"blindsided" poems
The riled route master and the hacked off hackney carriage weren't bothered by the boris bike, they simply barreled along the bus lane oblivious to the wobble, blind to the blindsided and bent on beating the amber to red, til they were halted by the growth factor of a chelsea tractor straddling lanes and field testing the choice of right or left and failing the screen test set by the sat nav, thereby giving opportunity to the swarm of office staffers snatching their chance and chancing their luck, dancing past with their fat chance of swiping in before nine and avoiding the chagrin of the boss who's been the bane of their short sojourn through the city of lost dreams, chance encounters, thin fortune and rushed hours. This is London.
Oct 12, 2018
Oct 12, 2018 at 2:03 PM UTC
Recovery is a long and painful process.
Its a lengthy, twisting, one way road.
It is not fair, life never is.
You need to accept that that is just the way it goes.
Broken hearts, they will never shatter even.
We were so close until the day she said she was leaving.
It was so easy for her to let us go.
She left me here alone and why I still don't know.
She thought I would be broken, as soon as she was gone.
Now it's time for me to prove that she had thought wrong.
Yes I cared about her; she had said she cared about me.
Those were empty words, burdened with all the lies that I now see.
It was far too perfect that I should have known it could never be true.
It hurts even after so much time; my recovery is beyond overdue.
I was blindsided; she always knew exactly the right words to say.
She made my heart race and I had never considered the chance that she would just walk away.
I wish I had known what she had planned to do.
Because she only proved why trusting people is not what I should do.
Now there are no more lies and I’m no longer waiting.
No more time of mine is she taking.
I am so done; I wasted so much of my time.
All on a girl who couldn’t even consider mine.
My heart still stands, as if it was never broken.
It is as strong as her lies, so easily spoken.
But the time I had with her I will never regret.
She taught me a few lessons that I will not soon forget.
The first thing I learned is to not trust someone with your heart,
Because in the end, it will likely end up ripped apart.
Then there’s lesson two, and this comes from a different part;
Do not be with someone if you already know you’re going to break their heart.
I’m done lying to myself and not completely accepting me.
It only took a broken heart and then the recovery.
Oct 25, 2012
Oct 25, 2012 at 9:52 AM UTC
I last saw her in Santiago
******* drunkenly in a Sub urban taverna
parading conceited pride in a twisted union
with that ******** heinous maniacal harlequin
each in vainglorious throes of their imagined septic mindfuck
Debauch celebration of collaboration of succubus and incubus
Some days she is saying Haloa in Hawaii
adorned as Sainti Maria the ***** now as Madonna
spewing words like a dove acting like a Nun in a Convent
the fiendess with two faces hiding her ****** like the ace in lace
the malignant serpent crawling in the duality of her neurosis
I last saw her in Santiago
In a sanctity of the poisoned insecures with exiguous minds
consumed with flaming fears she begs acceptance for inclusion
******* for percieved reflected glory from her fathers' jailers
The subjugated souls of chai wallah lives on in grandchildren
So when Santi Maria flirts from honey to beehive
Ready to ***** and part thighs and brain for minor pointing gun
Feel sorry for a damaged child devoid of a prime core never made
only obeisance to past rulers whose discarded cast-offs she wears
Her poems enchants but its virulent tools she takes in her body
I last saw her in Santiago
A slaved two-faced pretender who sings like a nightingale
In sub urban dives she postrates to friendly pats and gropes
Melting creeps and hot tigers begging subs for a heady drink
Brilliant yet blindsided to **** on knees as her children will too
Copyright@LaurenceA20thSept2018Allrightsreserved.
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 9:03 PM UTC
belongingness: what does this word mean?
i would explain to my son that belongingness is something you can't touch but feel.
eden, my daughter, would get a kiss.
for many years i was looking for people i could belong to; i was on a quest. and this quest went along with fears and doubts. this quest was ******* the energy out of my mind and out of my soul...
how did this quest began, though? on a strange day, i was asked a very intimate question by a professor; a professor whose background i'm aware of; she asked me:
"do you have a religious or a political past?"
her question came out of nowhere. she blindsided me.
therefore, i wasn't prepared for an answer that could have satisfied her; regardless what my past really is about.
at this point of my life i wasn't aware about my ancestors; but the professor's questions caused me to become it.
