"briz" poems
Yo,Mr Putin
(from da ganja-boys)
Yo, Mr Putin, I'm sending you a present.
It's just a bunch o'herbs, to smoke;
they'll make yer less unpleasant.
Smoke 'em in de evening,
to really chill yo brain.
They'll blow away the nasty thoughts,
you have about Ukraine.
I'm sure you're gonna like 'em,
it's the Rasta, in yo blood;
we may be cousins, way back.
You should join us, in the 'hood!
You can't deny it Vladimir,
there's really no disputin';
your ancestors are same as mine
-we've all heard of Ras-Putin.
Briz 8/4/14
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 5:04 AM UTC
Don't **** the Genie
Peg-leg Pete, the pirate, in the good old days of old;
found a sealed amphora, whilst searching for some gold.
The label bore a warning & a faded, scary skull
but Peg-leg Pete was curious & gave the **** a pull.
The bottle appeared empty, so he gave it quite a shake.
A rumbling, grumbling let him know – a genie was awake!
“You didn't ought to do that, you one-legged, one-eyed beast;
to someone who's been fast asleep, a hundred years, at least!”
The genie was so angry, like a bear, with a sore head.
“You'll only get one wish for that, so make it count.” he said.
“Only one!” poor Pete complained. “but I've just set you free.
I've got the very task though, that you can do for me.”
“Me owd peg-leg has woodworm & me glass-eye's on the blink;
me 'ooks gone rusty & me trusty ship's about to sink.
If you can make me whole again, one wish will be enough.
So, come on grumpy genie, shake a leg & do your stuff!”
“Make sure you word your wish exact, for there's no going back.”
The genie smirked, then got to work & everything went black.
When Pete came round, he quickly found his hook & peg-leg there
& underneath it's tatty patch, his glass-eye's icy stare.
“What trick is this, you scurvy dog, you've gone back on your word?”
“I think not Pete, just look around & see what has occurred.
Your ship is now a merchant & that warehouse on the dock.
It's yours, for import/export work – for honest trade old ****
Pete
“I don't get this, I'm still stood here,
like Ahab, off the whaler.”
Genie, smirking
“You asked me, quite specifically
to make you a whole-saler!”
Briz 5/11/13
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:35 AM UTC
Mr. Putin's opportunity
Please Mr Putin,
don't put the boot in;
hold back your forces,
from bombing & shootin'.
We know Russia's powerful,
fearless and strong.
We're expecting violence,
now prove us all wrong.
You've shown us your muscles,
now show us your mind.
Show us your heart man
then you may find;
People will listen
and show you respect.
Not just the hate
and the fear you expect.
Now is the chance
to Russia's great.
The hour is yours.
Don't leave it too late!
Briz 5/3/14
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:34 AM UTC
Insanity
Being mad is not so bad
if you don't know you are.
It's going there, that brings despair
and knowing that you are.
Briz 23/1013
Mar 13, 2014
Mar 13, 2014 at 5:58 AM UTC
Insanity
Being mad is not so bad
if you don't know you are.
It's going there, that brings despair
and knowing that you are.
Briz 23/1013
Mar 13, 2014
Mar 13, 2014 at 5:57 AM UTC
Big Mama Africa
Poor Mama Africa,
Madiba has gone.
Remember his dream
& move forward, as one.
Don't let his dream
be put down & forgotten;
by the schemes of the greedy,
the rogues & the rotten.
Dear, big Mama Africa,
your beautiful indeed
and rich enough to give your children,
all that they need.
So why is there such poverty,
starvation and despair?
There's wealth enough to go around,
if everyone would share.
But those who can, horde riches,
far more than they need.
Denying their own people,
with selfishness & greed.
You must get together
and speak, with one voice.
Across the land, shout your demand;
unite and then rejoice.
Briz 9/12/13
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:15 AM UTC
Boobed!
One day, as she stepped from the shower,
a woman observed her reflection;
in the glass-panel door & decided
it was like a mirage – a deception.
She looked once again, disbelieving,
for the first time, in years, at her figure.
Her ******* once so firm - small & sagging:
her bottom much wider & bigger.
In tears she approached her poor husband
as he sat, with a beer, watching telly.
”We've got to do something & quickly,
to alter my ***** *** & belly.
“We?” thought her husband, quite puzzled.
“What part does she want me to play?”
Not jogging together nor diets;
nor worse – having money to pay.
“I'm thinking of surgical implants,
to restore my poor, sagging *******
They start from as little as four grand
& a little bit more,for the best.”
