin' it was busy collecting some twigs.  Next thing ya know it was chattering to beat the band and throwin' sticks at ol' Jack.  Well, I can tell you, Jack didn't appreciate the humor in this sitcheation.  He backed up and made a leap so high I thought shore he was gonna take flight, but he got nothin' for his trouble but a whack in the head as he collided with a big ol' twig thrown by that ****.  

Thinkin' that Jack had had about enuf I tried coaxing him home, but he was havin' nothing to do with it.  So, I told Jack I was heading home and he could come if he had a mind to, but I wasn't staying out in the woods all night while he made an *** of himself over a **** that was makin' fun of him.  I started off and then heard a loud yelp.  All of a sudden Jack came blastin' past me, and not far behind was that old Cinnamon **** giving it all he was worth.  Well, as he was headin' towards home I followed along.  Just at the mouth of Shadow Holler, and not to fer from home I found ol' Jack.  He was up a low slung tree whimperin' like a puppy.  That **** was pacing the trunk, back ****** up, teeth bared and laughin' out the side of its mouth.  As I walked up on this pathetic scene, ol' Jack took one look at me and started crying fer help.  Well, I took pity on the poor fella and walked up on that **** with a right big stick.  And right afore my eyes it just faded into nothin'.  Scared the bejeebers outta me!

Took me an hour to coax ol' Jack outta that tree.  And then I couldn't keep up with him once he headed towards our cabin.  At home I told Pa all about our lil adventure, and he bout whooped me fer even goin' into Shadow Holler.  He said, "Son, I tole you to stay outta that holla.  They's ghosts and spooks down in thar.  Old Lady Jalson disappeared never to be seen again until the Smith boys saw her wanderin' a trail down there.  On'y problem is they cud see through 'er.  They's all sorts of stories 'bout shadows roaming free and playin' tricks an' worse on folks."  

Well I never seen my Pa so scairt as when he was tellin' me that, so now I just keep away from that holler.  And, ya know what?  I ain't never seen ol' Jack even turn in that direction since that night.  Musta learned himself somethin'.

And I will run until
I find my peace

Old Milwaukee raised me.
Groomed me, shaped me.
Prepped me, made me.
I must have been born for the wild..
Bright lights, long nights.
Skyscrapers, paper chasers.
Yellow cabs, livin' fast.
Dream chasin', heart racin'.
Crowded trains, heat and rain.
Livin' right, rockstar life.
Heart breakers, money makers.
I was definitely born for the wild.
Baited me, hooked me.
Caught me, took me.
New York City has my heart.

came from a land of 6
races
to a land of many
more
with many doors
locked
by the color code

broke a few
down
with erudition
but the ultimate
combination
elusive remains

you gonna make it P,
said J of another
persuasion,
citing actions affirmative
as key

then rodney got beat
down
to a pulp
in LA
by the po po

*** *****…
didn’t you know
you’s still a ***** to me

don’t be deceived by dem
degrees;
summa *** laude this
***** f#kka

and all lives matter
became the chatter
after 3959 swung from trees
down
south

laura nelson’s blood-shot eyes
dug-out,
sold as souvenirs
for a nickel;

pics of the scene
went for a dime;

**** *****…
didn’t you know
you’s still a ***** to me

jim’s crows
stole 40 acres
then drove the mule
to detroit,
chicago

and brooklyn’s first houses
built by fiorello in ‘35
became the hive
for black b’s

honey, why are they fleeing
in droves
to jericho...

coz they think we sting baby.