"do you have a religious or a political past?"
i do know about my past now; but the answer i gave this lady was not sufficient for her. by the end of our conversation she said:
"i am sorry. can't shake your hand now. have to go toilet."
that was it. oh my, was i disappointed and frustrated; because this certain lady would have opened many doors for me; doors for which she administrated the keys.
you know, there are days in your life that want to you to be desperate. and yes: i was desperate. about being rejected. and that i wasn't able to have access to dorrs that lead to important conferences, meetings and to important people.
but you know what? it doesn't matter anymore.
because here, on hellopoetry, i have found a place of belogningness.
and what my real past is will remain hid: a secret in a purple-colored casket i have the key to.
hellopoetry is a place of belongingness. not just for me but for many many kind-hearted people. and i am not stating this from an opportunist's view: i can feel you guys here and sometimes i sense kindred spirits.
Dec 22, 2019
Dec 22, 2019 at 6:30 AM UTC
Well after the wingman had left
I sang along to the seductive tune
that subtly fountained
A wanton void in my libido
Blindsided by the deceit of my own desires
I had succumbed
His passion was explicit
Mind blowing
Abandoned and exposed
I have fallen for a one night stand
And flailed upon quick sulking sand
Aug 30, 2018
Aug 30, 2018 at 1:10 PM UTC
I wish I could explain to you how my heart changes
Daily\ by the minute
When I see you across the way,
my view obscured by a wall; which seems fitting
A wall seems to keep us apart [endlessly]
Your end or mine
Its easier, we agree
What is it that keeps me so far you ask?
ME
There is something surrounding my heart
Malleable and breathing
Alive and keeping me together somehow
I've let it open a few times
To let someone in, to let you in.
But every time, without fail, something changes
You got to my heart and it burned in the most beautiful light
Coming in, you made it good, and happiness was real
It was when you left that things got bad
I left myself open for too long and lost myself over time
Bits and pieces fell out slowly, scattering itself
Now my heart is incomplete, more so than usual
I'm not blaming you
I souly point the finger at myself
I shouldn't have opened up to begin with
You want me to be honest and transparent,
but since closing back up, my heart has turned dark and mucky
Unable to be seen through clearly
I try to be honest, but the current truths get blindsided by the past lies
I don't mean to do all the damage I caused
To you or me
I wish this was a real apology, for I know it changes nothing
Me continuing to be closed off
I’m sorry.
Aug 9, 2017
Aug 9, 2017 at 5:53 PM UTC
Blindsided by a rhinoceros.
Tendons, muscles, unraveling. I can't do this any--
Glitch, system failure, shutdown
Restart, blue screen, flashing cursor
Epileptic shock. Epinephrine injected
Command line. Run:
Beautiful flying objects thrown violently.
Don't open this door! Kiss me hard
And not in a good way (if you remember how),
Like when fishes try to breathe on dry
Land on jagged Rock
Climbing without
Gears spinning and clanking
*** and pan. (Glass and sand)
Sizzling in this artificial sun
Created by brainwaves soaked in
****** and LSD and yellow cake uranium
Ghostriding patterns erupting like
Stop. Fail. Restart.
Detecting equipment...
No input present. How will you communicate?
Try again. Restart.
Password required.
Why don't you eat?
These tears are making my face numb.
Put this in your arm.
Trust me, you'll love it.
You'll have Tesla coming out of every orifice.
Dancing physics, matryoshkas.
You can deny the existence of a God and live,
But if you deny the existence of gravity...
Well, just try and walk off this cliff.
"These thoughts are so scattered.
I don't even think they're mine."
Those memories? They're not yours.
They belong to your master's daughter.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're Replicants.
We boot up, we shut down, we most definitely restart.
Viruses make us sick and sometimes break us to the point where we need new hardware.
Sometimes they break our firmware and we need to wipe.
We have command lines to perform actions, and registry keys to keep memory stored of the things we learn.
The world is our power supply,
and when we boot up in safe mode,
like
some
people
do
every
day,
we only use the bare minimum of our potential.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I must be dying, I'm only this awkward when I'm dying.
Connection timed out.
Feb 17, 2011
Feb 17, 2011 at 7:26 PM UTC
I fell from the bottle, landed at your door
unraveled before you I can't do this no more
Blindsided, triggered you lay me to waste
How am I gonna to get out of this place?
I scream at the wind my suffragettes prayer
For redemption, deliverance from despair
I run with the river, dive into the storm
Chasing transformation, to be reborn
I question your motive, do you understand?
Dry land falls, I'm washed up on the sand
Craving and clinging, gasping for air
You sit mostly in silence, do you really care?