“As little as that.” he said softly,
staying calm, although inwardly choking.
“Give me time to consider.” he finished.
Thinking ******** you've got to be joking.”
A long, restless night was to follow,
as he tossed & he turned, in his bed;
thinking hard of a cheaper solution,
'til a crazy plan entered his head.
He went to the bathroom, for loo-roll
and with it, he started to stroke her.
He kneaded & patted each *****
quite gently, so not to provoke her.
“What on Earth are you doing?” his wife hissed,
as she looked, through her eyes, red & bleary.
“Be patient, dear petal.” he answered,
as he tried to explain his wild theory.
“This massage should enlarge your *******
I'm sure they'll get bigger & plump.
You've used it for years, on your bottom
and look at the size of your ****
Briz 19/7/13
p.s.
If anyone has any questions,
regarding this story, I swear;
the husband will give you the answers,
when he's out of intensive-care!
-----
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:20 AM UTC
Last wish
The old guy lay in hospital, his family round the bed;
listening to his dieing wish
& this is what he said.
“I've always been a farmhand & mucked out barn & stable.
I've done my bit, at shiftin' ****
to put food on the table.
You need to know, before I go, don't let me be cremated.
It's something I've thought long about
– a thought I've always hated.
Bury me by the cowshed, among the old bluebells.
There, let me lay, 'til judgement day,
amid the farmyard smells.
Yes, bury me under the dung-heap,
although it seems absurd.
Far better than cremation
-I wish to be inturd!”
Briz 6/6/13
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 9:43 AM UTC
Blue-diamond blues
I wish they'd develop a Viagra-lite,
when you just want a cuddle,
In the middle of the night.
A tablet to stimulate
some warmth & affection
and not an assault
from a forced ********
You could save the blue-diamond
for the odd weekend;
when the kids are away
or you've more time to spend.
And then, in between,
have Viagra-lite;
when you just want a cuddle,
in the middle of the night.
Briz 25/11/13 :)
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:09 AM UTC
A queer world
My local pub won't do posh grub,
but sells beer from the wood.
You can't get wine nor cocktails
but the ales are all real good.
There's always sport, on the tv,
the wooden floors are bare;
so when two 'pretty boys' minced in,
they caused us all to stare.
Both had high-lights in their hair
and make-up, on their faces.
They ordered half a lager each
& two straight ***** chasers.
A quick look round however
and they soon made up their mind:
our rough&ready; local
didn't cater for their kind.
But, as they quickly minced away
and off, through the pub door;
up spoke the bar-room know-all,
like many times before.
“An article I read, last week,
said ten percent are gay.
Not all of 'em dress-up like that
nor try to walk that way.”
Someone said,”Shut up, you fool.”
while we just kept on drinkin'
but what he'd said, stuck in our head
and we began a-thinkin'
My mate says, “Watch the barman, Bob,
he wears a lot of pink
& holds his little-finger out,
each time he has a drink.”
They reckon Bill, who works away
and only comes in Sundays.
Goes in the cubicle to ****
when wearing his wife's ******
I know it's not conclusive
but I thought it pretty queer,
when Tommy took his wife out twice,
to see that Mama Mia.
Then there's Big Jack Smedley,
though he's muscular and manly;
he has his body waxed, each month,
by that hairdresser – Stanley.
The more we talked about it,
as we downed our beer & stout;
the more we realised,
that not everyone's come out.
We now accept that being camp,
is not the only way
and reckon that there's happen more
than fifty shades of gay!
Briz 14/6/13
Mar 9, 2014
Mar 9, 2014 at 3:42 AM UTC
Colored people!
On a recent trip, to Swaziland,
a local man said, “I don't understand.
You go green with envy, blue with cold;
cowards are yella, or so I'm told.
You're also blue, when feeling sad;
you blush, bright red, it drives me mad,
when you say I'm colored, just look, I say;
I'm monochrome, all night and day!”
Briz 4/6/13
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:29 AM UTC
Driving through the parking lot
No cars to be found
I believe it could be Sunday
So I'll just walk around
Off to get coffee
But I think the malls closing
I order a drink
But the guy is opposing
Walk to a bench
And there I sat
Here comes Briz and Billi
But who the hell is that?