~ P
#chasinhoney
(9/7/2017)

Back in the day when we could just sit back
Chill out and relax, it was nothing but just that
This one feeling (Psych!) no hidden tax, cleaned up scraps
Advance to attack softly surpass the romance is thick like sap
The impact you had on me I didn't know how to react
The thought is abstract, but intact with vows attached
Our love sapped from each other invitingly,
Finally you see just how much you mean to me
Quite the sheen we had, the luster once explained by Guster
Green light, fourteen, the events unforeseen you must've
Came to me, so afraid, now I'm amazed that I've uh-
found her this early, surely it's not today
It must be a mistake, but I can't contain these sparks
Sparse, is the words I have to say to you, "MONTHS!"
Worse, course you shut a bit of cabinet wood, it creaks
"Curse!", focus not on mom but on her you should be,
gravitational force, by fits and starts, this matter of bursts,
it comes in
I know it but not clear; smokey quarts, ******* crumbs an'
My blank *** mind is turning this into a blank verse
But first, listen to what I have to say, it works!
Not this, at worse I felt reversed, so I put us in park
My feelings for you are neutral, electrons are gone and,
it's too good to be true

You're out of excuses you've run out of time 'n' this ****'s on you
For doubt is bruisin', chewin' spun me around and...

Reminiscin' Cough! It even hurts to say
To breathe, my breath, it isn't here to stay
It's kinda like sleeping, it's just a cousin of death
I'm stickin around but not in this circle,
tripping like a round peg in a square hole,
you grind me into this grounded world of mine
Quit it with the same shape jokes fellow,
with your same lame faces, the same claims are racing below
Chasin immortality, thats a futile fantasy, reality
happily robs your dreams candidly, like you did to me
We're done here. Why can't you see
that when the smoke clears, it's crystal but not amethyst or ruby.
Truthfully I don't understand this new "me", I need an analyst
Matter of factfully, that was an accident, kinda like all this was.
I just ate too much and threw up all over this canvas
And it sounds like practice. Maybe I take you all back, just
grow up, crawl then, complain about this slanted stanza
Anxious I am to end the madness, the recent lack of composure.
but you cannot address the cheapest setback: I'm lonely.
The malice, the heartache, the "palace of flattest objects"
The helpless, the sorry, the callous fingers from these projects
What do they mean to you? Anger? Angst?
Somewhat close to a coat hanger, to hang up all of my paint?!
You're like watching grass grow, and for this **** I'm 'bout to mow

"You think you can do these things but you just can't Nemo!"

Here we go-
You know that one time when I said, "I'll always be here."?
I meant it. Now let go! I said it's over, delirious!
I'm serious, who would ever miss this?
I fear some wickedly addictive feelings are making me trapped
but it feels like it's just two ovaries
No wait, it's just you about to *****-act!
---------------------------------------------
It's a brief pause, but I feel it coming in strong!
The atmosphere is a thief, stealing my breath, so long
I've worked my *** off; it flew away now it's gone,
just like a me to a you, I meet you and ramble on:
I have spent so many days burning our bridges, keeping us afloat
Not once you take time to count me for my vote
Goodbye! Wait, hello... I'm no tough guy, I take chances, though
But you only get one, and this is it, to let you know
I'm outta here for now. And so are you; go.

I am not an outlaw, but I'm a gambler.
Loaded my ole Colt, then closed my Henry's bolt.
I'll rescue Sally and roam as a rambler.
First, I'll shoot the sheriff and rob his bank volt.
Ride into town, guns blazin', deputies die!
Blow the safe, grab the girl, get shot in the thigh.
Sally starts shootin', kills the corrupt sheriff.
Posse's chasin', a cowboy's love life if rough.

Grandma’s table stood firm and square,
against her Irish charm.
She chopped the chicken and Friday cod
as though they'd done her wrong.
“Mother MacCree!” was her favorite curse,
when her cleaver missed the  mark.

Grandma’s table could tell the tales
of shenanigans four stories down.
“There’s Jason O’Flannigan, drunk, poor soul,
and Marie, God love her, chasin’ the fool,
waving a fryin’ pan, can ya blame her?
And sure it’s a cryin’ shame, God  forgive me.”

Grandma’s table repaired our clothing,
With motley findings carefully chosen
from handpainted fruitcake tins.
We eagerly sorted through buttons and snaps,
carefully snatched up the nearest match
she sewed on dresses, blouses and hats.

Grandma‘s table is with me now,
the center of daily life.
Stained and scarred on wobbly legs,
a journal of ten thousand days.
Her legacy softens each crevice and nick,
like a cloth of white Irish lace.