Sweating the seas, aching for more
Resisting and wanting, fearing the fall
Grace is a mountain, life is a tree
I sit in nature, it breathes life into me
I'm ragged, exposed, I am here, I am now
I look for repose, it finds me somehow
The winds sweep the streets, storms overtake pain
I am searching for me, only I remain
I run with the river, I dive into the storm
Chasing transformation, to be reborn
Words tumble freely into your lap, onto the page
I cry, full of tears and anger, sadness and rage
But play me a soul song, sing me to spring
The rhythms of life let the insights in
You broke the tide, I surfed the wave
Daylight comes slowly, my dance is remade
Dec 31, 2013
Dec 31, 2013 at 3:58 AM UTC
Blindsided by a rhinoceros.
Tendons, muscles, unraveling. I can't do this any--
Glitch, system failure, shutdown
Restart, blue screen, flashing cursor
Epileptic shock. Epinephrine injected
Command line. Run:
Beautiful flying objects thrown violently.
Don't open this door! Kiss me hard
And not in a good way (if you remember how),
Like when fishes try to breathe on dry
Land on jagged Rock
Climbing without
Gears spinning and clanking
*** and pan. (Glass and sand)
Sizzling in this artificial sun
Created by brainwaves soaked in
****** and LSD and yellow cake uranium
Ghostriding patterns erupting like
Stop. Fail. Restart.
Detecting equipment...
No input present. How will you communicate?
Try again. Restart.
Password required.
Why don't you eat?
These tears are making my face numb.
Put this in your arm.
Trust me, you'll love it.
You'll have Tesla coming out of every orifice.
Dancing physics, matryoshkas.
You can deny the existence of a God and live,
But if you deny the existence of gravity...
Well, just try and walk off this cliff.
"These thoughts are so scattered.
I don't even think they're mine."
Those memories? They're not yours.
They belong to your master's daughter.
I must be dying, I'm only this awkward when I'm dying.
Connection timed out.
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 14, 2011 at 12:53 AM UTC
I cannot recall the precise moment of my arrival at Anhedonia
memories blindsided by a phantasmagoric comorbid collage of cant
precipitated by some newspaper reportage or holocaust story
some creepy instance that breached the precipice between simple sorrow and permanent melancholia
some fatal blow that cinched the deal
some horrid event that could not heal
some dejected disappointment that could not be resolved
some moment of unguarded clarity when integrity dissolved
nevertheless I have arrived at this mangled juncture
élan a mania not even Edison's medicine can extirpate
I was quite lighthearted before the inferno
before my brain broke
ennui now a turgid companion
feeding on gaiety, never sated, seeking famine
esurient unrelenting usurper of happiness
go away, leave me alone, relish some other soul's madness
gone is any exuberance, glee or mirth
miseries are mine, many the days since birth
better I was carried from the womb straight to the grave
a fatuous existence, clamoring and grasping in vain
it's as if I was born into a well
but these waters they burn
the bludgeoning alcohol a liquid hell
Oh florid loquacity, you are an impostor
your verse is an adversary
a foray of jagged rhythm justifying a storm
a sordid verbosity assuring no norm
a plaintive scratching guild of recriminative collaboration
some alliance of fulminating disquietude
the cost for the fare on the adventure to:
the stunning moment you too will visit Anhedonia
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 9:39 PM UTC
I was happy before I met you. Content with how my life was. And then you made me happier.. Happier than I had been in years.. I could have feelings for someone again. You taught me to feel and then broke me for my feelings. Then fixed me again. Broke me after. Fixed me. Broke me. Fixed me.. And then dropped me for good.. Like I was some toy in your game. You once accused me of leading you on, of not telling you things.. All along it was you. You blindsided me. I told you how I felt every single time. But you were never honest with me.. Not really.. And now you're okay. But I'm not. And I won't be for a long time.
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 3:37 AM UTC
Blindsided by near tragedy
Bullied by unanswered questions
Elation tempered with doubt
Too frightened to be free
Best attempts continue to fail
Escaping to nothing
Nothing in return
Empty or just too full to feel
Irreplaceable time
Withering and wasted
Searching beyond hope
Looking for the good
Holding on to rainbows
Spontaneity dies slowly
Restless minds swim too fast
Shades of yellow in a fog
No memory of yesterday
Pulled back into now
Unable to process more emotion
Unstoppable floods
Undeniable bonds
Unwanted feelings
Unconditional everything
Emotional vampirism and parasitic tendencies
Leave nothing behind
Overwhelming need to help
Bound by limits
Pulled by love
Torn apart slowly
Unable to heal
Unable to deal
Left bone dry and used
No one to blame
No cycle to break
Taking your sorrow
Swallowing your pain
Carrying your suffering away from you
As you heal I disappear
May 23, 2010
May 23, 2010 at 7:36 PM UTC
It's been a while;
Been a while since we've last talked.