We sat on that bench
For some odd reason
We got the great idea
To commit some treason
We took that bench
Straight to the door
But the cops were there
And made us put it back on the floor
I sat on the ground
When a little kid came over
She was the cutest thing
But her mom wasn't sober
Mid thirties is what I assume
She hunted for what was missing
She sat too close behind me
And then we started kissing
She shoved me over
My back to the floor
On top she climbed
And out loud I swore
I put up a fight
Because I hadn't a clue
Why she picked me
To be the one to *****
I woke up gasping
And there for I panic
These dreams I have
Are too ******* manic
Why do I dream
Of such different matters
Waiting for my heart
To crash and shatter
I want to dream
About kittens and rainbows
But luckily for me
That's just not how it goes
Nov 28, 2012
Nov 28, 2012 at 12:53 PM UTC
An old man's farewell
Take my life, I'm knackered God,
unless you can restore it.
My kids think I'm a selfish sod
but they'll all soon get o'er it.
When they've sold up all my stuff,
they'll feel a lot less vexed;
so tell the world I've had enough.
I'm ready for the next.
I've tried my best, to edge my bets,
done what 'The Good Book' states.
I'm hoping there'll be no regrets,
when at The Pearly Gates.
I've had my share of good & bad;
I've had both tears & laughter.
So, see you later, don't be sad;
one day, in the here-after.
Briz 20/1/14
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:12 AM UTC
Crowning Glory
“ Oh Liz, old dear, you do look queer,
what causes such a frown?”
“The kids Phil, they're all bickering.
They want to share The Crown.”
“Charles rang me, this morning.
He was ages on the 'phone.
He said we should retire,
so that he can take the throne.
Then Andrew rang & so did Anne,
complaining, it's not fair.
They reckon, in this day & age
that all of them should share.
Even Edward had a moan.
I'm sick of all their quibbling.
He feels that he's been frozen out,
as he's the youngest sibling.
So cancel all appointments,
tell them to go away.
Say Her majesty has had
a really bad heir day.
Briz :) 5/2/14
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:31 AM UTC
A queer world
My local pub won't do posh grub,
but sells beer from the wood.
You can't get wine nor cocktails
but the ales are all real good.
There's always sport, on the tv,
the wooden floors are bare;
so when two 'pretty boys' minced in,
they caused us all to stare.
Both had high-lights in their hair
and make-up, on their faces.
They ordered half a lager each
& two straight ***** chasers.
A quick look round however
and they soon made up their mind:
our rough & ready local
didn't cater for their kind.
But, as they quickly minced away
and off, through the pub door;
up spoke the bar-room know-all,
like many times before.
“An article I read, last week,
said ten percent are gay.
Not all of 'em dress-up like that
nor try to walk that way.”
Someone said,”Shut up, you fool.”
while we just kept on drinkin'
but what he'd said, stuck in our head
and we began a-thinkin'
My mate says, “Watch the barman, Bob,
he wears a lot of pink
& holds his little-finger out,
each time he has a drink.”
They reckon Bill, who works away
and only comes in Sundays.
Goes in the cubicle to ****
when wearing his wife's ******
I know it's not conclusive
but I thought it pretty queer,
when Tommy took his wife out twice,
to see that Mama Mia.
Then there's Big Jack Smedley,
though he's muscular and manly;
he has his body waxed, each month,
by that hairdresser – Stanley.
The more we talked about it,
as we downed our beer & stout;
the more we realised,
that not everyone's come out.
We now accept that being camp,
is not the only way
and reckon that there's happen more
than fifty shades of gay!
Briz 14/6/13
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 3:45 PM UTC
Advice.
(for a lad, as he sets out, on his journey through life)
Never kiss a ********** just pay the lass and thank ‘er.
Never try to work your passage, on a foreign tanker.
The lass could give you something that might not go away.
Your ship-mates may be gamblers, who’d rob you, as you play.
But more importantly, by far, wherever you drop anchor.
Never trust a politician, clergyman nor banker!
Briz 3/3/14
-----------------
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 3:06 AM UTC
From Animal magic/tragic
The old woman from the woods
The sadness in her eyes,
really came as no surprise,
as I stared at her, intensely, through the glass.
As countless have before,
she must find it such a bore.
Small wonder that she turned & showed her ***
Does she stare back at mankind
& think, “What is it they find,
that draws them all to come & look at me?”
Does she think,”If we're so clever,
why does it never, ever
occur to us that she'd be better free?”
Briz 30/9/13
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 5:39 AM UTC
Block
The coffee’s hot, the ink is flowing;
The story seems to know, just where it’s going.
I’m only here to press the keys.
Don’t you love writing, on days like these?
The coffee’s cold, the ink’s dried up.
I stare, in silence, at my cup.
I haven’t yet disturbed the keys.
Who’d be a writer, on days like these?
END
Briz 29/10/2010
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 1:05 PM UTC