This is harder than I think you think it is,
Having you leave me so distraught.
When I told you that I loved you,
I hope you know it was the truth.
You said it to me as well,
I hope you knew what those words could do.
Just so you know,
I've cried about all of this too.
I've cried for you,
And because....
Well, because of you.
I hope you read what I'm saying,
Because these aren't just random words.
Are you still there?
I'm not yet finished.
Just one last thing,
a few last little words.
Remember when you said goodbye?
You were sitting on the couch.
I was trying to hold back the tears that came,
While halfheartedly staring back at you.
You had this look in your eye,
as if no matter what I could have said,
It wouldn't have gotten through.
I could tell you were done,
we were over with,
we were through.
Hell, I was blindsided;
No doubt about that.
You beat me up
Pretty good,
But all along I knew you'd be good at that,
and all along I prayed
that it wouldn't end that way.
I just wish there was more,
More I could have told you.
Maybe to change your mind.
Maybe so I wouldn't even have to be here tonight.
Crying.
Praying.
Saying, although much too late,
I love you.
Jan 16, 2012
Jan 16, 2012 at 8:09 PM UTC
I'll have my heart in a gift box wrapped in see-through,
embellished with flowers, dedicated to you.
I'll spread a smear of glitter on it, maybe a little gold too,
so it doesn't seem so bitter, so overdue.
I hope it's vivacious; if it was pumping still,
and with prudent words you would overkill.
Its liveliness--once, now long forgotten--will decay in your palms.
Daffodils and daisies will melt into your hands, betraying all qualms.
Being the human that I am, obliged me to always seek knowledge.
I loved everything. Everything was a wreckage.
The fact that humans can cause this much damage enlightened me,
yet the thought of persuing self-destruction further could never set me free.
I was distraught till I was numb to the bones,
paralyzed on the cold tiles, silencing my own moans,
because what future awaits those who are namely the sick-minded,
the delusional, the know-it-all, the blindsided?
For spectators like us, we set everything into action,
to those who are less fortunate; the earth is flattened.
Their ideas, their meticulous theorems and allegories would all be dispersed,
by those who ignited the fire from the beginning. By the universe. By us.
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 5:02 PM UTC
I feel as though my life is entrained towards a constant sunset...
Yet,
I know at some point in my life there was a sunrise...
Where I in turn, was a ray of hope for my family and friends...
Blindsided by a hurricane...
By a rainstorm that never ceased -
A rainstorm that never even existed at all...
Just clouds...
Clouds in my mind and in my soul -
Obstructing my view,
Leaving me in the eye of the storm...
Leaving me a motionless being with no direction,
Content with my seemingly ever-seeking failure...
Sep 13, 2012
Sep 13, 2012 at 9:40 PM UTC
Heart of darkness
transcend some light
you confused the body and soul.
Heart of darkness
your youthful years
were gracious and gleaming
you loved with gregariousness.
Heart of darkness
blindsided by tainted love
it saturated the body and soul
Heart of darkness
forgive and forget
ratify a truce with love,
Let love in.
Heart of darkness
bruises heal in time
in love there is fear
however, perfect love
casts aside doubt.
Heart of darkness
sadness interferes with hope
we were saved in this hope
hope that is seen is not hope
leaving only trust.
Heart of darkess
the essence of hope
the secret to victorious living
lies in seeing good
in every situation that comes into our lives
Heart of darkness
Let love in....
Apr 20, 2010
Apr 20, 2010 at 6:43 PM UTC
-
The worst things always happen
When things are looking up.
Yet shall I praise Jesus!
He is not at fault.
I'm going to praise God in the
Midst of trials.
Some trials are of water.
Some of fire. All end.
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 8:09 PM UTC
Cherry scented lip balm
And bubble gum shampoo
Dreams of love start young
You think you'll know just what to do
Teddy bear tea parties
Long left behind
Give way to basement spin-the-bottle
Hearts afire from words so kind
Hormone crazy rebel yells
Lead the way to things unknown
It must be love that brought us here
Uncharted bodies, believe we're grown
Blindsided devastation
Turns the smooth to pitted glass
Innocence was traded
For a hard kick in the ***
First crush and puppy love so sweet
Will always leave their mark
But no one quite recovers
From their first real broken heart
Jun 25, 2010
Jun 25, 2010 at 9:02 PM UTC
And in this moment, this one infinitely ceaseless moment
there was bliss, euphoria and a love component.
For when he spoke of his heart and it's spiteful opponent,
I found myself yearning for his loves atonement.
A smooth criminal and a family man, he stunned me into amazement
with an astonishing smile from love lost in a previous engagement.
So in my quest to free his heart from her empty enslavement,
I will cherish our moments in memory of this open arrangement
And live without reason in my journey to his loves final attainment.
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 10:30 PM UTC
Unappreciated, taken for granted, unwanted & thrown away
Disappointed & blindsided by lies
& unnecessary verbal abuses
Broken, badly bruised & forever scarred
Meaningless words were all you'd ever say
Have it your way, peace out with my deuces
For you, the decision wasn't even hard
But giving up on love forever, not even an option
I know my love is still wanted the feeling, once found again, is quite amazing
I'll be able to tell this time if it's real
There's no doubt at all
We'll skip right over an introduction
This is so memorable you can bet in my notebook it'll be jotted
I've finally caught what I've been chasing
& he's the one worth letting pass my built up wall
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 1:58 PM UTC
“I'm sorry if you miss me”
was the response, as I noted her growing distance.
I replied that she had warned me of this,
when it had begun in its first instance.
I'd like to think that I'd helped her along
from someplace dark and cold.
I enjoyed our chats, camaraderie, and banter …
it never seemed to get old.
I brought this up again as the distance grew wider
each and every day.
I told her that I was happy for her
and that she'd finally found her way.
I'd be there again, without a thought,
it was never something I'd minded.
She'd told me earlier that she was now “less needy” …
So, it's not like I was blindsided.
I know sometimes that its tough …
tough through fog to see.
I guess the thing that certainly confounds me is …
Why doesn't she miss me?
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 2:00 PM UTC
We wander around this world
For years as
Strangers in our own bodies
Until we're blindsided
By that special soul we meet, an important essence in our life that
Shapes us, molds us, and helps us find ourself by unknowingly extracting the passion from our veins
And shooting it blindly towards the stars.
Apr 12, 2015
Apr 12, 2015 at 11:57 PM UTC
*Without a word, I'm melted by your touch,
So far, yet so close, this touch is ever reaching,
Falling deeper with each sunken kiss...
Without a word, this kiss became a confession,
I'm an open book for you to read,
In between these lines, you'll find that I'm on the margins of sanity...
Without a word, your love got me blindsided,
Everything else is out of sight and out of mind,
I'm tunnel-visioned so all I see is you at the end, where there's light...
Without a word, your essence lingers,
With each breath taken, soothes my mind as your essence diffuses,
As this aroma becomes therapeutic to this longing heart ache...
Without a word, you've left me speechless,
So I placed my heart on this dotted line,
Ready and willing to sign it off, will you cosign?*
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 4:28 PM UTC
I usually fall asleep with the light on
Because in the morning it seems like the darkness never came
My body is a perpetual light switch
Always swept up in a rapid shift from darkness to florescence
Giving someone like me mania after long spells of depression
Is like giving an alcoholic a shot of whiskey
I need it to feel like I am worth something
I need it to feel like I can get anything done
Why did God, whoever the hell they are,
Decide I needed the super power
Of dragging myself out of the pit of my bed
Only to be blindsided with some sort of dangerous drug
See, most of the time I only reach an abridged version of that mania
But when it peaks it is just that:
Dangerous
It is my favorite brand of tequila
And the last drag of a cigarette
The one where the backlog from the filter gets lost in your throat
But it keeps you buzzed for a while
You see, mania sends you spinning
A trip only a certain kind of acid can take you on
You are constantly carnival
With lights and sound and fire
That no one can calm down
You are never quite at home in your body
Which might be why others can make it theirs so easily
Most days you binge on ***** and **** and ***
Are manic days
Manic depression is like losing control of the car
And other days, forgetting how to drive
Mania is like ****
You don't need to sleep when it's got you
Mania after depression is an abusive lover who knew you were coming home
Knew you would be back for more
It was only a matter of time
Before you collapsed into their arms
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 11:31 PM UTC